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Chapter 6

Posted on Wednesday, 20 September 2006

Elizabeth felt incredibly self-conscious as she preceded her sister down the aisle. The hectic morning had already left her drained. Hair, dress, flowers, Mrs. Bennet ... They were not things to be taken in one standing. Elizabeth sincerely hoped that she would not step on the hem of her dress or do something equally embarrassing and so kept her eyes firmly focused on the floor. That is ... until she nearly reached the altar. Their eyes met and Elizabeth felt her step falter. She forced herself to look away lest she did something very foolish indeed.

Darcy watched as she moved towards him, or them, rather. She looked a vision in a cream bridesmaid's gown. The moment their eyes met he was lost. Focus man! the annoying little voice in the back of his mind chided him. It is Charles' wedding! Pulling himself together, Darcy steeled his nerves for the rest of the ceremony, only to spend it gazing shamelessly at the woman he loved.

The ceremony was simple, beautiful and poignant. Jane had indulged her mother in allowing her to plan an elaborate wedding breakfast but the ceremony itself was kept to a minimal amount of fancy decoration. The beauty of it came from this total lack of finery and the wedding party only encompassed the bride, the bridegroom and their nearest and dearest.

"I now pronounce you husband and wife." The rector smiled upon the couple and then wondered if he should have been marrying off two Bennet girls rather than just the one. He had observed the young man and woman standing either side of the new Mr. and Mrs. Bingley throughout the ceremony. From this, he would have been happy to conclude that before long, he would be seeing another Bennet girl at the altar.

As the new Mr. and Mrs. Bingley turned to make their way down the aisle as man and wife, Mr. Darcy held out his arm for Elizabeth. She took it gratefully as her vision was clouded with tears, not of sadness this time, but of elation. Could there ever be a bride as beautiful as Jane?

Darcy was also lost in his thoughts. He was distracted by the feel of her little hand tucked neatly into the crook of his arm, the smell of her and the thrill of having her so close to him. He wondered when and if he would get his turn. He looked down at her just as she raised her eyes to his. She smiled at him, giving him just that tiny glimmer of hope that he so desperately needed. It was to be a long day.

It was past midday when the newlyweds left Meryton for their honeymoon. They were to tour the Lakes and spend some time in Cornwall, much to the envy of three of the remaining Bennet sisters. Lydia whined that her sister and new brother should take her along too, especially since Mr. Bennet had cruelly deprived her of accompanying Mrs. Forster to Brighton with the regiment. Kitty, however, thought the whole affair marvellous. It was just like one of her romance novels, and she hoped that she too would find a husband such as Mr. Bingley. Mary felt little other than satisfaction that her sister had married well and even exerted herself enough to quote a few lines from _____'s sermons to the couple before they left.

Elizabeth was perhaps most saddened by the departure of her sister. Being so close and together at almost all times, she felt the loss particularly fiercely. How I shall despair without you, my dear Jane! She was soon joined by her father, his eyes misty with tears.

"Well Lizzy, one daughter gone."

"Papa..." Elizabeth gave her father a hug. "You still have the rest of us."

"Yes, but what am I to do when you are married?"

Elizabeth blushed. "I think there will be quite some time before-"

"Oh, I would not be so sure." Mr. Bennet said with a twinkle in his eyes. "I dread the day when you leave me to fend for myself against your mother and the rest of your sisters."

Elizabeth laughed. "Then in cases such as these, marrying within a short distance from home should be an advantage."

"I should think not, my Lizzy. You mother will be in your drawing room every day, telling you what improvements should be made and that she would expect you to produce an heir for your husband in the very near future."

Elizabeth thought for a moment. "I do not doubt that, but perhaps-"

Mr. Bennet wondered why on earth she had stopped talking, then looked over his shoulder to see none other than Mr. Darcy being accosted by Mrs. Bennet. The fellow looked as if he was bearing it well but none the less, he did not deserve to be left to Mrs. Bennet's mercy.

"...and I have heard that Pemberley is so beautiful," Mrs. Bennet was saying, "you must be very fortunate to have such a place as your residence. Tell me, when do you think you will take a bride? For I am sure Pemberley needs a mistress and young Miss Darcy needs female influence."

Elizabeth held her breath and waited for his answer. When it came, it was not fluent and he was evidently embarrassed. He agreed that Pemberley did indeed need a mistress, and Georgiana a sister who will guide her but no, he had no plans as to when he would marry. At this, he looked over at Elizabeth, their eyes connected, causing the lady to blush violently. This exchange was not lost on Mr. Bennet and he thought sadly that he may soon have to lose another daughter, this time his favourite.

It was mid afternoon when Elizabeth was approached by Mr. Clark. The gentleman was eager to make her acquaintance and spent a good part of the afternoon in conversation with her. Mrs. Bennet did not fail to notice this and as soon as Elizabeth left to fetch herself something to drink, she flitted to his side and began singing praises and not-so-subtly suggesting the possibility of a marriage.

In truth, Mr. Clark was keen to marry as soon as possible. He was getting older and thought that the time had most definitely come for him to find a suitable wife. He saw Elizabeth as a lively girl who would no doubt keep the marriage interesting and although she would not bring much of a dowry with her, he was sure that it would be enough for them to live comfortably. She had a pleasing figure and (as his eyes swept over her form) he felt that certain aspects of the marriage would be a joy indeed. It was with this then that he resolved to make her an offer as soon as possible and with the marriage of her older sister, he hoped that his chosen partner would take this as an example and accept him.

As guests began to take their leave that evening, Mr. Clark made a point to be one of the last. He made sure that he conversed with Mr. Bennet (though the gentleman did not seem inclined for conversation) and spent as much time by Elizabeth's side as it was possible. He thought that it should have made his intentions clear enough and left the Bennet family happy in his own mind that soon, his small estate would soon be gaining a mistress and him a wife.

Elizabeth, however, was more worried than happy. Indeed Mr. Clark was an amiable gentleman and a great conversationalist but there was something behind that friendly, open countenance that she mistrusted. Perhaps her past experience with Wickham had affected her judgement of her own ability to sketch out a person's character; perhaps the whole ugly incident had changed her perception of men altogether. Elizabeth did not know what to think. Had she not been so wrong about Mr. Darcy, had she not believed Wickham's lies, she may have acted on her initial impulse, but since it did happen, she resolved not to be so hasty with her censure and while she did not wish to give him any encouragement, she would not be uncivil to him.

Now that Jane was gone, Elizabeth had no one to talk to and no one to turn to. She wished that her sweet Jane was enjoying her well-deserved honeymoon but also selfishly wanted her sister to still be in the room next to hers. Now that she was the eldest Bennet daughter, Elizabeth knew it would not take long for Mrs. Bennet to drop hints to every gentleman who just so happened to converse with her, if of course Mrs. Bennet has not done so already. With this troubling her greatly, Elizabeth found that sleep was quite elusive that night.

As he lay staring blankly at nothing at all, Darcy reflected on the happenings of the day. In his mind flitted images of Elizabeth walking up the aisle. He envisaged himself in Charles' position with Elizabeth as his fiancée. They would marry, accept the well wishes of all her neighbours and relations. Then he would take her on a tour of the continent. Paris, Rome, anywhere their fancy took them. He would show her the beauty of those countries, let her taste the food, the wine, meet the people ... Most of all, he would have her to himself, no one to distract her from him, no one else to have a share in her smiles, her laughs and her company.

One thing that disturbed him greatly about the day was the presence of a certain Mr. Clark. Darcy was irritated to see that the man stayed by Elizabeth the whole time while he himself was barely allowed a chance to speak two words to her. He did not want another man courting her and did not even want to think of the possibility of Elizabeth marrying Mr. Clark, or any other man. He felt jealousy rise within him and resolved to know Elizabeth's heart before he left Hertfordshire. With all this pondering, Mr. Darcy did not sleep much that night and woke the next morning weary and not at all optimistic.

It was late in the evening when they reached the inn. The weather had been unpredictably wet and there were many times on the journey when the carriage landing in a pool of mud and could not pull free. Despite this, the newlyweds were perfectly content. Mr. Bingley turned to his wife of less than a day and smiled lovingly at her. She likewise returned the smile and took his arm as the entered the dining parlour. They had chosen a cosy place to spend their wedding night, nothing grand, and nothing ostentatious. The inn keeper had prepared a simple meal for them, and left them alone to enjoy the first night of married life. While they spoke little, they understood each other without question. Each had apprehension of the coming night when they retired to their chambers and each did not know how to behave.

It was with this state of mind that the Bingleys entered their chambers. Jane, with the help of a maid, changed into the silk nightgown her aunt Gardiner had given her as a wedding present. As she sat in from of the vanity, she carefully studied her features. She hoped that in her agitated state, she was still acceptable to her new husband and that he would forgive her for her nervousness.

In truth, Mr. Bingley was in as much turmoil as his wife. He knew enough about what was to come and yet, nothing at all. He feared that he would cause her unnecessary pain and embarrassment. He remembered the words his father had said to him. Treat her well, boy. Remember the commitment is for life. Be gentle and see to her comfort before yours. When you choose your wife, make sure she is one to be respected, not one of those floozies you see nowadays. Remember your roots, you did not come from a high class. I expect you will do very well indeed if you follow my advice. How he wished his parents were still there! How proud would they have been to receive his news? He knew in his heart that he had most definitely made the right choice. His parents would have loved Jane just as well as he did. Her gentle nature, sweet temper and her beauty, all characteristics that led him to fall in love with her in the first place. With this in mind, he took a deep breath and knocked before entering his wife's chamber.

The next day, Elizabeth rose early and set off on a walk before the rest of the house was even awake (she could hear Mrs. Bennet snoring as she tiptoed past her chamber). The morning air was damp from the rain of the previous evening and it was this rain that had prevented her from taking a walk then. She took in all the sights around her. Bare treetops, muddy paths, brown grass... She shook herself from her reverie before her thoughts took her on another gloomy trek of how cold life seemed without Jane. Instead, she turned her attention to the clip-clopping of a horse, which she deemed to be trotting towards her, just around the bend. She was curious indeed to see who on earth it could be, for that time in the morning there were very few people awake, let alone riding! When the rider came into her line of vision, she gasped. "Mr. Darcy!"

He looked just as surprised as she did. "Miss Bennet. Er, good morning." He dismounted and bowed.

"Good morning. I confess that your presence startled me, I had not expected to meet anyone."

"No, err, I thought an early morning ride would be beneficial. I am an early riser by habit and uh..." He looked down at the ground. There was an awkward pause.

"Ah, are you still staying at Netherfield?"

"Yes, Mr. Bingley was kind enough to offer my sister and I a prolonged stay. We leave for London Tuesday next." Mr. Darcy shifted from one foot to the other. "It seems that Mr. Bingley heartily wishes for Georgiana to be better acquainted with yourself and your sisters."

"I see, but I cannot at all guarantee that my sisters will prove to be any sort of positive influence on Miss Darcy." Elizabeth smiled. "I'm afraid the only things Lydia and Kitty concern themselves about are fashion and the regiment." The words had tumbled out of her mouth before she realised her mistake. She closed her eyes in mortification. She knew not what possessed her to even think of the regiment and what that would undoubtedly lead to.

He, however, did not seem to notice, that is until he saw her obvious self reproach. "Miss Bennet, please do not let Wickham's memory ruin your respect for the militia. By mentioning them, I will not think of his evils. Instead I will think of them as our country's heroes. Should that not be far more befitting than condemning them all for the actions of one man?"

"May I be frank, sir?"

As frank as you are impertinent, darling! "Of course."

"Sir, I cannot see how you can view the situation so lightly. His ... his conduct was abominable and-"

"I have not always seen Wickham as a military man. You remember that we grew up together as children?" On seeing Elizabeth nod, he continued. "I have seen him in so many walks of life that I no longer associate him to anything but my father's steward. He has done too much for me to simply attach him to one particular place or event."

There was another pause; both were too lost in their own thoughts to continue the discussion further. It was Elizabeth who broke the silence.

"I am afraid Mr. Wickham has permanently affected my judgement of others. I do not know what to think of them, further more I feel utterly foolish."

"Miss Bennet, you are not the first to be duped by Mr. Wickham and I very much doubt you will be the last." Keeping his eyes focused on her, he sighed. "I am just glad that no harm has been done."

"Yet." Elizabeth replied.

"We must hope for the best, whatever it may be." Mr. Darcy argued, but was cut off abruptly.

"He will never change. Such a man would find it impossible to live an honest and decent life." She said vehemently.

The gentleman sighed. "Then there is nothing that we can do but to try and warn those who he will target. He has already been cast out of the regiment but I have no doubt he will re-establish himself somehow."

"Do you not hate him?" Elizabeth was puzzled.

"In a way, yes I do. But hating a person does not bring them any more harm. No, my feelings regarding Mr. Wickham are now of regret and disappointment. When we played together as boys, I always assumed he would live a good life and carve an honest living out of what my father had left for him. I feel somewhat responsible that he is what he is, a great shame."

"And your poor sister, having to endure such a thing at that young an age..."

Mr. Darcy smiled. "Georgiana has overcome a great deal this past year. The events that transpired at Ramsgate only served to make her stronger. She is more determined than ever to conquer her fears and her insecurities. It may not be apparent to you, but I cannot even describe how much she has improved. After that summer, she did not speak for a month. And the months after that, she was so wrought with worry she ate little and slept even less. As much as Mrs. Reynolds and I tried to persuade her that it was through no fault of her own that it happened, she just would not listen. The anguish and hate I felt for Wickham then was immense and I admit that many thoughts passed through my mind that I am now ashamed of. You can imagine the relief when she began to come out of her shell. And now she has the help of yourself and your sisters to give her encouragement."

Had Elizabeth been brave enough to look at him, she would have seen so much love and adoration in Mr. Darcy's eyes as to leave her in no doubt of his feelings. Even with her reservations and uncertainties, this look would have confirmed all that she hoped for in her heart (though she would never admit this to herself or anyone else for that matter). But she did not. Too many things held her back, the feelings, their past ... She felt as if she could not meet his gaze. He scared her so much with the power he seemed to wield over her heart and her soul. She tried to push it away but her efforts were in vain. Those feelings were not to be repressed.

So instead of coming to some sort of understanding that was possible with such an encounter, Miss Elizabeth Bennet and Mr. Fitzwilliam Darcy continued their walk in amiable conversation. Neither were quite brave enough to voice those near constant thoughts running through their minds and neither wanted to give the other more than a very small hint, or even a hint at all as to the possibilities of anything more than an acquaintance or friendship for the fear of losing what little they had already.