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Part 22

So, the Bennet family arrived at Netherfield and all members of the party were soon to form their own opinions of each other.

Jane and Bingley could hardly tear their eyes from each other, and were fortunate in that. Mrs. Bennet fluttered about with all of the nervous energy of one who is about to see their life's ambition come to fruition. Her sister, Mrs. Phillips, was nearly as exuberant for Jane. Lydia was loud in her silly joy and pride over her own marriage, oblivious to the frosty reception with which most of her comments were greeted. She reminded Jane that she now took precedence and made great noise about the matter at every opportunity. Kitty was disappointed that the Colonel was not in regimentals and was years older than she'd hoped. Mary hoped she might have an opportunity to display her talents for the company and held several impressive music sheets in her hands. Mr. Bennet was amused by the antics of his wife. His youngest daughter did not divert him so much; he only rolled his eyes each time she spoke. Elizabeth was embarrassed to see every bad opinion Darcy had expressed about her family reinforced. She exerted herself to curb Lydia and urge moderation to her mother. She was joined in her efforts by her Aunt Gardiner and was very grateful for the assistance.

Miss Bingley was very satisfied with the guest placement she had arranged at table. At dinner, Darcy found himself seated between her and Mr. Hurst, facing Mary Bennet; and as far as possible from Elizabeth.

The Colonel was happily seated by Elizabeth at the other end of the table. Bingley and Jane sat between them and the rest, but Fitzwilliam was delighted with this arrangement as it afforded him ample opportunity to get to know Elizabeth, whom he found charming and lovely. He determined to upbraid Darcy for his previous lack of gallantry towards that lady at the first opportunity. He saw that Darcy observed his pleasure with Miss Elizabeth.

*He didn't realize Darcy was having a jealous fit; just that he was watching them.*

Georgiana was seated by Lydia Wickham and Mr. and Mrs. Bennet. This discomfited her brother and cousin, but she settled in quietly and pleasantly. Whatever else she may have felt, Georgiana was at least very interested to learn many things during the evening. She heard Lydia mention that Darcy had stood up with Wickham as groomsman, as he would stand up with Bingley. This astonished her, as she knew better than most just how her brother had felt and acted when he'd met Wickham at Ramsgate, and how much he disliked that man. She soon came to understand from Lydia's ignorant and unguarded comments exactly the part her brother had acted with the girl's marriage. She was proud of him, but embarrassed when she felt the justice of a comparison between herself and Lydia. She felt very sorry for Lydia and the heartbreak that would inevitably be hers.

Then Georgiana heard Mrs. Bennet lament to her sister Phillips about Elizabeth's refusal of Darcy. Georgiana had to struggle not to gasp and ask Mrs. Bennet to repeat herself. She looked down the table to where her brother sat. His eyes met hers, worrying over whether or not she was well when he saw her look of alarm. She managed a smile for his benefit. Then she watched as his attention was drawn to Elizabeth and Colonel Fitzwilliam. The Colonel laughed at something Elizabeth said and it was obvious that the two were forming a fast friendship. Georgiana looked again at Darcy and saw his sadness. She felt as though her heart might break for her brother's sake.

Her attention was drawn away from Darcy as Lydia asked, "Is it true that you are not yet out, Miss Darcy?" Georgiana nodded in reply. Lydia looked incredulous and continued, "I believe we are of the same age, and I am already a married woman!" She laughed heartily. "You should demand your rights, Miss Darcy, so that you might have a chance to meet and marry someone like my darling Wickham!" Georgiana looked uncertain and disconcerted. She was at a loss for an appropriate response.

*Few at the table would have understood if Georgiana had done a ‘Lydia snort' in response to Mrs. Wickham's boast.*

Lydia's loud words drew both Darcy and the Colonel's full attention, and consequently that of much of the company. Darcy looked as though he might leap from his chair and go to Georgiana. Elizabeth spoke in an easy tone, "I believe that Mr. Darcy is planning his sister's entry into Society very carefully, Lydia. It is a different matter for people of her standing-- Court, Almack's, and much more. Many delights await Miss Darcy. Her brother is most attentive, both to her pleasure and to her well being." She smiled encouragingly at Georgiana. Georgiana nodded to Elizabeth, looking relieved. Darcy calmed, pleased by the way Elizabeth handled the moment. His admiration for Elizabeth increased.

Georgiana smiled at Elizabeth and offered in a slightly challenging tone, "Miss Bennet is correct. My brother does look after me well. He is among the best of men!" She stared at Elizabeth, unable to fathom that anyone could disappoint Darcy. Then, unaccustomed to such displays, she blushed and looked down. After a few seconds she chanced a glance at her brother. His bemused and wry smile told her he understood her meaning. Their affection for one another was plain for all to see.

Elizabeth watched the interaction between Darcy and his sister. She smiled graciously and said, "He is an ideal elder brother then. You are fortunate, Miss Darcy."

Georgiana nodded, unable to speak further through the tangle of her feelings.

Lydia interrupted, "Well, I would not want to be kept out of society so long, no matter what delights were to come! I love nothing more than to flirt and dance with all the handsome officers!" She snorted with laughter.

Mr. Bennet reminded her dryly, "I believe your flirting days are at an end, Mrs. Wickham. As you so freely remind us, you are a married woman now." Lydia rolled her eyes and huffed.

Elizabeth saw the Colonel frown as he heard Lydia. Embarrassed, she wished to divert his attention. She asked him quietly, "So, Colonel, do you spend much time with your cousins, the Darcys?"

Colonel Fitzwilliam replied, "I do, though I've not seen Darcy as much as I like of late. His friend has kept him rather busy, here and lately in London. He takes very good care of Bingley, I think." The Colonel looked again at Lydia, unable to keep an expression of contempt completely hidden.

Elizabeth realized then that the Colonel believed that Darcy's actions with Lydia and Wickham were done for Bingley's sake, due to his connection with the Bennet family. She'd fancied it done for her, but the Colonel's assertion seemed sound and she supposed the Colonel knew more of his cousin's motives than she did. Darcy had indicated only that he did not seek her gratitude when she'd thanked him. She found herself disconsolate at the thought that he'd not helped Lydia for her. She chided herself for the notion. Why should he care for a woman who had refused, insulted and embarrassed him; furthermore one who was now sister to Wickham? She looked at Darcy sadly.

*Well, she has to suffer, too. It wouldn't be fair to heap so much on Darcy and leave her out of it!*

The Colonel worried that he'd made Elizabeth uncomfortable. Now he searched for a safe topic of conversation. He decided to continue that which she'd initiated, only without further reference to Lydia. He offered, "Darcy and I are in company together often, including several weeks together each spring. We visit our aunt in Kent then. While I do not enjoy time with our aunt very much, to be honest, I do enjoy Darcy's company. He has good sense and impeccable taste. And he's very pleasant when he's with those he knows well. He can be a bit self-conscious when with strangers, which always amuses me. He's good at everything except making new friends, I think." The Colonel smiled indulgently. It was clear that he liked his cousin very much.

Elizabeth replied candidly, "I have seen that he is not at ease in the company of strangers. When he first came to this country, many thought him proud and disagreeable."

Fitzwilliam was obviously surprised, "Disagreeable? Darcy?!? Nothing could be further from the truth! If anything, he's too accommodating. Among his family or tenants or servants he is universally respected and liked." He paused to sip his wine. "Few in this world could say that they are his confidant, but I think that he takes so much on himself because he knows where irresponsibility can lead. He has a vast estate, and was brought up to that. Hundreds rely on his good judgment and management of his inheritance. I sometimes regret that I am but a second son, but there are also times when I'm grateful not to have so much responsibility. I imagine opinions here have changed by now, though. It seems to me that he has spent a good deal of time in Hertfordshire this year, more than I'd expected."

Elizabeth spoke carefully, "I would say that many have changed their opinion of Mr. Darcy. He does seem to be a good man." Her tone and expression grew lighter, "Just ask his sister!"

Fitzwilliam laughed while admiring Elizabeth's smile. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Darcy looking at him, a strange expression on his face again. He wondered at the meaning of that look while he answered Elizabeth, "Ah, Georgiana indeed adores her brother. He and I are her guardians together. She was only ten years of age when their father, an excellent man, passed away. She is certainly most precious to Darcy of all the responsibilities he inherited. He is doing well by her. It is difficult for him to realize she's no longer a little girl; but she is patient with him." His tone was teasing on this last point.

Elizabeth smiled at the Colonel, liking him. She heard Miss Bingley say, "Mr. Darcy, what is your opinion?" She saw Darcy looking embarrassed as he turned his head back toward Miss Bingley and murmured a reply. Miss Bingley looked at Darcy intently, as though willing his attention to her. It was the look she usually had when near him.

*Sort of vulture-like...*

Fitzwilliam said speculatively, "I think that Miss Bingley encourages her brother's friendship with Darcy for selfish reasons."

*He's such a gossip!*

Elizabeth replied saucily, "She does seem rather well pleased by Mr. Darcy. Sadly for her, I do not think the feeling is mutual." She was a bit surprised at the sense of relief she felt in knowing that whatever Darcy might do, he was unlikely to choose Miss Bingley as his wife.

A shadow seemed to pass over Col. Fitzwilliam. He spoke in a more serious tone, "She seems like so many ladies who are pleased by his fortune, houses, and name. I do not wish for his advantages when I see such attentions. I joke with him that during the town season he is the prey. I really wonder if he'll ever find someone he cares for. I've never seen him in love. He's too careful, I say. He has none of the fun of being an heir, only the rigors!" The Colonel shook his head and smiled. "I go on too much. Please tell me about the bride. She seems a lovely girl."

Elizabeth stored up the Colonel's observations of Darcy for later reflection. She laughed as he asked about Jane, "I dote on Jane even more than you do your cousin! You may regret asking me about her. Her only fault is that she is too perfect sometimes. She is sweet and kind and lovely and good. There is none better."

Fitzwilliam chuckled, "Well, it's a shame then that we couldn't match her with Darcy, don't you think?"

Elizabeth only smiled and shook her head ruefully. Again she was forced to consider the thought of Darcy marrying. Again she did not like the thought.

Fitzwilliam continued, "Though from what I see she is probably of too sunny a disposition for him. I will leave matters well enough alone and allow that she is well matched to Mr. Bingley."

Elizabeth chuckled, "That is probably for the best." She sipped her wine and looked down for a moment, collecting her thoughts.

Suddenly Fitzwilliam became serious and looked hard at Elizabeth. He looked at his cousin, saw that once again Darcy was watching them and then looked back at Elizabeth again. He had an uncomfortable notion that the woman who WOULD please his cousin sat before him. He mulled this suspicion, almost not noticing when Miss Bingley rose, indicating that it was time for the ladies to adjourn. Colonel Fitzwilliam bowed to the ladies and nodded particularly to Elizabeth.

Part 23

The mood in the room shifted with the ladies' departure, as always. The men began to relax into louder conversation, further eating and drinking. Mr. Phillips and Mr. Gardiner regaled Mr. Bennet with tales of their business dealings. Fitzwilliam walked towards Darcy. Hurst poured himself a brandy and stepped aside to allow Bingley to pour for the others. Darcy took his brandy and walked over to the window, trying to ease the tension from his neck and shoulders. His height caused his back to be prone to tension and injury. Though he compensated with vigorous exercise, long periods of remaining seated left him uncomfortable. As Fitzwilliam came to stand with him, Darcy took a large sip of his brandy and grimaced. Fitzwilliam noticed. He took a small sip of his drink.

*I don't mean to imply that Bingley's brandy is bad, just that Darcy is in a bad mood.*

Fitzwilliam quietly said, "I think that Georgiana is doing well, despite some challenges. That little baggage you made Wickham marry is just about what he deserves. It's almost unthinkable that she's related to the eldest Bennet sisters! Such jewels!"

Darcy looked to see that they were not overheard, twisted his pinkie ring and said, "I was grateful for Miss Bennet's assistance when Mrs. Wickham spoke so vehemently of Georgiana's not being out yet."

Fitzwilliam replied, "Yes. Miss Bennet was helpful. She is quite a lady. I should like to become better friends with her. What did you mean by insulting her beauty as told by Miss Bingley? That was rather stupid, don't you think?"

Darcy swallowed more brandy. "Yes. It was." He'd often wished for a different beginning to their acquaintance.

*I suppose on that score, Darcy might have an appreciation for some fanfic.*

He then overheard Mr. Bennet laughingly telling Mr. Phillips that the Collinses would not come to the wedding as the clergyman's patroness did not approve of him or his wife showing any friendship to Elizabeth. Darcy was saddened as he realized his responsibility in causing Elizabeth the loss of her friend. He was puzzled that Mr. Bennet found such behavior amusing. He could not help but muse that if her happiness were his to protect he would act very differently.

Fitzwilliam said, "And all through dinner you stared daggers at me every time she or I laughed. I rather think you are taken with her, Darcy. And I can certainly see why." Darcy turned to look at his cousin. Fitzwilliam chuckled and continued, "Ah! Daggers again! I have touched a nerve, haven't I?"

*Jumped up and down on it, more like...*

Darcy set his empty glass down. "Yes, Fitzwilliam, you have. Please leave off." Defeat was evident in his stance and his tone.

The Colonel was surprised. He replied candidly, "Darcy, I cannot pity you if you allow differences in situation to prevent you from asking for what you want."

Darcy started to speak, but stopped. He tried again. Finally he turned to his cousin and said, "I assure you... that... I... even I... am not that haughty."

Fitzwilliam said, "What do you mean? You do not seem haughty, Cousin. What has worked such a change on you?"

Darcy replied softly, "My faults cost me the best of happiness. I should at least attempt to remedy them." He could not meet Fitzwilliam's gaze and looked out the window again, "'Arrogance, conceit and selfish disdain for the feelings of others'... These are serious faults, don't you think?" His inflection made it obvious that he was quoting someone as he said this.

Colonel Fitzwilliam asked in a tone of disbelief, "Are you telling me that you were refused and upbraided for those supposed faults?" He let out a low whistle of amazement.

Darcy nodded and said, "I realize the justice of the observations, Fitzwilliam. Do not let family partiality blind you. Did you not question the change in my manner?" Fitzwilliam nodded reluctantly. Darcy continued, "Then do not pretend to think those faults imaginary or insignificant. I refuse to delude myself further. I have always been a selfish creature. I never knew myself until I heard her opinion of me. Until then I'd only heard flattery... from those interested primarily in my wealth and status. Until El... Miss Elizabeth Bennet, no one ever told me what the man behind those things was really like." Despair and self-disgust were evident in his words.

Fitzwilliam said kindly, "Do not go too far, Darcy. You are not perfect, but neither are you all things bad. You are a good brother, a good landlord and a good master. I was talking of your outstanding qualities to Miss Bennet tonight. You are too hard on yourself."

Darcy looked at his cousin evenly and replied, "Thank you, Fitzwilliam. I value your opinion. I will consider what you say." He saw that Bingley was moving their way and added with a touch of mock levity, "Only take care not to become too good a friend to her, Cousin. You risk my enmity."

Fitzwilliam only smiled and raised an eyebrow, unsure of how to reply to the truth behind the mockery.

Bingley drew the two gentlemen into conversation then.

Meanwhile, the ladies had adjourned to the salon. Miss Bingley was called upon by Mrs. Bennet to discuss the wedding breakfast the next morning. Mrs. Hurst joined them as well. Mary sat and looked over her music. Lydia and Kitty talked with each other and their aunts Gardiner and Phillips. Elizabeth saw Miss Darcy standing by herself, looking out of the window.

*It's a family thing...*

Elizabeth approached Georgiana, politely asking, "May I join you, Miss Darcy?"

Georgiana replied, "I would like that, Miss Elizabeth. I have been most eager to speak with you. My brother has mentioned you often in his letters."

Elizabeth's surprise was evident. She answered in a neutral tone, "He seems to be a good correspondent."

Georgiana nodded. "He writes me very faithfully when we must be apart. I appreciate that, especially in light of the amount of business and responsibility I know he must handle. I enjoy his letters. He is more free about his thoughts when he writes than when he talks."

Elizabeth smiled, "I fear I am a better talker than letter writer."

Georgiana replied, "I envy ease in conversation." She looked awkward as she revealed her shyness.

Elizabeth said, "Ease in conversation requires only that you practice. You are an intelligent young lady, and most accomplished by all accounts. You have much to contribute, I am sure."

Georgiana looked alarmed, "I would not claim to be accomplished."

Elizabeth smiled as she remembered the long list of traits Darcy had said an accomplished woman must acquire, "I understand you are quite fond of music and play very well."

Georgiana stammered, "N.. no! I mean, I am quite fond of music, but I do not know that I play well."

Elizabeth said, "Your brother says that you do."

Georgiana smiled with a trace of impishness, "My brother says that I play too many melancholy tunes."

*Yeah. I know I stole that from S&S/P, but it seems likely for Georgiana, too... Marianne and Benwick only THINK they cornered the market on suffering!*

Elizabeth replied carefully, "Music is best when it expresses and channels emotion, in my opinion, but it can be dangerous if you dwell on too many sad pieces. There are so many pieces with uplifting tone to choose from, I am sure you can find the best balance."

Georgiana said, "My brother has said that you express such joy and vivacity in your playing that he has never heard anything that pleased him more."

Elizabeth opened her eyes wide in surprise, "Surely he exaggerates, perhaps for some mischievous reason."

Georgiana retorted, "Oh, no. He never exaggerates. He always tells the absolute truth... Except I think that sometimes he is too kind to me."

Elizabeth smiled at Georgiana, "I am sure you deserve his kindness."

Georgiana looked very serious, "Not always."

Elizabeth smiled teasingly, "None of us is perfect, Miss Darcy. For my part, I try to remember the past only as it brings me pleasure. Perhaps that is not the most responsible philosophy, but once I have learnt the lessons of my mistakes I see nothing else to gain from dwelling on them."

Georgiana said, "I like your way of thinking. I shall consider this ‘philosophy'. But you seem so witty and intelligent! Can you have made mistakes of such consequence as to dwell on... or decisions you might regret...?" She looked pensive and studied Elizabeth. Elizabeth looked away, wondering if Georgiana had heard of her refusal of Darcy's proposal, likely since she'd come to Hertfordshire. Elizabeth knew that Darcy would never expose either of them to any ridicule, awkwardness or censure. She reflected then on how much she knew she could trust him.

Georgiana lacked the courage to inquire more directly about the one subject she could not put from her thoughts, her brother and his relationship with Elizabeth. So, she chose a different topic. "The bride seems very content."

Elizabeth looked over at Jane. She said, "Tomorrow she marries the man she loves. She is happiness itself..." Her voice caught. In that moment Elizabeth thought of the day to come and how different it might have been had she accepted Darcy's proposal. After the next day she would be left behind in Hertfordshire, both by Jane and by Darcy. She looked stricken.

Georgiana asked, "Miss Bennet! Are you well?"

Elizabeth nodded and, after a few seconds, replied evasively, "I have just realized how much I shall miss... my sister, Miss Darcy. Please pardon my melancholy. She is very dear to me."

Georgiana felt this might not be the entire truth, but searched for some comfort to offer, "Happily for you they will be settled nearby. And at least you know she will be happily married. Mr. Bingley is a good man. You will have a good brother in him."

*Unlike ‘brother' Wickham...*

Elizabeth replied with a teary smile, "Yes. He is very good. I know that they will be happy together. You are correct. I shall miss her, but I shall dwell on her happiness. And she is so happy! My dear sister..." Her voice was thick with emotion.

Georgiana said shyly, "I should like to have a sister." Elizabeth started and looked at Georgiana with something of her regret showing in her look. Georgiana noted this, but continued in an innocent fashion, "It would be nice to have someone to talk to of fashions and behavior and fancies. My brother is very good about many things, but he does not understand feminine fancies."

Elizabeth smiled and then laughed slightly, thinking of how disconcerting Darcy must find such discussions. She had a mental image of him consulting ladies on the latest fashions that he might ably advise his sister. Mirth showed in her smile as she regained her usual good spirits.

Miss Bingley could stay away no longer. "What do you speak of, ladies?" She bustled up and stood between the two. They had no further chance to speak privately.

Part 24

Dawn of the day of Jane Bennet's wedding to Charles Bingley arrived. Elizabeth watched light and color suffuse the sky from the seat by her bedroom window. She'd not been able to sleep for some time and had finally wearied of fighting her restlessness. She dressed for a walk and waited only for the sun to peek over the tops of the trees before leaving the house. It was still chill, dew and spider webs visible all about. Elizabeth breathed the chilled air deeply, attempting to fully rouse her tired body. Rays of sunshine cut through the light clouds. It would be a fittingly beautiful day.

She trotted down a hilly path, using exertion to free the tension of her mind. Her thoughts had not allowed her to sleep well. While speaking with Georgiana Darcy the previous evening she'd been seized by anxiety over the day to come. She'd realized that when she stood before the vicar today with Jane and Bingley and Darcy she would sincerely regret that she and Darcy were only there to witness a wedding, instead of being participants. She'd thought of all of the times she'd spoken with Darcy, the harsh way she'd addressed him and insulted him on so many occasions, and the kindness with which he'd treated her in return. While she did not forget his sometime arrogance and presumption, she saw that he was working to become an even better man than he'd already been. She realized now that she liked and could very well come to love him.

In her most private moments Elizabeth had thought of what she would desire in a husband. She knew now that Darcy came closest to meeting her ideal of any man she'd ever known.

*She sounds like a Dwiggie, doesn't she?*

When she remembered her inclination for Wickham she felt foolish, especially when she compared him to his childhood friend. One man was glib; the other sincere. One man was immoral; the other scrupulous. One man was careless; the other responsible. The intelligence and wit Miss Darcy attributed to her seemed to have been completely absent when she met Darcy and Wickham.

She realized that she must learn from the experience and move forward with her life. She'd heard Bingley say that Darcy and his family would leave Hertfordshire immediately after the celebration. Elizabeth realized that Darcy was unlikely to return more often than absolutely necessary. She imagined he'd return for the promised ball, but never again after that. The circumstances were simply too mortifying. And even when he returned they would meet only as rather awkward acquaintances. She could not imagine that he would ever renew his offer to her.

She absentmindedly picked early blooms as she walked along, lost in her thoughts. She heard the happy gurgling of a nearby stream and in the distance the sound of a horse galloping. For a moment she indulged in a fantasy that Darcy would ride up, sweep her from her feet, and carry her away like the heroine of one of the dreadful books Kitty favored.

*We've all been there...*

Darcy was also up with the dawn. He had not slept well, much the same as almost every night since he'd been refused by Elizabeth. He rode across the countryside at a full gallop, wishing he could leave even before the ceremony and avoid stepping so close to all he'd lost. In recent months he'd come to know the countryside very well and his horse had, too. He spurred the beast on to greater speed, exhilarating in the feel of the breeze. The horse jumped a small creek and headed up the embankment toward a field of wildflowers that would soon be in full bloom. Darcy skillfully guided the animal around a bend in the path, headed uphill over a rise, and pulled back hard on the reins when he saw Elizabeth in the path ahead of him. His horse reared, but Darcy maintained his seat.

Elizabeth looked alarmed, dropping flowers as she moved aside. She tripped over a small rock.

Darcy jumped down from his horse and went to her side, saying, "Miss Elizabeth! Are you hurt?!" He put out a steadying hand, but drew back without touching her as she looked up at him, smiling ruefully. He felt as though he were the one on unsteady ground.

She was glad he could not know her thoughts or the silliness she'd been indulging just before he'd arrived-- and when she'd seen him. She said, "No. I am well. I was not watching the path and lost my footing for a moment. I was only surprised to see you here."

He apologized, "I did not mean to startle you." He looked puzzled as he mused, "I did not think I was so near to Longbourn..."

She raised an eyebrow slightly and smiled archly, "You are not. I do not confine my exercise to the area close to Longbourn, Mr. Darcy." Despite all of her self censure in the night she yet found herself daring him to disapprove of her again.

Instead he smiled. The expression suited him well and she smiled back at him. He replied quietly, "I know you are a very good walker, Miss Bennet. I only meant that it is very early. You must have left Longbourn just as the sun awoke."

She answered him, "You must have left Netherfield early as well."

He smiled ruefully now, "You are correct. It is my habit to rise early." Though he'd never been a ‘lay abed,' Darcy found himself less able to rest well ever since he'd realized he was in love with Elizabeth. He was possessed of restlessness and frustration and confusion, none of which helped him to sleep. He was not pleased by this, not only because he was tired; but more because it seemed as though he were self-indulgently lovelorn. He did not approve of such dramatics, even from his own heart.

*After giving the matter due consideration, I feel fairly certain that Darcy would not approve of much fanfic, after all.*

Elizabeth wished, rather than believed, that she could attribute his restlessness to the same longings that had plagued her night.

He carefully asked, "May I escort you back to Longbourn, or are you continuing further?" He did not wish for her to think him officious, but he did care for her safety. Moreover, he wanted simply to be with her.

She laughed as she noticed his hesitancy, thinking he had good reason to fear her temper from experience; and said, "I suppose I have come far enough. Thank you. Mama will awake soon and worry for my whereabouts. We must all fuss and prepare and look our best for the celebration." She spoke lightly.

He saw her pick up some of the flowers she'd dropped. He knelt to assist her. When he caught himself staring into her eyes as he handed her flowers he felt even more awkward. He forced himself to look away, standing again and reaching for his horse's reins. He silently berated himself as a foolish dreamer. He spoke quietly, "I am sure you will look lovely." He stammered a bit and added, "I am sure that all of you will look very well."

*There's that romantic music again...*

Elizabeth was at a loss for words, unsure if he was an awkward admirer or if he felt coerced by her words. She rearranged the flowers in her hands. Finally she said, "I understand you leave Hertfordshire today after the ceremony." She was careful not to let her sadness show.

He replied, "Yes. I have been away from my town and my estate too long. I correspond with my solicitors and some tenants regularly, but there are many things best managed face to face." He sighed, wishing he could manage the current face to face encounter better. "And, I must make a visit to my aunt in Kent as well. Fitzwilliam will make that journey with me." He dreaded visiting Lady Catherine, but conceded the need to give her the honor due family, regardless of how unpleasant he expected the visit to be.

He noticed that Elizabeth was silent and he looked at her. Seeing her look of discomfort, he realized that she must know the details of Lady Catherine's call at Netherfield. He was embarrassed that Elizabeth should know what had been said there, and for other things resulting from Lady Catherine's disapprobation. He continued awkwardly, "I... I wish to apologize, Miss Bennet." She stopped and looked at him, surprised. "I have heard of the role that Lady Catherine has acted in keeping your friend, Mrs. Collins, from you-- and I am sorry for it. I know you do not give your friendship lightly." He looked away, unable to meet Elizabeth's eyes. He continued, "And, please allow me to apologize for anything you may have heard of her visit to Netherfield." He blushed, recalling Lady Catherine's insults.

She replied, "Thank you. Do not trouble yourself, sir. I, too, know what it is to suffer from the actions, however well meant, of one's relations." She was also unable to look at Darcy. Then she said, "Truth be told, I knew that my friendship with Mrs. Collins would suffer when she married, that things could not be the same between us." He nodded understandingly, respecting her. They walked in silence for several moments.

Finally, fearing that this might be the last chance they would have to talk in private, both started to speak again at the same time. Surprised, they both apologized and then spoke again simultaneously, and then seeing the absurdity of the moment they laughed together. The tension, awkwardness and now levity left Elizabeth highly amused. She enjoyed sharing a warm moment with Darcy.

*They both need this little break. And so does the author. I can't be mean to them all the time!*

Unconsciously, he walked a bit closer by her. He, too, savored the unexpected camaraderie. It was a balm to his weariness. He started to speak again, but instead, looked at her expectantly, knowing she was about to speak. He smiled. Her eyes twinkled merrily as she said, "For all of the effort to speak, I have no observation with which to amaze you, I fear. I only meant to comment that the day looks to be very fine." He laughed slightly. She could see that they were nearing her home. She said, "It is a lovely day for the wedding." She slowed.

Darcy could not reply immediately. His dread of the ceremony returned. His throat felt tight. He saw the chimneys of Longbourn over the trees and felt the full meaning of what he should say next. He said, "We near your destination now, Miss Bennet. I must bid you farewell." He stopped walking and said, "I... hope... that you believe that I do... wish you well." He found he could say no more, and decided that he would have to be satisfied having spoken thus. He sought to maintain a pleasant, unrevealing expression as he bowed to her.

Elizabeth felt the finality of his words. She turned to him, shaken and full of regret. "I do believe that, Mr. Darcy, and I thank you. I am... sorry... for so many unfortunate words spoken between us. I thank you again for your kindness to Lydia and my family. You have done us all, including your friend, a great service." She spoke more softly, "It was very... generous... very... gentleman-like... God bless you, sir!" She turned and ran to the house before he could see her tears.

*Exceedingly sad music here. I fear our hero and heroine are about to have a bad day...*

Part 25

Posted on Wednesday, 1 February 2006

The vicar of Meryton Church had a unique view of every wedding in his parish. He alone could see the faces of those being united, as well as those of the congregation. People often did such amusing things when they forgot that one person was facing them and could see them! On occasion there was sadness or regret in the faces of those being united, and that broke his heart. But more often those being united were happy. So it was with the wedding of Charles Bingley and Jane Bennet. The bride, a gracious and worthy young woman, looked adoring and beautiful and the groom delighted. Their friends were happy for them and there was much rejoicing. But the vicar could plainly see that some people were miserable throughout the morning. Two in particular were the man standing up with the groom and the bride's sister. Though they were careful to hide their emotions from all present their despair was nearly palpable. Not one to pay mind to gossip, he wondered what could have occurred to make two people, both closely linked to those with the most cause for joy, so full of regret. He prayed for them and their well being, especially Miss Elizabeth Bennet, whom he knew and liked.

Standing next to Bingley, Darcy stared at the clergyman. He could not look at Elizabeth, nor even the happy couple. He did his part in giving over the ring and listened as the vicar intoned, "With this Ring I thee wed, with my Body I thee worship, and with all my worldly Goods I thee endow: In the Name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost. Amen." Darcy allowed himself one longing glance at Elizabeth then. The vicar stifled an exclamation of comprehension as he saw it.

Darcy had never envied Bingley before. He'd always been the more blessed, it seemed. His was the greater fortune. He possessed Pemberley, a wonderful estate. Among society, it was Darcy who the ladies endeavored to meet. He was the more intelligent, well-read, traveled and fashionable of the two. He was more accomplished at sport. Men seemed to have an instinctive deference for him that Bingley's friendly character did not inspire. He'd never even envied Bingley's talent for making himself liked anywhere he went. But on this day, Darcy envied his friend. His friend was now married to the woman he loved. She regarded him with love and adoration, plain for all to see now.

*No more of that ‘placid countenance' nonsense for our happy Jane!*

And Darcy could not even look at the woman he adored without inspiring malicious gossip. He felt pity emanate from some, petty enjoyment of his discomfort from others. As Darcy entered with Bingley, Wickham was able to catch his attention with a knowing smile. The wry gleam in that man's eyes showed that he understood Darcy's unhappiness and was glad for it. Darcy maintained what he hoped to be an inscrutable demeanor, though he felt all of the anguish he'd imagined this day would bring him.

Georgiana had anticipated her own discomfort at seeing Wickham again, but not her brother's evident sadness. She could see through Darcy's façade and clung to her cousin's arm tightly and unsuccessfully fought back tears. Mrs. Bennet and other busy observers missed the truth entirely and decided that Miss Darcy must have been in love with Mr. Bingley, as his sister's letters had inferred. Fitzwilliam angrily supposed her to be affected by Wickham's presence. Only her brother guessed that his pain affected her, knowledge that only added to his burden.

Elizabeth did not notice Miss Darcy's weeping. She was too busy preventing her own. She regretted refusing Darcy. She saw nothing in his composed demeanor to indicate he attached the same significance to this day that she did. His farewell when they'd met earlier had shattered any defense she'd imagined she'd created against her true emotions. For the first time in her life, sadness threatened to overwhelm her.

But she did not wish to cast any pall on her sister's bliss. She forced bright smiles any time she thought she might be observed. Only Aunt Gardiner and the vicar saw how drawn Elizabeth looked in unguarded moments.

After the ceremony most of the party was to adjourn to Longbourn for the wedding breakfast. The Wickhams were not attending the breakfast, and were leaving for the north directly from the church. As people were waiting for the bride and groom to depart, Wickham contrived to come near enough to Darcy to comment, "Ironic, isn't it? That we should end with you wishing we were brothers?" Darcy had meant to ignore Wickham entirely, but was unable to contain reaction to such a deliberately provocative statement. He whirled to look at Wickham, anger burning in his eyes as he almost stepped forward. Wickham smiled, knowing Darcy would not do anything for fear of embarrassing the party, including both Elizabeth and Georgiana. Darcy shook his head, sickened, yet feeling an odd pity for his friend as he realized that Wickham was as a little boy, needling him from incessant envy. Wickham saw the pity in Darcy's look and grew angry. Bingley and Jane made their merry way past the well wishers, arm in arm. Wickham spoke again venomously, "The bliss of the newlyweds is in marked contrast to your solitude, Darcy."

Darcy flinched and replied in a tone edged with angry contempt, "I do not suppose that all newly wed individuals present are so well pleased with their situation." His eyes darted to Lydia, who was yelling loudly at her sister and new brother.

*Sound of seal barking...*

Wickham followed Darcy's glance with an affected air of amusement, a pale reflection of Mr. Bennet's look to his wife. He knew that as time wore on he would enjoy his bride less and less. She held no fascination for him. Yet he realized that at present Darcy's situation was the more painful and he intended to enjoy that fact fully. He thought for a moment, looked with open admiration to where Elizabeth stood and then pointedly into Darcy's eyes, saying "While I may not possess the idyllic joy of my new brother I at least will have something tonight that you lack, old friend. Of us, only you will take your rest in a cold bed."

Pity was erased from Darcy's gaze. His lips formed a thin, harsh line. He said, "Thank you... for putting to rest any feeling I ever had for you. Despite your detestable efforts last year, I had hoped that my friend still lived somewhere behind the selfishness and greed. I see he is dead. I may mourn and forget." He stalked away. He was so furious that he knew he had to leave Wickham before he lost his head completely.

*That ‘no violence' clause I promised is a real pain sometimes...*

Aunt Gardiner had unintentionally been close enough to overhear all that was said between the two men. She was shocked by such maliciousness and venom.

Fitzwilliam saw the dangerous look in Darcy's eye as he approached. He'd seen Wickham close to his cousin and watched warily, also watching over Georgiana at the same time. He asked, "What was that about?" He looked ready to do battle.

Darcy breathed out loudly once and said in an even tone at odds with his feelings, "There is no cause for concern, Cousin. It was merely Wickham at his worst, proving your assertion that I've been too generous where he is concerned. Do not ask further particulars if you are my friend." His struggle to control his temper was obvious.

Georgiana stared at him, wide-eyed. She looked embarrassed as she saw Wickham, and obviously chastised herself for her former partiality. Wickham nodded to her, smirking. Angrily, she glared at him, not willing to bow in return, allowing herself the luxury of cutting him directly. Darcy put a comforting hand on her shoulder and smiled slightly as she squeezed his hand to offer him comfort. He saw that she stood a bit taller and that Wickham looked away first.

*Wickham is such a weasel!*

Fitzwilliam nodded in response to Darcy's words, able to guess the topic Wickham had wished to discuss. A resolve of calling in debts owed and finding ways to make life more difficult for Wickham in his new regiment was formed within the Colonel's heart. He looked from one beloved and suffering cousin to the other and contemplated all the ways he could use his reputation, standing and rank in such an endeavor.

Darcy seethed silently throughout the carriage ride from the church to Longbourn, trying not to reflect on the cold of lonely nights to come.

Part 26

As Jane and Charles rode away, Mrs. Gardiner came to Elizabeth's side. She asked, "How are you, Lizzy?" She touched Elizabeth's shoulder lightly.

Elizabeth turned and smiled the false smile that had served her well over the past hours. Seeing her aunt's look of understanding she allowed it to fall. Then she sighed and said, "I've never deceived you, Aunt, and I have no desire to begin today." Finally she grasped her aunt's hand tightly and said, "I am not so happy as I wish to be, but I would not diminish anyone else's joy. Perhaps we may talk later."

Aunt Gardiner leaned in and kissed Elizabeth's cheek lightly. "Dearest Lizzy! We must certainly talk. In truth, I wonder if you might return to town with us? We should love to have you visit us for as long as you wish. I know that you will miss Jane, but perhaps some time in town will ease your loneliness. And I, as ever, would love to have you with me."

*And I want to get Elizabeth and Darcy in the same town...*

Elizabeth nodded eagerly. She knew that a change of scenery, away from her mother and discussion of proposals and weddings, would benefit her immensely. Relief showed in her features. She nodded again and hugged her aunt.

The breakfast was as commonplace and as extraordinary as all such events. For those just united, it was equal parts euphoria and irritation. The newly-wed Bingleys were delighted to celebrate their marriage and eager to begin their honeymoon. For Mrs. Bennet, the breakfast could not possibly last long enough as she delighted in the joy of Jane's good fortune and the exultation of ambitions accomplished. Mr. Bennet only thought his tea too cool and his wife more ridiculous than usual. The larger part of the company enjoyed a nice meal and the chance to wish the Bingleys well.

*Party! Party!*

Elizabeth and Darcy were only united in that they both thought the breakfast interminable. When she could, Elizabeth looked in vain for some sign of affection from Darcy. He looked silent and grave, but she recognized no symptom of heartache. Only when he toasted the bride and groom did his expression change. Then, knowing their attention on him, his expression was as pleasant and cheerful as he could muster. He said, "Charles, you have been my valued friend these years. I have relied upon your lively cheer. You are my better in nature, manner and now in happiness. I sincerely wish you joy. In Mrs. Bingley you have found your match in goodness. I have every belief that you shall have an idyllic lifetime together. Congratulations." After speaking, Darcy chanced a glance at Elizabeth and saw that she and Jane Bingley were embracing. As he pulled his eyes from the sisters he saw Bingley looking at him. Bingley was uncomfortably aware that his friend spoke of their friendship in the past tense.

Jane whispered to her sister, "Lizzy, my joy will not be complete until you are as happy. I truly hope that you find such joy soon. I'm so sorry if my partiality to Mr. Darcy, as Bingley's friend, has been trying for you. I know Mama's talk of your refusal of him is tiresome and haven't meant to add to it. Please tell me you will forgive me for being so unsympathetic."

Elizabeth laughed through tears, "Oh, Jane! How could you think of yourself as anything but sympathetic? I have not even a portion of your goodness, so how could I have your happiness? No. I shall be content in my own way. Fear not!" She lifted her chin with a look of defiant self-reliance. Jane was not convinced. She only hugged Elizabeth more tightly.

After the wedding breakfast, the various parties took their leave of each other. The Bingleys were bound for two months' travel of coastal towns, starting in Weymouth, after spending the wedding night at Netherfield.

*My first urge was to send them to the Continent, but as there was war (Napoleonic Wars, 1793-1815) going on, I thought they'd be safer in England.*

As he looked back at Elizabeth one last time before entering his carriage, Darcy felt bereft. He saw her turn to look at him and nodded politely to her before forcing himself to look away and climb into the carriage. He settled into the seat and closed his eyes, both relieved and devastated that this last day in Elizabeth's company was past. His sister saw him pass one hand over his eyes and suspected that he wiped away tears. She quietly said, "I am sorry, Brother." Colonel Fitzwilliam kindly avoided his cousin's gaze, giving him privacy in his grief. Darcy nodded his appreciation to both and managed to choke out, "At least Bingley is happy. I can be content in the knowledge that I finally acted to promote his welfare."

*Regardless of the evil it allowed the author to heap on him... ;) *

Darcy's plans reluctantly included a visit with his aunt in Kent. Colonel Fitzwilliam would join him and then they would return to London for a time before going on to Derbyshire. Miss Darcy would be busy in London with her music masters and her other studies, accompanied by Mrs. Annesley. Miss Bingley would return to London with her sister and Mr. Hurst immediately following the breakfast.

Life at Longbourn was to return to a semblance of normalcy, except as the absence of the new Mrs. Bingley and Mrs. Wickham would be felt deeply. To Mr. Bennet's chagrin, Elizabeth was also to leave her home, though only for a short time, as she would return to London with her Aunt and Uncle Gardiner for a visit free of the turmoil which recent interactions had possessed.

*If you've ever planned a wedding, can you imagine having Mrs. Bennet's help? Yikes!*

So, just two days after the wedding, Elizabeth awoke at her uncle's house in Gracechurch Street. It was not a grand abode, but was warm and relatively quiet. Though her young cousins were as exuberant as any children of their ages, tempers were easy and nerves went unfrayed in the Gardiner household by and large. Mr. Gardiner was well-respected within London's business community. His days were full. Mrs. Gardiner was occupied with tending her children, but as they were past infancy and their days included an appropriate amount of reading and quiet activity, she also had some time to pay attention to her niece. Mrs. Gardiner knew that the loss of Jane was deeply felt by Elizabeth, but also worried that other recent events had left her unsettled and unhappy. The days passed quietly as Aunt Gardiner waited for Elizabeth to speak to her about her troubles.

At breakfast a week after the wedding Aunt Gardiner was happy to see Elizabeth looking more rested. She said, "You look better at last, dear Elizabeth! I imagine there was much excitement at Longbourn in the days leading up to the wedding. I'm sure that as glad as you were that it was to occur, you must also be glad that it is past." She waited patiently to see how Elizabeth would respond.

Elizabeth smiled wryly, "Indeed! I was as ready as my father to complain about the level of intensity discussions of lace had attained. My mother had waited longer than she'd ever expected for the occasion and made as much of it as is within her power." Aunt Gardiner laughed. Elizabeth continued, "Yes. I am glad that the excitement of it all is past. It was a confusion-filled time." Her look was serious for a moment. Then she went on impishly, "It is fortunate that Jane is so wonderful, else her joy might have been hard to bear." Her easy words were at odds with the shadow of wistfulness in her expression.

Rebecca said, "When I grow up I'm going to be a beautiful bride like Cousin Jane." She pulled her napkin from her lap and put it over her head like a veil.

Aunt Gardiner admonished her, pointing out, "For now all you've accomplished is to get fruit in your hair, my sweet. Please put your napkin in its proper place." She smiled at Rebecca understandingly.

Rebecca asked, "When will you be a bride, Lizzy?" She chewed her toast as she awaited Elizabeth's reply.

*Kids say the darndest things!*

Lizzy, for once, could not think of a quick reply. She stared at her young cousin. Mrs. Gardiner saw this and said, "None of us knows the future, Miss Rebecca. Mind your own concerns. I believe you are to recite poetry and French verbs to me today, for instance."

Rebecca swallowed hard and frowned. "May I be excused so I can study, Mama?" Mrs. Gardiner nodded. Rebecca looked at Elizabeth and thought she looked a little bit sad. She kissed her cheek quickly and said, "When you are a bride you'll be as beautiful as Cousin Jane." Elizabeth smiled and touched Rebecca's arm affectionately as the girl moved away.

Mrs. Gardiner said, "Elizabeth, I am concerned. You are out of spirits. Is it loneliness for Jane? Or is there something else troubling you? I will not pry, but would certainly assist in any way I can. You mentioned confusion..."

Elizabeth sipped her tea and replied quietly, "I am hopeful that discussing matters with you will help me to see things more clearly. I know that I can rely on your discretion." Mrs. Gardiner looked surprised. Elizabeth blushed slightly and said, "I mean no insult, Aunt. It is only that others, and their private concerns, are involved. I have been thinking over events and conversations these past days, and considering what I may reveal." She went silent.

After a few moments, Aunt Gardiner said in a friendly tone, "Well, my time for polite patience is at an end, Lizzy. You cannot make such a mysterious beginning and not continue." She motioned for the servant to leave them and close the door.

*Ve Have Vays, Young Lady! You vill reveal all now!*

Elizabeth chuckled. "There is no great mystery, I fear. It is only that I have found that I know so little of my own heart." She looked rueful. "My mother shared with you that I refused a proposal from Mr. Darcy." Mrs. Gardiner only nodded, though Elizabeth saw that her aunt's gaze was fixed on her intently. "I have come to wonder... to regret..." Elizabeth blushed. She knotted the napkin in her lap. She continued, "Now, when I have no hope... I realize..." She breathed out loudly. "I know I must forget any preference I feel for him, Aunt." She looked down as Aunt Gardiner took her hand. The kindness rent an opening in Elizabeth's vulnerability. Tears came to Elizabeth's eyes as she said, "I have been foolish. I thought I was so clever taking such a dislike to him. There was deception worked on me, but I allowed it from hurt pride that he was insulting when we first met. And later he helped poor Lydia and my vanity believed it was for me. My pride! Can this be love? Oh, Aunt!" And finally the tears fell. Aunt Gardiner led Elizabeth from the table to the sofa and held her comfortingly. After a moment, Elizabeth sat back. She laughed at herself and said, "I'm so sorry!"

Aunt Gardiner handed Elizabeth a handkerchief and said kindly, "Please do not apologize! I'm sorry I've let you suffer in silence this long, Elizabeth. I would gladly take the pain from your heart and bear it myself if I believed it would help. However, that is not possible and such pain has its purpose. So, we shall have to unravel your cares. Let us look at the situation rationally." Elizabeth nodded as she wiped her eyes. Aunt Gardiner continued, "You wonder if you are in love with Mr. Darcy." Elizabeth nodded. Aunt Gardiner said, "You disliked him at first." Elizabeth nodded reluctantly. Aunt Gardiner said, "Let us consider... What do you like about him?"

*Well, he's kind of sexy... ;)*

Elizabeth sat straighter as she considered her words. She smiled and said, "He's a good man." She realized how weak this sounded and continued, "He's responsible.... and modest... and handsome." She blushed and ducked her head as she observed her aunt's smile. "He went through such mortification to help Lydia, as undeserving as she was! He saved our entire family from disgrace. And if not for him, Jane and Bingley would not be married now, but more likely still apart and unhappy. He revealed the deception Mr. Bingley's sisters had enacted-- and his initial role in it when he thought that Jane did not care for his friend." She paused and looked to her aunt, wary of her reaction. Aunt Gardiner nodded encouragingly. Elizabeth took a deep breath and said, "He loved me enough to propose though he objected to my family's behavior and station." Here she frowned.

Aunt Gardiner asked, "What other qualities do you like in him?"

Elizabeth thought and replied, "He's very intelligent and well read. He has such a tender relationship with his sister! He has a keen wit. He does not suffer foolishness."

*Actually he suffers a great deal of foolishness. We fanfic authors just can't leave him alone!*

Aunt Gardiner smiled and said, "In those things he is your equal then."

Elizabeth nodded eagerly and said, "While it might sound strange, I think we are more similar than I ever imagined. I believe though, that our differences in temperament, my liveliness in comparison to his seriousness, would be of advantage to us both. I think I threw away what could have been a very good match. A good match in every way that really matters, I mean."

Aunt Gardiner offered, "I understand you do not speak of money; else you would have accepted him."

Elizabeth smiled wryly, "It is not to say that I object that he is wealthy."

Aunt Gardiner laughed and said, "No. I imagine not." She quieted and said, "Now. Tell me what you dislike about him."

Elizabeth sighed and said, "That is the problem. I can think of a great many things I DID dislike about him. But now I am left with only good thoughts towards him. It is most inconvenient that he should be so agreeable now!" She laughed at herself. Then she wiped tears from her eyes again.

Aunt Gardiner asked, "Originally you disliked him because he is proud. What do you think of his pride now?"

Elizabeth said, "I see nothing improper in his pride now. He behaved badly at the Assembly where we first met. And I do wish he'd not insulted-- all my family," she paused and looked apologetic, "when he proposed to me." She took a breath. "But he has much of which to be proud."

Aunt Gardiner said, "I am sorry I led you to believe he was behind the separation of Jane and his friend."

Elizabeth said reasonably, "You were not wholly wrong, Aunt. He played a role there, but he deceived himself, too. Jane is so good that it can be difficult to understand her feelings if you do not know her well. I can understand his mistake. I was very ready to believe ill of him. Do not blame yourself."

Aunt Gardiner hesitated and then said, "We have all learned that Mr. Wickham is not so good as we once thought."

*Understatement!*

Elizabeth exclaimed, "Yes, we have learned that! Oh, how I regret my defense of that man!" She closed her eyes and shuddered.

Mrs. Gardiner carefully said, "Mr. Wickham told us that Mr. Darcy had used him ill."

Elizabeth shifted and looked uncomfortable as she replied plainly, "He lied. Old Mr. Darcy had been fooled in him, believing his amiable looks and manner. A provision was made for him to go into the church, but he refused when the living came available. He asked for, and was given, a sum of money. He squandered it and then asked for the living, too. That request was refused. THAT was Mr. Darcy's supposed crime against Mr. Wickham." She took a deep breath and looked her aunt in the eye. "So, Mr. Wickham planned a revenge that would bring him wealth. He attempted an elopement with Miss Darcy when she was but fifteen." Mrs. Gardiner gasped. "Fortunately Mr. Darcy arrived in time to stop him and to... rescue his sister." Tears came to Elizabeth's eyes as she thought of both Georgiana and Lydia.

Mrs. Gardiner sat back and said in a tone of amazed horror, "Oh, Lizzy!" She remembered the things that she'd heard Wickham say to Darcy after the wedding.

Elizabeth saw that there was more to her aunt's reaction than her own words. She asked, "What is it?"

Mrs. Gardiner said, "From politeness, I cannot repeat exactly what was said, but I overheard an exchange between the two men after the wedding that you have helped me to better understand." Mrs. Gardiner shook her head and closed her eyes for a moment. She saw Elizabeth's curious gaze on her and smiled, "I am sorry. I do not mean to excite your curiosity unfairly." She said carefully, "Mr. Wickham made comments to Mr. Darcy about how ironic it was that Mr. Darcy would end ‘wishing they were brothers' and how others were happy, but Mr. Darcy was alone." Elizabeth stared at her aunt, detesting Wickham and wondering what effect his words had. Aunt Gardiner said, "I was so mortified by what I'd heard that I spoke to Mr. Gardiner, worried for Lydia's safety with such a man. Happily, he was able to reassure me that Mr. Darcy provided for the Wickhams in such a way that Mr. Wickham benefits from her continued safety and happiness. He has much to lose by neglecting her. And Mr. Darcy's friends in the North are to provide him regular updates on the Wickhams. He is even more Lydia's protector than we knew!"

Elizabeth smiled through her tears. "Poor Lydia! Thank goodness for Mr. Darcy. Without him..." She could not continue. She wiped her eyes again and sat, holding her aunt's hand. Finally she said, "You can see why I reprove myself for disliking him, I think."

Aunt Gardiner said, "I understand. But the material question is whether you feel love or mere gratitude."

Elizabeth smiled wryly. "He does not seek my gratitude." Aunt Gardiner looked quizzical. Elizabeth said, "When he returned to Netherfield before the wedding, we chanced to have some time to speak in private and I thanked him for assisting Lydia. He said he did not want my gratitude. I would have liked the chance to talk more, but Miss Bingley arrived." Her expression was one of open exasperation.

Aunt Gardiner laughed, "Miss Bingley would never let any woman speak alone with Mr. Darcy if she could prevent it."

*Mrowl! Hiss!*

Elizabeth acknowledged this with a nod and said, "She prevented us then. I did have another opportunity, though. We happened upon each other when I was out walking the morning of the wedding. We talked of the weather and the wedding-- and he chanced to mention his aunt and apologized for her rudeness. I thanked him for his kindness there and with Lydia. I had the chance to apologize for my previous harshness. I am glad for that." She looked pensive.

Mrs. Gardiner asked, "How did he respond?"

Elizabeth bit her lip and said, "He said he hoped I believe that he wishes me well." She rolled her eyes and said, "It was all very polite and correct and... final. He took his leave of me! I think that we shall never again meet as any more than acquaintances. He shall continue to behave kindly and remotely and I shall learn to forget that there could have been any more between us." She looked as though she was not convinced of the truth of her assertions.

Mrs. Gardiner said, "That all sounds reasonable; but love is not so reasonable. There is something more to it... magic." Her smile had something of contentment and joy in it that helped Elizabeth to understand better how it ought to be between husband and wife.

Elizabeth looked suddenly shy. She said, "I did not seek his regard in the beginning, but I am jealous of it now that he seems lost to me." She shrugged. "But how could he be expected to renew his offer? How could he be expected to connect himself so near to Mr. Wickham? Isn't forgetting him the only reasonable course? Isn't it all I can do?"

Mrs. Gardiner smiled and said, "I would not make rash resolutions if I were you. Elizabeth, you will be thrown together with Mr. Darcy in society with the Bingleys. He will not avoid your acquaintance. At the very least he's too polite to allow you to think he resents you. You will have opportunity to decide how to behave and how you feel. You may find that you value him only as a worthy acquaintance, or with time you may find that he is more to you." While she believed Darcy still in love with Elizabeth she did not wish to influence Elizabeth's thinking with that opinion. She patted Elizabeth's shoulder and continued fairly, "I like Mr. Darcy. I believe that his principle fault is that of stubbornness. As you pointed out he has much responsibility. He is likely used to seeing things done his way. That is how he seemed to me when he was with us through Lydia's sad business. All of it had to be done in his way and in his time. Now I am glad that it was so. He is a man I trust. And if he is so fortunate as to win your affections over time I would even trust him with your heart." She touched Elizabeth's cheek fondly.

Elizabeth nodded and smiled slightly. Her aunt's good opinion of Darcy only added to her belief that she loved him, but most of all she felt calmed. She felt more at ease and less urgent. She breathed out slowly and said, "Thank you. You are right. I have been making myself needlessly unhappy. I hope I have not been a disappointing visitor with such dull spirits!" She laughed and her eyes gleamed.

Mrs. Gardiner laughed in reply and shook her head. She was relieved that Elizabeth seemed more herself. She said, "Not at all, dear Lizzy. I am only glad to see that mischievous smile again. Now, as promised earlier, I have poetry and French lessons to hear. Perhaps we might go on some enjoyable errands afterwards? Though you've resolved to be in better spirits I'm sure I would be remiss if I did not take this opportunity to ply you with sweets and pretty things!"

Elizabeth's smile widened. She said, "That is exactly what I need!" She hugged her aunt affectionately.

*We all need spoiling from time to time!*

Later that day the two visited Mrs. Gardiner's seamstress and then a sweet shop. The young girls accompanied them and it was a merry outing. Though her aunt had promised to spoil her, Elizabeth was overwhelmed by the dress fabric her aunt selected to have made up into an evening gown for her. It was a lovely dusky rose satin and would be edged and accented with a thin burgundy lace. It would have fashionably long sleeves and be of the latest cut, while still of simple beauty. It would be the prettiest dress she had ever worn. She felt lovely just looking at the fabric and the sketches.

Mrs. Gardiner had friends that promised to try to get valued invitations for them to some of the desirable events of the season. Though the Gardiners did not go out much when on their own, Mrs. Gardiner wished to provide Elizabeth the merriment of dancing, performances and other lively entertainment to nourish her spirit.

Part 27

"It will do you good to be among company tonight, Darcy. You may even meet the woman of your dreams!" Fitzwilliam had said as he urged Darcy to attend Lord Monroe's ball, much as he'd urged Darcy to accept other invitations since they'd been back in town. Darcy remembered the words as he cursed Fate's perversity and stared across the room at Elizabeth Bennet. Her unique combination of charm and vivacious energy left him entranced and made him feel as though he was waking from a shadow existence.

Since Bingley's wedding, Darcy had made some hard decisions. He'd convinced himself that he needed to set aside concerns of his heart in favor of practicality and marry. He'd resigned himself to the need for an heir and for a woman to help him with Georgiana as she came out into society. Following practical conventions, he would seek a woman among the ton whose standing and wealth would add to the prosperity of Pemberley. The resolution made him miserable, but he saw no other way to get on with his life.

His recent visit to Kent had been unpleasant. While he'd been able to please his aunt that there was no danger of his marrying Elizabeth Bennet, he'd not been able to please her when he also told her he'd not marry his cousin. While Anne was nice, she was not someone who could be of assistance to Georgiana and he could not imagine her being able to bear children. He'd not hold every woman to the standard of energetic passion he'd sensed in Elizabeth, but he simply could not be interested in his cousin. Unable to share his true reasons, he'd been infuriatingly vague and Lady Catherine had risen to the provocation. He'd cut his visit short, only staying at Rosings one week. The only joy he'd had from his stay at Rosings had been solace in the beauty of the lovely countryside.

Since returning to London, he'd followed the advice of his friends and family in mixing more with Society and had cast his eye on the ladies of the ton in a new way. He had made more of an effort to talk with and discover the temperaments of his peers than ever before. His change in attitude had not gone unnoticed.

*Sound of trumpet herald...*

Since Darcy's infancy he'd been regarded with interest by mothers with daughters among the ton. When he'd grown to a handsome, intelligent man of good character he'd heard the whispers of interest almost everywhere he'd gone. Now those people who'd watched him for so long could sense that he was looking for a wife. There were rumors of an odd dalliance with a country miss, fueled by derisive comments from Miss Bingley on Hertfordshire ladies. And particular friends of Mrs. Hurst had even been told of a failed proposal, a tale almost too incredible to be believed.

Darcy was trying to find a woman whom he could respect and admire. None excited his heart, but he'd almost convinced himself that he could be content with one or two of the ladies who had good sense and some beauty. But tonight his thoughts were very differently engaged. And his previous resolutions of contentment with a lady other than Elizabeth seemed ridiculous in light of the passionate response the mere sight of her evoked.

He would like nothing more than to be able to approach Elizabeth for the next, nay every, dance, but propriety forbade it. A man once rejected could not so importune the lady in question. So, he stood by and ground his teeth as she took the floor with another man, a man who though previously unknown was now detested by him.

After the first dance of the set, she ended nearer to where Darcy stood and saw him. Her eyes widened in surprise and she curtsied. He saw others watching them and bowed deeply to her. He'd never have it said that he'd ‘cut her' from malice any more than he would actually do so. He approached her and said, "Good evening, Miss Bennet. I hope you and your family are well." He struggled to maintain form as he drank in the sight of her.

*Definitely ‘handsome enough to tempt' him...*

She caught her breath, taken aback by his extremely formal bearing, and replied, "We are all well, Mr. Darcy. I thank you." She was grateful to know that she looked well, and tried not to wonder if he noticed and appreciated her prettiness. She looked around and caught her aunt's eye and smiled to her. "I am here with my Aunt and Uncle Gardiner. Aunt Gardiner managed an invitation from a friend of a friend of a so-and-so..." She smiled impishly.

The pleasure he found in her merriment was bittersweet. The young man she'd danced with bowed to Darcy and looked at him quizzically. Reluctantly, Darcy gave way, saying, "I'll not keep you, Miss Bennet. I wish you an enjoyable evening." He nodded to her companion and bowed to her again. She held out her hand and he kissed it, holding it only a shade longer than he ought. He turned and moved away, shaken inside, though outwardly calm. A glance back showed that Elizabeth had returned to the floor with the young man to finish the set. He heard the customary speculative whispers as he strode away from her.

He saw Miss Ardmore then. Without thinking, he greeted her and asked her to join him for the next. She smiled and assented happily, he saw. He then noticed her sister cutting eyes to a friend, the unworthy Lady Edgeworth. He groaned inwardly. He realized belatedly that he'd danced with Miss Ardmore at a gathering only a few days before and that his dancing with her now would be construed by many as marked attention to her on his part. Even as he thought this he heard gossips linking their names. He looked at Miss Ardmore again and she smiled prettily. She was not the handsomest woman of his acquaintance, but something about her had drawn his attention. She had dark hair and eyes and a figure that was light and pleasing. She was intelligent. In addition to being a wealthy gentleman's daughter, her family on her mother's side was of noble lineage. Her smile widened and she batted her eyes in a way fashionable ladies thought pretty, as if conveying spirit. As he looked at her he thought that their families and general acquaintance would approve a match between them. He pondered his own feelings in the matter.

Elizabeth watched Darcy as she could. She saw him approach a young lady, wealthy and refined in appearance, with an ostentatious jeweled necklace and a very fine gown. The lady smiled pleasantly and he stayed by her. Elizabeth guessed they would dance the next together. She saw that her partner observed the direction of her gaze. She smiled politely and tried to be less obvious. Her smile faded when she saw Darcy again. He seemed to be carefully studying the lady he was with. The lady looked conscious of his attention and pleased by it. Elizabeth vowed not to look in their direction again. The sight of him attending another lady was too distressing. She felt her stomach tighten from envy. She returned her attention to her partner as he spoke. When they were done she moved to her Aunt's side and looked around the room, trying not to watch Darcy but not succeeding. He moved through the dance with unconscious, athletic grace. When his hand met that of his graceful partner she forced herself to look away. Aunt Gardiner noted this with a gaze both sympathetic and speculative.

*A bit of ‘little green monster' time for our dear Lizzy, too...*

After he had finished his dance with Miss Ardmore, Darcy walked over by the windows. It was cooler there; comfort he sought as the party was something of a "squeeze," which while gratifying to the hostess for its popularity was not so enjoyable for guests warmed from the exertion of dance. He heard a young lady exclaim, "No! Leave me, I say!" and saw two young men, just old enough to be among the company, pestering the young lady with unwelcome attentions. One of them had his hands on her in an overly familiar manner and the other laughingly uttered sweet nothings as he leaned in and kissed her. Disgusted as he saw the lady's distress, Darcy walked closer and pulled her free, bowing to her as she thanked him. He frowned at the lads as they backed away, obviously drunk and quarrelsome. Darcy's eyes flashed. He almost welcomed the idea of confrontation with them. The lads ran off laughing instead. Darcy looked for the host so he might apprise him of the situation.

*Puppy Alert!*

After speaking with Lord Monroe, Darcy moved back towards the windows, but was stopped by Lady Edgeworth. She simpered, "Mr. Darcy, you have not complimented my dress or asked me to dance this evening!" He tried to hide a grimace as he bowed slightly to her. She laughed at him, vainly trying to engage his attention. He saw that she pressed her hands against her gown at the hips in an effort to tighten the fabric over her bust and emphasize her figure. It was with some difficulty that he restrained from gaping at her with incredulity.

*Hussy alert!*

He offered brusquely, "You look well, Lady Edgeworth. My compliments." Bowing to her again, he moved away quickly, ignoring her obvious dissatisfaction and the buzzing of her companions as they speculated over his inattention to her. He did not care for the vulgar lady. He thought her a mercenary, petty gossipmonger. She had hounded him the previous season and he had no desire to be in her way again. Without meaning to, he found he'd moved closer to where he'd seen Elizabeth's family standing earlier.

*Subconscious desire playing a part there?*

Now, he saw that Mr. and Mrs. Gardiner had joined in the dance. He watched them. They looked very happy and at ease with each other, much in love. It was a joyous scene. Mrs. Gardiner saw him and smiled in greeting. He bowed to her respectfully as she danced past. He looked around then, wondering where Elizabeth had gone. He did not see her dancing and was glad. Then he found her, sitting by the windows on a bench, alone. A couple he'd seen the Gardiners talking with earlier stood nearby; but appeared distracted, arguing with each other rather than paying mind to their friends' niece. He wished vainly that he could go to Elizabeth and started to look away when something caught his attention.

He saw one of the young men he'd objected to earlier sit down next to Elizabeth. Then the second sat on the other side of her. They smiled at each other. It was not a look that Darcy liked. He saw Elizabeth consciously start to stand and move toward the Gardiners' friends when one of the boys took her by the waist and said something. Darcy saw her look of alarm as she looked to where her relatives danced. The noise level in the room was high. She was alone, without defense.

Darcy crossed to her without hesitation. Quickly he stood before her, bowing politely. She looked up into his eyes with obvious relief. He glanced at the young men icily as he said, "Miss Bennet, please excuse me, but may I ask you to join me for the next?" He looked pointedly at the young man's hand holding to her and took a threatening step closer as he glared furiously down at the boy. He was glad of his great height and his ability to intimidate with little real effort. Also for the first time that evening he did not attempt to mask his feelings. Disgust and dangerous anger showed in his expression.

*In other words, he made it clear that it was ‘personal' this time!*

The young man quailed and removed his hand. Elizabeth breathed an audible sigh of relief and said, "Thank you. I would be honored, Mr. Darcy." She stood and took a step forward. She looked at the young men witheringly, not excusing herself as she stepped away from them. Darcy asked them in a sharp tone, "What, pray tell, are your names?" They both moved off hastily.

Darcy did not call them down further for fear of embarrassing Elizabeth. He resolved to speak to the host again. He pushed his anger aside with some effort, turned to Elizabeth and asked stiffly, "You are well?" She nodded. He continued, "I am sorry if those ‘pups' were distressing to you, Miss Bennet. I mentioned their behavior to the host already; but when I saw them approach you, I desired to ensure your safety myself." He looked down for a moment and then offered quietly, "I will not hold you to your pledge to dance. But it would be my honor, if you would allow me to escort you to your chaperones." He offered his arm and tried not to dwell on how thrilling it was to be near her again. He'd never seen her gown before. The warm hue flattered her coloring and the cut highlighted her figure beautifully. He pulled his eyes away.

*Yep. Handsome enough to tempt him.*

Confusion filled Elizabeth as she took his arm. She appreciated how solid and strong he felt, as much as she appreciated his timely assistance. From his manner, she was unsure if Darcy wished to dance with her or abhorred the idea. Was his innate kindness his only reason for assisting her? She looked up into his face, wishing that she understood him. She thought his coloring a bit high, but attributed it to indignation. From the corner of her eye she saw a willowy, expensively-dressed woman watching them carefully, petty displeasure plain in her features.

Elizabeth thanked him as he walked with her and signaled to her aunt and uncle. He replied, "No thanks are necessary. It is my pleasure to be of assistance. It was nothing..." He wished it were his right to keep her safe. Reflexively he allowed himself the joy of pulling a bit closer to her. His heart ached.

Elizabeth said quietly, "Really, you are too humble." As she spoke, she felt the irony of her words. She puzzled over the changes that time and circumstance had wrought. While he had once seemed arrogant he now seemed kind and pleasing. While she had once felt disgust towards him she now felt most tenderly.

Darcy's head fairly snapped around as he turned to her with a look of bemused exasperation. He could not completely repress his amusement, though he tried. The more he tried, the less he succeeded. He bit his lip. He swallowed hard and closed his eyes for a second. Elizabeth was puzzled, and then realized that he was struggling against the desire to laugh. Finally Darcy said wryly, "I can only wish that someday I shall find a way to please you, Miss Bennet." He barely repressed a smile, aware that he was being impudent, but unable to resist. Then, repentant, he closed his eyes and muttered, "Forgive me." He shook his head, certain she would censure him for his bluntness. He was amazed by how unsure he felt when near her.

She laughed, "Oh, no! No! Do not ask my forgiveness! You are quite right, Mr. Darcy. I am impossible. In one instant I abuse you for pride and the next for humility. The kinder you are, the more I seem to find fault with you!" She smiled again in that way that unsettled him so. He was relieved, but not comfortable. He bowed to her and then to her family, spoke politely to the Gardiners, and excused himself quickly as Aunt Gardiner asked Elizabeth what had occurred. Elizabeth explained while she watched Darcy walk away. Uncle Gardiner followed him.

Mr. Gardiner called out, "Mr. Darcy!" People turned and stared. Some of the most finely dressed ladies whispered to one another. Lady Edgeworth was obvious in her small malice as she drew others' attention to the interaction. Richly dressed gentlemen turned their bored gazes to Mr. Gardiner.

*Think of the society ball scene with Marianne and Willoughby and Miss Gray in S&S. Wasn't the snootiness portrayed beautifully there? These people look like that.*

Mrs. Gardiner frowned slightly, concerned that her husband might not be heard and therefore would be perceived to have been cut by the younger man. Elizabeth smiled slightly as she realized that she completely trusted her uncle's reputation both to Darcy's senses and his gentlemanly tendencies.

Darcy stopped and turned as he heard Mr. Gardiner. He bowed respectfully and said, "Mr. Gardiner, sir. How may I assist you?" Mr. Gardiner noticed the stares they received. He bowed to Darcy in return, grateful for the young man's courtesy. Mr. Gardiner was a good-natured man, modest and capable, but he was not comfortable under the scrutiny of the society's haughtiest members.

Darcy paid him deference and walked over to the side of the room with him as the older man said, "You cannot leave without allowing me to thank you, sir. I heard Elizabeth tell her aunt that two young men spoke to her impertinently and you frightened them away. I also saw her expression and coloring, so I know she was disturbed. Elizabeth is not easily disturbed, sir. I thank you for your service." Mr. Gardiner bowed to Darcy again. He looked worried and contrite.

Darcy acknowledged this and said, "Please, sir. I assure you that I was with her before they could do harm. I had seen them behave badly to another lady earlier and mentioned it to our host, so I knew to act quickly when they approached your niece. Do not distress yourself." Not knowing to attribute any of the disturbance of Elizabeth's equanimity to his own presence, Darcy felt a stab of doubt as to his assertions.

Mr. Gardiner asked that Darcy point out the young men in question. He said, "Ah! His lordship's unworthy nephews, I think. I have heard of their wild ways. Had I realized they were about I should never have left Elizabeth to our friends' care. I do not take her safety lightly." He looked serious as he spoke this last.

Darcy spoke with feeling, "Nor do I!" A look of kindly surprise flickered across Mr. Gardiner's face. Darcy looked away in embarrassment and said, "I meant to say that I know you do not, Mr. Gardiner." He continued, "But, please, do not speak of the matter further. I am grateful that I was able to help and that Miss Bennet is safe with you and your wife again." He looked wistful as he sighed, "Please excuse me. I wish to leave now, before the supper. I am not fond of such elaborate repasts as I know they will serve here. Also, the large number of people is not to my liking, I confess. It was a pleasure to see you. Good evening." He started to bow and move off.

On the far side of the room he caught sight of Miss Bingley and the Hursts entering. He stifled a groan of displeasure at the thought of meeting them. The Bingley sisters, especially the younger, could have nothing to say that would please him. Without their brother's positive and moderating influence he found them insufferable.

*Most people find them insufferable even WITH Bingley around...*

Mr. Gardiner reclaimed his attention, smiled and said, "Mr. Darcy, you have a habit of assisting my family and modestly avoiding praise for your actions. My wife would insist that you at least allow us the pleasure of your company. Would you join us for supper tonight at Gracechurch Street? It will be a simple repast, with a small company." Mr. Gardiner's smile grew wide. "Please, Mr. Darcy, spare me my wife's displeasure. If I do not secure you for supper she will be unhappy, I am sure."

Darcy could see that Mr. Gardiner was joking, but replied pleasantly, "I should never wish to disappoint Mrs. Gardiner, sir, nor cause you pain by doing so, but I would not wish to put you to trouble." He was hesitant to accept the pleasant offer. He glanced at Elizabeth.

Mr. Gardiner said, "It is no trouble, sir. Please say you'll join us."

Darcy worried that Elizabeth might be distressed by his company. But as he caught a glimpse of her watching them talk he found he was selfishly accepting the invitation. He tried to believe that he only wished to show her that he could be pleasant company.

Mr. Gardiner's happiness was sincere. He liked and respected Darcy. "Thank you, sir. I'll not mention your assistance tonight further if it embarrasses you, but will enjoy the opportunity to show you our gratitude and friendship." Mr. Gardiner glanced tenderly at his wife and Elizabeth. He said, "I think we might leave soon. The ladies seem fatigued."

Darcy said, "I will call for my carriage and meet you in Gracechurch Street. It will be a welcome relief from the crush of people. I will be glad for the opportunity to visit with you and your family." His glance towards Elizabeth was intense. As soon as he could, he looked back to Mr. Gardiner and smiled politely.

Then, desiring to avoid the attentions of Bingley's sisters, he moved as quickly as he could to the door, deftly moving through the crowd and even pretending not to hear some greetings as he went. Darcy's carriage was brought up so quickly that he arrived at Gracechurch Street even before his hosts. A servant let him wait in the parlor.

*The rich often get the best parking spaces.*

Part 28

The Gardiners and Elizabeth arrived at Gracechurch Street soon after Darcy. Elizabeth needed a moment to collect her thoughts and refresh her self, and went upstairs. Mrs. Gardiner went to let the housekeeper and cooks know that they would have an addition to their party.

Mr. Gardiner went to join Mr. Darcy in the parlor and found that their guest was not unattended. Rebecca Gardiner, having heard someone arrive moments before, had come down in search of assistance with a monster in her room. Mr. Gardiner entered and said, "Rebecca! You should be in bed, sweetheart!" It was obvious that the girl had been crying, but her tears were dry and her expression determined. She hugged her Papa and ran out of the room with a quick smile to Darcy. Mr. Gardiner looked after her quizzically.

Moments later Elizabeth stepped from her room into the hall. From her cousin's room she heard an unfamiliar sing-song rhyme being repeated, "Monster, monster! Away! Away! You are banished ‘til light of day! Monster, monster! Away! Away! You are banished ‘til light of day!" Though Rebecca's voice trembled slightly she cried out the rhyme again and again. Elizabeth smiled, bemused.

When Elizabeth entered the parlor, Mr. Gardiner asked, "Did you see or hear anything of Rebecca while you were above stairs, Elizabeth? Mr. Darcy said she had mentioned something of a monster. As you know, that dire problem usually requires lengthy assistance and searching." He chuckled ruefully.

Elizabeth said, "I did hear her chanting something, Uncle. She said something about banishing a monster." She glanced at Mr. Darcy and was surprised by his slightly wistful smile. She took a seat on the sofa.

Darcy explained to Mr. Gardiner, "I believe a similar monster visited Georgiana when she was of the same age, sir. I shared our ‘magical monster banishment charm' with Miss Gardiner. I found with Georgiana that the ability to rid her chamber of danger without other assistance helped us all to sleep much better." He grinned wryly and self consciously, twisting his pinkie ring. He suddenly looked concerned and continued, "I hope my suggestion does not interfere with any efforts you have undertaken in the business."

Mr. Gardiner said affably, "Not at all, Mr. Darcy! I thank you. Rebecca has had several nightmares and imaginings in recent weeks. We have been trying to manage the situation, but with little success. Hopefully your charm will work for us, too."

*It's always worked for me... Darcy's charm, that is...*

Mrs. Gardiner entered the room and asked, "Have you checked on the children, Mr. Gardiner?" She sat by Elizabeth. Elizabeth was silent and seemed to be studying the pattern in the carpet; such was her awkwardness. Elizabeth looked quickly at her aunt and took a breath when Mrs. Gardiner patted her arm comfortingly. Darcy saw the gesture and wondered what Elizabeth's feelings were. He returned his attention quickly to the Gardiners.

Mr. Gardiner said, "Rebecca has a monster in her room again."

Mrs. Gardiner stood and looked around, obviously confused. "Oh! Where is she?"

Mr. Gardiner replied lightly, "She is in her room singing a monster-banishment charm that Mr. Darcy has taught her. She has been gone for several minutes. We await the outcome of her attempt with some hope."

Mrs. Gardiner sat down, looking surprised. She said, "Thank you, Mr. Darcy." She was obviously listening carefully for cries from above stairs, but was also anxious to attend their guest. She said, "Supper will be ready shortly." Then she asked, "Please forgive a mother's apprehensions, Mr. Darcy. Rebecca is a reasonable girl, but a cousin frightened her recently with supposed rumors that monsters have been seen crawling out of the Thames in large numbers..." Elizabeth looked abashed as she recalled Kitty's lurid tales. What she lacked in sense, Kitty compensated for with wild imagination.

Mr. Darcy raised an eyebrow and replied easily, "No explanation is necessary. I was subject to similar treatment from my cousin. Fitzwilliam was fiendishly good at telling ghost and monster tales when we were younger, and just enough my senior to seem an authority. Once just before I was to visit an uncle in Surrey he regaled me with a fantastic tale of the supposed escape of the ghost of Queen Catherine from the gallery at Hampton Court. That was the summer I invented the ‘magical monster banishment charm', I confess. I only beg you not to remind him of it if you chance to meet him again. It is yet a source of humor to him."

The Gardiners laughed and gave their promise. Elizabeth was preoccupied by the vision she had of a solemn boy with dark curls crying out the words she'd heard her cousin use, in equally fearful yet determined tones. She wondered whether she imagined Darcy or his son.

Elizabeth knew that Darcy had visited the Gardiners before and she knew that she had good reason to be proud of her aunt and uncle as people of taste and intelligence; but she was still surprised at the ease of the interaction between the Gardiners and Darcy. She realized it was the first time she'd seen Darcy in a social setting where he was comfortable. She also realized that she was the only person he was uncomfortable with at present. He could not speak to her freely; but he talked with her aunt and uncle pleasantly and without any sign of hauteur or improper pride. Elizabeth was struck by how pleasant Darcy could be. The masculine energy he added to the group was nearly palpable. When he did look at her she found herself overcome with embarrassingly pleasant sensations. She felt herself very much in danger of becoming quite silly over him.

*Welcome to the crowd, Lizzy!*

When they moved to the table to eat they were seated across from each other. This necessitated that he look at her more than when they'd been seated away from each other in the parlor. She felt his gaze upon her often and noted that the conversation lagged more than when he'd been able to talk without seeing her. Still, he was a pleasing guest. After supper they eschewed the separate time typical of a larger, more formal gathering and all returned to the parlor together.

As Elizabeth felt so awkward as to barely even be able to join the conversation, she was grateful that desire to not awaken the sleeping children above stairs prevented anyone asking her to sing and play for the company. She knew she would not acquit herself well at all in performance this night. She was too distracted. She saw Darcy glance at the small instrument in the corner, and then at her. Seeing that Elizabeth had followed his gaze, he said, "I am sorry not to have the chance to hear you play, Miss Bennet. You play and sing very well." His tone seemed different, softer, when he addressed her.

Elizabeth replied uneasily, ‘Oh, not so well as I would if I took the trouble to practice more. I have heard that your sister practices ceaselessly. I imagine that the performances you are accustomed to from her far exceed my poor talents." She made effort to look calm and meet Darcy's gaze evenly.

Darcy's expression warmed as it always did when he spoke of Georgiana. He said, "Georgiana does practice with devotion and does play very well." He paused and finally said, "But her performance lacks your energy, confidence..." He searched for the right word. Only one came to mind, but he found he could not say the word ‘passion' to Elizabeth. The mere thought silenced him entirely for an awkward moment.

*Could've silenced the whole room if he'd said what he was thinking...*

Mrs. Gardiner broke the silence with discussion of the Bingleys. Jane was a devoted correspondent, even while on her honeymoon trip, and Elizabeth had received several letters sharing the newlyweds' joy. Mr. Darcy laughed that the same could not be said of Bingley, though he'd received one letter from his friend that made it clear that all was well. The Gardiners and Darcy returned to easy conversation after that. He only lost his way in the conversation once more, when he happened to see Elizabeth smile.

When he took his leave of them all, Elizabeth found that he remained in her thoughts as she lay awake. In her dreams they danced together at the ball and he admired her gown and her beauty; and everything else faded away as he kissed her passionately. She awoke with a start, amazed at the warmth of her dream and the cold of waking from such a dream alone.

*Something Darcy knew all about!*

When he arrived home, Darcy found Fitzwilliam reading in the library. Fitzwilliam asked politely, "How was your evening, Cousin? Are you glad you went?"

Darcy replied in a slight, clipped tone, "I am."

Fitzwilliam looked surprised and said, "You are? I suppose next you will tell me that you met the woman of your dreams there as I'd foretold." He chuckled.

Darcy sighed, "I did." He did not meet Fitzwilliam's surprised look or encourage further conversation. The thought of explaining his decision to go to the Gardiners' house was an uncomfortable one. He turned and left the room abruptly, muttering wishes that his cousin might sleep well. Fitzwilliam watched his cousin leave, shook his head and returned to his reading.

Sleep eluded Darcy for some time. He remembered the events of the evening; searching for any sign that Elizabeth liked him any more than previously. All he had seen from her was polite restraint, discomfort and signs of self reproach that he thought must originate from gratitude for his actions with her youngest sister. While he was heartily glad he'd been able to relieve her anguish and set things right with Wickham, he would have given almost anything for her not to have known of the part he played.

As the night grew darker, so did his recollections. He berated himself for his weakness in importuning Elizabeth with his presence. He remembered the sight of her dancing with others. He imagined how relieved she must have been to see him leave Gracechurch Street.

*Oh, dear. Even usually perceptive people like Darcy can delude themselves in matters of the heart!*

Continued in Next Section