Section I, Next Section

Chapter 1

Posted on Monday, 16 May 2005

Elizabeth Bennet gasped as the coach rounded the final bend of the tree-laden hills and Pemberley in all its majesty was displayed before her.

"Truly that is a magnificent sight," she murmured. The yellow rays of late evening sun gilded the imposing mansion, lush woods and towering white clouds behind them with gold. Elizabeth inhaled deeply the scent of recent rain, not once taking her eyes from the view. She was alone in the carriage, and in the world, or at least so it seemed to her at the moment. She had never had a multitude of close friends, and the recent events had revealed that she had even less. Jane, her sister and truest friend was now separated from her by miles. Who would have thought that life would part us in such a cruel fashion! Elizabeth thought, fighting down the tears that immediately brimmed into her blue eyes. But I will not cry now. There have been enough tears these past months. It will not do to arrive with puffy eyes and a red nose!

It had been almost four months now since Mr. Bennet had died. It had not come as a shock, although the expectation of it had not lessened the family's grief. Mr. Bennet had been suffering from poor health for many years and had been virtually bed-ridden almost a year before his passing. Elizabeth had taken it upon herself to nurse him, against her family's admonition. It had been a small sacrifice for her. It would have been impossible for her to attend to the glitter and gossip of another London season while her father lay dying. She had made her London debut two years ago, and while her beauty and fortune had made her a huge success among the ton, she had received surprisingly few proposals. The few she had received she had not cared to accept, for then there had been no doubt of her being adequately cared for without entering into a loveless marriage.

Elizabeth's lips twisted wryly as she considered the "fortune" that had vanished into thin air upon her father's death. Mr. Bennet's death had not come as a surprise, but the state of his affairs had. The Bennets, who had long been considered one of the most important families in Hertfordshire, found themselves penniless. The estate, the manor, the girls' dowries-all had gone to pay the creditors. Elizabeth frowned again at the enormous debt supposedly accumulated by mismanagement of the estate. It was true her father had neglected the affairs, but he had left everything in the hands of a very trusted steward. He had mentioned it before he died, and had not seemed worried about the state in which he would leave his family. Perhaps he was absentminded, but it was not like him to disregard anything to do with the well-being and security of his wife and daughters. She shook her head at the futility of worrying over a matter so beyond her reach. She had made a few attempts to go through her father's papers in an effort to understand what had happened, but had been immediately shooed away by Mr. Fallworthy and the lawyers, saying that these matters had nothing to do with women.

Elizabeth's thoughts shifted to her mother. Mrs. Bennet had been particularly devastated by the unfortunate turn of events. She was a weak woman with a fanciful disposition, and the sudden vanishing of their fortune had plunged her into near hysteria. Jane had been forced to attend to her day and night while Elizabeth searched for a suitable place to live. At last a small cottage in Middlesex had been found, and the Bennet family, now consisting of Mrs. Bennet, Jane, Elizabeth, Mary, Kitty, and Lydia, took up residence there. It seemed a mortifying change at first, considering the grandeur of their estate at Longbourn, but necessity soon required them to adjust to the new lifestyle. Mrs. Bennet at last quieted and began to interest herself in the surrounding society, Jane was as serene as ever, Mary returned to her books, and Kitty and Lydia made easy friends with the neighbouring families. Only Elizabeth remained dissatisfied. Try as she might, she could not be comforted, nor could she take any interest in their new acquaintances. Her grief for the loss of her father made her restless, and she had found the confines of the cottage suffocating. If only I could do something, find some employment. Anything at all...I shall go mad here! she had fretted for days.

At long last, and at the counsel of Jane and some family friends, Elizabeth had decided to apply for a position as a governess. Her education had been impeccable, and as an unusually gifted musician, her skills easily recommended her. After many offers, one had finally come from a Mr. Darcy of Derbyshire, who desired a governess and companion for his charge, a Miss Georgiana Darcy. The salary was unusually generous, and the inducement of tutoring a young girl held much more appeal than disciplining an entire family of ill-behaved children. The offer had been accepted without delay.

Elizabeth watched the sun sink below the hill, leaving the Derbyshire countryside in a grey swath. What kind of people will the Darcy's prove to be? Elizabeth wondered for the hundredth time. She conjured up the image of an only daughter whose character had been ruined by years of indulgence. A father, with but one child, of the ilk of the men of property and wealth she had encountered. Middle-aged, portly, balding, with an air of conceited self-sufficiency she despised. An inclination to scorn those who had not come into their wealth and station with the same luck. Proud, insufferable men. So unlike her father.

Elizabeth sighed at his remembrance. He had been an introverted man, at the same time kind yet witty, generous yet reserved, with a tendency to lock himself in his library with his books rather than attend to the practicalities of life. Elizabeth had loved him thoroughly, although being rather painfully aware of his lack of resolve, and sometimes, character. She alone had inherited the quickness of perception that he so prided himself on. Finding his second daughter eager and clever, he had taken her education upon himself, and had taught her well above and beyond what was normally expected of a young lady of breeding. Mrs. Bennet had complained that Elizabeth would never get any proposals after Mr. Bennet had finished with her, and that had proven to be pretty much the case. Elizabeth's golden hair, and laughing eyes had enticed many into the ring of courtship, but one by one the young men had found her distasteful as a future wife. Her quick wit and idealistic tendencies rather frightened than recommended. Jane had also received many offers, but both girls held firmly to their desire to marry for love.

Elizabeth started as the carriage came to a stop in front of Pemberley. She took a deep breath to calm the butterflies in her stomach and attempted to smooth her appearance. Alas, the dampness of the air made her golden curls incorrigible, and nothing could be done about the shabbiness of the pelisse and gown. So perhaps they wouldn't be quite the thing if I was being introduced at court, Elizabeth attempted to cheer herself, but they are clean and modest, and should do very well for a governess. Despite her reasoning, Elizabeth could not help feeling slightly mortified at arriving at such a grand place wearing a faded blue dress and pelisse, especially considering that only a few months ago she would have appeared in the latest fashion. You musn't forget that you are no longer one of them, Lizzy warned herself for the millionth time as she descended. You are now an employee, a governess, and your manners must reflect it! There will be no place for liveliness of mind, or "impertinence", as Mama prefers to call it.

To her surprise, Elizabeth was shown directly to her bedroom by the housekeeper, Mrs. Reynolds, without meeting any member of the Darcy family. She was able to briefly take in Pemberley, and had to admit that thus far it surpassed all the grand houses that she had been privileged to be in. It was structured and furnished on a grand scale, with all the high ceilings, carved cornices, oak doors, marble fireplaces and guilt furniture an aristocrat could wish for; yet she found it all very tastefully and elegantly done, without the usual ostentation such places were prone to.

Her room was what she expected the governess's chambers to be. It was still generous as to space, but more modestly furnished. There was a four-poster bed with matching furniture, and a lovely window-seat, all decorated in light feminine colours. Even this seems luxurious compared to the draughty closet I shared with Jane, she thought. Elizabeth peered out the large windows curtained with white brocade. She could see very little in the dimming twilight, but the view seemed to be potentially lovely.

A knock at the door put an end to her fruitless squinting. Elizabeth opened it to a young maid, smartly dressed in the uniform required of Pemberley servants.

"Excuse me, Miss, but Mr. Darcy wishes to see you in his study."

"Oh, yes, thank you." Elizabeth hastily untied her bonnet and removed her pelisse, berating herself for not having taken the time to make herself presentable instead of staring out the window for the past ten minutes. She glanced ruefully in the mirror as she followed the maid into the hall to Mr. Darcy's study.

At last they arrived before an intimidating pair of oaken doors. Elizabeth found herself feeling unusually nervous, and took a deep breath. This may be my first post, but I must portray the confidence of an experienced governess, she desperately resolved. The maid knocked, and a deep voice called,

"Come in."

"If you please, sir, Miss Bennet," the maid breathlessly announced, and then hastily retreated. Elizabeth noted the maid's uneasiness and her heart sank. She steeled herself for the pompous, portly Englishman awaiting her. She entered and received a great shock, for standing in front of her was the best-looking man she had yet seen in her twenty-one years. He was tall, dark-haired, with an imposing figure and a strikingly handsome face. He did not appear to be much older than thirty, but Elizabeth immediately understood the maid's uneasiness, for he had an intimidating presence...the commanding air of a man who was accustomed to people being under his direction, accustomed to getting his own way.

Elizabeth suddenly keenly regretted her appearance. He himself appeared to be somewhat in a state of shock. He said nothing for several moments, his dark eyes taking in her disheveled curls, her face, then sweeping down the length of her figure. After taking one last look at her face, he turned away in obvious disgust. Elizabeth flushed in anger and embarrassment. He beckoned to her to be seated.

Frowning, Mr. Darcy turned to the window. Elizabeth seated herself gingerly on the edge of her seat, unsure of how to interpret the silence that ensued for a number of minutes. Mr. Darcy's face seemed to grow in irritation each time he glanced at her, his jaw clenching in displeasure. Elizabeth's heart beat fast in fear of him and fear of the newness of the situation. Oh dear, I have not spoken one word and have already incurred his displeasure, she thought. She racked her brain for some kind of protocol she might have missed, but could think of nothing. At last he spoke.

"Miss Bennet, I understand this is your first post as governess," he said, regarding her coolly.

"Y-yes, sir, that is correct," Elizabeth responded. She cleared her throat lightly and tucked a stray curl behind her ear. Darcy inclined his head slightly as he watched her shift uncomfortably and addressed her in a tone of condescension.

"Miss Bennet, there are some rather unusual circumstances regarding Miss Darcy that I did not touch in our correspondence. I will not explain the circumstances due to their sensitive nature, and I ask that you do not inquire among the staff for more information-I assure you they will be unable to tell you anything, as the details are not known even among the immediate family. Suffice it to say, that last summer there was a most unfortunate incident regarding my sister, and she has since fallen into a ... despondency. I am afraid that her youth and disposition have prevented her from fully recovering. Her formal education is, for the most part, complete. I have hired you more as a companion than a governess in the hope that such an arrangement will allow her to regain her confidence, and to prepare her for her entrance into society. I will not dictate to you how you spend your time with Georgiana; that is something I expect you to discuss with her, guiding her preferences with wisdom and sensitivity. She is a very disciplined young woman, and I assure you, you will not find it difficult to make her attend to her studies. She has a particular love for music, which is why I have employed you, in spite of your inexperience." Elizabeth cringed at the disapproval etched in his voice. He might as well have said 'leprosy', she thought mutinously. She began to be annoyed with this man for meaning to intimidate her and succeeding. While still maintaining the posture and countenance from years of perfect breeding, she observed the man before her. So she is his sister, she thought. I wonder how he came to be her guardian? He certainly is not portly and balding, she thought, and could not help the corner of her mouth turning up impishly at the contrast of masculine beauty now displayed before her. Darcy, who had not ceased speaking, stopped suddenly and glared at her. Elizabeth's eyes widened. She immediately schooled her features, despite the annoyance welling up in her.

"As I have just mentioned, what Georgiana lacks is confidence. It is my hope that through your tutelage, specifically musical, she may regain it. I understand you have a considerable musical reputation, Miss Bennet-this was my chief motive in employing you. I expect this is what Georgiana will wish to pursue. Do you have any further questions?"

"No, sir." Elizabeth responded curtly. Did he have to say 'chief motive' as if it was his only motive? Elizabeth resolved to keep her verbage to a minimum, afraid that if she spoke she would be unable to curb her tongue. She was unaware that her expressive eyes were communicating far more than she intended. Truly he is a proud man, she thought as he continued to explain details of the arrangement. Is this how most men address their governesses? How unbearable! I hope Miss Darcy, as he says, does not posses such an overbearing nature.

"If you haven't any enquiries," he continued, leaning forward slightly over the desk where he was seated, his eyes challenging hers, "I have one last matter to speak of. There is the problem of your attire." Elizabeth opened her mouth to protest, but he continued before she had the chance. "As Georgiana's companion, you will be expected to mingle in society much more than you would as a governess. I will have you looking presentable. The monthly sum I had previously stipulated will be further subsidized by thirty pounds per annum. I realize that you are probably intending to send a portion of your earnings home to your family-however, this amount I require you to use on the necessary accoutrements to your new position. Think of it as a uniform," he smiled condescendingly. Elizabeth flushed at the implications of his statement-his stated disapproval of her appearance, his insensitive reference to her family's newly impoverished state, his expectations that she would disregard him and send the money home. Elizabeth's eyes flashed at him. She found her defiant gaze returned openly by him. She immediately recognized the intelligence, perception, and calm acknowledgement of her insubordination in his dark eyes. She flushed and lowered her gaze.

"Miss Bennet," he commenced rather abruptly. "I feel it wise, under the circumstances, and considering your inexperience, among other things, to make this a trial period rather than a permanent arrangement. Let us say, one month from today, we will meet again to discuss your performance and the possibility of a more permanent contract." Without consulting her, he stood from his desk and walked to the window. Elizabeth was speechless. How had she managed to offend him already? She had only spoken four words! Elizabeth seethed at the injustice of it, but was determined not to let him see it-this post was far too important to her and to her family.

"You will, for the most part, dine with the family, unless otherwise requested."

"And of whom does the family party consist?" Elizabeth inquired in as polite tones as she could muster.

"Only of me and Miss Darcy," he replied shortly.

"Oh, I see." Elizabeth could not prevent the note of sarcasm.

"My father died several years ago, leaving my cousin and I the sole guardians of Georgiana," he explained flatly.

"Do both you and Georgiana reside here for the time?"

"Georgiana is currently in London, but Pemberley is her permanent place of residence. She will arrive tomorrow afternoon. I am here for the most part, although I am frequently called to London on business." Elizabeth was silent after this declaration. Darcy waited until it was clear she would not speak, then impatiently dismissed her.

"I hate him!" Elizabeth could not help exclaiming as she made her way to her rooms, surprising herself at the violence of her feelings. How dare he change the arrangements without even consulting me? As if my feelings or inconvenience were absolutely irrelevant to the situation! His condescension was unbearable! Does he think that just because I am his employer I am devoid of rights, of feeling, or of an opinion on the arrangements of my life? Elizabeth cried out in vexation, and in that mood unpacked her trunks.

Chapter 2

Posted on Monday, 16 May 2005

After the door had closed behind her, Darcy stalked to the window, and leaning one elbow on the window frame, uttered a most ungentlemanlike but sincere oath. After some moments of glaring murderously out the window, he clenched his fists and seated himself abruptly behind the huge antique desk that had once belonged to his father. "Now what," he asked into the empty room. As no answer was forthcoming, he answered himself, "I should have bundled her right back into the carriage and sent her back to Middlesex, or wherever it is she's from. Instead, I give her a thirty day trial." He thought in annoyance of his own lack of firmness that had balked at sending her back so quickly when she was obviously in dire straits financially, and trying so nervously to appear as an accomplished, experienced governess.

"Tough luck, my girl," he muttered as he sat abruptly in his desk. "You will never make it as a governess as long as you look like that." Darcy thought back to his shock upon seeing her. She was, without exception, the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Not that he had not seen many beautiful women, but never ... Darcy's mind involuntarily went over her appearance. The thick blonde curls, full lips, long, slender figure that also promised the curves of a woman, and those eyes, so blue, so full of life-but disregarding all of this, there was something about her that had almost moved him physically. He tried to place it ... something about her that communicated itself immediately. An intelligence, a warmth, an impishness, a vulnerability, a childlike desire to please but a protective defiance if anyone did not find her thus ... Darcy snorted and shook his head.

I am already waxing poetic about her and she has not been gone five minutes. Why do I have this penchant for hiring problems? Why cannot being Georgiana's guardian come as easily as running an estate? or anything else I have ever tried. I hope I did not betray any admiration... Darcy thought back to his immediate instinct, which had been to sit her down and get right to the bottom of that impish quirk in her lovely mouth, to have fully explained to him the expression in her eyes, which vacillated between keen perception and fear of the inexperienced, but which soon changed to irritation at his purposeful condescension. He wanted to inflame the ire that then flashed at him, if only to have the pleasure of placating it later...but most of all he wanted to sooth the sadness that underlay all of it, to protect her from whatever had hurt her ... Darcy broke himself from his reverie, and swore again.

"Miss Bennet returns home tomorrow," he muttered through gritted teeth. And I must not forget that she is the governess, and therefore not betray any admiration for her unfortunate appearance.

Chapter 3

Posted on Monday, 16 May 2005

The next day Elizabeth did not see any of the family. She was kept busy with Mrs. Reynolds, who informed her that Mr. Darcy had gone out quite early as there had been an emergency with one of the tenants. After she unpacked, the housekeeper gave her a brief tour of the house, and then the two of them went into Lambton to do some errands, which included ordering some new clothes for Elizabeth. Elizabeth thought briefly how much this money would help her mother and sisters, but Mr. Darcy had been very explicit about how he wanted the money used. If I must spend it on clothes, I might as well enjoy it, she thought. It would be a relief to wear something other than the shabby thing she had arrived in.

She found Mrs. Reynolds to be a chatty older woman, with a tendency to ramble on in an archaic fashion. She liked her very well, and especially appreciated the tidbits of information she let drop concerning the Darcy family. Elizabeth found herself full of curiousity about Miss Darcy, and hoped that Mrs. Reynolds might betray something about the mystery of her past.

"When do you expect Miss Darcy to arrive?" Elizabeth asked her on their way home, hoping the question might lead on to further information.

"Early this evening, Miss Bennet, about five o'clock, I should think. Such a lovely young woman! So accomplished! She sings and plays all the day long!"

"Is she at all like her brother?" Elizabeth asked curiously.

"Miss Darcy does resemble her brother-she has the same handsome features and dark hair. They are both the most generous of human beings, so gentle and well-mannered. I fancy Miss Darcy is perhaps a little quieter than her brother, but I have never had a cross word from either of them in my life ... No, indeed, Miss Bennet, you should consider yourself very lucky indeed to be employed here. There is no better master in all the land. And so very handsome. Do you not find Mr. Darcy handsome, Miss Bennet?"

"Handsome, yes," Elizabeth muttered. Agreeable? No. She was somewhat astonished at the description of him the housekeeper had just painted. Gentle? Well-mannered? Is it possible that Mrs. Reynolds could be so unperceptive? It seemed unlikely that someone who had been with the family for so many years could mistake pride and abruptness for gentleness and generosity. And yet, the Mr. Darcy she had encountered had portrayed nothing that matched this description! If that was Mrs. Reynold's opinion of Mr. Darcy, how might Miss Darcy turn out to be? She imagined a tall, handsome girl, proud, unwilling to be guided by someone so close to her in age ... Elizabeth trembled at the thought.

"How long has Mr. Darcy been the guardian of Miss Darcy?" Elizabeth continued carefully.

"The late Mr. Darcy passed away some five years ago," Mrs. Reynolds said reverently. "Their mother died when Miss Darcy was a very small child. When Mr. Darcy passed away, the entirety of the estate went to his son. The current Mr. Darcy shares the guardianship of Miss Darcy with his cousin. It was a huge responsibility to fulfill for such a young man, but he has accomplished it admirably." Elizabeth was silent. She would just have to wait to until she had met Miss Darcy to form an opinion. There were too many discrepancies. For if Miss Darcy at all resembled her brother, she could have no need of confidence, as he had said she did. And what sort of occurrence could push a young girl, at the bloom of life, into a depression? Could it be repercussions of the death of her parents? No, for Mr. Darcy had said that the cause of that had occurred last summer. Elizabeth shook her head. It was all so perplexing!

Elizabeth's curiousity was answered soon enough. Miss Darcy arrived that afternoon at precisely five o'clock. Elizabeth's eye caught a glimpse of the carriage rolling into the park from an upstairs window. She watched as a slender young woman emerged from the carriage and disappeared inside the house. Elizabeth waited apprehensively in her room until she was summoned about an hour later.

As she entered the parlour, Elizabeth was immediately aware of the presence of Mr. Darcy. She could not help but notice that he was as handsome and intimidating as he had impressed upon her the day before. He managed to project an aura of command, now coupled with that of a protective brother. Elizabeth turned her attention to the young girl standing slightly behind. Miss Darcy was tall for her age, about the same height as Elizabeth. Her features were like her brother's, well-formed but slightly aloof.

"Miss Bennet, allow me to introduce my sister, Georgiana..." As Darcy made the introductions and the two women curtsied, Elizabeth was relieved to perceive that Miss Darcy was actually quite nervous. Behind the aloof features was a young and vulnerable young woman. Elizabeth's confidence returned. She smiled warmly at Georgiana and stepped toward her encouragingly.

"I am so glad to meet you, Miss Darcy. I have heard that you are a very accomplished musician!" Miss Darcy blushed.

"I am not so very accomplished, Miss Bennet. I shall be so intimidated to play and sing before you, for I have heard that you are the most accomplished woman in London..." Miss Darcy looked anxiously at Elizabeth.

"Well, then, let us agree to be equally intimidated by each other's reputations and then perhaps we will both be put at ease," Elizabeth laughed, and was gratified to see dimpled smiles appear on the faces of both brother and sister.

"Is it true you studied with Madame da Callas?" Georgiana asked shyly, encouraged by Elizabeth's open manners.

"It is," she replied, smiling.

"Oh, I should so like to know about her! Is she as wonderful in person as she is on the stage?"

"Yes, and quite as dramatic." Elizabeth could not have been more delighted at Georgiana's interest. "Her methods of teaching are most unconventional, but the results she is able to procure are astounding! I can teach them to you, if you like."

"Oh! Can you? That is, I should like that very much." A small 'ahem' from Mr. Darcy caused them to turn.

"Perhaps we can continue the conversation over dinner," he said. "If we wait until Georgiana is satisfied with every particular, I am likely to fade away from starvation." Miss Darcy giggled and exclaimed at her brother, glancing shyly at Miss Bennet. Elizabeth could not help but wonder at his easiness of manner as he led his sister in to dinner. So different from the previous night! Perhaps he is only stern with new governesses, she thought with raised eyebrows.

Dinner proved to be an awkward affair for Elizabeth. Despite Darcy's easiness with Georgiana, he retained a marked aloofness from her. As he was seated at the head of the table, with Elizabeth and Georgiana on either side, Elizabeth found it extremely awkward to address them both. She desired to be open and encouraging with Miss Darcy, but found it impossible to do so with Mr. Darcy's aloof, keen observation. She found his physical presence agitated her and made her feel defensive. Elizabeth knew she needed to keep maintain the good impression she had already made with Georgiana, whom she sensed was still a little wary. How am I to build her confidence when he is constantly undermining my own? she thought in frustration as the dinner wore on.

At last she resorted to polite enquiries about the surrounding countryside, hoping to have time alone with Georgiana later. As she expected, Georgiana lapsed into a shy silence when she was not addressed directly, leaving Mr. Darcy and Elizabeth to carry on the conversation. Mr. Darcy responded with equal politeness and distance to Elizabeth's questions, but provided little stimulus to the conversation. By the time dessert was served, they had fallen into complete silence. Elizabeth's nerves and patience had just about run out when Darcy spoke.

"I hope I can apply to both of you for some music after dinner."

"Fitzwilliam!" Georgiana looked imploringly at her brother. "Please do not make me sing before Miss Bennet ... at least not tonight."

"Of course not, my dear. It was insensitive of me to ask you. You must be exhausted. Perhaps Miss Bennet will oblige us, then." Elizabeth smiled her acquiescence, although the prospect held no appeal for her either. She imagined a replay of dinner, with Mr. Darcy glaring at her in disapproval while Georgiana tried to fade into the furniture. She had further reason to be uneasy, as she had not sung a note since her father's death four months ago. There had been no place for it in all the commotion, nor had she had any desire to sing in her grief. Her father had delighted to hear her above all other things, and it was his sole comfort in the last months of his death. Elizabeth felt a sudden depression as she thought of it, and it was with great trepidation that she moved toward the music room.

Upon entering, however, there was a small occurrence that lightened the atmosphere. On the opposite side of the elaborate gold and cream music room stood a new pianoforte.

"Oh!" Georgiana exclaimed, her surprise causing her to forget her shyness as she ran across to it. "Oh, Fitzwilliam, it's beautiful!" she cried, gazing at him adoringly. He had crossed the room and stood across from her.

"Do you like it?" he asked, obviously taking great pleasure at her surprise.

"I love it," came the answer. "Thank you so much, brother. You are too kind. It is more than I deserve," Georgiana finished softly, her eyes downcast.

"Nonsense," Darcy replied, concern crossing his face. "You deserve the very best, as would befit the very best of sisters."

Elizabeth watched from across the room, engrossed by the scene. There was a distinct awkwardness in the room. Georgiana still remained downcast and Darcy looked on her with distressed earnestness. Elizabeth began to feel intrusive at witnessing the moment, and had almost resolved to leave when Georgiana turned awkwardly to her.

"Miss Bennet, although I have not the courage to sing for you, (here she blushed), I find I cannot resist trying the pianoforte. I would be delighted to accompany you in a song, if you wish..."

Elizabeth smiled and accepted-impossible to do otherwise! although she felt less like singing now than ever. She carefully smoothed the wrinkles in her light pink dinner dress, an old one that she and Jane had carefully manicured. Mr. Darcy sat in a chair opposite them. As she glanced briefly at his handsome, but brooding face, Elizabeth felt an inordinate amount of anxiety. Would she please this man, who had hired her solely because of her musical reputation? Don't be silly, she scolded herself. You have sung before some of the most illustrious people in England. There is no reason to be nervous.

Yet she knew her colour was high and her hand trembled slightly as she handed the score to Georgiana. She remained facing the instrument as Georgiana attempted a few chords, commenting at the brilliance and clarity of the sound. Elizabeth said nothing, dreading the moment she must turn and face him. If only it were a room full of people, instead of just him.

She turned when Georgiana began to play the introduction to Mozart's 'Vedrai Carino.' As she sang the first lilting notes, Elizabeth was surprised and grateful to find that her voice was still in good condition. It had perhaps lost some of its flexibility, but the resonance and colour that had made her famous among the ton that season in town still remained. Although Elizabeth was keenly aware of Darcy's eyes on her, she also found to her amazement she was deriving much pleasure from singing once again-joy, even, and healing; and as she recognized it, more joy infused her heart, and her voice resonated with it. She let her voice caress the melody, revelling in the perfection of the line and the balm of its beauty. She was careful not to look at Mr. Darcy-she found she could not, until the last note had been sung. She looked at him then, and found she could not look away-there was a haunted intensity in his dark eyes that frightened her. She could not determine the emotion behind it, whether it was of hatred or admiration, but whatever it was frightened and mesmerized her. She was unable to breathe, the entire room seemed filled with it, like an electric current passing between them.

Georgiana finished the coda with a flourish. "That was lovely, Miss Bennet. You truly have the most beautiful voice, don't you agree, Fitzwilliam?"

"It was very nice," he replied after a brief pause. His voice was calm, almost bored. Elizabeth's eyes widened at his polite dismissal. She raised her brows slightly and turned away from him, saying to Georgiana with an amused twist of her lips,

"Thank you for the lovely accompaniment, Miss Darcy. You play wonderfully. I'm afraid I shall have little to teach you. And such a stunning instrument!"

"Isn't it? I cannot wait to practice on it. Thank you again, Fitzwilliam."

"You're welcome, Georgiana," he responded quietly. He reached out and touched her cheek briefly with one finger. Georgiana looked up at him in adoration. Elizabeth watched the exchange, surprised at the tenderness of his small action, which seemed so inconsistent with the insensitive man she had met the day before, then announced,

"If you'll excuse me, I find I am rather tired, and I am sure that you would like to have the evening alone together. I beg leave to retire ... Good-night Miss Darcy, I shall see you in the morning ... Mr. Darcy." Elizabeth could not help meeting his look with an arch expression. She found an answering challenge in his own eyes that caused her to blush. She calmly walked to the door, and then fled to her own room.

Chapter 4

Posted on Monday, 16 May 2005

The next morning Elizabeth was relieved to find Georgiana alone in the breakfast room.

"My brother has gone to London for three weeks," Georgiana explained, unable to keep the look of disappointment from her face. "He says he will return with a large company." The disappointment on her face gave way to terror.

"Does that worry you?" Elizabeth asked gently.

"I find it terrifying!" Georgiana almost whispered, her eyes wide with fear. "It is not as if I have never been in company before, but now Fitzwilliam expects me to begin to assume the role of hostess. I do not think I can do it," she choked. Elizabeth wondered again what kind of disaster could have happened to this sensitive young girl. She reassuringly squeezed Georgiana's hand.

"I'm sure you will do just fine and your brother will be very proud. And I promise I shan't leave you for a moment. Together, we could conquer all of London, or Derbyshire, in this case." Georgiana smiled gratefully.

"What is it like in London?" she asked timidly. "I mean, once you have made your debut?"

"Oh, it is a bit of a blur, even now. Parties, balls, beautiful gowns, suitors, music, theatre ... You will like it immensely. The crush of the assemblies does become tedious, but I confess I never tired of dancing with handsome young suitors!" Elizabeth smiled facetiously, and was glad to see Georgiana smile, her adorable dimple making a brief appearance.

"But did you never find anyone who suited you? I am sure you must have had proposals, for you are so very beautiful!"

"That is kind of you to say," Elizabeth laughed. "I did, in fact, receive a few, but I am, for better or for worse, a hopeless idealist, and determined to marry for love, or not at all." Elizabeth paused. "Perhaps if I had been able to foresee the future, I would have amended my views, for I have four unmarried sisters, and it is unlikely now that any of us will marry."

"Do you have four sisters?" Georgiana repeated in astonishment.

"I do."

"Oh, Miss Bennet, I have always longed for a sister. I cannot imagine having four. It must be delightful."

"I assure you, there have been days I would have exchanged all of them for a brother!"

"I do not know what I would do without Fitzwilliam. He is so good to me. He always encourages me, although I have not his natural ability to deal with things, to always know how to act..."

"Such things take time, Georgiana. They are not learned overnight."

"Did you have to learn, Miss Bennet?"

"Of course. I remember the first time I sang for a dinner party. I was so terrified, I thought I would faint! But I got through it somehow, and it got easier and easier over time."

"Can you teach me to sing as you do?"

"That is why I am here! I thought we might begin the day with a music lesson, and then spend some time studying Latin."

"You can teach me to read Latin?" Georgiana asked in wonder.

"Well, I am no scholar, but my father taught me to read Latin and a little Greek. He thought it cruel to deprive women of reading the great philosophers. Do you think your brother would disapprove?" Elizabeth inquired tentatively.

Georgiana's young brow furrowed. "I don't see how he could, as he so enjoys reading those sorts of things himself. He will sometimes close himself in the library for hours."

"You have a library?!" Elizabeth exclaimed in excitement.

"Yes, and it is Fitzwilliam's pride and joy."

"I wonder that Mrs. Reynolds neglected to show it to me. I thought it seemed odd that there could not be one."

"She probably did not show it to you because Fitzwilliam was there. He dislikes being disturbed."

"Perhaps you could introduce me to the library then this afternoon. Your brother is not at home, so we can have it all to ourselves! However, I must confess that I am dying to explore the woods! Do you enjoy walking, Georgiana?"

"I do."

"I would be delighted to have you show me all the best spots this afternoon before we retire to the library. For now, shall we move to the music room for your lesson?"

The next hour was a delightful one for Elizabeth. Georgiana was shy at first, but Elizabeth was even more encouraging, and eventually Georgiana was able to sing with some, if not complete, confidence. Elizabeth was not sparing in her praise. She found that Georgiana was in fact a very accomplished young woman, and it was obvious that her training had consisted of the very best of teachers. Elizabeth was able to help her use her breath and posture effectively to produce a more resonant sound. As they worked, Elizabeth found that she felt happier than she had in months. It felt so good to be helping someone, to keep her mind off her own trials. She was especially gratified to see an improvement in her pupil even over the short space of an hour.

"There! If you continue to improve this quickly, you will have no need of my services by the time your brother returns!" Elizabeth said at the end of the lesson.

"I fear I shall never be able to sing as beautifully as you did last night, Miss Bennet. My brother was very impressed, and he is...that is, he has a tendency to be rather critical, never of my performance, he is always kind to me..."

"Was he indeed?" Elizabeth raised her eyebrows. "He did not seem very impressed."

"Oh, but he was, for when I asked him what he thought at breakfast this morning, he said you had the voice of an angel."

"Oh." Elizabeth could not prevent a tiny bit of colour from appearing on her cheeks. After a slight pause she changed the subject by asking Georgiana if she would like to prepare a song for the company that would arrive in a few weeks.

"I don't think I would be brave enough," Georgiana replied uncertainly. "There will be so many accomplished ladies present..."

"Well, I have a confession to make. Last night was the first time I had sung in over four months, and I was very nervous. Sometimes all it takes is a bit of courage."

"Why hadn't you sung in four months?" Georgiana asked curiously.

"My father died recently, and as listening to me gave him such pleasure in his last months, I found that I have had no desire to sing again." Georgiana's young face filled with compassion.

"Miss Bennet, I had no idea you had lost your father," she cried. "I, too, know what it is like to lose a father." She spoke softly, and moved closer. The two exchanged a look of mutual empathy.

From that point on, the two young women were more like sisters than governess and pupil. Elizabeth sometimes wondered if Mr. Darcy would approve, but as she had never had a governess or a companion after which to model her behaviour, she was left to act upon her intuition. Mr. Darcy had stated correctly that Georgiana required very little in the way of formal education. Elizabeth sensed immediately that what she needed more than anything was a friend. Elizabeth had a warm and nurturing nature, and Georgiana seemed to crave the affection Elizabeth was delighted to give in abundance. Elizabeth realized that Georgiana's mother had died when she was very young, and although Mr. Darcy had been the best of brothers, Georgiana had been deprived of the nourishment needed by a mother during the trying years of adolescence.

The friendship was equally satisfying to them both. Elizabeth found that it eased her loneliness for Jane, and Georgiana blossomed under Elizabeth's guidance. Elizabeth knew it would take a long time before Georgiana would be at ease in society, but she was pleased to see the countenance of her charge lighten considerably. For three weeks they studied music, picnicked, visited tenants, explored the expansive grounds of Pemberley, which were now in the verdure of summer, and spent hours reading and studying in the library. Elizabeth found the library surpassed all her expectations, and it soon became her favourite room in the house, after the music room. It was large, its furnishings rich and masculine. Large windows stretching from the floor to the ceiling let in the sunlight during the day, and showed a magnificent view of the lawns leading down to the lake. Georgiana and Elizabeth would retire here after dinner before the huge fireplace and study works of Greek and Latin poets, or Elizabeth would read to Georgiana from Shakespeare, or whatever would strike their fancy. Thus the three weeks passed more quickly than either of them had anticipated. Elizabeth tried to keep her mind off the return of Mr. Darcy, and the dreaded interview he had promised her. How can I please a man who was so determined to disapprove before I had even spoken a word? She asked herself in rare moments.

One rainy evening, the women sat before the fire, having put aside their books for the pleasure of intimate conversation.

"I am so glad you came to be my companion!" Georgiana said.

"I have never had a governess like you. They have always been very strict and stern. There was one, a Mrs. Turner, of whom I was terrified! None of them were my friend, as you are."

Elizabeth laughed. "I suspect it is not the fashionable thing for governesses to befriend their pupils! But this is my first post, and so I am left to my own devices. Perhaps as I become better at it, I shall gradually acquire that look of stiffness, as if I had been born with perfect posture, and be able to speak with a consistently disapproving tone!"

"You could never be like that!" Georgiana giggled. "Is this really your first post as a governess?"

"It is."

"Why did you decide to become a governess? Perhaps it is impertinent of me to ask."

"Not at all. I have nothing to hide. I grew up in a situation almost as privileged as your own, for my father owned a large estate in Hertfordshire. It never crossed our minds that it would ever change, there seemed to be resources to spare. All of us had a substantial enough dowry that it would not matter if we never married. But upon my father's death..." Elizabeth shrugged. "There was nothing left. The estate was entailed away, and my mother and sisters were forced to move to a small cottage in Middlesex. I decided to apply to be a governess in the hope of augmenting our limited resources, and also to keep myself from going mad!"

"I don't understand how it could all vanish suddenly." Georgiana said in confusion.

"Neither do I, to be quite honest with you. And yet, it is gone. My father was never one apply himself to more practical matters, and according to Mr. Malfer, my father's lawyer, the debts the estate had accumulated were so astronomical, all of our dowries, and the auctioning of most of our possessions were barely enough to cover it." Elizabeth stared into the flames. "As hard as it was to give up all our belongings, it was even more difficult to realize that our hopes for marrying well were gone. Our chances for marriage vanished with our fortunes!"

"I am so sorry. It doesn't seem fair at all."

"It isn't so bad," Elizabeth smiled. "Besides, I would never have known you otherwise!"

"That's true," Georgiana replied. "I can't imagine not knowing you-it seems like you've always been here. It seems strange that three weeks ago I didn't know you at all!"

Elizabeth looked affectionately at the young girl, whose face flickered pensively and innocently in the firelight. Ignoring the nagging feeling that in a few days, this would likely be dismissed, she thought instead of the unknown tragedy of the summer previous. She wondered that, in spite of the intimacy that had developed between her and Georgiana, the young girl had not yet spoken of the incident Darcy had alluded to. Elizabeth never hinted at it, knowing full well that to force Georgiana's confidence would mean destroying all the trust that she had carefully cultivated in the past weeks. She frowned slightly. Elizabeth knew that Georgiana trusted her now almost implicitly, and she marvelled that the wound inflicted was still too painful for Georgiana to confide.

Chapter 5

Posted on Monday, 16 May 2005

The day before the company was expected to arrive was an especially hot day. As Georgiana was not as inclined to walk at all costs as Elizabeth was, and had much rather stay indoors with her new novel, Elizabeth took her letter from Jane and set out alone into the park.

She was wearing a white floral print dress and light-coloured bonnet. To Elizabeth's relief, her new clothes had arrived a few days before. She now saw the wisdom of Mr. Darcy in having her order them-if she was to stay, that is. Elizabeth shrugged at the contradiction of Mr. Darcy's obvious disapproval and yet his orders which seemed to imply that she would be staying. Whatever happened, it would be impossible for Elizabeth to appear as Georgiana's companion, to guide her in her duties as hostess before a fashionable company dressed in the clothes she had brought. The only item left to arrive was a ball-gown that she was having made at Mr. Darcy's request. Apparently there was to be a ball later in the summer in London. Mr. Darcy had informed her that Georgiana would be allowed to attend, as it was a family affair hosted by his aunt and uncle, Lord and Lady Matlock. Georgiana was breathlessly excited and nervous, and it had been the subject of much discussion between the two girls. Together they had picked out the material for the new gowns.

"I cannot wait to try on my ball-gown. I have never worn long gloves before," Georgiana had said one afternoon.

"I confess I am very relieved that I will have a new one as well. I thought I would make due with my own threadbare wardrobe, but I find I would rather face the French army alone than appear anywhere in the old blue thing currently hanging in my closet!" The girls had giggled, Georgiana claiming that Napoleon himself would have proposed to her, even in her old blue dress.

Elizabeth smiled at the remembrance, and reflected how Georgiana was quickly becoming a mature young woman of sense and compassion. She sighed as she thought of her own sisters, three of whom were very silly indeed. It was painful to realize that she valued her friendship with Georgiana more than she did with all three of them. She crossed the wide sweeping lawn down to the lake and followed a path that led past it into the woods.

After thirty minutes of walking through the verdant greenery, Elizabeth stopped at her favourite spot. Georgiana had shown it to her in one of their rambles. It was a small clearing in the woods, filled with long soft grass and wildflowers. Often a deer or a rabbit would appear at the edge, or stop to drink at the stream that serenely wound through the overhanging willows. Elizabeth settled down in the soft grass in the sun, her back against a fallen log and opened her letter.

The letter was a long one, and Elizabeth was pleased to discern that Jane sounded happier than she had in her previous letter. It had been a trial for Jane to deal with their mother, but she had bourn it like a saint. Jane mentioned that the family was beginning to dine out more frequently, and that a friendship had been formed with a Mrs. Jennings. Mrs. Jennings was a rich old widow, well-established in the county, who had taken a liking to the family; and upon discovering that there were five unmarried girls in the family, had taken it upon herself to see them all married within the year. Elizabeth raised her eyebrows slightly at this.

I confess I find it tiresome at times, as she is constantly attempting to make some man dance or enter into conversation with me, regardless of his wishes. However, I know she means well. She has now invited us to stay with her in London at the end of the summer. My mother is delighted at the prospect, for our sakes. The party will likely include only Kitty and I, as Mama says Lydia is too young and Mary refuses to go. I find I am looking forward to it immensely, if only for a change of scene

Elizabeth read these words in great excitement, for it was likely that she would be in London at the same time. She would be able to see her beloved Jane much sooner than she had anticipated! Mrs. Jennings certainly sounds like an intriguing woman, she mused as she folded up the letter. Tiresome, indeed! She sounds downright meddlesome! Still, it will be good for Jane to have some time away from Mama. The trials she has put up with so patiently in the last months! Elizabeth sighed and dropped the letter into the grass, wishing it was possible to have Jane with her at that very moment. Perhaps this time she will chance upon a young man of fortune and breeding who will appreciate her goodness as well as her beauty. Elizabeth smiled ironically. The ideals she had held to for so long seemed ridiculous now, like fairy-tales. "Jane, dear Jane," she said aloud, "I would sacrifice a hundred rich kings to see you well-settled."

Elizabeth stood and glanced up at the sun that was beating down with the intensity of mid-day. She found she was uncomfortably warm. The perfume of greenery and wild-flowers hung heavily in the air, and the stream gurgled delightfully, its cool surface reflecting the over-hanging willow branches. Elizabeth thought how lovely it would feel to wade in it. She knew there was nobody around for miles, and it was so warm! The brightness of the day and the prospect of seeing Jane in a few weeks time made her heart feel light, and she could not help laughing aloud. Why not pretend that I am fifteen again? She thought mirthfully. That I have the whole world ahead of me, that I still believe in the reality and inevitability of true love, that I have all of the confidence of youth and inexperience? Elizabeth removed her sandals and stockings, gathered her skirts, and walked to the edge of the water. She stepped with relish into the edge of the stream.

"Ah, this is delicious!" she cried. She smiled up at the sun, her heart feeling lighter than it had in a long time, revelling in the feel of the sand squishing beneath her toes. After a few minutes of wading in the edge, she looked across the stream and noticed a single white rose growing in the foliage. It was in the first innocent stages of bloom, and a gentle shaft of light illuminated it, causing it to glow against the darker greenery. Elizabeth gasped at the sheer beauty of it.

"I must have a closer look! I wonder if I could get across...,"

She gathered her skirts higher up around her legs and carefully began to make her way across the stream. The streambed deepened, the bottom changing from sand to smooth rocks. Towards the middle, the water was high, but she was able to make it across the deepest part without getting her dress wet. She smiled triumphantly, stepping quickly up the inclining bank, her eyes upon the rose. In her eagerness, she stepped on a slippery rock, lost her footing, and with a shriek, fell backwards into the water.

"Oh!" she exclaimed once she had righted herself. She had been totally immersed for a brief moment, and the cool water felt shocking. She looked down in dismay at her soaking wet dress and pulled the pins from her sodden curls, which had loosened in the fall. Then she froze as a most horrifying sound rang in her ears. Hoof beats.

"Please, no," she whispered. Her worst fears were realized as Mr. Darcy atop a massive black horse came into view, stopping on the opposite bank in astonishment.

"Miss Bennet!" he cried. He looked incredulously at the young woman who stood dripping wet, up to her thighs in the middle of the stream. Rivulets of water streamed down her dress and dripped from the tips of her sodden curls. She returned his gaze with one of horror and mortification.

"May I ask what you are doing?" he demanded. Elizabeth could only stare speechless at him in horror.

"No you may not!" Elizabeth at last cried piteously. She turned and tried to storm with dignity up the side of the bank, but her foot slipped again and she shrieked as she splashed again into the cold water. This is it! My life as a governess is over. What a picture I am presenting to him! Her mortification at this point was extreme, and realizing it was hopeless to remove herself with any semblance of dignity, it became her utmost priority to get away as quickly as possible. It did not help at all to hear Mr. Darcy erupt in laughter at her predicament.

"Miss Bennet," he called in a voice riddled with amusement as she stalked away. Or would have stalked away, if her dress had not been clinging to her legs in a most abominable fashion, making it difficult for her to walk.

"Miss Bennet, please allow me to be of service," he said as politely as he could, however, as yet unable to keep the grin from his face. He approached her on his horse, but Elizabeth ignored him and continued to walk away as fast as she could manage.

"It will take hours for you to get home at that rate," he called from behind her. "And besides, you have forgotten your ... things."

Elizabeth stopped in her tracks and turned. Her shoes, bonnet, stockings, and letter lay in a pile. Without a word she turned to retrieved them, but Darcy was already there. He dismounted, and with only a slight hesitation, scooped up the items, including the pink stockings. This cannot get worse, Elizabeth mourned. He smiled as he approached her, his dark hair glinting in the sun.

"Would you like me to retain the letter so that it isn't spoiled?" he asked in the politest of tones.

"I would be much obliged," Elizabeth said flatly. Darcy's lips twitched in amusement as he delivered her shoes, stockings and bonnet.

"Miss Bennet, I am afraid you are not fit to be seen," he said, his eyes traveling over the wet dress still moulded to her form.

"Thank you for notifying me, Mr. Darcy," Elizabeth replied haughtily, which rejoinder caused him to laugh aloud. She turned to go, but he placed his hand on her arm to retain her.

"Stop," he called, or commanded, Elizabeth thought as she reluctantly obeyed. She realized that she was at his mercy, for she could not walk home barefoot, and to wear her shoes over wet feet without stockings would likely give her blisters. The thought of putting on her stockings underneath a wet dress wasn't very appetizing either. She resignedly turned to him and waited. He stopped directly in front of her and directed her to hold the reins to his horse. He then pulled off his coat, his amused eyes never once leaving her face, which indeed looked enchantingly wet and miserable, while desperately trying to maintain its dignity. Elizabeth tried not to notice how tall he seemed, or the definition of his shoulders beneath his white shirt. Darcy wrapped the coat around her and lifted her up onto the massive horse. He did not mount after her, but instead took the reins and proceeded silently to lead them down the path towards Pemberley.

Several minutes later, Elizabeth found herself shifting uncomfortably beneath the hot sun. She looked at Mr. Darcy, striding purposefully in front of her, then up again at the blazing sun. She sighed and called,

"Mr. Darcy, if we were both to ride the horse, I think we might make it back to the house in time for tea." The gentleman did not require further encouragement.

"Thank you," he replied and swung himself up behind her. Elizabeth caught her breath at his sudden proximity. He pushed the horse into a fast trot, holding the reins on either side of her to prevent her from falling off. As they descended a small hill, Elizabeth cried out, this time in a panicked voice.

"Stop! Please! ... Mr. Darcy."

"What is it?" he demanded patiently, halting the horse.

"Excuse me, sir, but I am ... not ... accustomed to horses, especially one as large as this, and as you can see, my hands are occupied so that I cannot hold on very well, so if you don't mind waiting a moment, I'll just, um, slip on my shoes..." Elizabeth finished lamely, blushing at her inarticulate speech. Darcy silently acquiesced, and Elizabeth proceeded to squirm in the saddle in an attempt to put on her shoes in a modest way. It was no easy task, as the horse fidgeted beneath her, and Mr. Darcy was sitting so closely behind her that she had little room to manoeuvre. Finally it was done, although not without exposing a pair of very slender ankles to the gentleman's view.

Mr. Darcy now spurred the horse into a faster gallop, holding onto Elizabeth with one arm to prevent her from slipping off the horse, which to Elizabeth seemed likely to happen at any second. They were silent, each keenly aware of the other, for several minutes. Finally Darcy spoke.

"You still haven't told me what you were doing in the middle of the stream." His voice came from close behind her ear.

"I fell," she said acridly.

"You fell?" he repeated.

"Yes, Mr. Darcy, I fell in the stream while attempting to cross it in order to get a better view of a white rose that was on the other side." Elizabeth finished bitterly, knowing there was no point in postponing the inevitable. Why does it sound like such a ridiculous idea now?

"You went through all this for the sake of looking at a flower?" he said incredulously.

"Well, Mr. Darcy, I did not plan to fall into the river, nor did I plan for you to chance upon me at that very moment. You might tell me what you were doing in the middle of the woods when you were supposed to be in London?"

"I returned a day earlier to complete some business. I often stop there to water my horse," he replied in amusement, not a bit intimidated by her impertinence.

"Oh, How very reasonable of you." He gave a snort of laughter at this, sending the curls around her ears dancing. They were silent until within sight of the house. Elizabeth noticed that he kept inconspicuously behind the shelter of the woods, and although she was grateful for it, she wondered whether he did it for her benefit or for his. As they approached the end of the trees, Elizabeth spoke,

"Thank you, Mr. Darcy. I believe I can walk from here. I would rather slip in the back instead of making a grand entrance at the front door."

"As you wish." Darcy dismounted then turned to help her. Elizabeth's eyes widened at the feel of his large hands on her waist. Their eyes met in an expression of mutual wonder as her feet touched the ground. Darcy did not immediately release her, and she looked up at him in confusion, speechless at the effect his touch had on her. Darcy dropped his hands as if he had touched a hot surface, stepped back and assumed a more formal manner. Elizabeth removed the coat and handed it to him, shivering beneath the cooler air of the shade.

"Miss Bennet, are you sure ... you may catch a cold."

"Mr. Darcy, it would be infinitely worse to be the governess caught wearing her master's coat." He said nothing, agreeing with her by his silence. "Goodbye sir, thank you for your assistance." She ventured one more look at him as she walked away. He looked very serious, his brow knit sternly. Goodbye Pemberley, Elizabeth thought.

Chapter 6

Posted on Monday, 16 May 2005

Elizabeth morosely stripped off the wet, clammy dress. She tried to prepare herself mentally for what was to come as she prepared for dinner. Every attempt to rally her spirits and accept her impending dismissal with a positive outlook failed. The memory of how she must have looked to Mr. Darcy in the wet stream continually intruded, and she blushed violently again and again.

How could fate be so cruel as to chance him upon me, in that very spot, at that very moment! She mourned. Why could he not have delayed his journey even by half an hour? Mr. Darcy, of all people! But it is completely my fault. This would never have happened if I had behaved as a lady. Why must I always be running off after the unattainable? Why couldn't I be content to view the rose from the other side of the stream, instead of waltzing directly into it-Oh! Elizabeth covered her face in anguish. Never had she experienced such humiliation. She wondered painfully what she would announce to her family upon her arrival home. Mr. Darcy found me swimming in the stream...I was trying to get to a flower, but you see, Mama, there was a stream in the way...I am so sorry, Georgiana, but your brother has decided that a lady who swims in streams is not quite the example he wishes for his sister... Elizabeth shook her head and finished her toilette. There was nothing to do now but accept the consequence of her actions. With a sigh, she rose and walked with a heavy heart toward the parlour.

As she approached the doors, she could hear Georgiana's animated voice floating down the hall. With a deep breath, she walked into the room. Mr. Darcy immediately stood, and bowing slightly, inquired how she was.

"I am very well, thank you," she spoke quickly, wishing to avoid contact with him. She could not bear to feel his dark eyes upon her.

"How was your walk this afternoon, Elizabeth? I must say I am very glad I stayed in doors, it was so hot today!"

"It was very ... pleasant," Elizabeth smiled weakly, and blushed. Thank goodness he has not informed Georgiana, although, to be sure it is only a matter of time!

"How did your enjoy your book?" Elizabeth asked, wishing she could be buried beneath a hundred feet of earth.

"Oh, I am enjoying it immensely. I'm glad you recommended it to me. I can scarce put it down. Fitzwilliam, you will never guess what Elizabeth has taught me since you left..." Georgiana continued to talk animatedly throughout dinner, so delighted to have her brother's full attention she failed to notice Elizabeth's lack of spirits. Elizabeth herself paid little attention to the conversation, being still distracted by her mortification. She was grateful that she was required to say very little. She kept her eyes downcast, only responding briefly when Georgiana applied to her. She glanced at Mr. Darcy every so often, and although he was warm and engaging with Georgiana, Elizabeth was sure she detected a note of seriousness in his expression.

After dinner, Georgiana asked Elizabeth if she would not sing with her. Elizabeth declined, saying she felt indisposed to sing, and would much rather listen to the songs Georgiana had prepared over the past few weeks. Georgiana played and sang for quite some time, interjecting each piece with an enthusiastic commentary about what she had learned. Darcy was mostly quiet, praising Georgiana when it was required, otherwise watching her with a thoughtful look gracing his features. When Georgiana had finished playing, she announced that she would like to finish her novel, and so the three sat and read. Or at least, pretended to read, as it was in Elizabeth's case. She could not attend to the book she was reading, she didn't even know what it was. As the evening drew on, her heart beat faster within her. She knew that soon Darcy would ask her for a private word.

As she expected, as Georgiana retired, Mr. Darcy turned to Elizabeth and asked her for a private interview in his study. Elizabeth meekly agreed. After she had entered, he closed the door behind him and walked to the window. For a time he said nothing. Elizabeth sat in a state of extreme discomposure.

"Miss Bennet," he said at last. "I find your method of being a governess somewhat unconventional ... to say the least." Here he turned to give her a piercing glance. Elizabeth closed her eyes miserably.

"I had certainly not expected to hire someone to teach Georgiana to read Latin or Greek, accomplishments not looked upon favourably by fashionable society. Furthermore, your manner with my sister is alarmingly familiar. You do not maintain any semblance of formality normally expected in this situation, from what I can perceive." He looked at her then, as if waiting for her to defend herself.

"It is as you say, Mr. Darcy. I have treated Miss Darcy with the familiarity I would give to my own sister, rather than a pupil." Elizabeth stared at the hands in her lap.

"Then, of course, there is the problem of this afternoon's incident. You certainly must agree with me that your conduct is not the kind of behaviour I would wish to see my sister exhibit," he said coldly.

"Of course not," Elizabeth replied in mortification.

"But perhaps I judge you unjustly, not knowing all the particulars. Do you have any defense to make for yourself regarding this afternoon?"

"None, sir. My reasons remain the same as what I said this afternoon. I was simply attempting to look at a ... flower..." Elizabeth faltered.

"Hmm..." Darcy turned sternly again to the window, and Elizabeth awaited the final sentence.

"Miss Bennet, I left three weeks ago with definite reservations about your abilities, considering your inexperience, among other reasons, and now I find that upon my return..." he paused to look at her, "I still have strong doubts about your methods, but I haven't seen Georgiana this happy for a very long time. For that I acknowledge my gratitude to you."

Elizabeth sat stunned, wondering if she understood him correctly.

"Are you not going to dismiss me?" she blurted.

"No, I am not," he said, his lips twisting briefly. "In fact, I hope you will stay. If you can effect such a change in three weeks..." he waved his hand, "Georgiana is hardly recognizable. I should probably ask you what sort of sorcery you have employed." He looked sternly at her. Elizabeth, the relief washing over her features, replied,

"It was nothing but friendship, Mr. Darcy. Unconditional affection from a member of her own sex that girls her age require so abundantly."

"I see," he said, his face assuming an enigmatic expression. "Miss Bennet, I have nothing more to say to you on this matter, except that I would appreciate it if you would try not to wander into any streams while there are guests at Pemberley."

"Mr. Darcy, I think I can safely promise you not to go within twenty feet of one!" Elizabeth cried with emotion. "You will have no reason to be ashamed of me while your guests are here. I swear to behave with the utmost decorum."

"Thank you, Miss Bennet. I shall not detain you any longer, except to return your letter." He handed her the document which had been lying on his desk.

"Mr. Darcy," Elizabeth hesitated, her face looking up earnestly, "I neglected to thank you properly for your assistance to me this afternoon. My performance was...regrettable, as we have just established, but I assure you, I was most grateful for your...condescension." She was surprised when he turned abruptly, his dark eyes clouding over. His handsome features grew distant, and when he spoke his voice was as proud and formal as it had been the first day she had met him.

"You're welcome, Miss Bennet, see that it doesn't happen again," he said brusquely. "Now, I think you had better retire."

Elizabeth gasped in fury at the sudden change. She felt as though she had been doused all over again in cold water. She felt her pride rising, and forgetting that she was no longer Miss Bennet of Longbourn, she rose.

"Good night, sir," she said. Her eyes flashed at him haughtily as she swept from the room.

Chapter 7

Posted on Wednesday, 18 May 2005

Carriages began to roll into the yard the following afternoon. The house was filled with an atmosphere of preparation and expectation as various guests were greeted and settled in their rooms. Elizabeth had felt somewhat apprehensive when it came time to meet the guests. She wondered if any would recognize her, and if she would behave as she ought. Her uneasiness was nothing compared to Georgiana's. Georgiana was extremely nervous, but managed to acquit herself admirably, with the support and prompting of Elizabeth and her brother. Elizabeth found it at first awkward and infuriating to play the appropriately demure governess when she was used to being treated with deference. However, she watched the guests with interest, amused at the various vanities and follies she perceived among them.

There were a number of families from the surrounding countryside, including a Mrs. Whitman, with her two daughters. The Dartmores, a very fashionable married couple, were among the first to arrive. They were followed by a large group from London, the names and titles of which were impressive. Elizabeth dismissed most of them as the vain, self-centred people with fashionably bored manners. She had been in the company of such people frequently in her past, but now, after two years absence from society, their manners seemed more blatantly superficial. There were some sympathetic characters in the various guests. One was a Mr. Bingley, who was there with his sisters, Miss Bingley, Mrs. Hurst, and her husband. The sisters were elegant women, although Elizabeth thought she detected a touch of eagerness in their otherwise impeccable manners. This was especially true of Miss Bingley, who looked at Darcy more often than an indifferent woman would, and fawned over Georgiana as if they shared an intimate relationship. Not that that was unusual, Elizabeth noticed. She had watched as all the young ladies made love to Mr. Darcy, simpering and batting their eyelashes, sometimes so obviously Elizabeth wanted to laugh out loud. Much to her amusement he behaved as if he was either completely unaware of their aspirations or totally indifferent.

Mr. Bingley she liked immediately. He alone seemed without duplicity in his expressed pleasure at being there. He was about the same age as Mr. Darcy, perhaps slightly younger, with an openness and genuine manner that pleased Elizabeth. Of all the company, he was the first to inquire into her past and family. Like all the men, he took a second look at her, but his eye was tempered with a respect and decency that often was lacking in others.

Elizabeth's reception among the ladies was marked with coolness. The single women, particularly Miss Bingley, looked suspiciously at her graciously formed figure, the aristocratic face with its expressive, thick-lashed eyes and high cheekbones, the lips enticingly full yet often mischievous in expression, the blonde curls escaping over her slender neck. The older, married women dismissed her immediately, or treated her with an unbearable condescension. There were several of them she recognized. She had been introduced to Lord and Lady Hilton, and even remembered singing at a dinner party given by the Watsons. She was sure they recognized her, but to her amazement, none of them claimed any acquaintance with her, instead passing over her haughtily.

The last group to arrive brought with it the most pleasure, both for Elizabeth and for the Darcy's. Their cousin, Colonel Fitzwilliam, had come with an older couple, Admiral Bond and his wife. Elizabeth recognized the couple at once, they having been friends of her father. She waited uncertainly, half expecting them to pass over her as the others had done.

"Miss Bennet!" the Admiral exclaimed warmly upon seeing her. "How do you do? It has been so long! How is your family?"

"They are very well, thank you."

"I am very glad to hear it. My dear," he called good-naturedly to his wife, who was speaking with Georgiana, "You remember Miss Bennet, do you not?"

"Of course! How could I forget that remarkable voice? How do you do, Miss Bennet?" The admiral's wife was a handsome, still vivacious woman. Elizabeth remembered that she had a tendency to scold her husband in a delightfully affectionate manner.

"How come you to be at Pemberley?" the Admiral asked kindly. "I was not aware you were acquainted with the Darcy family."

"I have been employed as Miss Darcy's governess and companion this past month," she replied, again waiting to see if any flicker of censure appeared in his fine old face. None appeared. Turning to Georgiana, the Admiral said,

"You could not find a better one in all the land, Miss Darcy. Our Miss Elizabeth, you know, is quite a scholar!"

"She is the best governess I have ever had," said Georgiana sincerely. The Admiral leaned closer to Elizabeth.

"Your father was the best of men, Miss Bennet," he said, patting her hand. "I was heartily sorry to hear of his passing."

"Thank you, sir," Elizabeth replied gratefully. She was surprised to find tears spring to her eyes at his kind words. She turned her face away, hoping that her emotion had gone undetected.

Elizabeth also found another sympathetic character in Colonel Fitzwilliam. He seemed to be quite taken with her upon their introduction. He was not a handsome man, but his care-free manners easily recommended him. Elizabeth was relieved to find herself often seated beside him at dinner. Their conversations tended toward liveliness, and while Elizabeth knew she should not draw attention to herself, it was a test to her playful nature.

"Miss Bennet, I am so delighted to discover you are a woman of many opinions," the Colonel had teasingly remarked one evening after a discussion they had had about books. Elizabeth laughed.

"Thank you, Colonel. You certainly know how to flatter a woman."

"You are catching onto me ... You will notice that I resort to something original, as I am sure to be told one more time that you are unusually beautiful would probably bore you." Elizabeth had been embarrassed by this comment. Her eyes instantly flew to Darcy, whom she found looking at her with raised eyebrows. The Colonel sensed her awkwardness, and cleared his throat.

"Perhaps we should talk of something a little more sober. My cousin prefers his company to keep to serious topics," he said, knowing perfectly well Darcy could hear every word.

"Does he indeed?" Elizabeth asked, amused. "Do you think he keeps such stringent rules himself?"

"Darcy only talks of politics, the war, or books written before 33 B.C., I am absolutely convinced."

"I am afraid our conversation will amount to very little, then, for I know nothing of politics or war, and I never discuss philosophy during the main course."

"Only during dessert, I suppose?"

"Yes, exactly," Elizabeth replied, her eyes twinkling as they laughed together. Darcy did not look at them, and appeared to be attending to something Mrs. Watson was telling him. However, he had looked less than pleased, and Elizabeth noticed Colonel Fitzwilliam glance a little uneasily at his cousin. For the rest of the dinner, the Colonel was more distanced, although still polite. Elizabeth was glad. She sensed that the Colonel liked her a little too much. She did not wish to lead him on, nor did she wish to make either of them the subject to the gossip of the small party-she was, after all, the governess. She had noted the glint of suspicion in the eyes of Miss Bingley, as well as the other eligible women. She knew all too well of the kind of malicious scandal that could be caused by jealousy. Miss Bingley was not stupid enough to wave away Miss Bennet as a potential adversary. She knew that there were other inducements than fortune to tempt a man. On the whole, however, Miss Bingley felt quite satisfied, for she was herself a handsome woman, and in her mind, the advantage of her fortune over Elizabeth's poverty made herself infinitely more desirable.

And so, as yet, Miss Bingley had no reason to treat Elizabeth disdainfully. She had watched Darcy closely, but could not discern any regard or infatuation on his part for the dangerously attractive governess. Indeed, Darcy rarely looked at or even talked to Elizabeth. This was not lost upon Elizabeth herself. In fact, as the days wore on, she found it an incredible source of frustration. At first she discarded it as the result of her starved vanity. I have been locked away from society for too long. I mustn't expect the same response now. I am no longer a rich heiress, she scolded herself. Thus she tried to reason her way out of her displeasure at his avoidance. For it certainly seemed like the man was avoiding her. He was never obviously rude, but he never spoke to her unless it was absolutely necessary, and when he did, it was with great formality and distance. If there was a seat available next to Elizabeth, he would go out of his way to procure another. Elizabeth, greatly to her annoyance, found herself fretting about it. She could not reconcile the cold, guarded look in his eyes with the warmth and easiness she had sometimes seen there. What is it about me that displeases him? She agonized, recalling the look of disgust at their first encounter. Who is this man? Why should I care so for his approbation?

She did not care to answer that question. She did know that her frustration seemed greatly out of proportion, and seemed to be growing worse each day. Sometimes, at the end of an evening, she thought she would explode if he did not look at her. She found her eyes constantly wandered to locate him, that she watched surreptitiously those with whom he conversed and that the minute he was in the room she could think of nothing else. She saw how the single women vied for his attention, how they revelled in it when he bestowed it upon them, how they detested the others when it was turned away. Nor were the married and older women indifferent to his attentions, although their manner with him was different. Instead of an eager fawning, they treated him with a sense of condescending ownership, and conversed with knowing looks and an exaggerated empathy.

All of this Elizabeth perceived as she quietly attended to Georgiana. She could not help secretly despising many of their methods, at times tempted to laugh aloud at their methods of winning his favour. Poor Miss Bingley! she smiled. Why can't she see that every attempt to flatter the man, his estate, or even his style of writing is only driving him further away from her? And the Misses Whitmans are perversely wide of the mark...giggling, affecting a childish ignorance, facetiously appealing to him to help them at every turn. He smiles and humours them, but I am sure he despises them! Can't they see that that is certainly not the way to win the heart of such a man? He needs a woman, not a ninny! Elizabeth blushed but could not help thinking that she knew how it was to be done, that she could have succeeded where they failed. She saw that his intelligence would be stimulated by intelligence, that his interest would have been aroused by a woman who could affect resistance to his charms, difficult as that may be. She sighed, thinking that however much she despised these women and their fruitless efforts, she certainly could not blame them.

Once, after Miss Whitman had dramatically exclaimed that she had never seen such elegant shoes as the ones Mr. Darcy was wearing, Darcy had met her amused eyes across the room. He had arched one eyebrow, as if to say, 'Don't ask me about the strangeness of your own sex." Elizabeth had grinned and responded with a 'congratulations on your latest admirer.' Darcy's handsome mouth had turned up at one corner and he looked away. The moment had been brief, but Elizabeth sat startled, her heart beating quickly. It was the first time he had looked at her without the expression of guarded severity she found so unbearable. She bent over her needlework to hide her discomposure. What had just passed between them? Elizabeth paused at the communication of one glance, the perfect, amused understanding they had shared so briefly, the warmth and wit in his brown eyes. But it had been more than that. It had been a brief revelation of the nature of this perplexing man-a revelation that suggested he was her equal; perhaps not in station, but in some other indefinable quality. Elizabeth took a deep breath shook her head. Mr. Darcy is proud, disagreeable, and my employer. It is inappropriate for me to entertain any feelings for him. Such scolding had become daily, hourly.

She had long ago determined that the man was a sort of paragon of male beauty. He was tall, his figure at once powerful, yet more lean than stocky. His length was perfectly proportioned by the breadth of his shoulders and strength of his calves. On the whole he emanated strength, but also an ease of graceful athleticism. Elizabeth had once (she assured herself) objectively observed him, and had decided that even more pleasing than his handsome face or strong body was the intelligence and perception that gleamed in his dark eyes. There was an expression of intelligence and confidence in his movements, in the gestures of his lean hands-a man inherently capable and in the habit of mastering any situation. His expression did tend to be aloof, and was often unreadable, but Elizabeth was intrigued to discover that there was a spark of humour that would appear in his eye, or in the wry twist of his lips, and also a warmth and compassion in the depths, albeit hidden behind his pride. She found it increasingly irresistible, and longed to know his thoughts, or share in the secret of his humour, to discover the exact balance of what he needed in a woman. Although she did not allow her to dwell on such thoughts, in her heart she knew that if circumstances had been different, she could have challenged his independence, piqued his interest, engaged his intellect, fascinated his masculinity, and most of all, she knew she could have loved him.

"This will not do!" she said furiously to herself one night after she had retired to her room. "I am just as bad as those silly women! What is worse, he does not even notice my existence, while I, the insignificant governess, swoon in the corner." Elizabeth undressed and climbed into bed, her eyes narrowing as she considered again how he continued to overlook her, to dismiss her with his eyes, to avoid her company. This is insufferable! I know I haven't a chance with this man-even if he did find me attractive, which he obviously does not, his pride would prevent him from marrying me. He may be the most desirable man I have ever encountered, but I refuse to join the throngs of adoring women! I am entitled to some pride as well! Before Elizabeth fell asleep, she resolved desperately to be indifferent to him.

Chapter 8

Posted on Wednesday, 18 May 2005

The next day the party had planned an excursion to a distant part of the park. There was to be a picnic and some of the ladies and gentlemen were to perform a short skit they had put together. It was a beautiful day as they set out across the lawn, paired off in groups of two or three. Elizabeth and Georgiana lagged behind, enjoying having the moment to themselves.

"It is a beautiful day, isn't it Elizabeth?" Georgiana smiled. "I wish I had the liberty to take a book and read rather than engage in conversation."

"As do I," Elizabeth replied. "But I must commend you on your performance over the last week. You have acquitted yourself perfectly!"

"Thank you. I have found it is not so bad, as long as I am seated next to Admiral Bond or Mr. Bingley. The company of Miss Bingley still terrifies me. She praises me so, and it makes me feel awkward. I do not know how to respond to it."

"I suspect you will find that to be the case-I mean having women fawn over you, as long as your brother is unmarried. Nevermind them! Your grace and sincerity starkly contrast to their silly affectations." Elizabeth stopped and glanced around. "Where is Mr. Darcy today? I do not see him."

"Oh, he was detained by someone at the house as we were setting out. Some business about a tenant, I suspect." Georgiana glanced over at Elizabeth.

"Elizabeth, do you think my brother is ... desirable?"

Elizabeth was startled by the question. She blushed, "Oh, I ... that is, he is certainly one of the most eligible men I have ever met." She smiled at Georgiana. "Of course I cannot answer for every woman, but I would guess there are not many single women in England who would refuse his hand, if offered."

"But what do you think of him?" Georgiana queried.

"Oh, well, I think your brother a most ... a most ... a gentleman, certainly, although sometimes rather intimidating-but this is an unsuitable subject for a governess to engage in about her employer," Elizabeth finished, her colour high. She looked at Georgiana in embarrassment and disapproval. Georgiana was not intimidated.

"But are you attracted to him? Do you find him interesting?" she persisted. Elizabeth sighed.

"Georgiana, I think there are few women who would not find him so. Yes, I do find him attractive and interesting. Are you quite satisfied?" Elizabeth was by now thoroughly embarrassed and annoyed with Georgiana for the first time since her appointment. Georgiana, however, did not notice. Her vivacity only seemed to increase, and when the Colonel, who was walking ahead with a Miss Whitman on his arm called to Georgiana, exclaimed that she must come see something on the path, Georgiana skipped gaily ahead, leaving Elizabeth walking alone. Elizabeth did not mind. She relished the few moments alone, allowing herself to lag further as they followed a winding path through the green woods. What could Georgiana mean, extracting that kind of information from me? She thought fiercely. I must be more on guard, or else I will have Georgiana believe I have gone and fallen in love with him! With these thoughts she lost herself in her reverie. She had fallen behind considerably when she heard a noise behind her. She turned to see Mr. Darcy not twenty feet away. To her dismay, and in spite of all her resolutions, the sight of him plunged her into a state of confusion. She waited as he approached, desperately trying to regain her composure.

"Miss Bennet," he said politely when he had caught up to her, "how come you to walk alone? Are the rest ahead?"

"Yes, the others are a few minutes ahead. I was walking with Georgiana but Colonel Fitzwilliam called her to see something."

"May I?" he asked, offering her his arm.

"Thank you," she replied. She watched his face from the corner of her eye, expecting him to flinch at her touch, but he did not. He closed his eyes briefly, but when they opened she could perceive nothing but politeness in his expression.

"I am sorry you were forced to walk alone. Georgiana should not have left you."

"The solitude was not unwelcome, Mr. Darcy. I was enjoying the few moments to myself in your beautiful woods." Elizabeth blushed. Good heavens, I sound like Miss Bingley!

"In that case, I should apologize for my intrusion. I did not mean to interrupt you."

"It is well that you caught up with me. I am liable to wander into some path as I contemplate the beauty of nature, and miss the picnic altogether," Elizabeth said airily.

"Are you a great lover of nature, Miss Bennet?"

"I suppose I am-although I would not class myself with those who worship nature as a religion. I admire beauty in any form."

"I suspect that you have strong opinions regarding what should be labelled truly 'beautiful' and what should not." Elizabeth smiled briefly.

"I cannot deny it."

"You do not subscribe to the notion that beauty is in the eye of the beholder." Elizabeth looked at him with amused interest.

"No, Mr. Darcy, I do not. I believe true beauty exists in its pure form whether it is perceived by someone or not. Ignorance, prejudice, or misconception can prevent a person from seeing true beauty, but as these are overcome, the true nature of the object will be revealed."

"A strong stance indeed, Miss Bennet. Now that you have stated it, I shall have to insist you prove it, complete with quotations from Aristotle," Darcy said, a hint of tease in his voice.

"But you know very well that I cannot, Mr. Darcy. How does one prove that a sonata by Mozart is superior to one by Hummel? Although I suspect that if I were to play them for you, you would prefer the one by Mozart."

"You are woefully correct. My knowledge of music is so limited, I could not even begin to discuss it-my opinions are based only on what I like."

"And what do you like, Mr. Darcy?" Elizabeth asked archly.

"I shall tell you, Miss Bennet," he said, looking down at her. "I, too, am a lover of beauty. Like you, I believe that beauty exists independent of opinion, and that the more a person is informed, the more clearly the beauty is perceived. Unlike you, I do not believe that such an end should be pursued at all costs." Elizabeth blushed and looked away.

"You allude to my attempt to view the rose on the other side of the stream."

"I confess I have to marvel at the inconvenience you went to for the chance of a few moments of pleasure. You were not even guaranteed that the rose would meet your expectations. Tell me, if the rose had upon closer inspection shown to have a blight, or some other flaw, would you have considered the trouble you took worth it? Would you regret having gone to such length for the mere possibility of its beauty?"

Elizabeth was silent. After a moment, she turned to him, and said thoughtfully, "I do not know, Mr. Darcy. I have always pursued my ideals rather recklessly, regardless of the cost. Perhaps you are right. Perhaps, like my escapade last week, all I end up with are disappointment and mortification. And yet, faced with the situation again, I believe I would act in the same manner."

"Would you indeed?" He smiled.

"Yes, not because I considered falling in the stream and having to be rescued worth it," Elizabeth blushed, but continued, "but because as soon as I see another rose, I forget about all of the trouble I endured. I become enamoured with the ideal before me, and do not think of anything else."

"Your goal effaces all other considerations," he stated.

"Yes, I suppose it does ... but what an opinion you must be developing of me, Mr. Darcy! I should be presenting the appearance of someone wise under all circumstances, and here I am confessing quite the obvious!" Elizabeth said.

"On the contrary, you are only confirming the opinion I already had," he replied good-naturedly. Elizabeth turned to him archly.

"Well, Mr. Darcy, perhaps you should instruct me in the ways of wisdom, since you acknowledge yourself an expert."

"I should be glad to." Darcy paused briefly before continuing. "First of all, when an object of beauty is placed before you, it is necessary to think first of the all possible costs to yourself. It may help for someone like yourself to stop and write them all down so that you do not become distracted when the object is before you."

"Thank you, Mr. Darcy, I shall endeavour to remember that," she said, amused and a little giddy at the teasing in his voice. Darcy continued, but this time there was a note of seriousness,

"Then it is necessary to think of all the costs to the people closest to you, your friends and relations. You must consider how it will reflect upon the people in your wider sphere of influence, which in my case would include tenants, employees, persons with whom I do business, the people of Derbyshire, and finally, the society I move in." He paused as they ascended a small incline. Elizabeth could not help but be impressed that, despite the air of easy capability he effused, his responsibilities were great indeed.

"All this must be considered before the first step of action is taken, as well as throughout the pursuit, for the circumstances are liable to change, and with it the costs."

Elizabeth responded slowly. "That would, undoubtedly, be the wisest, most circumspect way to go about all decisions in life. However, I wonder if it is right to eliminate spontaneity so completely in the process. For example, in my musical education, it was, more often than not, a spontaneous reaction of delight to the beauty of a piece of music, rather than the careful consideration of how I or anybody would benefit from it that led me to sacrifice a great deal of my time and effort."

"You were lucky, in that case, because the natural beauty of your voice, and the pleasure you would be able to give were bound to exceed the sacrifice you would make." Elizabeth blushed at his compliment.

"And yet, Mr. Darcy, if I were to adopt your methods, I rather doubt I would achieve anything. In my experience, it is seldom that something worthwhile comes without great cost."

"I did not say that an ideal of beauty should not be pursued if there is any cost at all. No-you are correct. Things of true beauty are rarely, if ever, acquired without sacrifice. I only meant that the value of what you pursue should always exceed the sacrifice you are planning to make."

Elizabeth looked up at him as he said this, and her heart constricted at the intensity of expression in his dark eyes. She wondered what exactly they were discussing. They had reached the edge of the clearing where the picnic and the guests were assembled. Elizabeth was hardly cognizant of anything except Mr. Darcy's eyes looking down at her until the Misses Whitmans were upon them.

"Mr. Darcy, where have you been!?" they exclaimed as they extracted his arm from Elizabeth's and escorted him possessively away. "We feared you would never find us, and it would be shameful of you to miss such a lovely picnic! You are always locking yourself away in your study..."

Elizabeth did not attend to what they said, nor did she perceive the jealous glances from the other women at the undeniably striking couple she and Darcy made. She moved quietly to sit beside Georgiana.

"I am so sorry, Elizabeth! I did not mean to leave you stranded. Colonel Fitzwilliam had to show me a delightful little path we had made as children, that I had all but forgotten about, and then we began reminiscing, and I forgot about you! But I am glad my brother was able to escort you."

"Yes, of course..." Elizabeth replied absentmindedly.

"Elizabeth? Are you alright?" Georgiana looked anxiously at her.

"Oh, I'm fine, dear, fine..."

Georgiana eyed her suspiciously, turned her gaze toward her brother, then back again to Elizabeth.

"Hmmm..."

"Pardon me?" Elizabeth asked, startled out of her reverie. "I'm sorry, Georgiana, were you saying something?"

"No, nothing at all," Georgiana smiled and handed her a sandwich.

Throughout the picnic and skit, Elizabeth found herself incapable of attending much to what was going on around her, being distracted by the unfamiliar feeling that was swelling in her breast. It seemed to spread within her, overtaking her faculties one by one. She could not eat a bite, her mind felt bewildered and breathless. Can this have anything to do with Mr. Darcy? she thought in alarm. She did not know, but every time she glanced across at him, or remembered how he had looked at her, she felt a stab of adrenaline course through her. I must stop this, she panicked. She turned her attention to the play that was being elaborately acted out. It was an adaptation of Romeo and Juliet, with Lady Dartmore as Juliet and Mr. Bingley as Romeo. Elizabeth followed their movements with her eyes, trying to keep her mind on what they were saying. She found she had ill-succeeded, until the last scene. Mr. Bingley and Lady Dartmore were surprisingly good actors, and Elizabeth was at last caught up in it. Romeo had just discovered Juliet in the tomb.

"Ah, dear Juliet," Mr. Bingley intoned over the lifeless body of Lady Dartmore, his eyes eager with pretended emotion. "Why art thou yet so fair? Eyes, look your last! Arms, take your last embrace!" He drank the bottle of poison, and dramatically collapsed. The audience waited breathlessly, until Lady Dartmore arose and discovered the death of her beloved Romeo. Anguish and despair crossed her features.

"Oh happy dagger! This is thy sheath! Oh, my love, I join thee in life and in death!" Lady Dartmore plunged the dagger into her chest and collapsed over the bench. The curtains fell and everyone applauded enthusiastically. Elizabeth could not help glancing over at Mr. Darcy. Their eyes met, and he raised his eyebrows pointedly at her, as if to say, 'you see what happens when people do not carefully weigh their sacrifice'. Elizabeth blushed and looked away. She did not wish for any further interaction with him. She felt a desperate need for space to understand her own feelings.

As it was, she had very little time. On the way back to the house, the Admiral escorted her on one arm, and his wife on the other. Normally Elizabeth would have delighted in their conversation, but this time she found it almost excruciating to have to attend to what they were saying. By the time the party had arrived at the house, it was five o'clock, and the ladies retired to dress for dinner.

Chapter 9

Posted on Wednesday, 18 May 2005

Elizabeth was, for once, grateful to find herself seated between Georgiana and Miss Bingley at dinner. Mr. Darcy was at the other end of the table, much to the chagrin of her neighbour. Miss Bingley made a few polite, supercilious enquiries to Elizabeth, and then ignored her. Georgiana was engaged on her other side in conversation with Colonel Fitzwilliam. Elizabeth found that she still had no appetite. Her mind circled itself in confusion, replaying the conversation she had had with Mr. Darcy that afternoon. Could he possibly have been making reference to her? She could not be sure. But then he had looked at her and there was something in his eyes...Elizabeth shook her head. It is always so easy to imagine admiration when you are desperate to receive it.

Once the company had all reunited in the salon, the ladies were called upon to entertain them with music. This had been a regular affair each night. There were some very accomplished women present, and each had her turn to impress the company. Elizabeth sat as inconspicuously as possible as Miss Bingley began a concerto. She bent over her needle-work, praying that this night they would not ask her to perform. She had been considered an indispensable part of the evening since the first night the Admiral had asked her to sing. Her level of performance far exceeded the others. The younger women did not exactly appreciate this fact, but were reconciled to it. There was an unstated understanding that Elizabeth would always perform last. In this way the comparison would not reflect too starkly on the others.

Georgiana usually accompanied Elizabeth, as Georgiana was still too shy to perform alone. The arrangement worked well, and pleased Elizabeth. She saw that it boosted Georgiana's confidence and accustomed her to performing. However, tonight, Elizabeth felt that it was imperative that she not sing; that it was a fate to be avoided at all cost. She felt too vulnerable; she needed time to sort through the confusion that reined in her, to establish some composure before she exposed herself. As the evening wore on, she grew increasingly agitated. She watched the Admiral, who could be quite obstinate in his insistence to hear her. Sure enough, after Lady Dartmore had concluded her Scottish air, he called to her,

"Now, Miss Bennet, what have you in store for us tonight? I am sure you must have something delightful prepared, for we are to leave tomorrow."

"If you don't mind, sir, I do not think I should sing tonight," she said hastily.

"Not sing? Do you have a sore throat?" he enquired anxiously.

"No, I am in perfect health, Admiral."

"Miss Bennet, you would not deprive us of the pleasure of hearing you," cried Mr. Bingley. "Who knows when we will have another chance!" His sentiments were heartily echoed by many others. Elizabeth arose, helpless against their entreaties and embarrassed at making a scene.

"Let us hear the aria you were practising the other day," called the Colonel. "I think it was Handel?"

"Oh, yes, 'Ah, fors' e lui che l'anima'! You sounded lovely, Elizabeth," said Georgiana as she moved to the pianoforte. Elizabeth blanched.

"Oh, no, I had really rather sing something else," she said earnestly, looking at Georgiana.

"Miss Bennet wishes us all to beg," she heard Miss Bingley whisper loudly to a Miss Whitman. They tittered with laughter. Elizabeth coloured and turned in resignation to face them.

As Georgiana played the introduction, she made a desperate resolve to compose herself. Elizabeth's voice had the richness of a mezzo-soprano, and the technical mastery she had achieved was astonishing. However, the most remarkable aspect of her performance was the subtlety of colour and inflection she conveyed to the words. Elizabeth knew she was an emotional performer; she had always found it impossible to sing while maintaining any pretences. But never in her life had she felt as vulnerable, as exposed as she did at that moment.

"E strano! E strano! in core scolpiti ho quegli accenti!"
How strangely, how strangely,
So deep in my heart his words are graven!
And would it bring misfortune to love him truly?
Guide me well, O my sorely troubled spirit,
for none hath ever so enthralled thee.
O joyful past fondest dreaming, to love and be beloved!
Can I think of disdaining, and choosing folly,
lonely remaining?

Is he the one that my sad heart,
Lonely amid confusion,
Loved to imagine as my own,
Thinking him but illusion?
He that discreetly, carefully,
Mounted by falt'ring footsteps,
Leading me to the threshold,
Stealing my heart away...
Ah, to the love that holdeth sway
O'er all creation eternal!
Strange is its pow'r supernal,
Torment, torment and gladness,
Gladness for aye!

The beautiful soaring tones seemed to come from her soul of their own volition. As she sang the Italian lyrics, it suddenly dawned upon her like a revelation. She loved him. It rang through her like an announcement, an irrevocable declaration against which she was helpless. She did not look at him, although she knew his eyes were upon her. I have fallen in love with a man who will never love me. Her joy at loving and the grief at the knowledge of its impossibility resounded through her consciousness, and her voice displayed it across the room. By the time the last note was sung, she could barely contain her emotion. It was not until she had resumed her seat that she dared glance inconspicuously at Darcy. She could not determine his expression-it seemed at once severe and earnest, maybe even angry. All she desired was to leave as quickly as possible, to be alone. She did not notice that several of the women were sniffling. The entire room heaved a sigh of denouement. Several of the men cleared their throats and smiled awkwardly in an attempt to hide the emotion kindled by the sweeping performance.

The party was somewhat more subdued for the remainder of the evening. Some card tables were put up, and many visited in small groups. The knowledge that everyone would be leaving in the morning served to quiet rather than enliven the atmosphere. Elizabeth sat silently in the corner bent over her needlework. After the realization of her feelings for Mr. Darcy had sunk in, she began to make desperate resolutions. So I love him. How long have I loved him? She shook her head. It doesn't matter. The only thing that matters now is to conceal it from him, from everyone. And yet does he not suspect already? What else could he have meant by the conversation we had earlier? His confident affirmation that he never acted before he had consulted what was best in the eyes of his family, his friends, society must have been an effort to caution me against my own folly...Insufferable man! How could he be aware of what I had not even acknowledged to myself? I hate his perception-of course, even if he was not so perceptive, such a man must be aware that he could have his choice of women. Elizabeth pursed her lips. Well, whatever his suspicions may be, I resolve from this moment forward not to give him a moment's doubt. I will not be another name to add to his list of triumphs. Elizabeth sat upright, her eyes flaring in determination.

"Miss Bennet!" a voice called from across the room. She turned to see the Admiral beckoning to her from across the room. She laid aside her embroidery and made her way to him. He was standing with Lord Dartmore and Mr. Bingley.

"Miss Bennet, I want to compliment you on your performance tonight," he said, taking her hand affectionately. "I am not a music lover, hmph! sometimes I think I think the young ladies will never give an old man a moment's silence! But when you sing, my dear, I wish you would never stop."

"Thank you Admiral," she smiled sincerely, unable to resist his gruff charm. "That is very kind of you." Elizabeth glanced uncomfortably at Lord Dartmore, who was looking at her intently.

"Miss Bennet," interrupted Mr. Bingley, "I have just understood from the Admiral that you have seven unmarried sisters! Is that true?" Elizabeth could not help laughing as she replied,

"Not quite, Mr. Bingley. I have only four, although sometimes it does feel like seven."

"And are they ever in town? I would love to make the acquaintance of your family," he flushed.

"As a matter of fact, my eldest sister, Jane, and my younger sister Kitty are expecting to be in London at the end of the summer."

"Indeed!" Mr. Bingley cried. "And are they all as, eh, accomplished as you are?"

"None of my sisters have pursued music as extensively as I have, but I assure you, they far surpass me in other qualities. My sister Jane is a saint, and twice as good-looking as the rest of us," she said in amusement. I wonder if Mr. Bingley would suit my dear Jane?

"Well, Miss Bennet," said the Admiral gruffly, "it has been a very entertaining week here, and I am starting to feel the effects of it. I hope I may have the pleasure of seeing you again sometime. Do give my respects to your poor mother. Now, where is my wife? I think it is time for us to retire..." Thus saying, he bowed his portly figure slightly and went in search of his wife. Mr. Bingley also moved away. Elizabeth, realizing she would be left alone with Lord Dartmore, who she did not like, made to return to her corner of the room. She was surprised when he detained her.

"Miss Bennet," he said in his fashionably bored accents that belied the intensity of his look, "I have not had the chance to compliment you. A most stunning voice, indeed..."

"Thank you, sir," she said coolly.

"Miss Bennet, allow me to take this opportunity to tell you that if you are ever in need of employment to please apply to me. I know that Georgiana, or should I say Darcy , cannot be in need of your services indefinitely. I hope when you are in London we may have the opportunity to meet," he drawled. "I would be delighted to ... further the acquaintance of such a beautiful woman." To her astonishment, he took her hand and brought it to his lips, his eyes burning into hers.

Elizabeth flushed angrily at his implications. "I doubt I shall ever have need of your services, Lord Dartmore. Goodnight!" Elizabeth quickly withdrew her hand and whirled away from him. In her anger she did not notice Darcy standing directly in her path until it was too late to avoid him.

"Mr. Darcy," she quipped. Her eyes flashed angrily from the conversation with Lord Dartmore. She realized Darcy had probably heard every word.

"Miss Bennet, is everything all right?" He placed his hand protectively on her upper arm and looked at her with a knowing, and oddly severe, expression.

"I'm fine, Mr. Darcy." Elizabeth could not keep the irritation from her voice. She looked up defiantly into his dark eyes. "Why do you ask? I suppose there has been something reprehensible in my behaviour once again." She knew she was overreacting, but her nerves had been tried to their limit. The last thing she wanted was Mr. Darcy's sympathy at the insolence she had been exposed to, or to allow his keen eye to triumphantly view the state of her heart. Her heart was beating rapidly at his nearness, and the hold he had on her arm tightened unwittingly at her words.

"Of course not, but I know that people can be cruel and presumptuous," Darcy snapped. "I simply wanted to ensure that you had not been exposed to anything of that nature."

"And what would you do if I had, call Scotland Yard? I am only the governess, Mr. Darcy. Nothing will ever change that." Darcy's eyes glittered down into hers in anger.

"That does not change the fact that as your employer, your honour and good name are my responsibility." Elizabeth bridled at his domineering tone.

"I certainly do not require your assistance! I am perfectly capable of dealing with such matters myself!"

"Fine," he said, his voice seething in anger. "But know that I expect to be notified of any untoward behaviour directed at you from my guests," he snapped.

Elizabeth simply glared up at him, shook herself free of his grasp and stalked out of the room.

Chapter 10

Posted on Wednesday, 18 May 2005

Colonel Fitzwilliam was the last to leave the following day. Darcy rode with his cousin to the edge of the hill overlooking his estate.

"That was quite a party, Darcy ... can't say I'm not glad to be rid of Miss Bingley or the Miss Whitman's, however."

"I agree wholeheartedly." Darcy allowed his horse to graze leisurely as he surveyed the surrounding countryside. It was a cool day. Rain-clouds could be seen billowing from the east.

"Mr. Bingley seems a decent chap," the Colonel continued.

"If I can keep him from falling in love with every milkmaid that walks past him, he'll do very well," Darcy quipped.

Colonel Fitzwilliam snorted. "I'm rather surprised he didn't fall in love with Miss Bennet, in that case." He looked slyly at Darcy. "It's always nice to know you've got the most beautiful woman on the island as your governess."

Darcy shot his cousin an annoyed look. "Well, she certainly didn't advertise that in her letter of recommendation. I just assumed she'd look how governesses are supposed to look. You know, like the ones you r sisters always had."

The Colonel snorted. "Miss Bennet certainly doesn't resemble any of them ... and when she sings ... I swear she could ask for my inheritance and I'd give it to her ... if I had one." Darcy looked disapprovingly at him.

"Don't get me wrong, Darcy ... I wasn't fool enough to fall in love with her. I'd be afraid she'd turn life into a battle of wits and that I'd lose."

Darcy's mouth twitched. "She's been teaching Georgiana how to read Latin."

"Indeed?" cried the Colonel. He paused. "You know, I'm surprised you did not recognize her name. She made a debut in London a couple of years ago. If I recall correctly, she caused quite a sensation."

Darcy shrugged. "I'd never seen her before, and if I had, how could I have known that she was the same Miss Bennet now applying as a governess?"

They stood in silence for a few minutes, watching the cloud shadows race over the hills.

"What are you going to do?" the Colonel asked pointedly as Darcy moved his horse down the hill.

"About what?"

"About Miss Bennet?"

Darcy sighed, his face briefly revealing the weight of his responsibilities.

"I don't know. It seemed like such a good idea at the time-to find a companion for Georgiana, someone closer to her own age, to help bring her out of the depression she'd been in since last summer." Darcy snorted. "When I first saw Miss Bennet I knew I wouldn't be able to retain her. A man can't have such a woman living under his own roof! But it seemed heartless to deploy her on the spot. Instead I went to London for three weeks, intending to send her away when I got back, but by that time the woman had already made herself indispensable. You saw the difference in Georgiana?" Darcy looked pointedly at Colonel Fitzwilliam.

"Impossible not to notice. It's as if she's returned to the Georgiana she was as a child, even before your parents passed away." He shook his head. "I didn't think I would live to see the day."

"Miss Bennet has accomplished this in three weeks. I'm afraid if I remove her now, Georgiana will be in a worse state than she originally was. The two are inseparable." Darcy paused as his horse descended a steep incline. He continued when the Colonel was again alongside him. "So now I find myself faced with the decision of who will reign at Pemberley, Miss Bennet or me. I refuse to be driven from my own home, and yet it is impossible for both of us to remain!" Darcy finished with a dark look.

"Do you require a chaperone?" the Colonel smirked slightly.

"Don't be daft. Having you follow me everywhere would be insufferable."

The Colonel chortled. "Well, Darce, I must commend you on your self-discipline. You didn't so much as half-look at the chit the entire two weeks."

"Yes, sometimes I amaze even myself," he muttered, then more loudly, "Your parent's ball is in a matter of weeks. I promised Georgiana she could go. Of course she was ecstatic, insisting she would be able to face society as long as Miss Bennet was with her."

"You're going to take Miss Bennet to the ball?"

"It will be her last day as Georgiana's governess. My patience is wearing thin. Furthermore, last night Dartmore made some remarks to Elizabeth. I did not hear the entirety of it, but the gist of it was clear enough."

"Did he offer her an indecent proposal?" asked the Colonel in shock. "She is obviously a chaste young woman, a model of decorum! How dare he!"

"You should know Dartmore well enough to know he has no scruples whatsoever. I should have foreseen this. But regardless of that, it has made me aware of the unsuitability of the situation. All I need is half the country believing she is my mistress. While I would not suffer overly from such slander, her reputation would be ruined forever, as would subsequent opportunities for employment or marriage." Darcy frowned and moved his horse down the steep incline.

"You could always marry the girl. She comes from a respectable, if impoverished family. I am sure she could make up for her lack of connections in other ways."

"Marry the family governess? Don't insult me," Darcy shot back. The Colonel smiled to himself at these words, thinking that perhaps Darcy had met his match at last.

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