Chapter 1 – Before I Knew It
Posted on Wednesday, 16 June 2004
Darcy felt so ill at ease now by all he had witnessed that had occurred at the ball the previous night that after a sleepless night he had to get out of Netherfield to think it all through. His ramble on foot through the pleasant autumn foliage very early from Netherfield began to calm his mind that he was able to think more clearly. He decided he would join Bingley on his return trip to town on the morrow, and in all probability never to return to Hertfordshire.
Yes, that is most likely the best course of action for all concerned.
Darcy gazed at the still abundance of color in the trees while on the ground layers of orange and rust leaves crunching beneath his feet compelled his wanderings, he desiring a last look at the property that had seemed so promising when first they came before Michaelmas.
He spied an inviting tree limb. Looking up at the stately tree, he then turned his head about to see that no one was near. And sure he was alone he swung into the branches to climb with the dexterity of still young man to a height of some twenty feet before he finally made to sit, and lean against the broad bough. Closing his eyes, he listened to the beauty of nature that was always about in the country, and he sighed at such pleasantry. But his mind would not rest, and now that he was totally alone in his own thoughts, they were of her.
I should never have come here. And I should have never gone to that Assembly dance!
He sighed and swallowed, beating the back of his head against the tree.
I could have gone by entire life content in my comfortable solitude had I never been exposed to her, been free from any contact of her…luminescence.
With his eyes closed, he pictured her as she entered the ballroom. Candlelight lit all about that dimmed as she passed by, her own radiance shining from within to glow around her person as an aura exuding warmth. Her eyes sparkled like the flickering candles and her lips reflected their glow as if they too were afire.
Then he remembered how cold were her eyes when they locked upon his, how unhappy she seemed when they danced, purposefully discussing matters she knew were distasteful to him. And he could not think how to turn to a neutral topic before the end of their set.
If she be that turbulent element, so intense, I must be the cooler one of earth with all its verdant plains, lush and green, but vulnerable if she be merciless. She could lay me waste with her scorching blaze.
He sighed the likes of which told of despair as he now thought again of what a life could be like for him in future.
I could make a marriage of convenience as all expect of me, to lay with my wife that she begat me an heir, but never give myself over to her. I would never have the kind of a marriage my mother and father had, one of love and caring.
As he thought of his mother, he remembered how wonderfully content she was even at the end of her short life, telling her son not to be sad, for she had a life filled with love and the happiness of two perfect children, and a husband who made it worth living.
And when his mind moved forward to the life he had just mapped out for himself, the unbearable loneliness that he perceived took his breath away. Never in all his life had he ever felt so out of control, so unable to keep in command of his normal disposition, to feel himself under his own management. It took several long breaths to have his body stop trembling from such a state. But at last he resigned himself to it with a shake of his head.
No one will ever know of my plight. I will hide it from everyone and pour myself into anything that will keep it from my mind. D--n you, Bingley! D—n you to hell! Why did you bring me to this forsaken place only to have us both be snared in the same web?
As Darcy was reminded of his friend who had once again fallen in love with a local beauty, he relented of his curse on him and vowed to aid him yet again when she turns on him as all others had.
Miss Bennet does not care for you. Why can you not see it? She smiles and nods and talks softly to you, but that is not love, Bingley. How can that be love?
Thinking on past examples of Bingley’s amours, Darcy wondered of Bingley actually being in love this time, when he said the same with each of the other young girls he wooed.
You are a fool, Bingley. Always crossed in love but you have never truly been in love beyond doubt. I know because never was I…until now. And to be denied it is of such excruciating pain as I have never felt without it being compared to a loss by death of someone dear.
As Darcy’s mind envisioned his friend’s face so cheerful and hopeful he sneered.
This time is no different than all the rest, Bingley. Miss Bennet will hurt you if you pursue her, and at least one of us must survive being scathed by love from excursion into this accursed place. I will see that it be you.
Darcy knew what must be done. He would go with Bingley tomorrow and use all his powers of persuasion to talk Bingley out of his infatuation of the lovely but indifferent Miss Bennet whose family displayed such vulgarity last night that even Bingley would listen to reason rather than align himself to them.
I will leave this place and with the distance even my life will return to a form of normalcy to give me comfort.
But even as he finished his thought he knew it was a lie. He would never be the same. His heart that for years had been so tightly locked shut was now splayed open. He would never be content again because of her. His mind continued in this vein.
She could be my salvation if she would but look upon me with her fiery eyes and smart wit. I would never be bored if she were with me. But her family is so low, so beneath me. How could I ever justify such an alliance?
He remained sitting in the tree for quite some time, with even the beauty of nature unable now to give him peace from his conflicted thoughts.
Chapter 2 – Eavesdropping on a Conversation
As Darcy sat quietly he heard footfalls along the paths below, but took no notice of them until voices began to drift up. It seemed that the two women had stopped directly below to continue their conversation.
Without other recourse Darcy listened, overhearing Elizabeth and Charlotte talking, only to find out what she truly thought of him.
“And on a more amusing note, pray Elizabeth, tell me your thoughts of the ball last night at Netherfield.”
“Oh, Charlotte, what can I say but that at no point in my past can I remember when I have had a more horrid evening!”
“Lizzy, whatever do you mean? I thought it was grand.”
“Did you not see how all the members of my family embarrassed themselves in front of Mr. Bingley and his party? Not only did my younger sisters exceed themselves in misbehavior, but even my mother and father-”
“Lizzy, they did nothing out of their ordinary normal behavior. I am sure none of the local families thought any less of them-”
“But what of Miss Bingley and Mrs. Hurst and -”
“The two ladies you mention are known for their disagreeable attitudes, Lizzy. I would not be uneasy about anything they were to remark upon.”
Elizabeth shook her head, unable to be consoled by Charlotte who continued.
“And if you are worried about Mr. Darcy’s opinion, I think with his living on an estate in the country he would realize that some frivolity is common in its less restricted environment than in town.”
Elizabeth tsked at the mention of the man. “Mr. Darcy was probably thinking the worst of all of them! He has absolutely no sense of humor, and could not be bothered to socialize with any in the room.”
“I beg your pardon,” Charlotte corrected her. “He did ask you to dance, Lizzy.”
“I remember, Charlotte, and it was not the most pleasant of experiences.”
Charlotte teased. “I thought he danced rather well for a man my father said detests the activity.”
Elizabeth shook her head. “He only did so I am sure out of deference to his friend and not out of any desires of his own.”
“At least he has that one virtue, Lizzy,” further teased Charlotte.
But Elizabeth was not finished with her tirade of the man. “And try as I might I could not get him to voice any idle chat during the dance without his having some derogatory opinion of poor Mr. Wickham.”
“The officer in Colonel Forester’s militia? But he was not even present at the ball. Why would you even be speaking of him to Mr. Darcy?”
Without answering her friend Elizabeth continued. “And his staring at me! Oh, Charlotte, I know he is only trying to find fault with all his staring. The first time I noticed his doing so I thought perhaps my gown was awry or my face with a smudge, something amiss. But no, I am always in perfect order, and still he stares at me.”
“Perhaps he likes you, Lizzy.” Elizabeth laughed aloud.
“Oh, heaven forbid if that be the behavior of him as a suitor, Charlotte! No, I am afraid he does not act as any suitor I have ever seen.” Elizabeth giggled at the thought.
“Why? Because he does not fall down at your feet and smile as you enter a room?”
“Charlotte!”
“Or is it because he is not sociable as Mr. Bingley or charming as Mr. Wickham?”
“Charlotte, Mr. Darcy is a man who has done such an awful deed to one lower in status than himself out of pure spite.”
“Your uncle Phillips is a solicitor, Lizzy. Have you ever asked him his opinion of Mr. Darcy’s ability to countermand a legal will?” Elizabeth shrugged, and Charlotte said, “I thought not.”
“The rich can do as they please. You know this, Charlotte.”
“Yes, but I have to admit to never having known anyone as rich as the prideful Mr. Darcy. I wonder if all his wealth isolates him from the rest of us.”
“What do you mean?”
“You see how Miss Bingley fawns over him, and you and I both know her only reason for it is because his wealth that is from ‘old money’, and his family connections. You are a simpleton if you believe that she is only one to act thus. He must have many a woman, no less countless ambitious mothers and fathers vying for his attention.”
Elizabeth rolled her eyes and actually snorted like her younger sister at this notion. “Oh, yes, I am sure he has to fight them off on a daily basis.”
“Lizzy, if I were cursed with such wealth, I would be wary of people wishing for a relationship, not knowing if it were true friendship or merely their wish for my property or money.”
Elizabeth shook her head as Charlotte continued.
“Perhaps it is Mr. Wickham who we must be wary of instead, and not trust his easy way of telling all of his personal tragedy by Mr. Darcy’s hand.”
“Charlotte, you will not persuade me to like the man. I have already made up my mind.”
Charlotte smiled and stared at her friend. “Yes, your bias shows, Lizzy. But I fear your dislike of him is now based entirely on his slight of you when first you met.”
“That is not true, Charlotte.”
“That is how it appears to me, Lizzy. You have not given him any chance to redeem himself in your eyes since that first impression.”
“He has never attempted to be anything but rude in society during his whole time here.”
“He asked you to dance…twice! Once at the party at my house and again at the ball.”
“I did not wish him to and made sure he did not enjoy it.”
“Now who is being spiteful?”
Elizabeth had no reply to Charlotte’s accurate assessment and merely stared into her eyes and then sighed and nodded.
“You are a stubborn girl, Lizzy Bennet! Even as a child I have never seen anyone more willful. I remember one time when I was ordered to remove you from out a tree that you had climbed into after my brothers. Your mother was in uproar that you would fall and break your neck.”
Elizabeth smiled at this fond memory. “And I refused to come down.”
“I tried everything short of going up and bringing you down myself! How old were you?”
“Nine or ten I believe.”
“My brothers had to pull you from the limb to hand you down to the ground. You refused to go willingly. And if you hadn’t sprained your ankle later while climbing another tree, I am sure to this day I could find you in one.”
Elizabeth laughed and hugged her friend. “Oh, Charlotte, you know me too well.”
“But I have never known you to be so hasty in your prejudice of anyone before. We none of us are perfect, Lizzy.”
“I suppose,” relented Elizabeth with a sigh. “I still like trees.”
Charlotte laughed at her friend’s wish to change the topic and indulged her. “I know. I see your longing each time we pass one that you either climbed in your childhood or one that merely looks as though it were asking you to oblige it.”
Giggling, they ventured to gaze at the one beside them and were shocked to see it already occupied, by Mr. Darcy, his hat covering his eyes as though asleep. Elizabeth dropped her voice to a whisper.
“You do not suppose he heard us?”
Charlotte shrugged her shoulders when a quiet reply came from the tree.
“I may be accused of many things, Miss Bennet, but being deaf is certainly not one of them.”
Whereupon Mr. Darcy opened his eyes in one of his most withering stares that brought both women to crimson. Elizabeth closed her eyes and bit her lower lip while the quiet voice continued.
“Miss Lucas, would be so kind as to give me a moment alone with Miss Bennet. I would speak with her.”
“Of course,” Charlotte replied rather quickly, wishing to depart unscathed of any admonishment by the apparently cross Mr. Darcy, and gazed over her shoulder to Elizabeth looking shocked at being abandoned by her friend who walked further down the path to await them, out of hearing.
Darcy stared down at Elizabeth. Her professions and his own thoughts made him bold, and he determined to have it out with her before he removed himself from the Hertfordshire.
Elizabeth stood below as Mr. Darcy descended the tree with such nimbleness that left her in awe of his agility. He fairly leapt from the last branch and alit cat like in a crouch directly before her. She was surprised by his landing so close to her person, but stood her ground. He calmly then stood to his full height and in his best imitation of a feline he preened, silently straightening his attire, and brushing off nonexistent dust. Only when satisfied did he again turned his cold gaze upon her. But it was she who was first to speak using an accusatory tone.
“That was very rude to eavesdrop on our conversation.” He remained calm.
“Surely you cannot believe that it was intentional. I thought you would continue down the path as you conversed, and was much surprised when you did not.”
“Why did you not make yourself known to us?”
As he gazed into those fiery eyes blazing back at him, he was utterly disarmed for they were not merciless even in anger which gave him hope, and his speech faltered.
“I…did not want anyone to know that I was there.”
“Really!” She turned and began to walk the path away from Charlotte. He followed with his longer stride able to keep up with her pace.
He sighed and tried again. “I did not want anyone to know that I still…climbed trees, even some ancient ones at Pemberley reaching 100 feet.”
Elizabeth’s eyebrows rose but she remained silent.
“So you see before you a man who is not without fault, Miss Bennet. For is it appropriate behavior for one seven and twenty to scamper up a tree when the mood strikes?”
With pursed lips he stared at her with eyes so full of mirth, so like her father’s when he told an amusing tale, that even though she was inclined to dislike him, Elizabeth found it hard not to smile.
“Miss Lucas was correct. I am a prideful man for I was raised in wealth and privilege to be so. And as such I am indeed wary of strangers who wish to form associations. The sycophants are easy to spot as well the ambitious parents-”
“As you must have viewed my mother at the Assembly ball,” finished Elizabeth, adding, “but surely in all your experience in society you could have been a little more kind.”
“Miss Bennet, it is not in my nature to be pleasant when so ill at ease as I was that night.”
“Why were you in attendance then if you felt not the need for society? Oh, of course your friend, Mr. Bingley, you came at his request.”
“I knew upon crossing the threshold that it had been a mistake for me to accompany him on that particular night, but thought I could manage without actually participating in the festivities.”
“So…when he tried to coerce you to stand up with me and you thought me only tolerable, it was not a slight of me in particular but rather the event in general that you wished no part?” He halted and stared at her.
“You heard that?” He was astonished. Then he almost smiled as he actually teased her. “I have been recently told that it is rude to eavesdrop on other’s conversations.”
Elizabeth’s eyes opened wide at her accusation being thrown back at her. “You were not ten feet from me, and your voices were not in whispers.”
“So because of your proximity you had no choice but to overhear?”
She gave a loud sigh in defeat of her accusation of his merely being without the means not to listen as she and Charlotte talked. There was a pause in their conversation. She turned again to walk the path, and he beside her.
“And still you despise me.”
Her curiosity would not be denied. She had to know now. “Why do you stare at me?”
He smiled. “Your gown was never awry, nor did you ever have any smudges.”
“I know! So why gaze so unkindly at me?”
“I knew not what to say to you.” This time she halted and turned to stare at him.
“I beg your pardon?”
He crossed his arms on his chest and swallowed, the ground being of suddenly more interest to his eyes. “I…have never in all my years met someone so different as you are, so unaffected, unintimidated by my wealth and position, who dared to debate me with wit and education to give merit to her side of the issues, who was free spirited enough to walk in mud to attend an ailing sister. I still do not know what to make of you, Miss Bennet.”
He gazed again with his piercing stare into her eyes now wide with surprise.
“That, sir, sounded very much a compliment.”
“You may take it as such if it pleases you to do so, Miss Bennet.”
“Why have you not said something similar before now? What reason would you have for allowing me to believe you disliked me?”
This time it was his turn to sigh before responding.
“I have several, one of which is that I noticed how Miss Bingley mistreated you more severely when I took any interest. I wished to dissuade her derision of you.”
“As you have also noted, sir, I have no need of your protection in that arena. Although not as slow of wit as perhaps others of our acquaintance she is not one that I cannot manipulate with much the same skill as you.”
“You know not what she says of you to your back.”
“I do not care what she says for I know it is untrue and therefore irrelevant to me.”
“Still, I had no wish to be the cause of her abuse of you.”
His inscrutable mask was in place as he stared at her, but Elizabeth now began to see how his eyes betrayed him. He was actually amused. She was not.
She interrogated him further. “What other reasons?”
He replied with as much tact as he deemed necessary to the task. “My regard for you is still…undecided, and therefore I did not wish to encourage you or any others of your family should I chose not to pursue a further acquaintance.”
Her brows knitted at this confession, and her mouth opened but she did not at first know how to respond. Finally she blurted out, “You have regard for me?”
“As I have just admitted. Do you find it so hard to believe that someone would be interested in you, Miss Bennet?”
“No, not in general, but of you in particular, yes, I find it incredible! Your behavior has always been quite the opposite! Charlotte was correct in this too.”
“I have to be very careful, Miss Bennet, with whom I choose to associate. I have to think of my sister as well. She is but sixteen and I am very protective of her.”
Elizabeth raised her hand to stop him. “A moment if you please, sir. You are seven and twenty while she is but sixteen. Mr. Bingley told us of your father’s passing five years ago, and that your mother is…?”
“She died when I was a youth.”
Elizabeth closed her eyes as she ingested this added information, envisioning what life must have been like for a man no more than Jane’s age being orphaned and a master of a great estate with a very young sister.”
“You raised her by yourself?” She stared into his eyes.
“My cousin shares guardianship, but since he is in the military, the duties of her care rest more on my shoulders.”
Elizabeth’s hand went out to a tree to steady her while her other crossed her heart. Mr. Darcy’s face showed concern. “Miss Bennet, are you unwell?”
“Just a sudden horrid thought that if my parents were to expire even now I doubt any of us could carry on as you seemed to have.”
He shook his head. “No, I cannot believe that, for none of us know of what we are capable until we are tested. I endured only because there was no one left but me to carry on the task at hand.”
She looked at him in disbelief.
“Miss Bennet, I did only what was necessary to ensure that Pemberley continue, and so all those employed by it. My father groomed me, finding I had a talent for business, and so when Pemberley fell to me, I found I was ready for that challenge at least.”
Here his face grew sad, and Elizabeth encouraged him with, “But…?”
“I tried to raise Georgiana as I thought my parents would wish, but now feel I have been lax in that area because of my own youth and circumspection. I have never been comfortable in society, and have passed that affliction onto my sister to her detriment.”
“How?”
Darcy motioned to her to continue their walk, not wishing to say more of the particular of such a painful experience, but he somehow knew Elizabeth would be the one person he had met here who could truly be trusted to listen to his troubles, and he wished to share his burden with her.
“It in not in my nature to perform before strangers; I have given my sister an equal share in that regard. She has been sheltered in her upbringing without friends her own age, and is quite naïve, and wishes to think well of everyone. So she was very vulnerable at a young age and was put upon by someone whom she trusted.”
She saw how his telling of an account that brought such sadness to his eyes that she attempted to keep him from further pain. “You need not further relate any of her sorrows if it upsets you to do so, Mr. Darcy.”
“No,” he replied after a pause. “Perhaps it is best that you are warned of him.”
“Who?” But having wit enough to see the same expression of disgust grace Mr. Darcy's face when they met a certain gentleman that day in Meryton, the same look he gave her just last night as they danced, Elizabeth knew to whom he was referring. “Mr. Wickham.”
“He is charming, Miss Bennet. He has always been so, even as a child growing up at Pemberley. My father never saw his true nature and therefore was inclined to like him as were many others. But Wickham has only his own interests at heart, and you should be made aware of him, and mistrust any stories he relates, especially as regard my character. I too was fooled by him in my youth, but after my father paid for his education I found out what he was truly about, and how he uses everyone to his advantage regardless of what havoc he inflicts.”
Not wishing to believe anything derogatory said of the gentleman, she accused Mr. Darcy. “He told me of your reneging on a position at Kympton.”
“Ah, yes, the Kympton living and my refusing him as was stipulated in my father’s will. It is one of his better stories of my abuse of him. He tells it with such relish I doubt anyone would refuse to believe his plight by my hand.”
“So, it is a falsehood that you refused him?”
“No, it is true that I refused him the living. But it was only after he came to me revealing his disinclination to take orders. I was actually relieved that he wished to give up the living for he could not have been a worse choice for parson. Instead he requested an amount of money which I readily gave him, and he left Pemberley, never to be heard from again until last summer.”
Astonished by this added information of a tale she had so readily supposed as true, Elizabeth stood speechless before Darcy as he continued to relate the remainder of his association with Mr. Wickham.
“When next we met, he again came to Pemberley now stating that he had changed his mind about Kympton and wished for the living. I had already employed someone to fill the post years before, and could not relinquish it to him now, and told him he had already been well compensated. I suspected then that he was destitute, and must have spent all his funds on one nefarious enterprise after another or more likely his unlucky habit of gambling.”
“So you refused him.” Darcy nodded kicking a pebble aside.
“He was vicious in his attack of me with all his spite coming out then, accusing my father of favoring him above me, and loving him as another son, and so entitling him to anything he felt was his due. But I was resolute in my refusal, and he left in such unmitigated anger.”
Darcy sighed and shook his head in despair. “Had I known then just how low he would stoop to avenge himself upon me, I would have willingly paid him off again.”
Now Elizabeth's quick mind jumped to the conclusion of his story. “Your sister?”
Darcy gazed at her and smiled realizing just how astute was this woman before him, and he sighed resigned to tell her all.
“I had employed a woman as companion to Georgiana without full knowledge of her past, and so was unaware that she and Wickham had an association. Mrs. Younge removed Georgiana to Ramsgate for a holiday, and thither also went Wickham. He…charmed my sister into believing she was in love, and agreed to en elopement. Once married, of course, he would be in possession of her thirty thousand pounds.”
Elizabeth gasped at such a sum being leveled as dowry upon any young woman knowing it would make her prey to all the fortune hunters of the ton.
“It was only by providence that I came to visit her the day before their planned elopement. She made me aware of his designs so allowing me to save her from such a ghastly fate. Once more I had foiled his plans, but I fear he is still trying to avenge himself upon me with his lies.”
“This is so unbelievable a tale.”
“Her other guardian is aware of all the particular, Miss Bennet, if you are inclined to doubt me.”
“No, sir, I cannot but consider every word you say as true, for why would you invent such a slander involving your own sister’s reputation?”
“I trust that this will go no further.”
“You may rely upon my discretion, sir.”
He merely nodded his approval of her assured confidence, “and so you will all be wary of him?”
She nodded in return, both lapsing into silence as they strolled further down the path, now wishing to change the topic to one more agreeable to both.
“And Mr. Bingley plans a return to town tomorrow?”
“Yes, he did not make me privy to the nature of his business, but only said it would take but a few days to accomplish.”
“And his party will remain at Netherfield until his return?”
“I fear that his sisters are not inclined to stay without his company, and may wish to return to town with him. It is probably for the best should Bingley decide to extend his stay in London.”
Elizabeth was not of an understanding of this statement that contradicted his other of Mr. Bingley’s intent upon returning to Netherfield within a few days time. Darcy saw her confusion and tried to explain.
“Bingley, as you may have noticed has taken an interest in your older sister?”
She only nodded.
“I fear he falls in love frequently but is as fickle as a bee flitting from one flower to the next. I have never known him to sustain an acquaintance for more than a month.”
Elizabeth had a difficult time believing this of Mr. Bingley, for from what she had observed he appeared to have a deep attraction to her sister.
“He seems so taken with Jane. I thought perhaps he was serious in his regard of her.”
“Your mother is ambitious for her I think, but Bingley will soon lose interest as he has not been encouraged by your sister to the match.”
“What…what do you know of my sister’s regard?”
“Only that she does not appear to look at my friend with a favorable eye, and I do not wish her to be offended if he does not return nor for him to be hurt should she refuse him.”
Elizabeth became indignant of his words, and asked him in an accusatory tone, “Is that from your own observations or that of Mr. Bingley’s sisters who wish to discourage him?”
“Would you have me believe that Miss Bennet feels some regard for Bingley?”
“Most assuredly, else my mother would not be so persuaded to it. She may be ambitious, sir, but only because she sees that Jane is also desirous of the match.”
“I would never have known it by her conservative behavior.”
“And I cannot believe such a statement coming from one who hides his own feelings so well.”
He merely raised his eyebrows at agreement to her obvious statement of his own behavior.
“Still, even if she is leaning in that direction, I wonder at Bingley’s own commitment to her.”
“How long have you been here now?”
“Almost two months.”
“So, has he not shown his commitment by exceeding his length of previous relations by twice?”
Darcy actually smiled, showing Elizabeth that not only did he have teeth, but dimples too. And the thought popped into her head.
How handsome he looks when he smiles.
“You are correct, Miss Bennet. I have never known him to be as determined. I sense he has more confidence in his own opinions rather than always asking me of mine. I wonder.”
“What?”
“Could it be that Bingley is finally growing into his own by his affection toward your sister?”
“You have known him for longer than I, but he does appear a man truly in love.”
He shook his head at the thought and merely muttered, “
They continued unabated along the path at a slight incline and she paused before venturing, “Will you then also return with the party to London?”
“I had decided upon it, but now am suddenly unsure of many things.”
“What do you mean, sir?”
“I have become a cynic for all I have seen of society, Miss Bennet, having seen marriages brokered as dispassionately as mergers, without regard for the affections or lack thereof by either party.”
He stopped in the path and made her to turn to him as he continued. “I had always felt that it would also be my fate should I ever choose to marry…until I came here…until I met you.”
“What have I to do with it?”
“You have altered my perspective, Miss Bennet, and shown me a world I had yet known was possible for myself.”
“How?”
“By being the kind of person whom I had longed for, someone whose wit I cannot best, who is unafraid of me, and would not be reluctant to put me in my place should I step out of line. No one of late has ever been as brave to take me on as you have.”
“You act as a spoil child at times-”
“And it is you who are determined that I be accountable for my actions.”
“That sounds like the beginning of a friendship, Mr. Darcy, nothing more.”
“Do you still despise me, Miss Bennet?”
She paused before answering him. “No, I no longer harbor those feelings.”
“Then it is a start.” But his mind was racing.
Now I have to decide if I wish to disregard all of how I was raised, what I have always believed was the only way of my circle, forget what my friends, my family, my position expects of me, and instead choose what would give me a greater happiness in my life.
He turned and began to walk up the hilly path, the tree thinning as more boulders now appearing beside the trail.
He continued, “but know this of me, Miss Bennet. I am a man who weighs all the facts before making a decision, but once I decide, I do so rather quickly.”
“Ah,” she replied adding in a teasing tone, “and have you decided on something, Mr. Darcy?”
“Yes, I am inclined to believe…that you are all I need to make my life complete.” She shook her head in disbelief of his sincerity and smiled.
He continued as neither looked at each other, but continued along the path.
“I am a gentleman; you are a gentleman’s daughter.”
“I have no money.”
“I am as rich as Midas. I have no need of money.”
“I have no family connections”
“I have a pedigree, but what does it matter if there are none in my circle with whom I wish to bond?”
“Our estate is entailed away when my father passes. My mother and my sisters if they never marry will have no home.”
“Suitable accommodations for all of them can be got.”
“I am very willful and stubborn.”
“I have just witnessed this of you, Miss Bennet, but I also saw that you have sense enough to reconsider if you be wrong in your judgments.”
“You are also very strong willed and stubborn.”
“That is also true, Miss Bennet, but with the right incentive I can be retrained to be more tolerant.”
“I hardly know you, sir.”
“Miss Bennet, I have revealed more of myself to you than to most of my friends.”
She teased. “Yes, a man with but one fault.”
“I have many others, Miss Bennet, of which I will not expound upon lest you be frightened away.”
“I do not frighten easily, sir.”
“Another of you virtues, Miss Bennet.”
There they both paused and Elizabeth blushed at the thought of having to deal with such a personality on a daily basis.
It certainly won’t be dull!
But now coming back to reality instead of such nonsense she wondered. “Where is Charlotte?”
“She grew weary of our talking and left us quite alone some time ago.”
“How long have we been talking?”
“Darcy took out his watch and replied, “going on three hours now.”
Elizabeth's expression was one of shock as she could not believe that their conversation had lasted so long. Then a grumbling of her stomach told her it to be true.
Laughing, she said, “I dare say breakfast must have come and gone by now.”
“We can partake in an early lunch,” he suggested.
She gazed into his face and countered. “We can talk more.”
“As you wish.” When he gazed at their surroundings he asked, “where are we?”
“Halfway to Oakham Mount. Would you care to see the view?”
“Yes, I think I would, Miss Bennet.”
They both turned up the path away from Longbourn as they continued to converse.
“How have we come so far in so little time,” Elizabeth remarked of the distance they had traveled without either being aware. But he thought of their more philosophical journey.
“Through your tenacious curiosity at wanting to know my true self.”
She tried not to laugh out loud at his impertinent statement, and made a retort.
“At my not being intimidated by so daunting an impediment as your ego.”
He nodded and smiled. “Your willingness to listen as I allowed you to know of my life when all you truly wished to do was to continue to loathe me. I admit to a loss of what changed your mind.”
She saw the amusement in his eyes and could not resist her inclination to tease, leaning her back against a large tree bough. He stood quite close her.
“I confess that it was the description by Miss Bingley of the majesty of Pemberley, an estate that I now I long to see.”
“Miss Bingley has seen but a fraction of Pemberley, only the house and a few of the paths around it.” He gazed at her beauty and added, “I would show you the rest.”
“I would like to walk around…all of it.” She stammered as she looked up at into his eyes, her breath quickening at his nearness.
“At ten miles in all direction from the house, walking would be prohibitive to see it all, Miss Bennet, but perhaps by horse we may obtain a…more thorough…inspection.” Her perfume was intoxicating.
“I am not…proficient on horse,” her response came out more breathlessly than she wanted.
“You soon would be if you but allow me to teach you.” His hand had somehow leaned on the tree along side of her, blocking her escape.
“And then you would show me…all?” Her gaze fell to his lips. His face drew closer to hers.
“Every acre, every hillside, every stream, every-”
“Tree? You would show me every tree?” She gazed so deeply into his eyes for confirmation he thought she looked into his very soul.
“Yes, every one.”
She could not hold his gaze, but closed her eyes trying to breathe. “Would you…allow me to view it from the top of one of those ancient trees of which you spoke?”
He placed his hand under her chin that she be made to look at him again, and he leaned closer to her.
“100 feet in the air? I would not wish harm to come to you. For your own safety, you would have to trust me…implicitly.” His breath so close to her face now, she became warm with inner feelings. She swallowed.
“I do.”
“You do?”
“I would.”
“Yes.”
“What?”
“I would show you Pemberley through my eyes that you would love it as I do, and never want to leave it.”
“Thank you.”
He again breathed in her scent, and became enraptured by it. “I have a request of you.”
“What?”
“I would like to kiss your lips.” She stared at him.
“Why?”
“I have often wondered of their taste.”
“As you were gazing upon me?” He smiled.
“I told you I had several reasons for my staring at you.”
“Yes.”
“What?”
“I grant your request.” She closed her eyes as his head neared hers.
His lips touched hers so softly, barely brushing them. Trembling, she felt his warm breath on her face. When his mouth closed on hers again in a deepening kiss, she almost fainted from the emotions he churned up within her. It was so wonderful she wanted it to never end.
He reluctantly released her lips, but his face remained close to hers, his voice raspy.
“I knew they would taste of fruit, sweet strawberries from the hot houses in winter, tangy citric from spring oranges, juicy peaches in summer, luscious apple in fall. Oh my G-d, Elizabeth, I would never tire of kissing your lips.”
She tried to keep up her tease while trembling. “Such words from so taciturn a man.”
“When I have such an incentive before me, I can spout volumes.”
“That won’t be necessary.”
He kissed her lips again and felt their response along with the tiniest of whimper and her hands caressing his neck that gave him hope that she had softened her view to accept him.
“Do I need to ask you in a more traditional manner?”
“What?” She felt his arms encircle her, pressing himself against her now, searching for her lips again.
“You have just agreed to be my wife, have you not?” He kissed her once more.
“I did?” She continued to tease, trying not to lose all perspective with each kiss. “I thought I only agreed to…ah…allow you to teach me to ride, and aid my ascent into an ancient tree.”
He held her so tightly against him now she could feel the heat of his body, his hands caressing her back. She could barely think.
“I would not do those things with anyone but my wife, I assure you. But if you wish it so I will acquiesce. You must first tell me, what is your middle name?” He tasted her lips again.
“Rose,” she sighed. There eyes met and he smiled.
“Of course, I should have known. Elizabeth Rose Bennet, would you do me the honor of becoming my wife that I may teach you among other things how to ride a horse? Would you let me help you scale a tree in the ancient forests of Pemberley to view it from such a height that you be in awe of all you own? Would you allow me to worship you all the rest of your life?”
“Yes.” Now it was his turn to tease.
“Yes? So succinct for one not taciturn? Have you nothing more to say to me, woman?”
She smiled in his eyes and said what was in her heart.
“I will be honored to be your wife, to know your love, to be mother to any children which you choose to gift me, to share my life with yours for as long as we live…so long as we live at my Pemberley.” He laughed, his hand caressing her cheek.
“Yours?”
“Yes.”
“You will not share?” His lips pecked her neck and she gasped. She could barely speak.
“You have had it all your life. It is my turn now.”
“So, like Miss Bingley, you only wanted me for my property?”
“Yes, I am very mercenary that way.” Her eyes belied her words, and he smiled.
“Then I hand it over to you willingly, if you will but have me as well.”
“To have the lord and master along with the estate too. I will cherish all.” Her breathless reply was answered in turn by his.
“I adore you.” His lips confirmed that fact as he kissed her so deeply she could barely keep a thought in her head.
“Will it always be this way?”
“Alas, no, I cannot promise that we will always be blissful, for life has a way of interfering with trials that we must overcome.”
He was thinking of his parents’ early deaths, but as he gazed intently into her eyes, he whispered. “But I can promise that as long as I have breath, I will love you.”
“That is enough then,” she whispered back.
“Say my name, Elizabeth.”
“Fitzwilliam.”
As just before their lips met again her stomach grumbled once more in protest which caused his gentle laughter to erupt.
“We must return that I may feed you. It will not do to have it be said that I starved you into marrying me.”
“You are all I need at present. Let us tarry.”
Without either bothering to see the spectacular view from Oakham Mount, he began to worship her with another kiss that promised so much happiness.