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Part 1

Posted on Sunday, 7 March 2004

Elizabeth Bennet was in a very sour mood after her walk with Colonel Fitzwilliam. His unguarded bragging about his cousin’s supposed good deeds for a friend had confirmed her suspicions. Mr. Darcy was the reason for Jane’s heartbreak! He had schemed to keep Mr. Bingley away from Hertfordshire, presumably in unison with the `superior sisters´!

Very strong objections against the lady ! Indeed, Jane was too good for that lot! Angrily stomping through the copse where Mr. Darcy seemed to pop up with perverse frequency she nearly missed the doe that was about to cautiously step out from the wood. Elizabeth stopped in her tracks, trying to blend in with the surrounding woodwork. The doe was of a serene beauty, calm yet very careful, as if wary of all the possible harm the world might have in store for it.

Something in the animal’s posture reminded Lizzy of Jane’s demeanour at the Netherfield ball. Most of the evening her elder sister had been oblivious to her family’s almost uniform misbehaviour but as the evening wore on not even the good tempered Jane could ignore it. Kitty and Lydia had been slightly inebriated at least, Mrs. Bennet had been bragging on about Jane’s good luck with Mr. Bingley – Elizabeth knew that Jane had been mortified beyond anything, where she herself had her biting wit to find a grain of humour, even in situations like this, Jane had no such weapon. She only suffered and blamed herself for things she had no power over.

She might have told Mr. Darcy to his face two hours before that they would never agree on books but later that evening his mien had shown her that he was thinking along the same lines as she herself – the Bennet family had managed to make a spectacle of itself. Elizabeth credited Mr. Darcy with enough sense not to object to Jane as a person, in fact she had never witnessed anything other than the utmost politeness in his interactions with her, the very strong objections must therefore lie elsewhere and she had a clear guess where.

But still this interference was officious and very high-handed. Why was Mr. Darcy to decide his friend’s choice of bride? Looking out for him a great deal the colonel had put it. Did a grown man need someone looking out for him? Surely not. She herself wouldn’t do such a thing, would she? Well, for Jane maybe. Jane was too angelic, her proneness to see only the good in people around her made her very vulnerable.

Somehow their father’s voice popped up in Lizzy’s head, urging her to stick to logic, not to run off with her heart on her tongue. True, she had always thought Mr. Bingley’s and Jane’s dispositions alike, but then Mr. Bingley was a man. - Oh my, how often had she argued that gender did not determine one’s weakness or strength of mind – Sir William Lucas and lately Mr. Collins being ample proof! And now she was using the same argument that never failed to incense her just to avoid acknowledging that Mr. Darcy in this instance might not have acted differently than she herself would have.

The relationship between Mr. Darcy and Mr. Bingley seemed affectionate and brotherly enough and even Mr. Wickham had given his childhood friend credit as a brother. With her thoughts returning to Mr. Darcy yet again, Elizabeth was reminded of his annoying habit of appearing in this particular grove even after she’d reminded him that it was one of her favourite walks. Therefore, she directed her steps back to the parsonage.

Halfway home Lizzy stepped aside to let Miss de Bourgh’s phaeton pass. Preparing to greet her she was surprised to see the vehicle stop.

Anne de Bourgh was out alone and very politely addressed her.

“Good morning, Miss Bennet, a fine morning, isn’t it?”

“Good morning, Miss de Bourgh, it is indeed.”

Elizabeth wondered at the fragile woman handling the phaeton all on her own but then thought her earlier suspicion confirmed, that Miss De Bourgh´s illnesses were at least partly brought on by her mother’s mollycoddling her.

“My mother and Mrs. Jenkinson are out all day today to visit tenants. I wondered whether you would like to take tea with me?”

Lizzy tried not to show her astonishment at this lengthy speech and agreed.

Back in the parsonage she wished she’d declined because going to Rosings for tea left her without an excuse to avoid dinner – and Mr. Darcy – there.

Fitzwilliam Darcy stretched his arms and massaged his stiff neck. He had slept poorly, again, had got up before anyone else and had sat down to business. The beautiful April morning outside he barely noticed, until a flash of colour in the park alerted him to the fact that his cousin and Miss Bennet were taking a walk. He wanted to change the musty air of Rosings library with the apple blossom scented one of the park. Yet he struggled against this urge, against his desire to be in her company and turned his attention to the letters before him. To know her to be in this world was temptation enough, he must stay away from her.

He was tired, bone tired, and he was at war with himself. His postponing their departure had led to his steward forwarding him an alarming pile of letters concerning his business at Pemberley and London. Furthermore he hadn’t dealt with estate matters at Rosings with his usual swiftness, due to certain distractions. Not since his father’s death, when he’d thought he’d suffocate under the responsibilities piling on his shoulders had he experienced such long bouts of sleeplessness.

Darcy had had a happy childhood until his twelfth year when he had begun to fear for his mother’s health. He had felt Mrs. Reynold’s sympathetic glances at him and he had heard his father’s sighs. After Mrs. Darcy’s demise Mr. Darcy had – stricken with grief - left his daughter in the care of nurse-maids and his son to shift for himself. Young Darcy felt his father’s expectation of him – to be strong, to be self-reliant – full force. Also the elder man’s concepts of duty and responsibility had by then been deeply ingrained in the mind and soul of the youth and he had applied them with the vigour of his age. Yet there was no one to teach him how and when to sit back and relax.

When, after some years, the old Mr. Darcy took more interest again in his children, he found his son to be too earnest, too stiff. George Wickham made him laugh while he could not fathom what went on in his son’s mind. Well, in his mind probably, because they talked a lot about estate matters, but not in his heart. Mr. Darcy saw that Pemberley would be in good hands, maybe in better hands than under his own, when Fitzwilliam would take over, but he never said as much. Young Darcy felt it deeply that his father would prefer George’s company over his but buried this feeling deep down inside, surely it was not manly to compete over one’s father’s affection.

Instead he turned to his little sister, who, being motherless, suffered doubly because of her father’s neglect. Quite some time before the senior Mr. Darcy’s death he had become more of a father than a brother for the little girl. She was also the only one, save his cousin Richard, that could make him laugh outright.

Darcy’s time at Cambridge had been a short reprieve. In Bingley’s company he’d been able to relax, to behave like other young men his age. His father’s death had put a stop to this. Darcy had taken over the management of Pemberley and the guardianship for Georgiana and he had taken both tasks very serious. He held himself to impossibly high standards and, even if he could see that Pemberley was run very well and that Georgiana had grown to be a lovely young woman, he could not feel content. He could not lean back.

Until Ramsgate, Darcy hadn’t thought much about his duty and responsibilities; he had just worked as hard as possible. But Georgiana’s near-disgrace had shaken his confidence to do things just right. What had been a vague feeling of unease, a hazy knowledge that he missed something in his life, had become a certainty when he’d met Miss Bennet.

He might have doubts about her suitability as Mrs. Darcy in society’s eyes, but he knew with absolute conviction that with her he could rest. - He could rest his weary head at her bosom and find undisturbed sleep, he could pour out all his troubles and uncertainties and find a gentle, reassuring but not necessarily flattering answer, he could just be the man he knew he was deep down under this corset of demands of duty, propriety and responsibilities.

For some time now Darcy had experienced a weariness of mind and spirit he could not overcome, here in Kent it had caught up with his body as well. `Just some minutes ´ he thought, resting his head on his arms, not even bothering to shuffle the papers he was working on aside.

Elizabeth’s visit with Miss de Bourgh was far more interesting than she had expected. When not in company with her domineering mother, Anne was a delightful, even witty companion.

After more than one hour however, Lizzy noticed that her hostess was quite pale. It had been agreed with Miss de Bourgh and Charlotte that Elizabeth would not return to the parsonage, but stay at Rosings until the others would go there for dinner. Therefore, Lizzy feared that her hostess would not retire for her sake. An enquiry got Anne to admit that she was tired.

“Please, Miss de Bourgh, let not my presence be a hindrance. Get your rest if you feel like it. I can walk back to the parsonage or take a walk.”

“Miss Bennet, that is very kind of you. I find that I over estimated my strength and, er, if I do not rest now my mother will find out at dinner that I’ve been out on my own-“

“Do not fear, your secret is safe with me, your mother should not be unduly made worried.”

“I am glad you understand. It has become rather windy outside, but would you like to pass the time in the library? It is not kept up as good as it should but when my father was still alive it was very fine indeed. Also there is a larger selection of sheet music kept there in the far corner than in the music room, if you want to play.”

“Thank you, I’ve never had trouble passing my time in a library.”

Miss de Bourgh retired and Elizabeth made her way to the library. At their first visit to Rosings she had been given a brief tour of the house but hadn’t had an opportunity since to acquaint herself with it properly.

The room was huge, with a slightly musty odor but there must have been a fire lit earlier in the day, as it was not chilly. Elizabeth strolled along the massive shelves and had to agree with Anne de Bourgh’s assessment of the library – it was a splendid one, with many volumes she’d long since wanted to read, but lacking more recent books. She had to smile at the thought of how Lady Catherine would react when reminded of that fact. Then, Lizzy remembered that actually Mr. Darcy had mentioned something along those lines to his aunt during one of their last dinners. The lady had not been pleased. This indication that Mr. Darcy was spending time in the library made Lizzy decide not to linger here much longer but select a book and some sheet music and leave.

Going to the far corner she saw a massive desk coming into view. It provided a good view of the garden. Elizabeth spotted the shelf with the sheet music and moved there, suddenly stopping dead in her tracks.

Mr. Darcy was sitting at the desk! Well, not sitting actually. His head was resting on his arms. Elizabeth thought him fallen ill and ventured closer. A few moments of observation however convinced her that he’d merely had fallen asleep. She knew she should withdraw immediately but something made her stay.

Mr. Darcy looked young in his sleep and relaxed, not as forbidding and stern as usual. The thick and dark lashes on his cheeks accentuated the handsomeness of his features but Lizzy couldn’t help to notice that he also seemed to be paler and more drawn than last autumn.

The desk was full of paperwork and one sheet with Charlotte’s handwriting on it arrested Elizabeth’s attention. It seemed to be an account of problems her friend had noticed which some of Lady Catherine’s tenants had. Most of the paragraphs were ticked off already with little notes written next to each. Lizzy had suspected Mr. Darcy’s visits to his aunt were made more out of familial duty than out of pleasure but not that he had so much work waiting for him at Rosings. But then it seemed to be quite logical – Lady Catherine tended to scold her tenants into plenty and contentment, she may be attentive to Charlotte´s shelves but not necessarily to some lesser underling’s chimney.

What Lizzy had overheard at Netherfield when Mr. Darcy had been advising Mr. Bingley on business matters had sounded level-headed and thorough, liberal even. Well, Charlotte would have more knowledge about how Mr. Darcy went about his business matters. Despite feeling guilty for prying Elizabeth let her glance sweep over the other piles of letters.

There was one of invitations at the farthest end of the desk, obviously kept there to be dealt with last. There were long letters in a neat round hand, probably from Pemberley´s steward. And there were letters or short notes in an uneducated hand, little more than scrawls really, which seemed to be from farmers or tenants. Some of them already bore additions in the steward´s hand. That pile lay closest.

Elizabeth had to concede that she had grossly underestimated Mr. Darcy. True, Longbourn was much smaller than Pemberley and its master nearly always at home, but Mr. Bennet would never allow a tenant to write to him. He called on them – eventually – when he heard of a problem or saw them during his infrequent rounds on the estate.

Lizzy´s glance returned to Mr. Darcy´s face, His expression had changed, he seemed to be smiling in his sleep. With a start, she realized that it was exactly the same look she had so often seen from him to be resting on herself, only then she put it down to being contempt.

Now, one could say Miss Bennet did not hold Mr. Darcy in high regard, one could even call her severely prejudiced against the man, but not even Elizabeth Bennet would think that Mr. Darcy could sport a look of contempt while sleeping. Her thoughts seemed to be tumbling, so quickly as she tried to readjust her convictions but even after a backwards check her conclusion remained the same – Mr. Darcy had not looked at her with contempt all the time, but with a – albeit small – smile. One question remained however: Why had he looked at her, and so frequently?

Mr. Darcy had shed his coat and loosened his cravat. The way his curls found their way down his neck and the warmth generated from the suspicion that Charlotte might have been right, that he could admire her, disturbed Lizzy´s equanimity more than she cared for. Somehow she could not force her mind on Mr. Wickham’s suffering at Darcy’s hands – something that she had used with success before when she had been in danger of enjoying Mr. Darcy’s company too much.

Seeing him thus, defenseless, vulnerable and clearly overworked made it easy for Elizabeth to admit that – contrary to previously expressed opinions – she was intrigued by him. He obviously looked after a great many people but who looked after him? Was there someone whom he could trust, with whom he could relax?

Elizabeth couldn’t finish the thought because Mr. Darcy stirred.

Part 2

Posted on Wednesday, 10 March 2004

Elizabeth couldn’t finish the thought because Mr. Darcy stirred. She was highly tempted to run out of the library before he awoke but then saw that his movements threatened to knock over the inkwell and spill ink over the already completed letters. In a moment, she was at the desk and snatched the inkwell up. Although she’d moved without a sound the movement served to wake him up fully.

Uncomprehending did he stare at Elizabeth who stood there frozen, with an inkwell raised up in the air. She was blushing but smiled at him – not an amused, or polite, or pert smile, but one open and friendly, the very smile he’d seen her so often bestow on people she cared about.

Elizabeth was very much embarrassed at being caught but upon taking in Darcy’s appearance – dumbfounded and speechless, his hair even more unruly than usual and on his right cheek impressions of wrinkles from his shirtsleeve - she forgot her plight. He was certainly a stickler for propriety, being found asleep over his work and without his coat was surely not something he could laugh off easily. Lizzy decided to relieve him.

“I am very sorry, Mr. Darcy, I didn’t want to disturb you. Only this –“ she indicated the inkwell “- was threatening to destroy what looks like a whole mornings work.”

Her smile was his undoing. Darcy had been bewitched by her before but seeing her regard him not archly, or challengingly but with a certain genuine fondness made him realize two things: firstly, what he had taken as flirtatious manners towards him had been nothing of the sort and secondly, that all his reservations because of her position in life faded into insignificance. He realized he could not do without her, he had found his soul-mate. If he could capture her heart he would be the happiest man on earth.

This resolution to try and win her filled him with new energy. Fitzwilliam Darcy was not one to shy away from a challenge.

Elizabeth was getting uneasy because of his lengthy silence and made a move to put the inkwell down and be off. Darcy took it from her.

“Please, Miss Bennet, do not let my presence here disturb you. My apologies for behaving like a complete oaf and for being caught like this. And thank you for your presence of mind, I would indeed have loathed to write all those letters again.”

“Mr. Darcy, there’s no apology necessary. It is I who intruded and after all, falling asleep over one’s work can hardly be reproached.”

He tried desperately to think of something he could say to make her stay. Just then his stomach growled audibly.

Elizabeth feared he might faint from mortification and did her best to overcome the situation.

“Ah, too much work and you skipped lunch. Now that is to be reproached. I just had tea with Miss de Bourgh who wanted to rest before dinner, I should think the tea things are still in the drawing room.”

Darcy hesitated, too affected was he by her caring, if ever so little.

Lizzy remembered Miss Bingley´s ways of maneuvering Darcy to take tea with her and added with a twinkle

“You cannot tell me you need Miss Bingley to bully you to eat something.”

That finally drew a smile and a slight roll of his eyes from him. Darcy grabbed his coat and followed her to the door. To be teased by her felt even better than to be simply smiled at.

“I bow to your good sense, Miss Bennet, lead the way.”

“Good, I see you’re not too worn down yet to resort to flattery. One or two sandwiches and you will be restored to your usual forbidding self again.”

“I can’t comprehend how you would think me to be forbidding, Miss Bennet.”

“Said the polar bear to the baby-penguin.”

“Miss Bennet! I know I shan’t argue with a lady. It is quite true that I, er, sometimes might use certain, er, ways to avoid having to mingle in company, but I didn’t get the impression that you were in any way, ah, intimidated by my manners.”

They were in the drawing room by then where Darcy partook some sandwiches while Elizabeth busied herself with making fresh tea. Her warmer feelings towards a flustered Darcy quickly gave way to old indignation at his self assured ways so her answer came out harsher than intended.

“Perhaps not intimidated, but I – as anyone else in Hertfordshire – could not like the manner you showed your displeasure with the company.”

Darcy blanched. He had believed her to instinctively know why he kept to himself in larger companies. But then how could she? And there was some truth in her accusations – he hadn’t enjoyed his stay at Netherfield at all, at least in the beginning. And he hadn’t given himself the trouble to treat the people there with the same courtesy he would treat London acquaintances, however shallow they were. No, Miss Bennet hadn’t flirted with him, she had sparred and tried to find a proper way to set him down. Vanity and pride. So she had not grabbed at the next best that came to her mind, she was really convinced those two to be his greatest weaknesses! And how condescending his answer had been, worthy of Lady Catherine. Elizabeth must think him an utter fool, and a rude one to top it.

“Please, Miss Bennet, I had no intention to offend anyone in Hertfordshire.”

“Not the intention maybe, but can you deny that you didn’t care?”

Lizzy knew she’d gone too far. Where should this discussion lead? It was none of her business how Mr. Darcy conducted himself in public, why embarrass him and herself, because clinging to that topic could hardly be considered ladylike. But then his admission came as a surprise.

“No, I do not deny it. But my reasons lay not at all with the people of Hertfordshire. And of course you are right, I should not let my mood affect people I meet; they are bound to draw the same conclusions as you. I simply should stay home if I cannot bear to be amongst society in a decent manner.”

“I am sorry, I spoke out of turn. It is really none of my business.”

“I will explain myself if you hear me out.”

He wanted to add more, to tell her why it was of such importance to him that she understood him but knew this wish to be selfish.

Lizzy was torn. In her rational mind she ticked off all of Darcy’s previous offences against herself and other people – by all rights she should not hear him out. Her heart spoke differently however. It told her of trust, of hurt, of need, of someone desperately reaching out to her. She made her decision.

“All right, Mr. Darcy, I will hear what you have to say.”

Darcy was flooded with relief. He searched for a way to start. He didn’t want to complain yet he yearned for her to understand the void, the exhaustion he felt. Looking at her skeptical mien he realized that complete honesty was his only chance. They were sitting on a small sofa and Darcy turned to face Elizabeth directly.

“When I came to Hertfordshire I had just left my sister behind in London. She is sixteen now and for five years, since my father’s death, I’ve been her guardian together with Col. Fitzwilliam. Last year she was taken from school and an establishment formed for her in London. In the summer, she went to Ramsgate with her companion, Mrs Younge.”

Darcy was ghostly pale by then, he’d never talked about this with anyone besides his cousin and was taken by surprise at how hard it was. He looked away and continued in a strained voice.

“There she met someone she recognized as an old family friend. Georgiana had no way of knowing how he had changed since the days he was a cheerful lad who had carried her on his shoulders around Pemberley. Even more so as – I found out later – her companion was an accomplice in the scheme and promoting their meetings. The man in question was held in high esteem by my late father; he was his godson and we were educated together and my father promised him a valuable living when it would become vacant.

Iknew by then that he should not be a priest, having seen his dissolute ways at university – idleness, gambling, drinking, er, womanizing - but would spare my father the disillusion of his favourite, as he was by then quite ill already.”

Elizabeth had turned white as well, by now there could be no doubts about the man in Darcy’s narrative being Mr Wickham. She tried hard to keep biting thoughts of self reproach at her gullibility, her easily formed prejudices at bay. Her only comfort was that her decision to hear Mr Darcy out had been right.

“When he told me, after my father’s death, that he would forsake being ordained because he intended to study law, asking that I compensate him for the living, I readily agreed, I did not think him suited for the church either. He received three thousand pounds and for some years I didn’t hear from him. As the living became vacant, he appeared at Pemberley, having changed his mind about his career, and wanted to be bequeathed with it. Of course I refused and we did not part on good terms. – Last summer, he went to Ramsgate. His main aim was my sister’s fortune, which is thirty thousand pounds, but revenge on me must have been on his mind also. He persuaded my sister to fancy herself in love with him and elope. I visited her unexpectedly two days before the intended elopement and, unable to grieve a brother to whom she looks up almost as a father, she confessed everything to me.”

Darcy´s knuckles had turned white at this point of his narrative, his whole body was rigid. Elizabeth felt sick at this indication of who Wickham really was, truly sick at the memory of how pleased and flattered she had been because of the particular attention he had paid her. She pushed those feelings aside however, to be dealt with later, and focused on Darcy again. When he picked up his tale his voice was barely audible, Elizabeth could not imagine what might be worse than he had already told her but obviously there was more to come.

“Miss Bennet, my sister is a very sensible young woman and overall – despite her innocence - more mature than her age would make one suspect. Therefore she felt doubly how gullible she had been, she did not have the comfort of youthful ignorance. Furthermore, she is convinced that she let the family, and me in particular, horribly down. I tried again and again to reassure her, I told her how Wickham has fooled other, far more experienced people, to no avail. In the end I had to see that not only was I unable to help her in her grief but that my presence pained her even further.”

Elizabeth did not think. Very gently, she took his hands in hers. At length Darcy spoke anew.

“I try to do right by my servants and tenants, and do what is expected from me by my family in running Pemberley but the most important part has always been raising Georgiana. – I failed her in the most terrible way.”

He hung his head, he didn’t want to let her see the tears that stung in his eyes. For some time neither said a word.

“Mr. Darcy, how could you have known of such a devious plan? While it is true that Miss Darcy was disappointed in a most cruel way, something any guardian would want to spare his ward, you cannot expect to be able to shelter her from any harm forever. May I suggest you stop blaming yourself for what you could not have foreseen? Maybe then you will be able to convince Miss Darcy to do the same? I myself had ample proof of Mr. Wickham´s persuasive powers, I can’t see how an innocent fifteen year old who remembered him fondly could not have fallen into his trap.”

Darcy´s head went up at her mentioning the name of his nemesis. He had feared him to have spread his usual lies in Hertfordshire too but had hoped against hope.

Elizabeth looked away embarrassed, it mattered to her that Mr Darcy might think less of her because of how easily she’d let herself be fooled by Wickham. But then she remembered her own arguments from mere moments before. She forced herself to continue.

“Mr. Wickham was very eloquent on the subject of the living, and very convincing, I might add. I have always prided myself as being a good judge of character but have to admit I’ve been fooled completely by him.”

Darcy pressed her hands slightly.

“My father was an excellent man – intelligent, experienced and level-headed and yet he never suspected a thing.”

They could hear a carriage outside and knew that Lady Catherine would be here shortly. Darcy pulled her up with him.

“Miss Bennet, I do not know how to thank you for your patience. I hope my behaviour has not compelled you to stay longer than what was your wish.”

He longed to say so much more yet this was neither the time nor the place. Lizzy saw in his eyes a certain vulnerability that had nothing to do with what he´d just told her. Whatever their future would bring – that they would meet again Elizabeth felt very sure – her heart beat faster at the thought. She tried to reassure him as well as lighten the mood.

“You’re welcome, Mr. Darcy. I think you know me well enough to know I will not be bullied into anything I would rather not do.”

Darcy was reasonably sure that he was entitled to allow himself to hope, her tone had been teasing but her accompanying smile had held an affection, a promise to be gentle, to be open to whatever might come. She would understand what he said now.

“I’m glad to hear it. I only hope I’ll be able one day to introduce my sister to you.”

Lady Catherine could be heard in the hall.

“I think I’ll go up to Miss de Bourgh before dinner.”

“I’ll take you to her rooms.”

They exited the drawing room through the library door just as Lady Catherine swept in through the front door.

At dinner Charlotte Collins saw a lot worth to observe closely.

Miss de Bourgh seemed quite pleased with herself, either because Col. Fitzwilliam was very attentive to her or because of something else she could not determine - she was able to get a strange reaction from Lizzy by an enquiry about whether she’d liked the library.

Elizabeth was thoughtful, and more often than not engaged in quiet conversation with Mr. Darcy whom Charlotte saw far more animated than ever before.

Lady Catherine droned on and on as usual, completely oblivious to what would hit her in the course of some months.

Part Three

Posted on Tuesday, 16 March 2004

When Darcy had delivered her to Miss de Bourgh’s rooms he had bowed earnestly, reverently even, over her hand and barely managed a

“Thank you, Miss Bennet.”

Elizabeth had answered with a slight squeeze of his hand.

“You’re welcome, Mr Darcy.”

He had gone but Lizzy had stood some more minutes before Anne’s door, trying to sort her feelings out. When she’d had no success whatsoever she knocked. Anne was looking at her oddly expectant.

“Did you find the library to your liking?”

There was more anxiety in that question than whatever Anne was feeling for her guest’s comfort or her library being satisfactory – Lizzy realized that Anne had known who else would be there in the library. Annoyance, even a little bit of anger welled up in her. Whatever Miss de Bourgh’s plans were, Elizabeth did not like to be manipulated. She looked at her hostess.

Anne seemed to shrink back.

“Er, Miss Bennet, I, er, I did not think meeting my cousin would be such a plight for you. I always got the impression that you both enjoyed your sparring, otherwise I would have warned you of his possible presence.”

Elizabeth bit back a retort when the truth of Anne’s words hit her - she had indeed from the beginning of their acquaintance never shied away from a chance to cross wits with Mr. Darcy and although she’d always told herself how annoying the man was, she had looked forward to their skirmishes. Besides, Miss de Bourgh’s world was quite confined, while it still was not right, Lizzy could understand why she’d set her friend and her cousin loose at each other, in a little scheming, in search of a bit of excitement.

Anne had anxiously watched Miss Bennet’s face and decided that nothing but the truth could spare her wrath.

“I am sorry, Miss Bennet. I acted wrong, and cowardly. I only thought if my cousin found someone, my mother would have to stop pressuring me into marriage with him.”

Now it was Lizzy’s turn to be astonished. Anne realized that she’d assumed too much, Miss Bennet appeared to have no clue of Mr. Darcy’s infatuation with her.

“Miss de Bourgh, I assure you Mr. Darcy - “Lizzy stopped there. Two hours ago she could have stated what she wanted to say now – that he felt nothing but contempt for her - with absolute conviction - but recent developments had made her unsure of that conviction.
“Whatever my acquaintance with Mr. Darcy – I am very certain that he would honour your wish, should you tell him you do not want to marry him.”

Miss de Bourgh’s countenance brightened.

“Of course! Here I was, desperately trying to get my courage up to tell my mother that I do not wish to marry Fitzwilliam, completely overlooking that he would be my best ally in that cause. – But what if he is convinced that it is his familial duty to marry me?”

“I agree that might be a weighty argument in his case but still I do not think he would force you to anything.”

“Can you forgive me my immature behaviour, Miss Bennet?”

Her face was truly contrite, and Elizabeth’s anger quite gone – she would not have wanted to have missed those hours in Mr. Darcy´s company for the world.

“Gladly, do not worry. I may still get my revenge – is there any reason in particular why you wouldn’t want to marry your cousin?”

Anne was overcome with the deepest blush and Lizzy felt sorry for her comment, she had to keep in mind that Miss de Bourgh had really led a very sheltered life so far, she could not be accustomed to teasing like someone who grew up with four sisters.

“Oh, I am so sorry, Anne, I was just teasing. Think nothing of it; I will not probe further.”

Anne’s answer was so soft that Lizzy nearly missed it.

“I want to marry my cousin, but not my cousin Darcy.”

She looked so hopeless and forlorn that Elizabeth could do nothing but draw her into an embrace. Encouraging her in that direction would not do. It would be cruel to raise hopes, but she could try to encourage her in general, to help her to boost her confidence in her own worth.

“Anne, do not despair. Let’s go down there to dinner and be at our best.”

Anne looked at Lizzy, earnestly.

“Thank you, Elizabeth, you’re a real friend. Thank you for being honest.”

Miss de Bourgh didn’t look composed when she entered the dining room, but she held her chin high and she carried two convictions – she would tell cousin Darcy of not wanting to marry him, as soon as possible, and she would make cousin Richard notice her as a woman.

Elizabeth followed Anne down the steps but slowed when she reached the hall. They had agreed on her meeting the Collins there and entering with them.

She was not sorry to have a few moments to herself before having to face Mr. Darcy again. Was it all conjecture on her part that he might have developed feelings for her? If true – what did she want?

Lizzy stayed on safe ground with her first steps into this veritable tangle of emotions. Mr. Darcy was a very reserved man, that much could be concluded as sure. Therefore his telling her painful, possibly damaging things of his family history could have only one of two reasons: first, he simply hadn’t been able to carry on with this burden and would have told whomever found him thus unawares, second, he told her either because he trusted her to such an extent or it was very important to him for her to understand.

The first reason Lizzy thought to be improbable. Mr. Darcy had been able to keep his composure when unexpectedly meeting Mr Wickham on the high street of Meryton, therefore a simple chance encounter in a library with her shouldn’t have such a shocking effect on him. The second reason rang more true, yet it opened two more possibilities – either Mr. Darcy was so vain that he wanted exculpation from being disagreeable in Hertfordshire in any case, even if this meant slandering his sister’s good name, or again her opinion mattered a lot to him.

While this explanation seemed to Lizzy to speak of a certain vanity on her own part, the other spoke too badly of Darcy. Even Mr. Wickham had credited him with being a good brother. He would do nothing to harm Miss Darcy just for the sake of his own wounded pride.

But then why would it matter to him that she understood his reasons for his behaviour in Hertfordshire?

Elizabeth indeed could understand, even if she still thought it rude. If anyone had treated Jane that way, she would have been hard pressed to be at her best in a society that could mean nothing to her, where mamas whetted their appetites and whispers of ten thousand a year wove through the room whenever one entered.

Could Charlotte be right? Could Mr. Darcy admire her? Elizabeth felt her face and neck grow unaccountably warmer at the thought, at once scolding herself for that reaction and trying to reason – if it was true she had to be very careful, it would not do to lead him on if she couldn’t return his affections.

Else, even if she could conclude with reasonable surety that he was enamoured with her, she could not know whether he intended to act on his feelings. Mr. Darcy certainly didn’t wear his heart on his sleeve, either because of his inherent reserve or because he wouldn’t raise her hopes.

Lizzy was not insensible to the great compliment he’d paid her nonetheless with his trust and affection. On the other hand, she knew she would make them both unhappy should she accept him solely because of pity and because she was flattered. The moment she decided on a gentle but firm “no” should he declare himself Elizabeth felt a sharp regret, an unexplainable loss.

She forced herself to stay firm - there was something like a promise lingering just outside her grasp but for now she had to keep her head together, they both needed time.

In his room Darcy’s elation about his time with Miss Bennet quickly left him and all kinds of questions arose. Had he ruined his suit completely by showing his weakness? His suit?! Had he raised expectations with his behaviour? Did he want to meet them?

Darcy´s first urge was to propose, fall into her arms and let loose. His reservations about her background and family had vanished into insignificance, her inner worth and good sense by far outweighed any disadvantages there. But wasn’t it utterly selfish to propose now, to burden her with all his worries?

Elizabeth deserved much better. And although Darcy was pretty sure she wouldn’t accept him out of any mercenary reasons he didn’t want to be accepted out of pity either. No, he’d take his time, sort out his personal life and court her like she deserved to be courted.

Part 4

Posted on Wednesday, 24 March 2004

With no little amusement did Elizabeth notice the swiftness with which Col Fitzwilliam had claimed Anne’s arm to lead her to the dining room. Whether of his own volition or because his cousin had prompted him for the sake of his own favourite seating arrangement Elizabeth could not tell, but Anne was happy.

So Lizzy found herself seated with Mr. Darcy at the far end, separated by the Collinses, Mariah, Anne and the Colonel from Mrs. Jenkinson and Lady Catherine.

“I am sorry, Miss Bennet, for moving you so unceremoniously from your usual place but I wanted to have a chance to thank you again.”

“Again, you’re welcome, but there’s no need for that. – How is your sister now?”

Mr. Darcy´s face fell.

“She writes regularly and sometimes cheerfully even but I cannot help but feel it is for my sake.”

“I do not know your sister but she is young and she has had nearly a year to overcome her disappointment. Don’t you think you’re worrying too much? Maybe you should consider talking to her openly about your anxiety and fears. Just be careful to not give her an opening for blaming herself for yet another grief of yours.”

Darcy thought long on this and then answered

“Just before coming to Kent, Col Fitzwilliam said something about me treating her too much as a child. He was teasing as always but maybe he’s right.”

Elizabeth knew she was approaching dangerous ground.

“In your wish to protect your sister it is easily possible to overdo it, much more so in light of the events of last summer. And - I am only conjecturing now, mind you – your sister could read what you think necessary to protect her as mistrust.”

Darcy´s face fell.

“What shall I do, Miss Bennet?”

“Talk to her, just like we do now. Even if we get it all wrong at least she will know that you’re not as infallible as she thinks you now. That in turn might enable her to forgive herself easier, she need not hold herself to an impossibly high standard she thinks is set by you.”

Darcy felt immensely gratified by Elizabeth’s use of we . It was but a small step to imagine them at the dining room in Pemberley, discussing not his sister but their children.

Fighting a silly grin from appearing on his face, he tried to focus on Miss Bennet’s advice. He remembered how proud he’d been when his father had trusted him with small estate matters, when he’d sent him over to tenants who had problems to sort those out all by himself.

Miss Bennet’s next question disturbed that pleasant memory.

“Why do you think your father coupled you with Colonel Fitzwilliam in the guardianship of Georgiana?”

Lizzy knew this was a tricky enquiry, even more so as she had an idea of what Mr. Darcy might think. Her suspicion proved to be true, Mr Darcy’s mien had darkened.

“I can only imagine he thought I couldn’t manage on my own.”

Just then Lady Catherine raised from the table. Lizzy leaned closer and quickly whispered.

“Forgive me, Mr Darcy, but I think that’s complete nonsense.”

They were separated but Elizabeth was still able to see how Mr Darcy’s surprise transformed into a slight smile.

While Mrs. Collins attended to Lady Catherine, Elizabeth sat with Anne. Due to Mrs. Jenkinson´s presence they couldn’t talk as openly as before but Lizzy at least got one confirmation – Col Fitzwilliam had sought out Anne on his own.

In the library Darcy first sat in front of the hearth, leaving his cousin to the mercy of Mr Collins. He longed to hear from Miss Bennet’s lovely lips why he was talking nonsense but for now had to be content with solving another problem.

The previous years he had looked after his aunt’s matters together with his cousin and although Darcy made the more difficult decisions his cousin had shown knowledge and discernment. This year however Darcy´d practically shoved Richard out of the door, he wanted to be alone when fighting the urge to run over to the parsonage. Now he was determined to use his last days in Hunsford to involve the Colonel – and possibly even Anne – more in Rosings’ estate matters, with the distant aim to turn this responsibility over to Fitzwilliam some day.

He was still determined to concentrate on what was really important in his life – Georgiana, and hopefully in the future, Elizabeth. Spending too little time with Georgiana and even less at Pemberley, Darcy realized he didn´t need another estate – or two more if one counted his heavy involvement in managing Netherfield - to run.

And if he was not completely mistaken by Anne’s behaviour tonight the Colonel might be involved in managing Rosings soon anyway.

Part 5

Posted on Saturday, 29 May 2004,

Elizabeth both wished for and dreaded the end of the separation of sexes after dinner. Somehow she seemed to be unable to stop herself from letting her tongue run off in Mr Darcy´s presence, she couldn´t contain herself with polite small talk any longer where he was concerned.

And yet she had to stop talking to him in this intimate manner, to offer advice that was not her due. Firstly it was meddling in affairs that were non of her business and secondly it could very easily give Darcy wrong impressions. On other occasions before Lizzy had noticed that her easy, sometimes unguarded manner, had been taken as flirtatious, and consequently she had tried to behave more subdued in company. She had been successful so far, until Mr Darcy had come into Hertfordshire.

Said gentleman did not fare better in his musings. A few hours ago he had had reached a resolve on how to proceed but now he once again only wished to sweep her into his arms and take her far away from everything. A snort escaped Darcy when he thought of how easily Elizabeth made his much prided control crumble in mere moments. When Col Fitzwilliam shot him an enquiring look he took it as a cue.

“Shouldn´t we return to the ladies?”

Collins made a move to protest but Darcy quickly continued.

“We might prefere the quiet solitude of the library but I know for a fact that my aunt is not overly fond of men taking their time over port.”

As the parson scurried towards the door Richard nudged Darcy with an elbow.

“And you are eager too to be in Lady Catherine´s company, eh?”

Darcy only shrugged his shoulders.

On entering the music room his eyes sought her out. Perfect! She was sitting on a small settee with Anne, two unoccupied chairs beside it. Mr Collins seemed to sway between turning to his esteemed patroness, who was engaged in a rather onesided discussion with Mrs Collins and Mrs Jenkinson, and her daughter. Mrs Collins took the matter in her hands by saying

“Come hither, Mr Collins, Lady Catherine just mentioned an improvement for your beehives.”

Darcy felt for the parson´s wife, she obviously had a quick wit and some powers of observation. How she could choose such a husband he could not fathom. But Charlottes plight was soon forgotten amongst the two couples. Noticing Anne´s high colour out of habit Darcy wanted to ask after her health but stopped himself just in time. On closer observation her colour was a healthy one, not in the least feverish. So he only commented

“May I say that you look particularly lovely tonight, Anne?”

The reactions of the other three somewhat puzzled him: Richard shot him dark look, Anne had an expression of horror on her face and Miss Bennet beamed with joy.

Miss De Bourgh blushed, took some deep breaths and then, after a quick glance in her mother's direction addressed him in a low voice.

“Fitzwilliam, I beg you not to heed my mother's wishes for our marriage. I, er, I have no desire to be married to you.”

Darcy sat stunned but forced himself to say something when he noticed how Anne dreaded his reaction.

“Anne, I have never regarded you as anything other than my cousin. Be assured that I respect you too much to go against your wishes. I am very sorry if my avoidance to openly state my intentions to your mother gave you any pain. While I know any man that gains your affections is bound to be happy I like you as my cousin.”

Anne seemed incapable to answer to this and the colonel was uncommonly inattentive to anything else safe what had been going on the past few minutes so it fell to Elizabeth to prevent Lady Catherine noticing the peculiar mood cast over their quartet.

“Mr Darcy, are you always so busy with estate matters when in Rosings?”

“Well, it depends. If there´s a severe winter not everything is repaired by the time I come here. But speaking of estate matters – my review of the books is nearly completed – Richard, will you join me tomorrow in the library, and Anne too, if you like?”

Lizzy feared for England´s safety as the colonel couldn´t make head nor toe of this suggestion for some time. Hopefully he would be quicker when Napoleon choose to invade Kent. But Anne saved them.

“I would like to, yes. Mrs Collins and I often talk about details Mamá overlooks, I think I could help you.”

“Thank you.”

Just then Lady Catherine called over to them.

“What are you talking about? I must know.”

Thankfully Richard had recovered by then.

“We were talking about estate matters.”

“How perfectly boring for young people! Darcy, can´t you entertain your cousin better?”

A quick glance at Miss Bennet´s face enabled him to suggest

“Perfectly right, Lady Catherine. I will turn the pages for Miss Bennet as my cousin has expressed a wish for music before.”

With this last sentence he blushed a little bit. He didn´t like to lie but consoled himself that Richard, who was his cousin after all, had entertained hopes of hearing Elizabeth play tonight.

Miss Bennet seemed readily inclined to comply. As they made their way to the piano she whispered

“Matchmaking, Mr Darcy?”

He couldn´t answer immediately, the only match he wanted to favour was theirs, but she did have a point – both Richard´s and tonight Anne´s behaviour too indicated their possible willingness to take their relationship beyond that of cousins.

“I have to admit that my suggestion had purely selfish reasons but judging from the look Col Fitzwilliam gave me earlier this pairing now is very much to his liking. Generally I do not approve of matchmaking, people should be left to choose their partners on their own.”

“I dare say you are right, although Miss De Bourgh and Col Fitzwilliam wouldn´t get very far without a little scheming from the people around them. And in this case I do have it on good authority that the lady is not averse to the idea.”

“Good.”

Darcy was about to enquire about her statement during dinner – why his father would join him with Col Fitzwilliam in his guardianship of Georgiana when he noticed the pensive mood that had over come Miss Bennet. He tried to distinguish the reason for it in their previous conversation when it hit him! Bingley! Maybe Jane Bennet had cared for his friend. Then his comments about matchmaking must sound very hypocritical to her ears.

“Pray, Miss Bennet, will you tell me what´s on your mind?”

She looked at him, earnestly searching his face. Then she squared her shoulders and came to a decision.

“I may offend you with what I want to ask you.”

“Please proceed, Miss Bennet. I can take it if it helps making you smile again. Besides, I have an inkling where you´re heading – if I´m right in this assumption I deserve your scolding.”

She had selected a very dull, very easy sonatina but still stumbled quite a lot during what she said next.

“Very well, sir. When you left Hertfordshire I could not help feeling that Mr Bingley´s failing to return was due to some persuasion from his sisters, but also from his friend. – Did you tell him not to pursue my sister´s hand?”

Darcy sighed and turned the page pointedly.

“Yes, I did. But before you get very angry, please listen why I acted as I did.”

The quaint minuet she was playing didn´t ask for a fortissimo, a fact that told Darcy the extent of her displeasure. When Elizabeth had returned to a mezzoforte he continued.

“While I cannot deny that I always had the expectation that Charles would marry well in terms of money and connections my sole reason for joining his sisters in their quest of dissuading him from proposing was that I absolutely would not let him enter a marriage where affections are unequal. Your sister is everything one can ask for in a lady but not once did I perceive her harbouring a particular regard for Mr Bingley. He has been hurt before. You may find my interference officious but I would do it again in the same circumstances.”

During his speech Miss Bennet´s playing had picked up in speed and her colour was high. She made a visible effort to compose herself. Looking up to see whether her unusual playing had been noticed she caught Charlotte´s eye.
Her friend had pointed out Jane´s lack of showing her affection openly. It was no gross error on Mr Darcy´s side to have missed it, although Bingley was another matter.
Yes, she herself would try to dissuade Jane from attaching herself to someone who didn´t return her affections. And taking her mother´s loudly voiced expectations into account …

“I think your behaviour officious but I cannot say I would have acted differently had Jane been in the same situation. Would it have helped had my mother not expressed her wishes so unguardedly?”

“I noticed that your sister was embarrassed but nothing indicated that she wouldn´t act like a dutiful daughter and accept my friend should he propose, regardless of how her heart was touched.”

Elizabeth sighed.

“Have I heard correctly, Mr Bingley meant to propose?”

“He did. That was the reason for his trip to London.”

“If I told you that Jane was very much in love with him and still cherishes a tender regard for Mr Bingley, despite her disappointment?”

“Then I´d say it is about time you and I engage in a little bit of matchmaking.”

Part 6

Posted on Friday, 4 June 2004,

Elizabeth finished the sonatina with a flourish. During the cadenza she tried to decide on her approach to the matter. While she could understand why Darcy had interfered she still thought him highhanded, too little had he thought of how Jane could have been hurt.
On the other hand he seemed prepared to admit his errors and try to correct them. Should she, Elizabeth, be the judge rather than Jane and Bingley? That would be very highhanded on her side. Lizzy vowed to herself not to stand in the way and – though she hardly dared to admit this to herself – to try not to be affected by seeing this new facet of Mr Darcy`s character. She calmed herself that in any case she was far too busy analyzing her past prejudices and how her vanity had made her an easy prey for Wickham´s lies to find the time to do something so utterly stupid as to fall in love with Mr Darcy.

Due to the disturbing topic of her thoughts her answering smile to Darcy offering her his arm to join the other was a bit weak. Thankfully in the meantime Lady Catherine had set up a card table with the Collinses and Mrs Jenkinson, giving Darcy a chance to find out why Elizabeth had reacted to his suggestion as she had. After leading her to a settee he enquired

“Do you think it is too late?”

Lizzy was startled but glad for the question.

“I do not think so, at least not on Jane´s side, she is the most forgiving creature in the world. But do you really think your can bring back your friend to Hertfordshire that easily?”

“Not by merely suggesting it, no. I will tell him everything and then hope he will draw the right conclusions and act on them.”

She was surprised. Darcy need not tell Bingley everything and consequently risk loosing his friendship. Her thoughts must have shown on her mien because he continued

“Disguise of every sort is my abhorrence, Miss Bennet. Bingley need to know how I have failed him and our friendship. While my initial reasons for separating them would be still sound to me did your sister not feel for my friend there is one thing in the whole affair you are yet unaware of. You might justly hate me after what I will tell you now. – I did know of your sister´s being in London and even calling on Miss Bingley and Mrs Hurst and I concealed it from Charles.”

Darcy now knew why he had kept Miss Bennet and Bingley apart with such fervor – too keenly had he felt the danger of falling irrevocably for Miss Elizabeth should he be in her company more often – but he couldn´t tell her that . He could only hope their present good understanding would be strong enough for her to take his words now and ask for a reason later.

He could not know but Elizabeth took this revelation in a different light than Darcy´d feared for she had in mind Miss Bingley´s hopes for Miss Darcy marrying Mr Bingley and thought it quite likely that Darcy could entertain similar expectations, for different reasons though.

“You are about to amend for that, and furthermore it is not my due to be the judge of your behaviour. However, if you agree I will tell Jane nothing, I do not want to raise her hopes just in case Mr Bingley fails to return to Netherfield even after you´ve spoken to him. I may not like it but it seems the only thing for me to do in our matchmaking scheme is to wait.”

“It seems so indeed but I think after their reunion your geographical skills concerning Hertfordshire landscape will be very useful for getting them lost.”

“I hope so.”

As nothing else could be said on the subject and Elizabeth was unusually silent Darcy tried to think of something else. He came up with books – a topic that also allowed Anne and the colonel to participate before Lady Catherine would become suspicious of the pairings. While it would do very well for her Matlock nephew to entertain Mrs Collins´ friend while Darcy courted his intended she would not have it the other way round.

Colonel Fitzwilliam was only alerted to what went on between Darcy and Miss Bennet when Anne told him so. And he was startled how much it affected him to see Anne so happy about obviously not having to marry Darcy. His cousin was pleasant enough and in prudent light it would have been an excellent match. Then why was Anne so violently opposed? Had she had an earlier clue as to where Darcy´s preferences laid? Or was she herself in love with somebody else?

There his military training aided Richard; systematically he ticked off one after another of his cousin´s male acquaintances. Not an overly difficult task, there seemed hardly anyone outside her family who had spent enough time with her to make her fall in love. This conclusion was strangely pleasing. If Anne was not bound to another man, either by her mother´s wishes nor by her own heart, then he had a chance. And he intended to grab it.

The remaining days of Elizabeth´s stay in Hertfordshire brought her comparatively seldom in company with the inhabitants of Rosings. True to his word Darcy made an effort to introduce his cousins into the intricacies of running the estate, furthermore the weather was not permitting too many outings. Lizzy occupied herself with spending a lot of time with Charlotte and - to a smaller extent – with trying to ascertain her feelings for Mr Darcy. That she missed his company was certain, how far this depended on simple curiosity or something more was far less certain. He seemed to regard her highly but not prepared to take things further. Of his reasons there she could not be sure, somehow she felt it was not due to their different situation in society or her family, but then why else she could not fathom.

On the other hand – a little time apart would do her good. She would be able to find out the strength of her feelings, whether this infatuation would pass or whether it would deepen. And the inevitable separation between her leaving Kent and his – possible – return to Hertfordshire with Bingley would enable her to distinguish between the compassion she felt because of the awareness that he was indeed burdened with a heavy load of responsibilities and in need of a true partner in life and more tender feelings.

So although both were disappointed that they did not meet during a walk in Rosings Park but that their farewell took place in the Collinses drawing room the two of them took enough encouragement from this meeting to tolerably sustain them for the time apart.

“Miss Bennet, I do hope you will have a safe journey back and that you will find all of your family in good health and spirits.”

“Thank you, Mr Darcy. I do wish you the same, most particularly for Miss Darcy.”

“I hope I can introduce you to her soon, maybe she could accompany me to Hertfordshire. Will you allow me,er, us to call on you then?”

His slip did not go unnoticed by Elizabeth and although she had over and over vowed to herself to be cautious, not to show any emotions that could mislead him, she felt and overwhelming need to reassure him, she was moved by the anxious uncertainty in his voice.

“I will be looking forward to seeing both of you at Longbourn.”

“Thank you, Miss Bennet.”

Darcy´s answer was nearly inaudible as he bowed over her hand and Elizabeth felt her breath catch in her throat.

When the gentlemen were leaving she didn´t care for Charlotte noticing, she watched their retreating figures as long as she could make them out and each step made her heart heavier. Already accustomed to berating herself for irrational notions Lizzy noted with a wry smile that maybe she would not need a separation after all for ascertaining her feelings for Mr Darcy.

As the carriage drew away from Rosings Darcy let his mind wander over this visit. What at first had seemed a daring conclusion to him – that he intended to make Miss Elizabeth Bennet his wife – now was a firm conviction. All his previous notions about her not being a suitable Mrs Darcy seemed inconsequential now. Lady Catherine was a sound reminder of his family too not being free of annoying members and he was certainly not in a position to require a wife with a substantial dowry nor one that would enhance his family´s standing in society.

Such occupied with pleasant thoughts and planning Darcy failed to notice Col Fitzwilliam´s dark mood for the first leg of their journey. Only when his cousin did not even comment on an astonishing pair of grays they saw when stopping briefly at an inn he inquired

“Richard, is something wrong?”

The colonel responded with a smirk only. Darcy tried again.

“You know you can count on my support, don´t you?”

This time an answer came.

“Forgive me, Darcy, but you´re the wrong cousin in this. I, er, I, we did not have time, I cannot tell what Anne´s feelings are.”

“Really, Richard, sometimes you make me wonder. Firstly you can still write to her – as her cousin - and secondly I can give you assurance that at least Anne does enjoy your company. Miss Bennet assured me of this when I wanted to apologize for drawing her from your side. – You see, there´s no need to wallow in self-pity, your case is far from hopeless. Campaigns, wars even, have been started on less encouragement.”

“War, yes. That´s what our beloved aunt will declare if I make my intentions known.”

“Dear me! You have braved Bonaparte and now you cower before your aunt? Lady Catherine is not a pleasant opponent, I grant you, but if I drop out of the picture and with your elder brother already married you will quickly raise in her esteem as son-in-law.”

“Charmingly phrased, Darcy. When do you intend to tell her?”

“I told her this morning. Before your hopes rise - Aunt Catherine did not take me serious though, she thinks I am suffering of some sort of pre-wedding-jitters.”

Richard rose his hands in mock defeat.

“All right, Darce, here´s my plan. I do intend to tell my father and possibly get his support and I will write to Anne.”

He paused there and gave Darcy a shrewd look before continuing.

“And if you happen to meet Miss Bennet anytime soon may I ask you to find out whether she knows more of Anne´s, er, intentions?”

“Of course, Richard.” stated Darcy with more confidence in his voice than he felt.

If Elizabeth had had any doubts about her feelings for Mr Darcy a few days at home extinguished them thoroughly. Although she had missed her family – some members more than others – she caught herself thinking of Kent more often than not. And if she didn´t think of Kent she was reminded of him at every other turn on her ramblings. When every oak tree began to give her an excuse to let her thoughts wander to Mr Darcy – they had met under such a tree when she had walked over to Netherfield to look after Jane – Lizzy could only shake her head over herself.

And therefore her Aunt Philipps brought a very useful piece of gossip two weeks after her return to Longbourn: the butcher had confirmed that Netherfield was to be reopened and Mr Bingley would return within the week.

Lizzy very much hoped he would bring his friend with him.

Part 7

Posted on Tuesday, 8 June 2004

Mr Bingley did return to Netherfield, accompanied by Mr and Mrs Hurst. For three days no one but Sir William Lucas saw him. Elizabeth frequently could persuade Jane to escape on a walk with her as Mrs Bennet`s ranting and raving about Mr Bingley had begun to wear even Jane´s nerves thin. Lizzy was glad that her sister rather talked about her own romance – though in a rather roundabout way – and therefore not noticed that Lizzy often directed their walks to hills which would afford a view of Netherfield. But they saw no one save some gardeners.

With a sigh Elizabeth let linger her gaze over that very meadow where she´d spotted Darcy and Bingley for the very first time, last autumn. No rider made his appearance.

One morning Lizzy and Jane were about to set out for a walk to Meryton, despite their mother´s scolding, when Mr Bingley rode up the driveway. He stammered and Jane blushed prettily and everything left to Lizzy was to deflect some of Mrs. Bennet´s silliest remarks and send a silent thank you to Mr Darcy for bringing Bingley back to Hertfordshire. For she didn´t doubt for a moment that he had accompanied his friend and put their not having heard of him being of the party down to Meryton society´s pointed dislike of him. Why he would not call together with Bingley she could only guess, probably to give Bingley enough room.

In a lull of conversation Elizabeth enquired after Mr Bingley´s family.

“They are all well, thank you. My sister and Mr Hurst send their regards and hope to be able to call later. Caroline is in Bath with a friend, in her last letter she expressed her satisfaction with her stay there.”

“That is good to hear. We had but a few letters from her after your departure; it seems you had a busy time in London with Miss Darcy.”

Bingley looked confused at this but also something flickered across his mien that Elizabeth could only take as anger and bitterness. She was taken aback, never in their whole acquaintance had she seen him in such a state but he recollected himself quickly.

“Miss Darcy is not out yet, Caroline must have referred to her own calls on her for I have seen her but two or three times this past season.”

Jane was quick to hide her relief – although Lizzy had always pressed with her that Miss Bingley´s remarks were only meant to discourage her Jane wouldn´t want to steal somebody else's intended.

“Yes, that must have been her meaning. And how is Mr Darcy?”

This time there was no way to mistake the dark look on Bingley´s face for what it was. In a rather cold voice he answered

“I confess I do not know for I haven´t seen nor heard from him for some weeks.”

Lizzy was speechless for a moment. It was fortunate that Bingley seemed so absorbed in his own thoughts that he didn´t notice. Jane did though but had to react to her mother speaking up to make a rather ungracious comment on Mr Darcy.

By then Elizabeth had so far recovered to make an effort to compose herself for the rest of Bingley´s visit. Her outward appearance would appear calm enough but her thoughts raced. So her worst fear had come true! Darcy´s confession had meant the end of their friendship!

After Bingley had left she quickly grabbed her bonnet and directed her steps towards Oakham mount. There, under an old oak tree that afforded a wonderful view across the land around Meryton Lizzy sat down, for once not seeing a thing. Try as she might, she could not shake her depression about this developments. Back at Longbourn she excused herself. Passing the library Mr Bennet called out

“To much of your mother´s joy,eh, Lizzy?”

She only managed a nod and continued upstairs. There her tears flowed freely when she finally acknowledged to what extent she had wished for to be in Darcy´s company again.

Darcy fared little better, but at least his anguish was of a shorter duration. As understandable Charles´ anger was he was bitterly disappointed. Darcy berated himself severely and told himself over and over again that he deserved nothing better but this couldn´t keep him from having hoped for being able to obtain his friend´s forgiveness.

Although disheartened Darcy managed to pick himself up rather quickly. He had made plans in Kent and he intended to put them to work. If this task was made more difficult due to not being able to see Elizabeth so be it, in the end it wouldn´t matter, he would be a better man, as much for himself as for her and he would find a way to see her again.

Means to hearing from her were presented to Darcy from an unexpected corner: he had written to his aunt and to his cousin polite letters and while Lady Catherine´s reply was all obtuseness Anne´s letter included a wonderful piece of information. She wrote in a very spirited manner about his and Richard´s visit and while she would not betray anything concerning the colonel she expressed her pleasure about having found a witty conversant by letter in Miss Bennet.

Darcy had never answered one of Anne´s letter with such eagerness. After finishing a page with questions however he stopped – wasn´t it awfully selfish what he did? A fresh sheet was produced and he started over.

Dear cousin Anne,

Pray burn this letter as soon as you have read it, it must not fall into your Mother´s hands, for your sake as well as mine. Please bear with me despite this dramatic opening – I find our newfound honesty very refreshing and aim to take advantage of it. Although I am not sure whether you haven´t seen through me already I am going to make a confession: I am in love with Miss Bennet and I hope one day to be able to ask her to be my wife. I cannot say how much she cares for me at the moment but I hope my stay in Kent helped to better her opinion of me. Due to an unfortunate fall-out between my friend Bingley and me, I am in no position to court her properly in Hertfordshire. I am not without hope that my relationship with Bingley can be mended.

Anne, I would not want you doing anything improper but I would be very grateful if you could provide me with news about Miss Bennet.

Yours, etc

Fitzwilliam

Anne´s reply was brief and to the point.

Dear Fitz,

Now I know why Miss Bennet´s last letter was lacking in spirit. If you do not mind I will provide her with news of you as well, it could do a lot towards raising her spirits.

Yours,etc

Anne

PS: Do you know by chance how Richard is faring?

Darcy was very much pleased with this answer – he could be sure to have news of his beloved shortly and he was glad that Richard´s suit was not without hope. Another big part in his comparative ease played his improved relationship with Georgiana.

After returning to London he had kept Miss Bennet´s advice in mind, he had not automatically ascribed the worst possible explanations when he found his sister out of spirit but rather simple ones. Therefore Darcy discovered that Georgiana could sulk over a bout of rain that prevented an outing like she had done when six years old instead of sixteen or that a morning visit of some particular ladies of the ton could put her in a black mood for hours.

Georgiana noticed the change in her brother´s demeanour and while she couldn´t put her finger on it he somehow seemed less intimidating to her. She was sometimes surprised with herself – she even considered teasing him, in a gentle way, like Col Fitzwilliam did with her. So one afternoon, when she happened upon her brother unexpectedly - lounging in the music room, looking at nothing in particular with a dreamy expression on his face - the words escaped Georgiana´s mouth before she could do anything about it.

“Why, Fitzwilliam, if it weren´t you I thought you´d be moonstruck!”

She clamped her hands before her mouth and awaited the scolding look that would follow such disrespectful, unladylike behaviour. Darcy´s eyes widened at his sister´s bold comment but then he couldn´t help, well, giggling. Now it is quite unusual for a Darcy to giggle, especially a male one, an observation which brought him to fullblown laughter. Georgiana seemed to fear not for herself anymore but rather for his sanity so he decided to put her out of her misery.

“Very astute, dumpling. Would you like to hear about the special lady that has put me in such a state?”

For some moments Miss Darcy was dumbstruck and then it looked like she was about to jump up and down like a little child but soon her very thorough education took over and she composed herself enough to sit down next to her brother, take his hand and reply

“Of course! Tell me all about her!”

Part 8

Posted on Wednesday, 16 June 2004

While Mr Darcy finally had found a grateful ear for his desire to extol on Miss Elizabeth Bennet´s beauty and virtues the said lady did not have the consolation of a confidante. Lizzy wanted to tell Jane everything about herself and Mr Darcy but hesitated as her sister´s courtship with Mr Bingley did not run as smooth as could have been expected after their initial reaquaintance. Of course Mrs Bennet was no help and Lydia´s joy and Kitty´s depression about the former´s trip to Brighton also demanded patience from everyone in the Longbourn household but still, something was not quite right.

Mr Charles Bingley got the same expression. At first he had been mightily relieved that obviously Jane was truly an angel and did not hold a grudge against him but further meetings had found her somehow distant and preoccupied. At the end of his wits he thought of asking – but no, Bingley resolutely pushed the thought at the back of his mind whenever he automatically turned to ask Darcy for advice, no, there wouldn´t be a Darcy anymore for him to rely onto.

When a few days of rain prevented Bingley from calling at Longbourn and Lizzy from taking her walks at least for Jane and Lizzy some things became clearer. One day in the still room Lizzy decided to ask Jane straightforward and was very much surprised by the answer.

“Why Jane, I know Mother doesn´t make things easy for you and Mr Bingley but I cannot shake the impression that there is something else! If you indeed do hold a grudge against Mr Bingley for deserting you like he did – and I think you should at least demand an explanation – you should tell him so and thus prevent unease and mistrust seeping in!”

“Oh, Lizzy, no. I had asked him at the first opportunity and he explained how Mr Darcy had convinced him of me not caring for him. As Charlotte has often enough told me that I didn´t encourage Mr Bingley in a way a young man should be encouraged I quite understood why he stayed away then. No, it is something else indeed - Lizzy, how can I be happy when you are not?”

Elizabeth was dumbfounded. She had thought herself very clever in concealing her disappointment, but of course, Jane read her like an open book. Or so she´d thought.

“Lizzy, I know you are very fond of Mr Wickham and grieve the regiment`s leaving Meryton. And Lydia´s constant crowing about her trip to Brighton cannot make things easier for you. If Mr Bingley is in earnest this time he will not begrudge me lending my sister support when she needs it, he will be patient.”

Now Lizzy had to laugh.

“Oh Jane, you cannot be more wrong than that! But ´tis all my fault, I should have confided in you long ago, only that I wouldn´t want you to distract you from Mr Bingley. Now it seems that my very silence lent to that very distraction.”

Elizabeth went over to check the door and closed it firmly.

“I guess it is time for a proper sister-to-sister talk.”

As Jane nodded Lizzy continued.

“I mentioned that Mr Darcy and his cousin were visiting their aunt, Lady Catherine de Bourgh whilst I was staying at the parsonage. I let my family assume that we didn´t see them very often because I wanted to spare you - if I told Mamá that I dined with Mr Darcy twice a week she would have brought up Mr Bingley.”

She proceeded to tell that she came to know Mr Darcy better and that in this course Mr Wickham´s tales had lost their spell. When Jane tried to exculpate Mr Wickham as well as Mr Darcy Elizabeth was forced to relate Miss Darcy´s sad story. Before Jane could suspect any attachment between Mr Darcy and Elizabeth Lizzy pointed out that she had hesitated to confide in Jane for said reasons and because she hadn´t wanted to remind her of Bingley.

“Oh Lizzy, I am glad everything is out in the open! I would have sworn that you are crossed in love while you were thinking only of me. How selfish of me!”

“Jane, stop it this instant! You are too good for this world but you won´t make a saint out of me. I know I have been irritable and restless, but Mr Wickham is not the reason. At least not in that sense because it does make me uneasy that Lydia should be near him with only Mrs Foster as chaperone. I tried to talk Father out of letting her go but he argues that she is too poor to fall prey to fortune hunters.”

“Father is most probably right and Lydia is so looking forward to this trip, do not worry.”

Lizzy hesitated there but then said her thing.

“She is poor, yes, but I am sorry to say that our little sister is a incorrigible flirt and too young and foolish to withstand the machinations of someone like Wickham. I do not want to shock you, Jane, but if he has not marriage in his mind ...”

“He cannot be so bad!”

“What else do you need? To be badmouthing his benefactor's children, to try to ruin his daughter, to spread lies about his son?”

Now Jane looked miserable and Elizabeth regretted voicing her suspicions. She tried to undo the damage.

“I will talk to Father again and tell him of Mr Wickham´s bad deeds. Mr Darcy has not bound me to silence, although I think he would not want many people to know of his sister´s near-ruin. Our father will not gossip and I am certain that would convince him. – And, Jane, if you are engaged before Lydia leaves for Brighton he wouldn´t let her go anyway.”

The last was said with a twinkle, in an attempt to lighten the atmosphere. Jane blushed and Elizabeth feared to have produced yet another obstacle in Jane´s mind.

“I confess I could not keep myself from hoping that this time Mr Bingley and I would become more than mere acquaintances.”

Lizzy felt bad about telling Jane only half-truths but was very much relieved to find her inclined to accept Mr Bingley anyway. She vowed to herself to have more faith in Mr Darcy – deep down she knew that they would meet again – and in the meantime do everything to promote her sister´s happiness. Bringing them together would also provide her with means to try to mend the breach between the two friends – for totally unselfish reasons of course.

Dear Anne,

You are a very sly thing! My big brother so hopelessly in love and you never said a thing! I demand to hear everything about this Miss Bennet. If you do not satisfy my curiosity I will tease you mercilessly about you-know-who!

Yours etc

Georgie

The weather in Hertfordshire improved and so did Lizzy´s spirits. She devoted her day to spending time with her family, namely chaperoning Jane and Mr Bingley or reading with her father and her evenings to imaginary talks with her beloved. Lizzy had put off talking with her father about Lydia again because – as now Jane´s courtship went very smooth – she hoped for another solution, namely that Jane´s engagement would prevent Lydia from leaving.

She had corresponded with Miss de Bourgh only once, as first letters usually are theirs had been rather trivial if friendly. So Elizabeth had been taken very much by surprise to receive a long missive from Rosings. Anne seemed quite talented to relate her relative´s and neighbour´s whims with spirit but there was a section in the letter that made Lizzy gasp:

....

Please, Miss Bennet, forgive me if I am overstepping my bounds most dreadfully with what I am going to write now. My cousin Darcy very humbly asked me to tell him any news I had of you without doing something improper. I feel that I should ask your permission to do so. If you are interested how he is doing I can relate that he seems to be spending his time in London with his sister Georgiana mainly and that both are in quite good spirits.

....

Elizabeth´s heart leaped with joy. Quickly she retreated to her room to write a short answer.

Dear Miss de Bourgh,

Thank you very much for your letter, I found its contents very much to my liking. You may do as your cousin asks you, I consent most readily and can see nothing improper in doing so as you will only tell him things he would see for himself would not be that unfortunate fall-out between him and his friend.

I am in good spirits and happy about my sister´s happiness which I can only put down to Mr Darcy´s help there, the only source of my discontent is that I cannot thank him in person.

But I am looking forward to a tour of the Lake Country with my aunt and uncle in a week´s time from which I will write to you again.

Yours, etc.

Elizabeth Bennet

As it was dangerous to keep a letter of such content with her things – unfortunately Lady Catherine was not above snooping in her daughter´s belongings – Anne had no qualms about enclosing this note into her next letter to cousin Darcy.

Dear Fitz,

I will write no more as you no doubt won´t read anything else but what I have enclosed. If you are growing desperate bear in mind that the road to the Lake Country passes through Derbyshire.

Yours,etc.

Anne

In his London townhouse Mr Darcy had to laugh when he actually considered – for a brief time – to lie in wait on the road to Derby in fashion of a highwayman. He dropped the thought but mused that it couldn´t hurt to make enquiries in the most likely inns in Derby.

Part 9

Posted on Tuesday, 22 June 2004

Mr Bingley noticed that Jane´s behaviour in his company had returned to what it had been at their first meeting, whatever had been troubling her and made her keeping her distance seemed to have vanished. And although the very thing he had wanted to ask Darcy about was no longer existent he found his thoughts turning to his former friend with perverse frequency. Had he been too harsh?

Caroline Bingley had written to her brother from Bath, letters full of hints of suitable females `she would be glad to call her sister´. As Charles had been very clear on the subject of why he returned to Hertfordshire he found this hints very annoying. Mrs Hurst too rather seemed to be her younger sister´s watchdog – watching her brother that is – and far from encouraging his suit. When he questioned her about this one evening her professed reasons had a rather shallow ring to it. `We wanted to spare Georgiana the disappointment´ - `You can marry far better´ - `Her family! One uncle an attorney and the other one in trade´ …

Charles knew Caroline and Louisa had entertained hopes of the former marrying Mr Darcy and therefore praised his sister to the skies whenever they were in her company. But on the other hand he hadn´t been able to miss the fact that neither was Darcy interested in Caroline nor intended to marry off his little sister anytime soon. As now – after her brother´s quarrel with Mr Darcy – Miss Bingley had thought it wise to let some time pass before again making overtures at the Darcys´ friendship and therefore rather gone to Bath than to Netherfield the distance between the siblings enabled Mr Bingley to look at the whole sordid affair from another angle.

Mr Darcy had profusely apologized for ever having interfered and given as a reason for interfering at all that he wanted to spare his friend a loveless marriage. And while it had become clear to Bingley over the past month that his sisters had played a major role in all this Darcy never had mentioned them, he had taken everything upon himself and never ever betrayed them.

Charles knew his friend tolerated Caroline´s advances only out of regard for himself, so he had to grant him that such actions could only be put down to his honour as a gentleman. Never had he seen Darcy act differently, never taking the easy way out. No, as hard as it was to admit to himself, Darcy would not lie. If he professed Jane to be unmoved he had been convinced of it being just so. And considering Mrs Bennet´s zeal in marrying off her daughter Darcy´s actions separating him from Jane had not been unreasonable at all.

Mr Bingley, having come thus far in his musings, still had the impression that there was something else but then Darcy had been rather solemn and withdrawn even before coming to Hertfordshire. No, he couldn´t avoid facing it any longer – Darcy had been wrong but only so in his, Charles´, best interest and he had apologized for having acted at all. Now it was his turn to make the next step. He sat down to write what was probably the most difficult letter he´d ever written.

Having spoken to her father about Lydia and Wickham again and having received his assurances that he would think it over seriously Lizzy directed her thoughts to more trivial matters. In her mind she had already sorted her gowns, which one to take to the Lakes and which one not, and was counting the days until her departure. Therefore she eagerly tore open a letter from her aunt Gardiner only to be – at first – bitterly disappointed. For the delay troubled her greatly, only the new destination would raise her spirits again. Derbyshire! His county! Elizabeth had no idea where Pemberley was located and was not – at least by daytime – desperate enough to dream up chance meetings with Mr Darcy for Derbyshire was certainly tall enough to miss one another. But the thought of traveling roads he had once traveled, of feeling a breeze that might have tousled his hair before could not but affect her.

Her instant reaction – to write to Miss de Bourgh – made her blush but then – wasn´t it providence? Should false modesty stand in the way of what seemed like a chance that wouldn´t repeat itself? Lizzy sat down to write.

The Darcy household in London bustled with activity to give the house up over the summer and Pemberley was also buzzing. The master and his sister were coming up for the summer and Mrs Reynolds strove to have everything in order. Of course the house was presentable at any time – every week some visitors came to view the public rooms – but whenever the family was to come the good housekeeper made extra efforts for the two people she as much considered as her children as her own.

Back in London Mr Darcy was about to discuss last details with his London housekeeper when the post arrived. Another letter from Anne.

Dear Fitz,

Pray sit down before continuing to read this. I had a hardly legible note from EB, she was very disappointed that her trip to the Lakes had to be postponed. It seems despite this her spirits rally tolerably because the new destination is to be Derbyshire. She will be leaving with her relatives from Hertfordshire in a weeks time and travel via Oxford, Chatsworth and Blenheim to the North where their trip will commence in Lambton for a week where her aunt apparently hails from and plans to visit some acquaintances.

Good Luck!

Anne

PS: I haven´t told her that Pemberley is not five miles from Lambton as I want her to have a chance to enjoy the sights until then.

Georgiana Darcy had never seen her brother like this before, he seemed to be almost giddy with joy. Without a word he handed her the letter.

“Well, Fitzwilliam, we rather be at our best. Shall I write to Mrs Reynolds to take extra care with Pemberley?”

Darcy shook his head.

“No, she will do so anyway. What shall I say to her?”

Despite knowing perfectly well that he wasn´t talking of Pemberley´s housekeeper anymore Georgiana couldn´t resist some teasing.

“Whom? Mrs Reynolds?”

He made a movement to throw a pillow, and after his sister´s next comment fulfilled the threat much to Georgiana´s joy.

“How about `Good day, Miss Bennet. Nice weather, isn´t it?´”

Darcy resisted the urge to make a last minute appointment with his taylor and turned his attention to the other letters. One he tore open with nearly as much eagerness as Anne´s.

Dear Darcy,

I want to ask your forgiveness for my behaviour when we last met. My anger then clouded my judgment. Now I am able to see my faults in this as well - I should have pursued Jane anyway - and I am quite convinced now that my sisters´ reasons were not as honourable as yours. I do hope very much that the breach in our friendship can be mended and would be exceedingly glad to see you at Netherfield anytime you wish.

Yours, etc.

Bingley

Darcy sat down to answer Bingley´s letter immediately, expressing his joy about his friends overtures but declining a visit just now because he expected guests at Pemberley. For a second he thought of dropping a hint that he hoped to have another reason to travel to Hertfordshire soon but then – in a rather unusual stint of superstition – decided not to tempt his fate. Because while Darcy was quite sure not to miss Elizabeth in Lambton he had yet to obtain her affection, despite Anne´s hints.

Back at Longbourn Mr Bennet got a glimpse of Mr Bingley that made him suspect that there was more to the young man than met the eye. Earlier this afternoon he had been everything a young man standing before his future father-in-law should be but now … Obviously Lizzy, or at least Jane, had confided in him concerning Lydia, and Mr Bingley had taken it on him to make the youngest Bennet see reason. He did so in a way Mr Bennet began to suspect that maybe his Netherfield neighbour had at university not copied everything from Mr Darcy, “Il principe” he might have read himself.

As much as Lydia had been crowing about her trip Kitty had been sulking. Lizzy had shot her father dark looks because he had yet to live up to his promise and the general mood in Longbourn's drawing room was hitting rock bottom. Then Jane very innocently asked Mr Bingley whether he´d ever been to Brighton. His face got a sour look before answering

“Yes, I have, but I cannot say I enjoyed myself very much.”

Lydia laughed and cried

“But I will, I definitely will – all these balls and soirees, oh, and all these officers!”

“I sincerely hope that you will enjoy yourself, Miss Lydia, but you won´t see a lot of officers. It will be expected of Mrs Foster to entertain the other colonels´ wives and I am sure she will be very glad to have you with her as usually colonels are about Col Foster´s age and so are their wives. When I was a boy I once stayed with my mother at Brighton during an encampment in colonel´s household. The only topic amongst the women there I remember was how to relief their husbands´ gout.”

Lydia thought this an excellent joke and Bingley continued

“I am glad you take this news in such good humour. I dare say if you take with you the recipe of that ointment Lady Lucas recommends for gout you will be a great favourite with the elder women and they might even take you with them to the library.”

Mr Bennet had to hide a chuckle when watching Lydia´s face – one could see the wheels clicking. He decided to interfere.

“Enough of this sad topic, I have an announcement to make.”

He saw Lizzy´s eyes widen and look at a beet-red Jane.

“I am glad to be able to tell you that today Mr Bingley asked for my consent to marry one of my daughters, let me see, which one …”

The rest of Mr Bennet´s sentence was drowned in the congratulations that burst forth form all family members, some more subdued than others. When Mary asked which one of Handel´s arias she should practice for their wedding breakfast Lydia´s Brighton trip took its last blow.

“I will defer the choice to your excellent taste, Miss Mary, but I have to warn you – I plan to hold a ball to celebrate our engagement and three weeks time and as Miss Kitty cannot possibly be expected to have all young men to herself with Miss Lydia being away I must have you dance then, there will be no hiding behind the piano.”

Mary blushed but seemed in humour to comply. Mr Bennet winked at Bingley and offered

“Well, son, will you retire to the library with me for something more fortifying than coffee? No doubt lace and frills will dominate the discussion from now on. –“ and addressing Mrs Bennet “-My dear, am I right that you will need the carriage tomorrow to take the girls to Mrs Fenton for new ball gowns?”

“Oh Mr Bennet, of course. Girls, do you not have the best father in the world?”

At the mentioning of ballgowns Lydia´s face momentarily brightened but Mr Bennet added

“No, Lydia, you won´t need a new ball gown for entertaining gouty and married colonels, and neither does Lizzy – she would only tear it climbing the peaks.”

Lizzy hid her grin behind a napkin and together with her father watched her youngest sister. Lydia was not yet ready to give her trip up but Mr Bennet expected to be approached by her before long, asking for permission to remain at home instead of accompanying Mrs Foster.

With a light heart Elizabeth left Longbourn with her favourite aunt and uncle. Lydia was to stay home, Mr Bingley and Jane were ridiculously happy and not even disturbed by Mrs Bennet´s plans for their wedding and Mr Bingley had given a very satisfactory answer to Kitty´s enquiries as to whom his best man would be. At least to Lizzy the answer was entirely satisfying for it was to be Mr Darcy. Obviously the two had made up. Now all she had to do was to wait for the wedding and in the meantime spend her time very agreeably traveling.

Oxford and Blenheim were splendid yet it is not the aim of this work to produce a detailed description. The Gardiners as well as their niece were glad to be at Lambton at last, looking forward to spend more than one or two nights at one place. Elizabeth liked what she had seen of Derbyshire so far, she liked it very well indeed and could have told, should anyone have asked, that she would be content to spend the rest of her life in this particular country.

Billy, undergardener at Pemberley and brother of Hannah, maid at the inn at Lambton, could not understand why his sister would write a note to the master of Pemberley that an elderly couple and their niece had arrived but when he had handed the missive to Mr Darcy he was rewarded with half a crown and the biggest smile ever seen on Mr Darcy´s face.

Part 10

Posted on Friday, 30 July 2004

A bright morning dawned over Lambton and Pemberley. While the Gardiners were still sleeping soundly their niece was already up. Lizzy was sitting on a windowsill in her room and gazing over the woods bordering Lambton, the very woods behind which Pemberley was supposed to be. When during dinner last evening her aunt had talked about the great manor Elizabeth could but keep her hands from trembling but when the maid mentioned the family to be here for the summer she choked on the water she´d gripped in an attempt to calm her nerves. If indeed Lizzy had not been so occupied to regain her confidence she might have noticed Hannah´s quick smile.

The girl was glad for two reasons. Since generations some of her family had always been in service at Pemberley and as intimately she was acquainted with the Darcy sibling's history as fervent was her wish to see them happy. And as she was a sharp young woman she put the master´s rare smile and this Miss Bennet´s blush together and concluded that Pemberley might have a new mistress soon, one who was kind and considerate as far as she could tell and one who was obviously in love with Mr Darcy. The second reason for Hannah´s happiness was that she was in a position to further the match and then have first-hand-knowledge of how it came about. Not that she was prone to gossip but a romantic tale, one to whisper and sigh over with the other girls was another thing.

As Miss Bennet had protested her aunt´s notion to view Pemberley when breakfast had been served the next morning – in Hannah´s eyes further proof that she was genteel and modest – Mrs Gardiner had recommended a walk to Lambton´s old church and churchyard, a suggestion which had been taken up by her travel companions. Hannah had been asked by Mr Darcy only to notify him of the Gardiners coming but she thought some extra meddling in order. Therefore, with the guests comfortably breaking their fast, she quickly penned a note.

Another Derbyshire inhabitant had been up bright and early. After having to bear his valet's chuckles over his unusual fastidiousness Darcy had settled on a green coat and come down to breakfast only to find himself unable to swallow more than tea. To his surprise his sister joined him soon after, exclaiming after a look at him

“I knew you´d be too nervous to eat. Sit down by me, Fitz, have at least a toast, or you´ll frighten Miss Bennet away – the colour of your face matches your coat!”

Darcy was grateful for Georgiana´s efforts and let himself be persuaded to actually eat two toasts. Gradually his nerves began to calm and he let his reason take over again. While his plan – to ride into Lambton, try to encounter her “accidentally” or else wait on Miss Bennet at the inn – was far from brilliant it was a plan whose success in time was quite sure. When Georgie in a very motherly fashion patted his hand and wished him luck he was almost ready to laugh about himself.

Just then the butler brought a note.

Dear Sir,

As you professed an interest in the very kind people currently staying at the inn I beg to forgive me when I tell you they will be viewing the Old Church today morning.

Your most humble servant
Hannah Stevenson

Darcy passed the note to his sister as he was rising from his chair. Georgie stood too, to hug her brother.

“It is as well the Stevensons are good people and not at all prone to gossip.”

In a more serious tone she continued

“You´ve been the best of brothers to me and I have all confidence that Miss Bennet will see the good in you as well and that I will have a sister before long.”

She rose on her toes to kiss his cheek while Darcy only hugged her tighter.

“I´ll try my best, Georgie.”

Elizabeth tried not to be too obvious for she knew her Aunt Gardiner to be a keen observer but still her eyes darted around far more than necessary to take Lambton´s sights. She need not have feared detection because her aunt was wrapped up in discovering new additions and beloved old views every other minute. Lizzy scolded herself for being so nonsensical – surely Mr Darcy would occupy his time better than ride up and down Lambton´s streets and lanes – but she couldn´t help it, she craned her neck whenever she heard hoof beats.

Darcy reined his horse in. In his attempt to be at Lambton as quickly as possible he had driven his mount too hard. Already he felt sweat trickle down his neck. If he wanted to be halfway presentable when he met Miss Bennet he had to slow down. After reaching the outskirts of the little town he tied his horse to a shady tree and continued towards the Old Church on foot.

The Gardiners and their niece had finally reached their destination. They viewed the quaint old chapel and then strolled leisurely about the graveyard. Unfortunately Mrs Gardiner found the stone of a dear old acquaintance whose untimely passing somehow had never been mentioned to her by those Lambton friends she had stayed in touch with. Seeing Mr Gardiner move closer to comfort his wife Elizabeth decided to give them some privacy and made her way to the other side of the chapel, the one facing away from Lambton, the one again giving a view over Pemberley´s woods. She let her gaze sweep over the lush green expansures, wondering whether Anne had told her cousin at all that she was here in Derbyshire. And if he knew – would he seek her out? Elizabeth hoped very much so, deep down in her heart she was convinced that she had Mr Darcy´s regard but still …

With a sigh she was about to turn back to her aunt and uncle when she heard gravel crunch. Expecting to find the Gardiners having followed her nothing prepared her for seeing the object of her musings before her. The deepest blush overspread her features and for now she managed only a small curtsey, no sound escaped her mouth. Darcy was a little better prepared, having rightly put down the couple in the front to be her relatives but was struck by the picture of loveliness before him. Her rosy cheeks seemed never to have radiated as much as now, outlined against the green of his home county, never had her locks been tousled in a lovelier way than by this Derbyshire breeze. When she looked away in embarrassment, deeply conscious of the look of open admiration on his face Darcy forced himself to speak.

“Miss Bennet, I, er, I hope you are well?”

Still not looking at him properly she though answered

“Thank you, Mr Darcy, I am very well. And you?”

“Quite well, yes, thank you. And your parents?”

He searched for to say more but his mind was completely blank.

“They are all in excellent health.”

As Elizabeth began to see the ridicule of their conversation she found the strength to look at him, smiling openly.

“What an extraordinary coincidence that we should meet here.”

Darcy blushed and hesitated only a fraction of a moment before telling her

“Coincidence indeed. I have to profess that I bade Hannah, whose brother is an undergardener at Pemberley, to tell me when you would visit. And Anne wrote me of your trip.”

Lizzy´s smile grew even wider.

“As I hoped she would do.”

This left Darcy in no doubt about her regard and he decided to grab this chance.

“Miss Bennet, I, er, would you … “

Maybe my dear readers can guess what would have happened had not the Gardiners that very moment rounded the corner. Their niece tried to suppress a disappointed sigh – the blush she could not hide for the world – and stepped forward to make the necessary introductions. Mrs Gardiner hailing from Lambton and Mr Gardiner´s interest in all fishing matters soon brought on an animated discussion which led to Mr Darcy inviting them all for dinner at Pemberley that very evening.

While Elizabeth for once was thankful for her mother pressuring her to take her second best gown with her Darcy made a last round through the rooms his guests were to see this evening. He ended up at a window in the music room, overlooking the lake. If usually he took up this position because he wanted to avoid interaction with the people in the room now he felt rather different. After all the feverish preparations for dinner he felt nothing but a rare contentedness - back then in Kent Darcy had been weary both in body and mind but now everything seemed to fall in its place. Darcy was tempted to put this down to Elizabeth´s presence in Derbyshire – he was madly in love with her after all - but he knew that he had changed. He had worked hard, that he had always, but his efforts had changed direction. Since their fateful encounter in Hunsford´s library Darcy had seen more and more clearly what went wrong in his life. Thankfully it had not been too late.

Soon Darcy found out that he didn´t need to make a lot of actual changes but his own approach rather. An honest talk with Mrs Reynolds, since his parents death his closest confidante, had helped further. As the housekeeper managed Pemberley in Darcy´s absence he knew he could trust her judgment and heed her advice. And so he had learned to restrain himself from double checking every little thing that went on in Pemberley, from taking responsibility for everything that went on on his grounds.

Of course, in the end it still was his responsibility, but Darcy knew he had chosen his staff well and that he could let them work on their own without his constant surveillance. The time he gained such he spent actually talking to his staff, his tenants, and most importantly to his sister. While Darcy had known that he was respected now he felt liked. He in turn profited from getting to know people he would not have made an effort to get to know previously. And although he was by no means a daydreamer he could not but help thinking about what joy it would bring to introduce Elizabeth to them, introduce her as his wife and as their new mistress.

The sight of a carriage interrupted Darcy´s musings and he made his way downstairs.

Elizabeth caught her breath when viewing Pemberley for the first time. She could not imagine a more handsome building, or one where man had done less to interfere with nature´s beauty. Blenheim might be more majestic but Pemberley was, even if it still was very stately, a home. Although Lizzy knew that Mr Darcy would have to do very little with its today appearance she credited him with its charm.

And a good thing it was that she was preoccupied with the building for if not she would have been just as nervous as its owner on greeting them.

Finale

Posted on Wednesday, 17 November 2004

Although Darcy felt like he should line up his whole household to greet Elizabeth he restrained himself and stood on the stairs with Georgiana alone. He could see though that Miss Bennet was as nervous as he himself.

After the necessary introductions they proceeded into the manor, Mrs Gardiner on Mr Darcy´s arm, custom demanded it. And a good thing it was, as Lizzy was less likely to trip on the stairs when on her uncle`s arm.

Mr Darcy offered his guests to show them the library and the conservatory before dinner and Elizabeth was soon compelled to overcome her tonguetiedness as she realized how shy the sister of her beloved was. The girl was trying hard but one could sense her fear to converse even with the kind Gardiners. Lizzy shuddered to think what she must be going through among the sharks of the ton, now she could understand Mr Darcy´s rather protective attitude towards his sister even better. Drawing near Miss Darcy´s side she used her considerable social skills to reassure the young woman, to draw her out.

After a few tries Elizabeth found out that the one topic Miss Darcy would talk freely about was music – after having realized that Miss Bennet would not ask her to play or sing. When Lizzy with verve told her an amusing anecdote about a famous Italian opera singer Mr Gardiner knew Georgiana even chuckled a little bit. Of course her brother would not be insensitive to that rare – in company nearly never heard – sound and when his eyes found Elizabeth´s her heart nearly stopped at the intensity his glance conveyed.

No, to drag her away and ensure her hand was not an option here but never had Darcy been so tempted.

Mr Reynolds, the butler, announced that dinner was ready. As Mrs Gardiner was slow to relinquish her husband´s arm she had taken during the previous discussion Darcy found himself in the happy position to lead the two women he loved most to the table.

Dinner passed rather comfortably although at least two persons in Pemberley´s elegant dining parlour would have been hard pressed to remember what they´d eaten. The gentle reader may guess whom to is referred to chiefly but Miss Darcy also found herself preoccupied – she sensed this meeting´s importance for her brother and found herself giddy with joyful expectations of herself gaining a most delightful sister.

Elizabeth thought herself to be doing rather well, at least as long as she discussed her travels with Miss Darcy and Mrs Annesley. When the conversation turned to the Lake Country Lizzy could not help but think of how dearly she wished to be traveling there some day, with Mr Darcy. He caught her eye that very moment and she blushed tellingly, conscious that at least part of her longing had been plainly visible on her face. Mr Darcy had been thinking along similar lines and as their gazes locked time was suspended.

The spell was broken when Elizabeth knocked over her glass, spilling some of the wine on her dress. She excused herself hurriedly, declining Mrs Gardiner´s offer of help.

After a maid had helped Miss Bennet with the stain she was about to return to the others when she encountered Mrs Reynolds in the hall. The housekeeper looked truly stricken and pale, with two bright red spots on her cheeks and beads of perspiration on her brow. Lizzy worried for her health instantly but then remembered that Mrs Reynolds and Mrs Bennet were of roughly the same age. Some of her mother´s „nerves“ could be put down to her feeling very ill indeed quite often.

Mrs Bennet´s old midwife, who had brought all her five girls into the world, had assured them that what ailed their mother was perfectly harmless and would pass in time but Lizzy still felt sorry for her when she struggled between spells of dizziness and waves of heat. Therefore Lizzy was sympathetic but not too worried about Mrs Reynolds. Gently touching her shoulder to get her attention she inquired

„Won´t you sit down? Shall I fetch you a glass of water?“

Mrs Reynold`s eyes widened, Miss Bennet´s presence brought back her attention to her situation. Mr Darcy was as dear as a son to her and of course she knew why this dinner was of the utmost importance to him, but Lucy was her daughter! The housekeeper decided to be open with the kind young woman.

„I am well, Miss Bennet, thank you. It is just – I received some terrible news some moments ago.“

Lizzy sensed that, although Mrs Reynolds struggled for composure, she was close to real panic and this convinced Elizabeth that it had to be a real emergency. Therefore she led her to a chair and summoned a waiting footman, to get some water and to fetch Mr Darcy.

Mrs Reynolds drank the offered water and then had gathered her wits about her so far as to keep the footman.

„Sam, please go and find my husband, he should be in the cellar selecting the port. – And try not to alarm him.“

Turning to Elizabeth she continued

„Thank you for your kindness, Miss Bennet. –I have just heard that Lucy, my daughter, has gone into labour, but it is much too early, this should not have happened for another month at least and we nearly lost her the last time.“

Without thinking Elizabeth took the elder woman´s hand.

„Have faith, Mrs Reynolds, do not despair. I was born nearly two months early and according to my mother my birth was the easiest of her five ones.“

Then Mr Darcy and Mr Reynolds joined them and the housekeeper explained again. Mr Darcy, seeing the Reynolds hesitate to ask for leave not only called for a coach with his fastest horses but also ordered the butler and his wife to go to their daughter´s side.

When they were off Lizzy and Mr Darcy suddenly found themselves alone in the hall, the last remaining footman having gone off to tell Cook of her increased responsibilty with both the butler and the housekeeper gone. They had barely time to look at one another when approaching footsteps were to be heard.

Afterwards Mr Darcy would not for the world have been able to explain his behaviour, then he only knew that he absolutely had to have time alone with Elizabeth. Therefore, rather than awaiting whoever came, he took her wrist and with

„Please, Miss Bennet, come with me!“

very nearly dragged her to the next door. Lizzy followed willingly enough but was still somewhat astonished to find herself in what looked like a larger sort of linen-cupboard. Darcy seemed to be surprised himself, and deeply embarrassed. Even in the little light that filtered through the carvings in the door his blush was visible. Elizabeth caught his eyes and Darcy read in hers all the reassurance he needed. A quick glance around told him that there was not enough room to kneel down without burying his nose in her navel (at this thought he blushed even more) so he took her hand only before saying

„Miss Bennet, for many months now you have been mistress of my heart and what happened just now out there is further proof that you will be the ideal mistress for Pemberley and all the people connected to it – will you please marry me?“

She glanced up at his expectant yet still unsure mien and saw that not a witty but a quick answer was in need.

„Yes, Mr Darcy, I would love nothing better than to be married to you.“

An expression of heartfelt delight diffused over his face and Elizabeth felt her breath catch in her throat. She squeezed his hand - an attempt to still his nerves as much as hers.

Epilogue

Lucy Jones was delivered of a healthy girl who later proved to have nearly as much spirit as her godmother, the new Mrs Darcy.

The Darcys lived a long and happy life and were blessed with seven children, three boys and four girls.

Mrs Reynolds had not been on the spot when Fitzwilliam Darcy had proposed to Elizabeth Bennet but pieced everything together when a few weeks into their marriage a mumbling and blushing Mr Darcy informed her that it was his and the new mistress´ wish that they were to be informed of every alteration concerning a certain linen cabinet off the great hall.

The End