Posted on Friday, 13 August 2004
I sat in an armchair in my bedchamber, staring blankly into the fireplace. The doctor's words, all his instructions and admonitions, ran in an unceasing blur through my head. I simply could not believe it. I was thirty-nine, not old, yet... The logs in the hearth shifted, sending a shower of sparks flying upwards. I was so close to it; why was I not warm?
Through my stupor I heard the door open. George's voice preceded him into the room. "Well, well, my dear, what did the doctor say? The fellow was quite inscrutable and would only say that I should ask you". He took a good look at me and his voice changed. "Sophy?"
It had been George who suggested that I send for the doctor. "After all, Sophy, you are never ill."
"Only when I am away from you, my dear Admiral," I replied teasingly.
He spread his arms wide. "Well, here I am! I am sure you will be well, but perhaps," his voice grew more serious, "the doctor can suggest something which will hasten the return of your health."
He crossed the room and placed his hand on my shoulder, his voice finally rousing me from my reverie. "Sophy, tell me, what did he have to say? Anything of use?"
"George..." I stopped. My frozen brain couldn't believe what I was going to say. I tried again. "Dearest, the doctor said..."
Suddenly, I did believe the doctor's words and all the buried hopes and longings for my life rushed up so overwhelmingly that, much to my chagrin, I began to sob.
There was a painful thud as poor George's knees hit the ground near my chair. He was white to the lips. I tried to speak, to say something to erase the quite frightening look off his face, but I couldn't get any air.
George began speaking, desperately, in a rather disjointed fashion. "Sophy, don't take on so-whatever it is-I'm sure it's not-not anything-we will find a new doctor-this one too young-too squinty-can't see..."
I had begun to shake my head violently and George grasped me by the arms, gave me a tiny shake and roared in his best quarterdeck voice, "Do not shake your head!"
I opened my mouth and was able to gasp out one word:
"Baby".
There was another painful thud as his surprised hands released me and he fell back onto his...um...posterior. (Poor George. Perhaps we shall have to return to Bath).
"A...Sophy, what did you say?"
I gave a half-sob, half-laugh. "We are going to have a baby, George!"
I suddenly was buoyant, filled with the most indescribable joy. I wanted to dance around the room singing and laughing.
George was, as I had been, stunned and unbelieving. "Sophy, are you sure?"
I laughed and replied, "Well, you did say the doctor was too young and squinty. Perhaps we should seek a second opinion?"
He gave a tiny chuckle. "No, I am sure he is not. We should not." He paused. "A baby. Oh, Sophy."
He reached out a shaking hand and placed it on my abdomen, saying again, "Oh, Sophy." I clutched it to me and closed my eyes against the sting of more tears. My life was complete.