"Sand & Water" is a song written by Beth Nielsen Chapman. I fell utterly in love with the song a couple of years ago when I heard it played in an episode of "ER" and I knew I’d just have to write a story based on it someday.
I warn you this is sad, so if you are not enamoured of that kind of story, it is perhaps best you do not read any further. At one point when I was reading through it, I somehow distanced myself from the fact that it was my writing and managed to cease critiquing long enough that I did bring tears to even my eyes.
For any of you who are unfamiliar with this beautiful song, here is a mp3 clip of it: Sand & Water
Despite the sad quality of this story, I hope that you appreciate it and (on some level) enjoy it!
-Tam
As the sun burned low in the west, a cool autumn breeze rushed through the graveyard pulling a number of gold, red and orange leaves from the trees. The leaves swirled indecisively in the air, falling and climbing as they hit the currents and at last skittered across the grass, settling to the ground, collecting at the feet of the few remaining mourners.
Elizabeth Darcy felt the leaves landing on her black coat and heard them rustle as they bumped into each other. Under normal circumstances she would have been distracted by the beauty of the nature surrounding her but these were not normal circumstances. He was gone.
She refused to move from her present station for she knew that when she did leave William would remain behind in the cold graveyard. Elizabeth would then have to admit the truth and that was the last thing she was prepared to do. William had died. She knew that was fact but her shock created a cocoon around her making her think the last week was all some terrible nightmare. Elizabeth partly thought that when she woke up she would find William padding back into the bedroom from one of his late night visits to the refrigerator and he would then laugh at her "silly" dream and tease her by saying she might be prophetic while neither of them believed such a thing.
How was it possible to carry on as normal when he was so much a part of her normal life? The question of her getting by and establishing some sort of new life was inconceivable although she knew she would eventually have to accept the truth as little as she wanted to. All she could think about was how much she would miss him and how empty her life would seem. Not only her life but also the lives of all those who loved him.
It was rather ironic that she was even missing the things she had once found aggravating; his night-time wanderings to the kitchen for celery and Cheese Whiz and the habit of leaving the Cheese Whiz on the counter instead of its proper place in the refrigerator. William had always been one for going to the grocery store and coming back with twenty more items than had been on the list. His excuse was the same each time, "They were on sale!" The "dead" socks on the bedroom floor had been another source of displeasure but that morning she had slunk into the bedroom, saddened, knowing that she was the lone occupant now and had been reduced to tears when there were no socks on the floor.
It had proved similarly distressing upon the discovery that she did not have to wipe steam from their bathroom mirror after his shower and the smell of his aftershave – that she had once rather disliked – had been missing from the air. It had always been mixed with the hot, steamy air that resulted from his shower. Elizabeth had been extremely conscious of the lack of aftershave and cold air in the bathroom that morning. She had sat on the edge of the bathtub, his heavy bathrobe wrapped around her shoulders, sobbing her way through the box of Kleenex. However, when she heard Callum going downstairs, she gathered together the remnants of her composure and slowly got dressed, knowing she had to but not wanting to face the day ahead of her.
Elizabeth’s gaze shifted from the cold and unfeeling grave to the faces of those around her, still disbelieving the reason for them all assembled there. The Gardiners’ were silent; shedding tears was not their way of dealing with such grief. Her father stood beside her, uncertain of what he ought to do to help his daughter. Charles and Jane stood to her right. Charles fought back tears as Jane sniffled against his shoulder. Georgiana stood away from the rest of them, closed off in her own sorrow and surprise at her brother suddenly being taken from them. Elizabeth’s mother had returned to the car some minutes before, not wanting to brave the cool weather. How like Mrs. Bennet that was; to ignore her daughter’s grief and concentrate on her own discomfort.
Elizabeth’s eyes at last, reluctantly came to rest on her five-year-old son, Callum Darcy. He was standing in front of her, her hands clasped under his chin. She could feel him trembling from cold and repressed sobs and the thin gloves she wore had been dampened by his silent tears. How painfully obvious it was that she was not the only one who found a void had appeared in their life with the passing of William Darcy. Callum was suffering in a manner so similar to how his father had dealt with pain – dignified and valiantly trying to remain strong for everyone around him.
The wind moved over her again and Callum turned away from the grave, burying his face in his mother’s coat. Elizabeth felt him sniffle against her. She was suddenly reminded of a song she had once heard and for some reason the words came back to her with perfect clarity. As the tears unknowingly slipped down her face Elizabeth began humming the tune before singing in a wavering voice,
All alone I didn't like the feeling
All alone I sat and cried
All alone I had to find some meaning
In the centre of the pain of I felt inside
She gently rubbed Callum’s back as he continued to sniffle, still fighting against a real tirade of tears. Jane reached out and wrapped an arm around her sister’s waist while Mr. Bennet uneasily placed a caring hand on Elizabeth’s shoulder.
All alone I came into this world
All alone I will someday die
Solid stone is just sand and water, baby
Sand and water, and a million years gone by
Elizabeth raised her eyes to the horizon where the sun flamed, sending deep crimsons, pinks and gold beams of light across the clouds. It illuminated the trees and she could feel the last bit of its warmth soothing her cool skin. Unconsciously, she held Callum closer to her as she forced the next words out in the same quavering tone,
I will see you in the light of a thousand suns
I will hear you in the sound of the waves
I will know you when I come, as we all will come
Through the doors beyond the grave
Tears at last made their way down Georgiana’s face as the words struck a cord within her heart. She moved into the slowly gathering huddle of people who sought comfort in each other’s closeness and Georgiana took refuge in Mr. Gardiner’s fatherly embrace.
All alone I heal this heart of sorrow
All alone I raise this child
Flesh and bone, he's just
Bursting towards tomorrow
And his laughter fills my world and wears your smile
Elizabeth knelt down before Callum, thinking how the words fit – he did have his father’s smile and it comforted her to know that such a wonderful part of William Darcy lived on. Wiping away the tears from Callum’s face she was touched to find him doing the same for her. She pulled him into her arms as he really cried for the first time since he had understood that his father was not going to be with him and Mummy again.
I will see you in the light of a thousand suns
I will hear you in the sound of the waves
I will know you when I come, as we all will come
Through the doors beyond the grave
All alone I came into this world
All alone I will someday die
Solid stone is just sand and water, baby
Sand and water and a million years gone by*
Slowly and resolutely she continued singing as Callum’s tears gradually abated. The song was soothing all as a gentle breeze rushed around them again and Elizabeth thought she caught a whiff of William’s aftershave in that breeze. She would never know if that smell was imagined or not but in her heart she knew the truth and it was that truth that encouraged her voice to stop wavering as she stood up, pulling Callum into her arms and settling him on her hip.
"Cal, we will remember Daddy," she whispered reassuringly, sniffling back the last of her own tears and wiping Callum’s nose with a tissue she had fished out of her pocket. "And he will remember us… I have a feeling that Daddy is going to be watching over us for many years to come…"
* "Sand & Water" – Beth Nielsen Chapman