The Beginning, Section II, Next Section
Chapter 13 Posted on Thursday, 12 December 2002
With Jane healthy and finally back at Longbourn life became routine again. Unusually warm September days segued into the beginning of lovely autumn weather; Elizabeth took advantage of it by extending her daily walks into the neighboring estates. She always felt peaceful on these rambles clearing her mind.
But with Netherfield let she was always hearing the sound of horse hooves galloping down the larger paths she was want to travel. She had to make herself disappear on many occasions lest she be trampled over.
At first she was put out about having her lanes absconded by intruders on horseback, then remembered that they had as much right as she to travel these paths.
She got very adept at moving from the main paths whenever she heard their sounds in the distance. Few people would even know she was there as she became so adept at her escapes.
However, there was one gentleman who seemed to know that she had been about because he always slowed his mount and looked around. Mr. Darcy could neither see nor hear her, but knew she was near. How does he do that? She often wondered.
He is such a mystery, she told Jane as she related all the happenings during her convalescence. She had said that whenever she is only in his company, he is friendly and pleasant. But with a group, even at Mr. Bingley's, he seemed to be snobby and put out by, and offended by the discussions he participates in.
And for Mr. Bingley to be friends with such a man does not make sense either. It is almost like, Elizabeth pondered, as those Mr. Darcy was actually two different people.
Or perhaps he puts on a mask as Mary sometimes does to hide his true self from the world. But which is the real Mr. Darcy? How am I to know? I have witnessed both, and find either could be the true one. He is such a puzzle, she admitted, a puzzle that neither she nor Jane could figure out.
Chapter 14 Posted on Thursday, 12 December 2002
The chaos in the Longbourn household had become greater than the usual of late. The younger Miss Bennet's were in a state of heightened anticipation about a ball at Netherfield that Mr. Bingley promised to give as soon as Jane had recovered. But no date had been set, so no invitations had yet been sent out, but it was hoped to be sometime in late November.
That didn't dampen their enthusiasm as to all the aspects in which they were involved. This included gowns, jewelry, hairstyles, as well as the ever-present red-coated militia quartered at Meryton.
In the meantime, the officers were accorded many invitations at Longbourn, with the Colonel and Mrs. Foster attended as well as by many of the Longbourn neighbors. Lydia had a special bond with the young Mrs. Foster who was quite as silly as she. Elizabeth engaged the more sensible officers in conversation, but seemed to let her two younger sisters carry the day with them.
Their constant talk of charming military officers nearly drove their father to distraction causing him to be always in his library to get relief from them as well as their mother insisting on money for new dresses for the girls.
Elizabeth was not immune from the constant arguing and decisions being called for either. After one exasperating morning listening to Kitty and Lydia bicker, and their mother berate them both to give her nerves some rest, Elizabeth grabbed her bonnet and flew out the door.
Her escape came in the form of a long walk in the woods behind her house. She had almost begun to feel herself again when she heard a horse approaching.
Oh, no, she thought. I cannot deal with this too, and began to follow the more narrow paths back to Longbourn.
As she departed, she noticed the hoof beats stop. Darcy sat quietly atop the great white horse he had ridden from his own stables and watched her exit the area. He had seen her do this many times, and wondered what had happened to make her recede into the forest. Perhaps she hadn't heard his approach.
He couldn't remember his ever offending her in any way, and she seemed to enjoy his company when he and Bingley visited her house. She seemed to illicit lively discussions whenever an interesting topic arose.
She is a very perplexing creature, he mused recalling seeing her one time in a tree happily gazing out at the far expanse. He thought perhaps she is wishing she could travel to far off countries while she sat in her tree.
The only means of that happening, he admitted, was if she or one of her sisters married a man of at least some wealth which did not seem likely with a family such as hers.
It was a shame too, thought Darcy because of her sharp wit she would well in a higher society than Meryton. He often wondered what books she had read, and if he could compare notes on some of them.
He wished at the very least that he could come along her in one of these lanes, and talk to her about them. But she was always disappearing into the bushes before he could get near enough to call out. It was most perplexing.
One day, he determined, one day he would get her to halt her retreat long enough to at least talk to her. One day.
He again heeled his compliant horse that started down the lane unaware that two brown eyes were following him making sure he was well on his way before she came out into the lane again to go home.
Chapter 15 Posted on Thursday, 12 December 2002
Mr. Collin's arrival at Longbourn in order to marry one of his cousins to settle his entailment of Longbourn had left the Bennet family in hopes of keeping their estate in the family. He was a smallish man always bowing, and acting gracious, but never taken seriously. Sycophants were a blessing for Mr. Bennet's amusement as he enjoyed toying with the more dimwitted ones, of which Mr. Collins was one. Mr. Bennet and Elizabeth teased him with conversations that were beyond his scope. Mr. Collins took them at their words, and did not pick up on the double meanings of the other two. Mr. Bennet was pleased to get at least some relief from the talk of balls, and all their accoutrements.
Mrs. Bennet encouraged Mr. Collins to participate in all he girls' excursions including walks into Meryton for exercise. He was only too happy to oblige for it meant he could be in close proximity to all his cousins to get a knowledge of which one would make him the best wife. This interference, however, was not welcomed by any of the girls except perhaps Mary due to her religious zeal.
Unfortunately as he was not an avid walker and found himself panting and sweating profusely during these excursions, and this didn't endear him to any of his fair cousins either. This didn't discourage him from his intention of marrying one of them, however, and he seemed to be favoring Elizabeth to her utter. Disgust.
The only consolation for the girls of those walks with Mr. Collins into Meryton was that he couldn't keep up his usual banal conversation, so the girls were left in relative peace and quiet if panting was not included as conversation.
As they entered into the main avenue of Meryton, the two younger sisters spied two of their favorite officers stationed in town for the winter. There was another gentleman accompanying them as they began to amble over to the group.
"Who do you suppose that is?" asked Kitty eyeing the handsome man.
"He would look ever so much more handsome if he were in regimentals," quipped Lydia back batting her eyelashes even though the officers were too far away to see.
Then to all her sister's dismay she jumped up and down and yelled to them. "Denny!"
"Lydia," admonished Jane, but Lydia took no heed. She had never been easy to handle even when young due to the fact that their mother doted on her.
Now that she was almost grown, she was near impossible to control. She was use to having her own way in all things, and pouted loudly until her mother finally gave in.
She was constantly embarrassing three of her four older sisters who tried to curb her willfulness. Both of their parents did nothing of use to aid them in this endeavor, so mighty as they tried Jane, Mary and Elizabeth were unsuccessful.
All the three older sisters had to endure the embarrassment of their younger sister's behavior in public, and it was getting to be quite a lot to deal with when Mr. Colin came for an extended visit.
He was constantly complaining about her behavior to his cousins, but made sure he was not in earshot of Mrs. Bennet because of her favoritism for Lydia.
Elizabeth silently agreed with his assessment of Lydia, but refused to say anything for fear of encouraging him to more abuse her character.
Jane, who could not find it in her heart to think ill of anyone, was beside herself as regards Lydia. She kept hoping that her youngest sister would realize the errors of her ways and become a more sedate Lydia.
There was no one who knew how to curb her, however, since her father abstained from any discipline toward her. He was a gentle soul, and didn't know what was to be done with her.
One day, though he felt she would do or say something to make herself understand how her behavior marked her. Until then, her father waited.
Chapter 16 Posted on Thursday, 12 December 2002
Still only fifteen, Lydia had fallen in a fever of anything male, but was only discerning enough to favor the militia. It was to be admitted by most girls and perhaps even their mothers that a man in a military uniform was quite dashing and turned many a young girl's heart with thoughts of love.
The entire Bennet party caught the attention of the group of officers across the way when Lydia had shouted, drawing the ire of her sisters as well. Captain Carter, Denny and another gentleman started over to them as Jane tried to admonish Lydia from her forward behavior. Lydia, however, could hear none of it. The officers were all she thought of.
Denny began introducing the girls to this new gentleman who was pleased to see all these pretty girls, especially the most boisterous, Lydia. He was sure to have some fun with her.
"Are you to be in Meryton long, Mr. Wickham?" flirted Lydia.
"All winter," he replied smiling charmingly at her. Then he smiled at all the girls and added, "I have purchased a commission in Colonial Foster's militia."
It was Kitty who whispered to Lydia, "See, he will be in regimentals," and giggled.
The officer piped in, "And will lend them much distinction."
"Denny, you misrepresent me to these ladies," charmed Wickham not wanting to have anyone dislike him so early in his stint here. First he must charm, later for fun.
This was taken as a reason to approve of him that very instant as far as Lydia was concerned, and so she began her invitation.
"We are going over to my Aunt Phillips this evening. I am sure since some of the other officers are to attend she will be happy to have you too."
Mr. Colin tskked in the background while there was a collective gasp at the audacity of Lydia to invite a virtual stranger to someone else's home. It was just not done.
Wickham realized this and tried to cover over the misstep of this wayward girl.
"I have not been invited by Mr. or Mrs. Phillips." Mr. Wickham responded. But wanting to be in on such a merry party he smiled and added, "But if they mean to include me I would surely love to attend."
So he had practically invited himself to their little gathering without much effort on his part.
Yes, he thought. This is a town I could get to like and use to my advantage. He smiled smugly as he viewed the group of girls especially the dark haired beauty on the end. She would be worth my time, he thought after I have had my fun with her twit of a younger sister. He tried to keep from leering.
Just at they were setting the plans for the evening in motion two riders came into view and started toward the group.
Unaware to anyone except to Darcy, Elizabeth moved to the back of the group away from the approach of the horses. He noticed she had stopped smiling, and was looking down and almost behind her sister Jane.
Mr. Bingley was overjoyed to see the group, and began his jovial salutations to all especially to Miss Jane who he still thought of as an angel, and dismounted.
Darcy wished to be included in the group, and also began to dismount his own white horse when the newer gentleman turned to face him. Their eyes met in such an angry way only witnessed by Elizabeth who had at that second looked up.
Darcy was frozen for a second. Then heeled his horse to go on ahead without saying anything to any of the party.
It was left to Bingley to be polite and charming which he did to everyone's relief.
Elizabeth didn't know what to make of the look of hatred the past between the two men. Certainly, there was some history that spoke volumes about the snobby Mr. Darcy that Elizabeth had met many times.
Clearly this was not something she was ever to know about, and she didn't care to know. It did not concern her or anyone she knew.
She even forgave Lydia her indiscretion of inviting this stranger to her aunts tonight because she wanted to enjoy the company of this new charming man as well.
He at least didn't have two sides to his personality, she thought. He seems as amiable as the kind Mr. Bingley.
And that is what she thought of him as the party at her Aunt Philips began later that evening.
It wasn't long before the conversation between the charming Mr. Wickham and Elizabeth began that he did indeed divulge the nature of the sinister look of acknowledgement she had witnessed earlier in the street.
Of course, she could not believe even the snobby Mr. Darcy capable of such an act as to refuse to grant his father's wish for Mr. Wickham to have a position as clergyman when it became vacant.
But Wickham sounded convincing in his discourse to her and he charmingly refused to let it ruin his life, he said.
"I have a good life in the militia and am bound and determined to be happy even if I am not to have the life I aspired to. So do not be sad for me, my dear."
He smiled and patted her knee once before retrieving his teacup. Elizabeth immediately disliked his liberty, but was too polite to mention. She merely stood up to go and get some punch at the refreshment table.
Even if his story is true, I must be on guard due to his forward gestures, thought Elizabeth. Her next thought was that he is a man who must be watched, as she saw him saunter over to Lydia and ask for a dance.
Yes, she thought. He is much like the other officers who would take a few liberties of the young girls if allowed. He seemed no different, and therefore seemed able to be controlled the same way.
The evening passed pleasantly and some of the officers were invited to come to Longbourn in a few days for supper.
All the Bennet's returned home with the youngest ones sharing stories of their evening with the 'red coats'.
Elizabeth and Jane decided not to participate in the discussion and went to Jane's bedroom where she told of her feelings with the amiable Mr. Bingley.
Chapter 17 Posted on Thursday, 12 December 2002
Mr. Collin had begun following Elizabeth around almost constantly trying to show her his affection. She was polite at first, but became increasingly more agitated, as politeness seemed to encourage him. It became harder to escape from his incessant tagging along.
Elizabeth's routine of early morning walks began earlier now and she stayed out longer walking through the paths around her father and neighbor's estates. Sometimes she would take several hours walking to and from Oakham Mount or just wandering the paths that ambled through the parks winding their way back to her house.
On one eventful day she had been walking near Netherfield when she heard a rustling of leaves on the knoll to her left, and looked to see what in the world could be coming through what appeared to be a solid wall of bushes.
First, the horse's head appeared all white and dappled shining in the morning sun. The body followed the head with none other than Darcy astride him. He negotiated his way out of the shrubbery and onto the path when he noticed her. He smiled and was rewarded with one in return.
He nudged his horse forward intending to close the distance between them when Elizabeth did what he had expected. She turned and began to enter a path too narrow for the horse to navigate. But then she did something Darcy didn't expect. After she had walked ten paced she stopped and turned to face him. She was no longer smiling.
Perplexed, Darcy came to a halt at the entrance of the path and dismounted.
"Miss Bennet? Have I intruded upon your privacy?" he asked.
He stood still until invited.
"It is not privacy I require, but rather distance," was her enigmatic reply.
"Distance ... from me?" he asked not understanding her logic.
"Not from you, sir, but from your mount," she said blushing from her embarrassment of being found out by him, of all people. She tried to keep her breathing normal as she felt herself begin to pant.
Darcy gave her a questioning glance wondering how when she had such a gift for taming many of God's creature, she could be afraid of horses. He then looked about for a nearby branch. He tied the reins to it and walked the narrow path to come up beside her.
He bowed. She curtsied in return before finally exhaling.
"Thank you," she finally sighed and tried to keep the tremor from her voice.
"It is quite all right, Miss Bennet. My younger sister is uncomfortable around large animals. She even gives my own dogs a wide berth."
He noticed a small log bench along the path and gestured to it. Elizabeth hesitated, but then decided that perhaps she should sit to compose herself.
She wished she knew which Mr. Darcy was the true one. Then, maybe she could feel comfortable enough to ask him about this business with Wickham. Surely it could not be true, but how could it not be? She was so confused.
He seated himself beside her, removed his gloves and hat to sit them on the bench. As he removed his kerchief and wiped the beads of sweat from his brow he remarked, "The morning sun in Hertfordshire is quite warm for this time of year." He donned his hat again.
He noticed though that she did not appear to be perspiring at all, but rather looked a bit chilled. Her eyes seemed intent on the ground before her.
"I must say, you find ways to surprise me whenever I meet you, Miss Bennet," he admitted smiling at her. Her downcast eyes finally looked into his.
She was massaging her hands, but tried to smile back at him.
"Indeed? I thought you would have lost all fascination of me with the likes of Miss Bingley's company to enjoy," she tried to tease him to help calm her self.
He rolled his eyes and shook his head at the thought of Caroline ever surprising him about anything.
"How have I impressed you lately, sir?"
"Just now," he began. "With your skittishness of horses. Am I to understand that you do not single out my mount only, because he is very well trained, but rather all horses?" She nodded looking down at the ground embarrassed.
He continued with, "I have witnessed you playing gleefully with Bingley's rather large clumsy dog who resembles a horse in many ways. You have no fear of him."
He noticed she was still rubbing her hand nervously. He continued.
"I myself have put bugs in your hands that supposedly every woman abhors, yet you found great joy in that experience."
"Yes," she spoke softly and trying to smile at the wonderful shared memory.
"Does this skittishness extend to other large four legged beasts such as ornery cows or belligerent sheep, or is it relegated to only the equestrian type?"
"Just horses, sir, since childhood, " was her reply, her cheeks blushing crimson. When she didn't venture further explanation, he waited quietly and allowed her time to try to compose herself. It took her several minutes but he didn't mind the silence.
"Better?" he asked, both understanding his logic. "Yes," she replied faintly.
"I suppose you would like to know why I have this fear?" she asked sighing but clearly not being able to calm herself.
"Not if you do not wish to disclose it. I would not want you to speak of something that clearly is upsetting to you and something you wish to keep private. I assume only a few people know of this?"
She nodded. "Only Jane and my aunt and uncle in London are fully aware of my ... my ... my ..."
She stopped and began to pant and her hands began to shake. Not, now, she thought as she felt one of her episodes beginning. With eyes filling with tears she looked around for a means of escape.
She heard his soft low voice say, "All is well, Miss Bennet, " as he took one of her hand in both of his and began to rub warmth into her icy fingers. "I understand completely."
But she was not listening to him. She was still panting and beginning to tremble, and looking for an escape as he continued in his quiet voice.
"Take a deep breath." He paused to note if she could hear him through her fear.
"There is nothing here that will harm you." He kept rubbing her fingers.
"Breathe, Miss Bennet, slow deep breaths. Slowly. That is better."
Much like Jane's voice, his was quite soothing when she finally heard it, and became less agitated.
She closed her eyes and tried to force her mind to listen to his voice, obeying his instructions to breathe. After a few deep breaths her mind became calmer and could focus on his words.
"There is nothing here that can harm you." He repeated now that he was sure she could hear him.
"You are not alone. I am here with you." He kept rubbing her icy hand.
"Feel yourself calming down inside." His voice sounded so soothing.
"Listen to the morning doves cooing softly in the distance." She began to hear them.
"Hear the wind blowing through the branches." She could hear that too.
"Feel the warmth of the sun on your face." It feels so good and comfortable.
"Take a deep breath, Miss Bennet." She took a deep breath.
"All is well. I am here." Yes, you are here. I can depend on you.
"Breathe." She took another deep slow breath.
All the while, he was rubbing each of her fingers until he could feel the warmth returning to them. He was then content just to hold her hand in his.
A silence followed as he watched her finally come back from that terrible place he often went. He had understood completely when he saw her face freeze in fear.
He knew what he needed to do to keep her from running blindly through the trees maybe to fall or come to some other harm.
It had taken him years to master his voice and think phrases he used on himself to bring him back to the world.
He was grateful that what he used on himself also seemed to aid Elizabeth in her time of need.
Finally he heard her sigh, and knew the worst was over, for now at least.
She opened her eyes to find him gazing at her. She smiled with an understanding beyond words. He squeezed her hand and released it.
She paused, sighed, and then took a breath in order to speak.
"Thank you," she whispered grateful for his help. He nodded back.
Silence ensued, but not an unpleasant kind as Elizabeth continued to calm her mind and body. Finally, as she returned to her more normal self, she spoke.
"I think after that you deserve to know my story."
"It is not necessary."
"Perhaps not, but I would like you tell you how I came to be this way. Of all people, you, it seem would understand. But you must promise not speak of this to anyone."
"You can be assured of my silence," was his response.
Chapter 18 Posted on : Sunday, 15 December 2002
She began her story by looking off into the trees, but she was seeing a different scene with a much younger Elizabeth.
"When I was about four or so my father thought it would be a good idea for me to learn to ride. Jane was two years older, and seemed to enjoy the pastime. Mary was a toddler, and my two youngest sisters had not yet arrived."
"So far, that sounds like a typical parent's desire," Darcy encouraged.
"Yes, I suppose it is common for farming gentry to want their children to enjoy the animals that were always about. But it became obvious to me that the horse they had procured for my lessons was not as gentle as they had been led to believe."
"How so?"
"I was afraid of him from the beginning. He must have sensed this. When at riding lessons in the paddock, the horse seemed docile, gentle even. But when the adults turned their backs it reached back and bit my legs, and yanked the reins from my hands in order to walk around unrestrained. It also enjoyed bucking to see if he could unseat me. I cried and begged to be let off."
"That seems an unfortunate series of lessons. Surely your father did not insist you keep to them."
"He did. He was unaware of the misbehavior of the animal. Remember, he never saw it act up."
"Did he not believe you when you told him of this terribly trained horse?"
Elizabeth looked at the ground and was silent.
"You never told him. Why would you not tell him?"
"I thought it was part of the normal process of learning. And I did not want my father to be disappointed in me. I thought if I kept trying I would eventually learn how to ride. I just did not want to give up."
Darcy smiled at her and shook his head. "Independent, determined, and tenacious already and at just four years of age."
"Yes, yes," she admitted. "I was those things and more at a very tender age, but it all came to nothing one day in the spring."
She looked down at her hands again and clasped them to together to keep them from shaking.
"I was in the middle of one of my lessons trying very hard to ride side saddle, and pick up the reins that the horse had yanked from my hands when the horse suddenly bolted from the paddock and out into the meadow at full gallop. I know not how I managed to stay seated. I was petrified, but still atop him when I felt the saddle begin to loosen due to his sweating. It slipped but did not come off completely. I was tangled in the stirrups and was dragged for a good half mile before the stable men finally caught us."
When she paused and sighed, Darcy gently took her hand to let her know she was not alone. He watched as she calmed down again enough to continue her story.
"I was quite bruised, frighten, filthy, but essentially unharmed. My father, however, who had finally witnessed the unruliness of the animal, was frantic and held me in his arms while yelling for the horse to be destroyed and that I would never have to ride a horse again as long as I lived. Perhaps his reaction perpetuated my own fears."
Elizabeth was quiet for a minute and then added, "I never knew if that vile creature was truly put down, but at the time I wanted nothing more than to never be near such creatures again."
"That is a terrible ordeal for so young a person to go through," sympathized Darcy. "I can truly understand your dread of horses."
"But that is only part of the story, sir," replied Elizabeth. "When in London visiting my aunt and uncle the worst part finally cemented my belief that a horse is not one of God's creatures, but rather one of the devil's."
"Prayer continue then," said Darcy content to keep hold of her hand for now.
"About six years later I, my sister and my aunt and uncle had just exited one of the shops on a main street when we witnessed a most horrendous sight. A man had a horse and wagon, which was heavily ladened. The horse resembled your mount in size and shape although different in coloring. Everyone could see that the horse was spent when it refused to pull the wagon. The man whipped him unmercifully. The horse went into a rage and reared up and broke free of his straps.
Everyone began to rush out of its way pushing and shoving. Being a slight thing at ten I was pushed and fell into the path of the horse. I froze in panic seeing only the flaring nostrils, the gnashing teeth, and an enormous brown mass with hooves bearing down on me." Darcy felt her hand tense in his, and he gently squeezed it to keep her calm. She looked into his eyes, and nodded, and then continued with her tale.
"I would have been killed within seconds had not my uncle grabbed my arm and pulled me onto the sidewalk. The horse galloped down the street never to be seen again. Since then, I have never been able to even get near a horse without this awful fear washing over me leaving me trembling uncontrollably. Sometimes I am in its grip for hours and have a dread that usually lingers for weeks. I have frequent episodes due to the fact that there are always horses near a bout, but usually I can keep my distance to avoid the worst ones."
She completed her story and sighed again as if just talking about it lessened the weight from her shoulders.
"Today was one of my worst episodes in many years, yet you helped me come out of my abyss in a very short amount of time," she realized. "You have a remarkable skill in treating this malady."
"Well," sighed Darcy. "It comes from years of trial and error to help myself due to my own dislike of crowds. It is not a cure, but at least helps me be able to reason once again. I am glad that you were also helped by my technique.
Not wanting to inform her his own terrifying fear he was silent for a time, and then asked another question of her.
"I still do not understand how you manage to cope."
"The same way you do, I suppose."
"Miss Bennet, I can choose which balls to go to, and so can fortify my resolve for each event. You cannot."
"Sir?"
"Your family must maintain a stable of horses, that pull the carriage in which you must ride. I have witnessed your sister riding a horse over to Netherfield, so you are constantly in their proximity. You are always walking these paths that may, as today, put you unexpectedly in the way of the thing you fear the most. You may have no warning. At those times you have no means of preparing your defenses to withstand your fear. So how do you do it?"
Elizabeth stared down at the ants going about their business of carrying bits of leaves to their den oblivious to the giant humans beside them. She tried to compose her thoughts in a way that he could understand.
"As for the Longbourn stable, I avoid it. As to the carriages, I usually position myself so that someone else is between the horses. "
That's what she did when we met them in Meryton, he thought. "And what of the unexpected rider?"
"Oh," she sighed. "Most of the time I can hear a horse approaching and can remove myself from the path before the rider knows of my presence."
"You hide in the bushes?" That's what she was doing all those times I rode by, he thought.
"I prefer to call it 'making a hasty retreat'," teased Elizabeth.
At least she is feeling good enough to tease me, he thought.
"But when I came through the shrubbery just then, you didn't immediately flit off to remove yourself from my presence."
She laughed aloud for the first time since he had seen this morning. He was glad she was recovering her spirit at last.
"I was not exactly sure what you were at first."
"Pardon?"
"There was this great noise crashing through the bushes and I was curious to see if one of the elephants had escaped the circus." Her eyes sparkled when she smiled.
He smiled back realizing he must have been a sight tromping through the forest like a herd of ... was it elephants?
"How came you to be so far into the woods?" She asked. He shrugged.
"I was not familiar with the paths and my horse and I decided to dare to venture off and I lost my way. I knew I would eventually come back to the road if I kept in this direction. My horse was confident in my commands and so allowed me to guide him into the tall shrub."
"Indeed," Elizabeth nodded. "I sometimes find I must re-assess my bearings when walking so as to get back to the correct path for home. I am glad we are two such confident navigators."
There was a pause before he broached another more sensitive query.
"Do you think there will ever come a day when you will not only tolerate, but be able to face and overcome your fear? Enjoy a ride on horseback?"
"Could you?" she asked back.
"I know not. I would hope I could eventually come to some understanding and acceptance about it and perhaps overcome it. What of you?"
"Perhaps, one day. When there are always horses about everywhere, not easily avoided. It would be more convenient to overcome this fear than have to keep retreating. As you have seen, I am not one who normally shies away from intimidation."
No, he thought agreeing with her assessment. Anyone who can stand up to Miss Bingley must have some mettle. He wished he could give to her another 'first experience', this one of his love of all things horse. He wanted to at the very least be able to ride up and meet her in the lane without her running off into the bushes.
His mind began to wander as he thought of how he wanted to take her to places at Pemberley that could only be accessed on horseback. Spots where only he knew. Secluded glens to share with her...Darcy admonished himself for such thoughts. It could never happen, not for so many reasons. Perhaps, though he could help her with her fear at least.
"If you ever wish to work on that, I hope you would let me try to aid you in that endeavor. "
"You already have, sir," she sighed placing her hands on his arm. "You brought me back from the depths of my fear using your techniques. You have allowed me to relate my story to you. You have even let me tell you of my means of escape."
"Well, when you decide to try, I am sure you would do quite well. Your mind is the key to overcoming this fear. And yours is quite determined."
He paused before he continued in a teasing voice, "And in the mean time, if I accompany Bingley to Longbourn you would not be alarmed?"
"So long as the horses remain outside I see no harm in your visiting, Mr. Darcy," she said rising from the bench.
He also stood and retrieved his gloves to accompany her back to the lane. His great white horse was still tied a distance away. He whinnied at seeing his master as if to say, I was wondering when you would return for me.
"You see how he calls to me?" he asked her.
"Yes, that probably means he is upset, and will rear up when you approach."
"No," sighed Darcy who realized her fear was keeping her from noticing the signs that all creatures use to express anger or fear.
"Look again, Miss Bennet. Observe that his nostrils are not flared out. There is a calmness in his eyes are as you see no white in them. He is not stamping the ground in anxious protest. No, he is content and relaxed. Surely you can see that?"
"I have to admit," began Elizabeth, "that he does appear calm at present. That does not follow that he would remain so at the next moment. I am too afraid to trust him, sir."
"Well, he has been my old friend these ten years now, and obeys me like a dog."
"I do no wish to doubt you, sir," she teased, but her eyes were still wary. "But I find it difficult to believe a horse can be as compliant as a canine."
"But Sampson is a most remarkable horse, Miss Bennet. He was born and raised in my stables under the expert care of Mr. Cooper, my trainer. And even he remarked on Sampson's perceptive nature."
"How so?" inquired Elizabeth curious that a horse could be perceptive?
She kept a watchful eye on the animal that merely stood calmly staring back.
"Well," Darcy said as they watched the horse now peacefully eating grass beside the road. "He senses my mood from mere sight, and acts accordingly. If I am sad, he puts his head over my shoulder to comfort me. If I am upset he gallops harder to help me dissipate my anger."
"An ideal dog-like quality in a horse, then," she admitted. She still couldn't find a way to trust such an animal, even a perceptive one, not now, maybe never.
"Yes, he is one of the best in my stable," he agreed wishing he could show them to her at Pemberley one day.
There was a long pause as he couldn't think of any way to delay her longer. He tipped his hat and said, "I will leave you to your path now, Miss Bennet."
She smiled and responded, "Good day, sir, and thank you again for this morning. I am truly grateful for your techniques. I will endeavor to remember them."
"The most important one, Miss Bennet, is to breathe," he said smiling. She nodded as he turned to retrieve his horse. She turned and went quickly down the narrow path.
As he walked his horse passed the access of the path he couldn't help but look down that way, but she was out of his sight by then. He sighed and continued down the lane. I am glad you all are enjoying my story. For those who waited with baited breath, here is Lizzy's story. Let me know what you think. Kathy t
Chapter 19 Posted on : Sunday, 15 December 2002
Elizabeth enjoyed her daily sojourns in the woods around Longbourn so much that even rain couldn't dampen her spirits long. She was still enough of a child that she didn't mind a little mud on her clothes if it meant she could be out of doors.
She was even young enough still to enjoy climbing in a tree when the mood stuck. It did on this very day, and she had gone from her home toward Netherfield when she saw wonderful sight. A bird nest was cozily set in the branches of a large oak tree with many low hanging branches.
The birds had long been grown and gone abandoning their little home, and Elizabeth wonder what they had left behind. She looked around to see if anyone were near, but heard no one's approach.
She pulled up her dress and began to climb first the one, then another of the tree's branches. After she had got quite high in the tree, she saw the inside of the nest. There was a solid bottom and bits of downy fluff blowing gently in the light breeze.
"They took all they needed before their journey," she sighed wondering if she could ever pack as light for a trip.
She sighed and leaned against the trunk of the tree to rest a bit before climbing back down. It was then that she heard a voice using commands like they do to train dogs.
She searched where the voice had come from, and saw movement in a meadow not far from her vantage point. It was Darcy afoot with his horse. He was drilling him on his various commands to keep him sharp.
She smiled at the exactness of command and obedience. She watched for almost an hour of the repetition of commands until she became quite impressed with the patience of both rider and mount. Clearly, his horse was adequately skilled in the commands whether a rider was seated or afoot.
She smiled at the thought of her training herself as diligently. She remarked, if only I would practice piano as diligently, I could truly be quite as skilled as Mr. Darcy's horse.
As a vision of her down on all fours prancing around the floor stole into her conscientious thoughts she couldn't help but laugh at its absurdity. Still, she acknowledged, he is a well-trained animal, perhaps better than some dogs.
She watched as Darcy finished Sampson's exercises with a soft command which to Elizabeth must have been to come, for the big horse walked leisurely up to his master and stopped before him.
It was then that Darcy's firm demeanor flexed in a more relaxed stance, and the horse did something that astonished Elizabeth. He rubbed his great head against Darcy's chest affectionately. Darcy rubbed the beast's cheeks in an equal sign of the affection that he felt for this animal. She even saw that Darcy removed something from his coat pocket and offered it to the horse. Sampson ate the morsel and rubbed Darcy's chest again, and then put his head gently over Darcy's shoulder.
Clearly, thought Elizabeth this horse must be different than any I have ever seen. Perhaps one day I will have a horse like that to ride and---what am I saying? There is no way I would ever get so near a horse, any horse so large.
Convinced of her resolve, she began to climb down the tree in order to make her way home again. And if she was very lucky, perhaps Mr. Collin will have lost himself in the woods to give her some relief from his most unwelcome attentions.
Chapter 20 Posted on Wednesday, 18 December 2002
There were only a few days until the Netherfield ball, and the entire family was so excited about all the aspects of it, that almost the entire household was up hours earlier than their usual routines. Mr. Collin tried to ingratiate himself onto Mrs. Bennet when in her presence as he asked Elizabeth for the first two dances, and promised to dance with all his cousins afterwards. Mrs. Bennet was so desirous to have Mr. Collin marry Lizzy she began to suggest that he could have all her dances.
"Mother," began Jane. "You know how inappropriate that would be." Jane looked at Elizabeth consolingly, but the absurdity of her mother's suggestion had done its work.
This was too much, thought Elizabeth, and decided even with the sunlight just appearing over the hill, she needed to take a walk to clear her head. She grabbed her jacket, gloves and bonnet and was out the door before Mr. Collins or her mother could suggest an escort.
Oh! She huffed putting on her bonnet and pushing her arms into the rust colored jacket as she went down the first path she could find to be out of sight of the house. As she rounded the trees, and finished buttoning her jacket, she tied the ribbons of her straw bonnet and began to breathe the lovely autumn air, and slowly was able to push her unpleasant thoughts from her mind. She put on her gloves to keep her hands warm from the crisp air, and began to get her bearings for her walk.
After walking for about a half hour, she felt better. The tranquil setting of nature in its finest autumn colors had revived her spirits. She breathed the crisp air deep into her lungs. The weather was still warm for November, only just beginning to cool.
Looking about and seeing no one, she started to run up the path as fast as she could just like when she was a girl. It was so exhilarating. She slowed finally trying to catch her breath. She was herself again, feeling quite capable to fend off the attempts of both mother and clergyman alike.
Just then she heard a noise from the bushes expecting a rider, and began to look for her means of escape. It was then that she spied the rider and mount and stood still. While still a distance away from her, he immediately halted his horse and dismounted commanding the horse to 'stay'.
"Good morning, Miss Bennet," said Darcy smiling, but confused. "I began my morning rides earlier so as not to cause you any more alarm."
"I must admit that my walking at this hour is not one I normally choose. I usually wait until some of my family is out of bed before I set out to walk several miles before breakfast. Today, however, they surprised me and were all up quite early, and in such moods that I had to leave. No, Mr. Darcy, this earlier walk was one I had to make in order to keep my sanity."
She was not smiling, he thought. Something is wrong.
"Do you wish company or does your sanity require solitude?"
"Now that my anger has abated, sir, perhaps I can be civil enough for companionship." She smiled at him, the blue ribbons of her straw bonnet blowing slightly by the breeze.
Thus invited, Darcy found a nearby branch, and tied Sampson's reins. His horse, as ever was pliant and obliging. All he wanted was enough slack in order to reach the grass growing along the side of the path.
Then pulling off his gloves and doffing his hat in greeting, Darcy came up to her and asked, "Since your mood is improved, perhaps you feel you have the capacity to talk about the incident that produced the bad mood." He felt he knew who had made her so angry, but waited for a confirmation.
They ambled down the lane a bit before she spoke.
"My mother," she began and Darcy held up his hand.
"As I suspected," he replied. "You have no need of giving me the particulars, Miss Bennet. It is the 'mother hen' doing her job. Right?"
"Most astute, Mr. Darcy," she responded back. "I guess college did teach you something after all," she teased.
"Not college, Miss Bennet," he answered. "Just a talent of observation."
"And how did you deduce that it was my mother who was the source of my mood and not say one of my sisters or aunt or the dressmaker for that matter?"
He stopped walking and turned to look at her. She looked into his face, her lips pursed tightly ready to argue with him.
"It is really quite simply a process of elimination. You can be upset with one of your sisters or aunts, or even the dressmaker without having to walk for hours to dispel your ire. It seems that your mother is the only one with that power to so infuriate you."
Elizabeth's look of displeasure to him made him back away.
"Miss Bennet?" he asked not knowing why she seemed angry.
"Am I that transparent? Am I that easily seen through? Mr. Darcy, you amaze me." She looked away to regain some control of her pique.
"If I have offended you, then I am truly sorry, Miss Bennet," he replied. "I told you before of a talent for being able to read moods."
"But you were talking about animals, Mr. Darcy," she said not liking the comparison.
"As I recall, we were also talking of my horse's perceptiveness."
"Yes," she said remembering their conversation. Her anger abated by his gentle voice. "Your horse that can sense your moods and act to correct them."
She looked down the lane to the contented animal, his white color shining in the morning sun. Sensing that he was the object of their conversation he looked at her with eyes as soothing as pools of dark water.
Darcy observed the silence as Elizabeth and Sampson stared at one another.
Elizabeth swallowed, and began to pant a bit. "What if you were afraid of him? What would he do then?"
Gazing over to Elizabeth he replied, "I wish I could tell you. I am not afraid of him."
"I-I mean, what would he do around someone who's afraid of them?" Her breaths became shorter as she gazed into the creature's peaceful eyes.
"You are well aware that all animals in general can sense a person's fear, Miss Bennet," he replied as he wondered by her stance if she were trying to make her mind up about whether today would be her day of reckoning.
He watched her and continued, "But as perceptive as Sampson is, I feel sure he will be a kind, gentle creature who would encourage friendship."
God, Darcy thought, I certainly hope so. She's going to try to face her fear.
She closed her eyes and took a few deep breaths. She thought. I can do this. I can do this. I will do this. I will do this today. I will do this right now. She opened her eyes staring at Sampson. He merely stared back quiet as ever.
Never taking her eyes off the horse, she swallowed and then said, "Untied him and bring him closer."
"Are you sure?" He asked as he thought, how could I make this go right for her? How can I help her through this?
She would not take her eyes from the animal, but only nodded. He calmly went up to Sampson, and untied his reins and slowly walked him to within a few feet of Elizabeth.
"Stop!" she said faintly, but he heard her and pulled on the reins whispering 'halt.' Darcy could see she had begun to tremble.
Sampson stood before her calmly gazing at her. She panted louder now.
"Will he stay there if you come to stand beside me?" she asked feeling faint.
"Yes, he is well trained," acknowledged Darcy. He slowly lowered the reins to the ground and left Sampson with a command, 'stay.' Darcy came and stood be side her wondering if she was ever going to blink.
It was just then that Sampson decided to speak. He raised his head and snorted a hello to her.
She flung herself onto Darcy in an instant, her arms wrapped so tightly around his torso he could hardly breathe, her eyes shut tight to hold back her tears. She trembled so violently he knew he had to do something to aviate her distress.
His strong arms encircled her but couldn't keep her from trembling so that he could hear her teeth chattering. She was panting rapidly.
With a calm voice he whispered, "He is no closer, Miss Bennet. He was simply greeting you."
"I can't do this," she sobbed back, tears forming in her still closed eyes, feeling her begin to fall into the abyss.
"Shhhh. Calm yourself. I am here," he replied softly as he held her tighter against him, comforting her, as if she was a frightened little girl. "All is well. Shhhh. Everything will be fine soon. I promise." He wasn't going to let her go to that place if he could help it.
He closed his eyes and sighed, as he smelled the lavender and how it's fragrance reminded him again of the gardens at Pemberley. He felt a calm come over him, and his body relaxed. It was as if he could feel a presence near him that said, 'Be still. Everything is fine now.'
After many minutes he finally felt her beginning to calm against him. He waited for her trembling to lessen before he continued. At last, when he felt she was calm enough he said softly, "Elizabeth," not even realizing he had used her Christian name. Somehow he knew she was ready to take the final step.
"Sampson is here, and waiting for you to look at him. He is not angry or scared. He is breathing in your perfume and wonders where the flowers are because he sees no meadow. He knows you are afraid of him, and wants to be your friend."
It took several minutes more of being in the security of his strong embrace, before Darcy could feel her body relaxing against him, and said quietly. "Turn around."
"No." She sobbed, her face still against his chest. He sighed and smiled.
"All will be well, Elizabeth." His voice was soft and reassuring.
"I am here." Her mind told her she was not alone.
"I will keep you from harm." She somehow knew that was true as well.
"Trust me." Trust him, she thought.
She opened her eyes and stared into his. A smile was about his lips.
His gaze locked onto hers.
"Take a deep breath. Good. Now, only when you are ready, Elizabeth, I want you to turn around."
"Please," she begged not knowing if she meant she wanted to stop or to beg for his assistance to continue.
"You can do this, Elizabeth. I know you can. I can feel your resolve. All you have to do is...turn around." His gaze never left her, and the reassuring smile on his face told her he would be with her for support.
Closing her eyes and hugged his chest again trying to calm her breathing. She felt his arms were around her, comforting her, letting her know he would be there to help her through this. She was not alone. He was with her. She took two deep breaths. She then looked up into his trusting eyes once more, swallowed, and slowly she turn around to come face to face with Sampson whose great head was not twelve inched from hers.
She inhaled rapidly and held her breath. Her eyes went wide with fear. She would have backed away, but Darcy's body was now directly behind her now supporting her frame. His arms were tightly around her waist lest her legs give way. Without taking her eyes from the horse, her hands struggled trying to loosen his hold, to release her so she could run away. But his hold on her was so tight she couldn't break free.
Still staring at the animal, her knees began to buckle. Darcy pulled her tighter against his chest. He had to try to get her calm again, to try to get her to stop holding her breath.
"Breathe, Elizabeth, breathe," he whispered as he pulled her forcefully against him.
She finally exhaled, but then she began to pant rapidly, and her body began to tremble terribly.
"Just breathe slow deep breaths," she heard him say, but she couldn't stop panting. His soft voice was so close as his head was pressed to hers.
"Elizabeth, all is well." She panted still trying to loosen his grip on her.
"You know that I will keep you safe." She felt his arms tighten around her so her vain attempts at freedom were useless.
"Listen to me." Her mind slowly began to register his words. "Calm yourself. I am here with you."
"Shhhh. Be still." Her fingers slowed their struggles against his grip of her.
Never blinking, her body trembled in his arms. She felt the warmth of his breath was he spoke in encouraging whispers.
"Be calm, Elizabeth. I am here. I will not leave you. I promise. Shhhh."
He never forced her or pushed her toward the horse. He just gently but firmly held her against his chest, his head next to hers, allowing her time to calm. She finally stopped struggling and held on to his arms tightly.
Sampson had become motionless as well. He awaited her without a noise or movement to startle her.
Everything around her was so still and quiet. Even the birds had quit their song waiting in anticipation. Only her loud panting could be heard.
She finally closed her still fearful eyes, and leaned her head back to rest against Darcy's chest trustingly, and she quietly cried as she trembled against him. On one level his mind knew she was that child again staring down the fear of that raging horse, and he felt committed now to help her overcome it through his physical support. He knew if she could calm herself enough, her mind would be able to conquer this fear. He just had to hold her until she was ready.
But on a deeper level his mind was conflicted by that same closeness of his physical contact to her. He knew how inappropriate this was. But, her nearness to him, her fragrance, and her trust in him made him realize how much he wanted her this close. Never in all these years would he allow anyone this near him. Now, all he could think of was much he wanted her to stay this close forever. He thought, what is happening to me?
He blinked his eyes, but was afraid to make another move. A few wayward curls escaped from her bonnet and teased his face, and he swallowed hard.
He didn't know how long they were frozen, she in his arms trembling uncontrollably and panting in loud raspy puffs. He waited patiently for her to use that courage he had witnessed in her before to overcome this. He knew she was capable of it; knew all he had to do was support her. He tried to strengthen his own resolve in order to help her.
His gentle voice whispered so close to her ear. "Calm yourself, Elizabeth. I am with you. All is well."
Time stood still.
After what seemed like an eternity he finally began to feel her trembling lessening. He sensed she was now using his strength to help shore up her own courage. He dared not utter a sound now. He felt her panting become shallower, softer until they were whispers. Her head still leaned back against his chest, but she was no longer crying. Her shallow breathing kept up for some minutes more before it too finally slowed and he felt her sigh against him and her breathing returned to normal.
And she still didn't move, didn't open her eyes. She didn't pull her head from his chest or try to pull out from his embrace. All was still now. It is much like the sound of the night when all are abed and sleeping. Everything was so peaceful. He could no longer feel her trembling.
She is content just to be in my arms, he thought, to let me hold her. A wave of contentment washed over him as he thought, what a wonderful feeling.
He breathed in her lavender scent and felt a curl brush against his cheek. He closed his eyes and envisioned them standing thus in the doorway of the nursery at Pemberley watching their little ones sleeping-. He blinked his eyes and the vision faded. Where did that come from?
Totally relaxed now in the security of his embrace, Elizabeth opened her eyes and slowly pulled her head away from Darcy's chest. She stared at the horse that was waiting patiently for her. She loosened her hands from on top of Darcy's arms, which were about her waist and moved one hand upward. While he kept his hold on her, he watched her lean out from his embrace, her hand extend closer, palm toward Sampson who sensed her readiness to bond.
The horse lifted his nose and sniffed the soft leather of her glove. His inhales were gentle and barely audible. He then, rubbed his nose on her palm. She took that as a sign of friendship, and sighed as she smiled.
Darcy could only marvel at her courage and determination. She was the most unusual woman he had ever met.
Elizabeth seemed to be enjoying Sampson's affectionate actions, and no longer seemed to fear him. Darcy loosened his tight hold and was content to hold her now gently against him as he watched her enjoy petting her new friend.
After several minutes, he whispered, "Would like to know what his nose feels like against your bare hand?" He could feel her body tense next to him, felt her chest begin to pant a little. His arms squeezed her tighter as he whispered softly, his lips pressing against the fabric of her bonnet.
"He is the most gentle of creature, Elizabeth. Have no fear of him. I am here with you." His breath was warm next to her face.
Again, he waited, not forcing her. But he did whisper encouragingly in her ear, "You will be pleasantly surprise."
Her eyes were on the horse's gentle face. Her panting slowed again. She slowly blinked eyes, licked her dry lips, and then sighed, and nodded.
Darcy pulled the glove from her hand. Taking her hand in his he couldn't help looking at it as he inhaled suddenly. Its warmth stunned him. Gone were the icy cold fingers that even though her gloves he had felt the day when she had had her episode.
She must have truly overcome the worst of her fears, he thought. How did she do that?
He turned his eyes to the horse then that waited patiently, and Darcy put her hand gently up to Sampson's nose again. Darcy loosened his hold of her waist again, but didn't release her.
This feels so wonderful to have her in my arms, he thought. I never want to let her go. I can never hope to have her, but I don't understand why am I feeling this content?
This time the horse sniffed her hand only once. He smelled lavender again, and rubbed his nose on her palm. Elizabeth inhaled sharply, but in wonderment. She almost laughed at the sensation.
Darcy looked at her, and smiled realizing he had given her another 'first time' experience. "What does it feel like, Elizabeth?" He whispered.
"Like the softest velvet dress I own!" she whispered back rubbing Sampson's nose gently. "Oh," she sighed as both her hands gently caressed him.
The horse closed his eyes in ecstasy at her ministrations. Clearly, all three of them were enjoying this moment. She moved her hands higher to stroke his forehead and her fingers combed through his front tuft of hair that extended past the bridle strap.
Knowing she was now over her fear, Darcy's hands slowly moved from her waist up her arms to her shoulders as she petted the horse's forehead.
Sampson lowered his head, and Elizabeth did the most extraordinary thing Darcy had yet witnessed. She put both of her arms around Sampson's great head in a gentle hug, her cheek resting on his forehead and she closed her eyes smiling. Sampson sighed.
Darcy was amazed at her transformation from fear to acceptance to elation in so short a time. He had been in the throws of his fears for at least as long, and was no closer to facing them, much less dispelling them. And here was this country girl brave enough to overcome her fear in a single day. Her will must be as strong as iron. Perhaps she could be the one to help me with my fear, he thought.
Then he laughed softly at his complacent horse and whispered to Elizabeth.
"What you have done to my horse?" She slowly pulled her arms away from around the animal's head.
Elizabeth looked up at Darcy's playful grin and then down to Sampson's head.
"Is he asleep?" she whispered noticing his closed eyes.
"More like you have bewitched him," Darcy softly said.
He stepped back pulling Elizabeth gently away from the horse that opened his eyes and sighed again and wandered a few feet away munching on some grass.
The birds began their song once more, and Elizabeth turned around to face Darcy. She put her hand to cover her mouth and smiled crying tears of joy, and was so elated she was almost as a child getting a most wished for gift from Father Christmas.
"Oh, Mr. Darcy," she gushed happily. "You have helped me face my fear, and overcome it. I cannot begin to express how grateful I am at this overwhelming occurrence. I know I could not have accomplished this without your assistance, sir, and I do not know how to thank you." She was gushing, but she couldn't help it.
Darcy felt quite humbled for he knew he merely gave her the little support she needed to focus her own mind to the task. She had done all the work, not him.
"I am happy to have been the one you trusted enough to witness your triumph," he said smiling."
"And I am so fortunate that you have come with your friend into the neighborhood, sir." Her eyes sparkled so brightly; he almost lost himself in them.
He swallowed and whispered, "I think under the circumstances you may call be William." He reached for her hand.
She lowed her eyes and extended her hand to hold his. Smiling she said. "Thank you, William."
The way she was acting right now reminded him so much of his own sister's joy at receiving some special gift from him that he quite forgot himself and his other hand gently caressed her cheek and he thought, this feels so wonderful to have her so close. Why is that?
Then he thought this could never be. He sighed for he knew he must step away from her. She felt him tense before he released her hand. She saw the cloud of sadness come over his face before he hid it with a smile.
It was only then that he thought about the fact that no one had come upon them as he glanced up and down the lane. He realized that he would have a lot of explaining to do as to their most intimate encounter that had lasted he knew not how long; they had been so totally focused on the horse.
He wondered how he would ever defend himself in such a situation, and for a brief second admitted that he wouldn't want to. To be forced into an engagement with her, be married to her, have her with him to share his life-what am I saying, he thought.
She would never accept such an arrangement. She told me as much. And I certainly could never make her or anyone else happy. No, don't even have these thoughts, he admonished.
And as it was they were quite alone in the lane due to the earliness of the hour, so no situation would ever arise. We could merely be 'friends' and nothing more.
"Now may Sampson and I escort you back to Longbourn, Miss Bennet?" he asked gathering Sampson's reins. She nodded and they started down the now sunny path. She began to compose herself and became much like her usual self, but smiled more when she talked.
As they walked the short distance they talked of some of the newer books that had been published to discover their mutual interests on certain topics and authors.
When they reached the gate, he took her still ungloved hand and brought it to his lips. The sensation of his kiss on her bare skin made Elizabeth blush brightly.
"I thank you again, sir," she managed to say. "For sharing a morning of eventful accomplishments."
"I am glad I could be of assistance to you," he whispered still holding her hand.
He released it and mounted his horse, and added, "Bingley will probably desire a visit later today. I may wish to join him."
"You will always be welcomed here, " she responded warmly.
With that invitation he turned his horse about, and started down the lane to Netherfield.
She watched until he was out of sight, and turned to go into the house hoping that this was the true Mr. Darcy. He cannot be the one who was so cruel as Mr. Wickham would have me believe. I cannot think so about a man who has helped me so completely today. It must have been as Jane said some kind of misunderstanding. What a morning this has been, she thought. I must tell Jane of all that has transpired. She will be completely surprised.
Chapter 21 Posted on Saturday, 21 December 2002
The Netherfield ball was close but not close enough for the two younger Bennet girls who drove now the entire family to distraction with all their talk. Mr. Bennet had lost his patience early that morning even before breakfast and went to his library with explicit instructions of his not being disturbed.
Even the calm Jane could not bear up against the flood of noise and decisions of which gowns to wear, and what hair do was best. She had begun to get nervous about the attentions of Mr. Bingley, and her mother always referring to it didn't make her any easier. She fled to her room for peace.
Elizabeth had other concerns beside the ball. Mr. Collins had begun to follow her around constantly now to ensure her of his loyalty and devotion. It was one thing for her father to amuse himself with the dolt of a man while conversing over his conscious thought with the likes of Elizabeth, and quite another for Elizabeth to contend with that same dolt of a man's sole attentions without her father as a foil. Clearly she had to take measures to remove herself from his presence before he could find her this morning.
She carried her bonnet and jacket down the back stairway, and was out of the house and through the back yard and into the trees before anyone could miss or catch up to her.
She finally slowed her pace and relished the wonderful autumn sights. The sun dappled the lane with yellow spots of warmth as she walked toward Netherfield finally dawning her bonnet and pulling on her jacket. The warm crisp morning seemed to revive her spirits as she finished tying the ribbons of her bonnet. And yes, even her mind began to ponder on the aspects of the ball and to all its anticipated revelry.
She heard the hoof beats, and turned to see Mr. Darcy riding at a slow gait. When he saw her in the lane, he brought Sampson to a walk. He halted and dismounted a few paces away and then walked the white horse up beside her. She reached out and rubbed the great beast's nose with her gloved hand. He nuzzled her hand back in greeting.
"Good morning to you, Elizabeth," Darcy greeted her doffing his hat.
"And to you, sir," was her reply as she curtsied. She smiled at him and corrected herself. "William."
"I awoke this morning thinking it a wonderful day for a ride. Perhaps you would like to try it atop Sampson?" He asked looking at Elizabeth, hoping she was ready for her next step.
She opened her mouth to decline. Then she looked from Darcy's hopeful face to Sampson's quiet eyes staring at her, inviting her. Determined not to be powerless to intimidation, she took a deep breath and sighed, then smiled and nodded.
Her only request was, "Only if keep hold of the reins." Darcy nodded.
Darcy put his hand down, and she stepped her foot into it, and he lifted her up. She grabbed some of Sampson's mane and back of the saddle and then turned her body around to sit sidesaddle style and held onto Sampson's mane and the back of the saddle. She took a deep breath to steady her nerves, but didn't feel at all steady.
"Are you seated?" Darcy asked, concerned that his stirrup were too long to be of use to her and that she would be too afraid to continue. She nodded, but he could tell she wasn't comfortable without some sort of hold. He readjusted the stirrup on the left side and had her place her left foot into it to let her feel some security.
He looked into her eyes questioningly. "Better?" She nodded and tried to put on a brave face. He took Sampson's' reins and they began to walk slowly up the lane.
"How are the plans going as regards the ball?" she asked, her thoughts trying to distract her tension. But Sampson was gentle, and didn't jar her as he walked, and so she began to feel at ease atop him.
"I think they are progressing admirably," he replied adding, "Though there are a few who still have no wish to entertain the countryside."
"Indeed," she teased smiling at the thought of Bingley's family complaining and bemoaning what a tedious evening they would have.
"Yes," responded Darcy hearing her relaxing tone, and knowing that Sampson was a wonderful mount for her. He added, "but Bingley would brook no opposition, and so, they have resigned themselves to it. Perhaps Mrs. Hurst is softening somewhat."
"How so?"
"She asked Bingley if she could help with the flowers and table arrangements."
"Really?"
"She is even now beginning to make suggestions as to the choice of dishes."
"Good sense does sprout in the most unlikely places," she said smiling remembering his words toward her mother.
"Yes, it does," he agreed smiling at the shared memory.
Just then Sampson stopped walking and snorted. Darcy looked out at the lane, but could perceive no one approaching. He looked at Elizabeth and smiled, and pulled at the reins with a command, 'Come.'
But Sampson wouldn't move a foot, or a muscle. He snorted again. Again Darcy looked up the lane, but saw only alternate spots of shade and light in the lane.
He instinctively sensed that something was a miss, and went to the side of the horse and spoke to Elizabeth.
"You had best get down." He helped her remove her foot from the stirrup.
"What is the matter?" she asked leaning down to hold onto Darcy's shoulders to have him help her alit. His hands went to he waist and she slid down close to him.
Their eyes met. He swallowed. She blushed and cast her eyes down as she removed her hands from his shoulders. He released his hold of her, and turned to the horse.
Darcy took the reins once more and commanded the horse to 'come', but Sampson's feet were planted, and he snorted again tossing his head for emphasis.
"There must be something up ahead in the lane we do not see that he perceive as a threat. I will walk a ways up. Here, take the reins."
Elizabeth obeyed but realized that she of all people would not be able to hold onto Sampson should he decided to bolt. But the great horse was frozen staring fixedly at the unseen entity in the lane, his ears perked up, and alert.
Darcy had walked ten paces and stopped, not seeing any thing that would cause his horse to act in such a manner, and was confused by his behavior.
Elizabeth, seeing that Darcy had seen no danger, took a step up the lane to join him when Sampson blocked her way, his stare still fixed down the lane.
Thinking he had merely side stepped, she pushed at his head and again started to walk. Again he blocked her way, but this time his great head turned and looked directly into her eyes. He shook his head sideways.
She knew he was not going to let her pass, knew he was not going to let her be harmed by whatever he saw up the lane.
She sensed that he now felt that she was his charge, and he would protect her as any animal ferociously defends it's own from predators.
She stroked his neck affectionately, and smiled. "All right. I will go no further."
He turned his great head to look again down the lane. Darcy had gone only a few more paces when he yelped, "Good God! It's a snake!"
The grass snake had taken advantage of a sunny spot in the lane to warm itself against the autumn chill, and didn't like being disturbed. His length was undetermined because of its being coiled, but the loud hiss told Darcy that he had better keep his distance.*
Darcy looked around and found some large pebbles along the side of the road, and began kicking them close to the angry snake. After one of the stones crashed into the snake's head it decided that he would rather be elsewhere.
He rapidly uncoiled, and slithered into the grass and out into a field. Darcy kept watch until the snake was well away from the road, and all was safe again.
Sampson began to walk toward his master pulling Elizabeth who was holding onto his reins. It wasn't clear to Darcy as he watched them exactly who was walking who. As they came up beside him, he smiled and he took the reins.
"You have bewitched my horse again, Elizabeth."
"He refused to let me by," she said stroking the great horse's neck. "He wanted me to be safe while he seemed not to care that his master could have been harmed. Is he such a fickle beast to transfer his loyalties to another?"
Darcy smiled silently at her, as Sampson's gentle ministrations to Darcy's chest were rewarded with gentle strokes to his nose.
"He has not transfer his loyalties, Elizabeth. He has merely included you in his protective sphere. He knew I was in no real danger and therefore had no need to shield me."
"But he felt a danger to me, and so protected me from it?"
"I told you he is very perceptive. "
"You did indeed. I believe you now."
She gave the great horse a gentle tug on his dark mane and he turned his head to her.
"Thank you, Sampson," she whispered in his ear. "I will from now on defer to your intuitiveness when in your company." He brushed his head against her chest just as he had to Darcy. She was included now, part of his family.
"May we escort you back to Longbourn?" he asked. She smiled.
"You may," she replied. Sampson walked gently beside Darcy and they began to walk down the lane in the morning light, Darcy talking of a newly published edition of the works of John Donne. She said that she would like very much reading his poems, and Darcy replying that he had ordered the book that would soon be delivered. In the mean time, they would have to be content with Shakespeare.
*Author's note: I tried to research about snakes in England, and found this grass snake that I assume is similar to the garter snakes we have in the U.S. But didn't know if they were out and about in autumn or if they existed during the 1820's when the story was supposed to take place.