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I awoke blurry-eyed the next morning, the sun shining bright through the window. I sighed, forgetting for a moment where I was. When I rolled over and my body connected with another, I almost jumped out of the bed. Then I remembered the events of the past week and of last night... It was just my husband, who happened to be a heavy sleeper. I contentedly lay my head on his chest, the feel of his deep, slow breathing relaxing me. I was just drifting off to sleep again when his breathing changed, and I felt his eyes on me.
"You are very beautiful, my wife," I heard him whisper.
"How did you know I was awake?" I asked him, not moving my head at all. I was too comfortable to move from my place on his warm body.
"I did not know, my love. I was speaking aloud whether or not you were sleeping." Wanting to see his face, I finally lay back on my pillow and looked at him.
"Did I dream all that happened yesterday?"
"You did not. Though, I keep thinking you are a dream and I shall wake and find you the wife of some other man."
"Never!" I told him as he took me in his arms and kissed my cheek. "Do you realize how many weddings we will have to attend in the near future?" I asked him as he continued his small kisses of affection to me.
"Hmm," he murmured distractedly.
"Nathan," I whispered with a giggle. "Are you listening?" My husband seemed not to be in the least interested about other weddings and marriages; he was solely fixed upon ours. I obliged him and ceased talking until both of us needed to leave the room for some kind of nurturing food.
The one name out of all the servants and maids that I did remember happened to be Mrs. Evans, the housekeeper. She took notice of our late appearance, but smiled when we came near.
"Master Nathan, Mistress Emily," she greeted us.
"Mrs. Evans, how are you doing this morning?" Nathan turned to me. "Emily, Mrs. Evans has been in the family for a long time, and she faithfully served my parents. Sarah and I owe much to this kind lady." Mrs. Evans blushed at her Master's words.
"Thank you, sir. You and Miss Sarah were no trouble at all."
"Mrs. Evans, may we have a lunch prepared for us when we return? Emily and I are going to ride for a while."
"Yes, sir. Will you not eat before you go?" Nathan looked to me. I was much too excited about riding with my husband to feel hunger, so I shook my head.
"We will wait, but thank you." Nathan and I walked out of Ashford Park and down to the stables. When we were close enough to the stables, I saw a stablehand grooming a horse. Upon a closer inspection, I saw that it was Brannon!
"Oh my darling!" I cried, running up to the horse and kissing his temple. "I've missed him so! I'm so glad he was not hurt at Pemberley!" I turned to Nathan.
"I hoped you would be pleased, my Lady. I know you like to ride him at Pemberley, but since your home is now here..."
"I will find another horse to ride at Pemberley. Oh, Nathan, thank you!" He took me in his arms and kissed me deeply in front of his stableman. The poor man looked embarrassed.
"Your horse is ready, sir," the stableman told Nathan after a minute. I let go of Nathan and rubbed Brannon's coat.
After I was atop Brannon, and Nathan was on his own steed, he led me to far off fields on his land. The sheer exhilaration I felt at riding, and being with the man I loved was a feeling that I wished would last forever. My horse galloped at a steady speed behind Nathan's, though this time I was sidesaddle, and I finally saw Nathan rein his horse in near a grove of trees. I followed suit and stopped Brannon.
"Up ahead is a stream," he told me. I looked to where he pointed and saw the stream just to the left of us. Nathan jumped off of his horse and then came over and gently lifted me to the ground. Still in his arms, I laid my head on his chest.
"We should have brought food with us, my love. It is perfect weather to eat and be in one another's company," I whispered.
"We shall do that soon, Em. The weather is not going to last long, however." He pointed to the sky, which was just now turning a darker color. I had been having too much fun to notice. "The last thing I need is my wife catching another cold and almost dying on me again."
"I agree," I finally sighed. "We shall have a picnic later in the week, perhaps?"
"I am sure we can plan that, weather permitting," he added. I reluctantly pulled away from Nathan and then took his hand as we wandered over to the stream.
"It looks so refreshing. I might try wading in it. Come with me," I told my husband, tugging on his hand.
"Emily, I don't know..." he said doubtfully. I tugged on his hand again.
"I'm a very persistent woman, Mr. Hillsborough. I insist you come with me," I said mischievously. Nathan finally acquiesced. When we were both barefooted, I stuck one foot into the water but pulled back very fast and yelped.
"What is it, my darling?" Nathan asked, coming closer.
"The water is cold!" Nathan began laughing at me, and I pretended to throw my boots at him.
"I cannot help if the water is cold. If you put your foot in it for a minute or so, it will warm," he told me.
"Or it will freeze," I countered. The late summer month and the stormy weather moving into the area made the air much cooler than it was when we began to ride, and I did not want to step in very cold water.
We were not there much longer when Nathan, looking concerned, said, "I think we should leave for home." Nathan began to put his socks back on his feet. Disappointed, I agreed with my husband. Once we were ready to go, Nathan helped me up on Brannon.
"Darling, I can mount my horse myself. I've been doing it for years," I told him softly, though I secretly enjoyed the feeling of his arms around me.
"I know, Em. I want to help you up on the horse-I cannot get enough of you in my arms." I smiled sweetly to him.
"In that case, I will let you do so whenever you want, sir." Once he had jumped onto his horse, we were off again. We managed to stable our horses just as the rain began to pelt the ground. By this time, my stomach made noises, and I realized I was very hungry. Nathan and I met Mrs. Evans once again as we walked into our home, her eyes instantly noticing that we were a bit wet.
"Your lunch is ready for you, sir. Do you want it taken up to your chambers?" Nathan nodded.
"Certainly, Mrs. Evans. Emily and I are going to change our clothes because we are wet." Mrs. Evans nodded her head with a slight grin and left to take care of her duty. Nathan and I walked up the stairs arm-in-arm.
I started to shiver from being wet and cold, and once I was up to our bedchamber, I requested a maid draw a bath for me. A nice, warm bath. Nathan saw to it that there was a fire going in the room, and by the time I was finished with my bath and changed, he was sitting quietly by the fire reading a book.
"You finished in a hurry," I said as I put a towel to my long, wet hair.
"I did not take a bath, my love. I am warm enough by the fire," he told me. I noticed the lit candles on the table next to the bed and on the mantel. I walked over to the window and looked out to see that the sky had again become a dreary gray and the wind and rain were pelting the window.
"We have had a lot of stormy weather of late," I mentioned to my husband as I sat across from him. A maid entered the room and gave us our food before quietly shutting the door again.
"I have barely noticed since I've had my mind on more pleasant things," he said, his hazel eyes intense on me. I smiled. "So, my Lady, has everything been to your expectations?" Nathan asked. He leaned forward in his seat, his book shut now.
"I could not be happier," I whispered to him. We ate in a comfortable silence, Nathan's eyes on me the entire time. As soon as we were finished, we retired for the night.
Finally, it was time to go to Hertfordshire, where Matthew and Charlotte would be marrying. The Bingleys invited us to stay with them, and I was grateful that we were away from the Lucas household. Lady Lucas was in her element as her daughter prepared to marry the son of an Earl, even if he was the third son. I could just hear her gloating to Mrs. Bennet.
I felt excited when Nathan and I came upon Netherfield. It was the first time I would be staying at someone else's home with my husband. We were met by a very enthusiastic Charles Bingley. Jane looked a little pale, but considering her condition, I was not surprised.
"Jane!" I cried as I hugged her. "Mr. Bingley." Mr. Bingley smiled broadly.
"Lady Emily! My wife and I welcome you to Netherfield again. How are you doing, Hillsborough?" Mr. Bingley asked Nathan.
"I'm well now that this woman is my wife," he replied with a grin. I blushed.
"Married life becomes us well," Mr. Bingley chuckled. I had to chuckle to myself. Mr. Bingley was certainly as lively as he ever was, if not more.
"Yes, well, come in and refresh yourselves," Mr. Bingley said as he we started walking toward Netherfield.
"We expect Mr. Darcy and your brother Matthew today," Jane told me as she secured her husband's arm in hers.
"I'm surprised that Matthew is not here. I would think he would see Charlotte before the wedding."
"Your brother has been here this week, but he left on business in London. You know those details before the wedding," Mr. Bingley said. Once we were inside, Mr. and Mrs. Bingley told us that we would be shown to our room and we could refresh ourselves.
Before we left to go up to our room, I had to ask, "Mr. Bingley, will Miss Bingley or Mr. and Mrs. Hurst attend the wedding? Are they here?" I saw Mr. Bingley's face darken momentarily, but then it was cheerful again.
"My sisters and brother-in-law are not here at present. They will not be here for the wedding. I think Caroline will attend Mr. Darcy and Miss Elizabeth's wedding, but I am not positive on that either."
"Thank you," I said, seeing that it was a sore point with him. Nathan and I were then shown to our room, and I was glad to splash water on my face, refreshing it after the long carriage ride. We knew Netherfield well and so found the drawing room easily. Both Mr. and Mrs. Bingley were conversing to themselves while Mrs. Bingley sewed.
"Netherfield has not changed at all since we've last been here," Nathan remarked, looking at the furniture and décor.
"I would not let Caroline change it when I began to lease it, and dearest Jane said it looked fine to her. It will matter not anyway since I am to look for a home for us up North near where Darcy and Elizabeth live in Pemberley. Jane wanted to live closer to her sister..." I hid a smile when he didn't say that he wanted to get away from Mrs. Bennet. I'm sure she tried even their nerves because they were only three miles from Longbourn.
"We are but 50 miles from Pemberley ourselves," Nathan said. "It is a perfect location because Emily will be able to see her parents and cousins in an easy distance."
"As easy a distance as 50 miles is," I sighed. Nathan frowned and I hurriedly replied, "The distance is nothing, my love, as long as we are together." He managed a smile, and as we were both sitting on the sofa, I put my hand in his. A moment later, we heard the door open and we stood as suddenly the butler announced Miss Elizabeth Bennet and Miss Charlotte Lucas.
"Elizabeth! Charlotte!" I cried, acting as if I had not seen them in years. I walked over and hugged both of them. "My cousin and sister!"
"When we marry," Charlotte added. Both looked as if they had walked to Netherfield.
"Have you walked all the way here?" I asked them as we all sat down.
"I walk here as much as I can. I am an avid walker, and this time I dragged Charlotte along. It does not hurt to know that a certain someone will be arriving sometime soon." Charlotte's cheeks reddened at Elizabeth's mention of my brother.
"And Lizzy's certain someone is due here any time too," Charlotte added, teasing Elizabeth back. I was finally glad to see Elizabeth joyous over seeing William.
"I see we are outnumbered by women, Bingley," Nathan commented as we girls began talking with one another.
"There is no other place I would rather be, Hillsborough," Mr. Bingley answered with a huge grin, "than with my Jane and family and friends."
"I agree!" my husband replied. They turned to us so they could hear what we were speaking of.
"My mother is almost impossible right now," Charlotte told us with a shake of her head.
"Oh, Charlotte, she and my mother are both impossible!" Elizabeth sighed. "I am afraid for Mr. Darcy to come to the house. At least he and my father can share conversation with one another in his library."
We had not been talking another 10 minutes when more people were announced. We looked up and saw my cousin and brother had arrived at once. Andrew was in London and Richard had to take leave from his post to come to the wedding. When Charlotte and Elizabeth saw their fiancés, they were indeed very happy.
"William! You had a good trip, I hope," Elizabeth said as she stood and welcomed his kiss to her hand.
"Dearest Elizabeth, my trip went well only because I thought of the lovely woman who awaited me at the end of my long journey." I had never seen my cousin so... romantic before. Elizabeth almost went weak-kneed at the way he was looking at her. Charlotte and Matt exchanged words I could not hear, but I saw Charlotte blush.
"Where is Miss Darcy?" Jane finally managed to ask once everyone was seated again.
"My sister is to travel with my aunt and uncle, Mrs. Bingley. They are to arrive in a couple days," William told her.
"Richard is arriving tomorrow," I added.
"Darling, why is it that whenever Georgiana is mentioned, you also mention your brother?" Nathan whispered in my ear.
"I see a match in the making," I whispered back. Nathan groaned.
"Please do not attempt a match between them, dear. Your brother already looked quite put out at our wedding reception."
"That is ridiculous. Richard and Georgie are perfectly amiable with one another, and all they need is an extra push." My husband still looked unconvinced, but I assured him I knew what I was doing.
Everyone was once again talking when one more visitor was announced. I looked to the door and saw-Mr. Bennet? What was Mr. Bennet doing here?
"Papa?" Jane asked when she saw him.
"Mr. Bennet!" Mr. Bingley said with a smile. "To what do we owe this pleasure, sir?"
"Mrs. Bennet was acting silly again, and my nerves are frayed. I have come to enjoy my daughter and son-in-law." His eyes swept the room. "Ah, I see another future son-in-law has come." William met his future father-in-law with a bow.
"It is a pleasure to see you again, Mr. Bennet," William told him quietly. Mr. Bennet was a very funny man. During the hour that he stayed, I could see the special relationship that he and Elizabeth shared. I wondered what Mr. Bennet thought of his daughter leaving him to go to Pemberley.
"I must take my leave," Mr. Bennet said with a resigned sigh when the hour was upon us. "Mrs. Bennet will worry and I will hear of it half the night. Good day, Jane," he said as he affectionately hugged his daughter. He patted Mr. Bingley on the back. "Son." Then he turned to Elizabeth, who would be returning to Longbourn later in the day. "Come home soon, Lizzy, so I can have some intelligent conversation. And you, Mr. Darcy, are very welcome to join me and my Lizzy," Mr. Bennet added, his eyes twinkling. I grinned, knowing William would be over at Longbourn as long as he could just to be with his betrothed.
"I would be honored, sir," William told him, a grin on his face. My cousin rarely smiled, but lately he grinned and smiled a lot, and I was glad to see it.
Mr. Bennet soon left and we were back to our previous topics of conversation again. Becoming a little bored, I announced that I was going to play the pianoforte. Nathan, not wanting to leave me even for a few minutes, turned the pages for me as I played.
"You are a talented woman, Lady Emily Hillsborough," he said as he leaned toward me.
"I had tutors," I said with a slight shrug as I continued to play.
"Some people have tutors and still cannot play very well. I married a modest woman." He placed a quick kiss on my lips, causing me to lose my place.
"Nathan," I chided gently as I continued, but I could not be angry with his acts of affection.
"Have you enjoyed being married?" William asked as he came over to the pianoforte, Elizabeth at his side.
"With a woman as lively as my Emily? Of course!" I shook my head.
"So far we have not quarreled once, but I am waiting for the day when he sees my stubborn side," I admitted.
"I should have warned you before, Hillsborough, but my cousin can be quite determined sometimes," William added.
"I have already encountered some stubbornness," he chuckled. "Emily thinks Colonel Fitz-" I quickly stomped on Nathan's foot, very gently of course. Nathan looked at me in surprise and I raised my eyebrows at him. He hastily changed the subject and William and Elizabeth decided to take a walk with Charlotte and Matthew shortly thereafter.
"Why did you step on my foot, my love?" Nathan asked me, slightly wounded about it.
"I do not want Fitzwilliam to know I am setting up Georgiana and Richard. He will not see the use of it, and he may tell me to stop. He is protective of my cousin, and he may not see the match in the same light as I do."
"Next time take my arm, Emily, or just interrupt. My foot is sore now."
"I did not step on your foot very hard." I blew out my breath and stopped playing. "Sir, take me for a walk as well. I feel the need for some fresh air." Nathan quickly concurred and took my arm.
"Bingley, Mrs. Bingley, we are going for a walk. Would you like to join us?" Nathan asked them. Mr. Bingley looked to Jane, who shook her head.
"I am feeling a bit ill. I'm sorry," Jane told us.
"That is quite all right, Jane. We will be off now." The Netherfield grounds proved ample space for walking, and Nathan and I were enjoying our time with one another. We managed to catch up with William and Elizabeth for they were up ahead of us and seemed to be in deep conversation.
"And Darcy said I was smitten," Nathan murmured. "That man has not taken his eyes off Miss Elizabeth since he was announced." I laughed.
"If you saw yourself, darling, you would see the same thing, I fear." Nathan turned to me.
"With such a vision before me, how can I not look at you, my love?" Nathan bent down and kissed me gently.
"Sir, we will be seen," I whispered.
"What do I care if we are seen?" he managed to say before completely taking me in his arms and thoroughly kissing me again. Once we took a breath again, I convinced my husband to wait until we were in private to continue. It was too late... Looking back to William and Elizabeth, I saw that they were looking right back at us.
"See what you have done," I said with a shake of my head. I reluctantly moved in their direction, on Nathan's arm.
"We just caught up with you," I said softly as soon as we were near them.
"We see," William replied with a slightly amused grin. Elizabeth couldn't help the smile that graced her face.
"We saw that you were busy or we would have gone over straight away," Elizabeth smirked.
"Oh! It was Nathan's fault," I said, my face turning red. Suddenly, William burst into laughter. The sound took me by surprise and caused me to stare at him.
"You laughed! You hardly ever laugh." William was laughing so hard that tears came to his eyes. Elizabeth was quite amused at the display.
"Fitzwilliam, is something the matter?" she asked him.
"I'm sorry, Elizabeth," he managed to say once he was done finding amusement in me, no doubt. "My cousin amuses me greatly."
"I am glad I amuse you so, though I am only being myself," I said dryly.
After William stopped teasing me, we returned to Netherfield with jovial hearts.
The day before my brother's wedding, everyone was excitedly anticipating the event. Charlotte, Maria, Sir William, and Lady Lucas came to dine. William was over at the Bennets' so he wouldn't be joining us this evening.
"Have you heard anything about Wickham?" I heard Nathan ask Richard. They were in a corner of the drawing room and hardly anyone was paying them any attention. Georgiana and I were sitting fairly close to them, so we could hear what they were saying. At Wickham's name, Georgie paled.
"I have heard not a word, Hillsborough. It is odd that no one would see him. I wonder if he is in disguise."
"It is at the back of my mind, Colonel, that my wife and any children we may have in the next few years may be harmed by that man. I will not be completely at ease until he is caught-and hanged for all I care."
"I would not want harm to come to my sister, either, but there is nothing much we can do. My father and Darcy have put out a lot of money searching for him. This time he seems to have vanished." I saw my husband clinch his jaw.
"If he dares come near my family I will kill him myself!" There was a cold resolve in Nathan's voice that made my heart beat a little faster.
"I agree," my brother said quietly. "It is not just Emily that he could go after, either. I have no doubt that he might try to get even with Matthew and Charlotte or Darcy and Elizabeth-even Georgiana. He is charming and fools almost everyone."
"He never fooled me," Nathan said in anger. "I knew once he tried to charm Emily one day last fall that I did not trust him. I shudder to think what he would have done had I not been there." I saw out of the corner of my eye as he looked at me. I suddenly stood and went over to my husband and brother.
"Richard, I overheard your conversation even though I said I was not going to eavesdrop again-" Nathan interrupted.
"What is it, Em?"
"William and Elizabeth will be without Georgiana for a little while after their wedding, and since she has no one to protect her, maybe we can take her into our home for a short time. I thought maybe you would help look after Georgie," I told Richard. "You are her second guardian, after all." Nathan groaned.
"Emily, Colonel Fitzwilliam won't have time to look after a young charge."
"Until she finds a husband for herself, she needs protection. William and Matthew are soon to be married, and I am married as well. Andrew is always off and about; the only other person who could look after her completely is you."
"Emily, I am in the army. How can I look after Georgiana from there?" Richard asked. I almost blurted out 'marry her' but thought that was a little too obvious. She was, after all, only going to be 17.
"You could find a way," I finally said. Richard looked exasperated.
"Emily, I don't know where you get these notions in your head. You and Darcy are capable enough of looking after Georgiana."
"What about you? When are you going to marry, Richard? You're almost-well you are getting older and you need a wife."
"Emily," Nathan told me quietly. He was giving me a 'look' that meant to be quiet.
"Is that what this is all about?" Richard demanded. "You want me to marry-"
"I can look after myself," Georgiana interrupted coldly. I hadn't even seen her follow me over to them. "Thank you, Cousins, for trying to help me, but I am wiser than I was last year and do not need anyone's help." Georgiana stormed out of the room.
"Let me go talk with Georgiana," my brother told me with a grimace and then followed Georgiana out of the room.
"I told you, dearest, that this is a bad plan. You cannot just put two people together and expect an attraction," Nathan told me gently.
"My brother is stubborn," I pouted.
"Colonel Fitzwilliam just wants to be left alone, Em." Nathan quietly laughed. "That is what I love about you. You have a kind heart and want others to be as happy as you are."
"I want my brother to have a family before he reaches a late age. We are not guaranteed to live forever, especially men." I stopped speaking and remembered the beginning of their conversation. "Would you really kill Wickham if he tried to harm me or any of our children?"
"If he dared to try, I wouldn't be held accountable for my actions. I would do anything in my power to protect and defend my family, Emily. Anything." He was very serious.
"I want to lie down," I whispered to him, feeling fatigued all of a sudden. Nathan excused us from the group. As we were passing through the hall, we saw my brother talking with Georgiana. I did not feel like talking with them again, so we made our way up the stairs without making much of a noise. I did not even bother to change-once my head fell against the pillow, I fell asleep.
I walked down the halls of Netherfield and wondered where I should go. The most logical place this time of day was the library. I make it a habit to wander into libraries at every house I am visiting. Nathan's library was almost as extensive as William's, and I was glad to know my husband enjoys reading. Mr. Bingley, on the other hand, had a small selection to choose from.
I entered into the library and started perusing his collection, wondering if I really was patient enough to read this morning. Unexpectedly, I heard the library door open, almost making me let out a yelp. Putting my hand over my chest, I breathed in heavily and glared.
"Matthew Fitzwilliam! What are you doing scaring me like that?"
"Emily Hillsborough!" he mocked me. "How am I supposed to know that you are in the library in the wee hours of the morning? I thought I was the only one up early."
"I slept all last night and woke up early," I defended myself. "Oh, I'm sorry. You could not have known I was in here." I abandoned my quest to find a book and sat.
"I was impatient and wanted to find a book to read; talking to you will do, though," he said as he sat next to me.
"Everything is changing," I said quietly. "Soon, two of us will be married."
"We all have to grow up someday, Emily. Do not tell me you would give up being married to Hillsborough if it meant that all four of us were together again at Matlock," Matt said to me.
"Andrew and Richard have not been home in a while anyway. No, I like being married to Nathan. It was fun to visit Aunt Catherine and have Richard and William roll their eyes in her direction, though. Even William is marrying in a month. Have you found a place to live yet?" I asked him, bouncing around topics again.
"After we go to London and stay there for a few weeks, Charlotte and I will go back to live at a place I found near Matlock. We will invite you and Nathan to come soon." We were silent again for a few minutes.
"Are you nervous?" I asked him, curious to know.
"Very," he replied. "I keep thinking that Charlotte Lucas will back out and marry someone else."
"I thought she was going to marry Mr. Collins. Could you imagine Charlotte being the wife of that repulsive man?"
"I do not think she would have ever loved him very much if she had married him. He is too peculiar." Matt yawned. "It was a good talk, Em. I am suddenly tired again and really should sleep a few more hours at least."
"Goodnight, Matthew."
"Goodnight, Emily." Matt hugged me before he left. I wound up sleeping on the sofa once again, but this time my husband found me.
"Emily, we have to get ready," he said softly, taking my hand.
"Hmm?" Nathan shook me a little and I opened my eyes. "Oh? Is it time to go soon?" I yawned and stood as Nathan let me put my weight on him. It took me a while to get ready for the wedding, but I finished and waited with the rest of the wedding party to go.
When we got to the church, we went inside to find a seat. Nathan and I sat near the front, close to my parents and brother. Nathan was Matt's best friend, but he wanted Richard to be his best man. Charlotte had Elizabeth be her maid-of-honor. I noticed that Elizabeth looked very pretty today, and my cousin noticed as well. William's eyes were glued to Elizabeth, and he smiled absently the whole time he watched her. They kept sending messages to one another through their looks. The ceremony started, and this one I managed to pay more attention to than my own. Matthew and a very glowing Charlotte were finally pronounced man and wife, and they left out the church doors.
"That was a lovely Hertfordshire wedding," I told my husband as I took his arm to go out the door.
"Did you like it more than our London wedding?" he asked.
"Perhaps I like it because it is a country setting, but I shall always like our wedding the best." I leaned into him a little more and smiled up at him.
Matthew and Charlotte had a nice reception; there was dancing, laughing, and merriment all around. Sir William grinned particularly, happy that his daughter had married so joyfully. Lady Lucas and my mother talked with one another, though I wondered if Lady Lucas and my mother would get along. She reminded me of Mrs. Bennet.
I sent my brother and new sister off with a loving hug and kind words that they enjoy their marriage for as long as they should live. I told them I could not wait to see them again next at Elizabeth and William's wedding. It was a joyous occasion when Matthew and Charlotte Fitzwilliam left to start their new life together.
Once they were gone, Nathan and I were to travel to Highbury where I would see my good friend, Emma Knightley. I couldn't wait to talk with her in person once again.
"Emma!" I exclaimed as I hugged my good friend.
"Emily! How have you been? I see you have acquired a husband," she said with a grin. I nodded and took his arm.
"Mr. and Mrs. Knightley, this is Mr. Nathan Hillsborough, my husband. Nathan, this is George and Emma Knightley." Once introductions were finished, we continued on to Hartfield. I disengaged myself from Nathan's arm as he and Mr. Knightley began a conversation.
"Do you ever wish to live in Donwell Abbey with your husband?" I asked Emma. She looked a little sorrowful.
"I do wish to live there. My father's health has been declining of late, and I think we may move to Donwell soon. Mr. Knightley has been good to live here." She looked over to her husband who stood next to Nathan.
"I am sorry to hear of your father." Emma smiled gratefully before leading us on a tour of her home.
"John and Isabella are to come in a few days with their children."
I looked about me and then asked, "Where is Abigail?"
"She is in the nursery. Would you like to see her?" I nodded. Emma showed me to the nursery, and I saw her daughter with the nursemaid. I picked up the little girl and held her to me, dreaming of having my own baby one day.
"I have to ask your advice on matchmaking, Emma. I have a cousin and a brother who would be perfect for one another, but my brother is too stubborn and Georgie is too shy."
"I almost gave up on matchmaking," Emma sighed. "Tell me, though, if they are compatible with one another."
"I think so."
"My advice is to let nature take its course," Emma laughed. "I have learned my lesson, Emily, and I think you learned one too, did you not?"
"My cousin is marrying Miss Bennet. Is that not proof that I can bring two people together?"
"You did nothing to help, so I've heard." She shook her head. "I have reformed my ways; I suggest you do too."
"You have changed since you married, my friend."
Emma's advice was a little discouraging, though I was still determined to bring together my brother and cousin. Our visit was a pleasant one, but we had to make it short. Emma and Mr. Knightley were called away to London because Mrs. John Knightley had taken ill.
Nathan and I also went to London to stay for a few weeks. We stopped by the Darcy townhouse and saw Fitzwilliam and Richard while we were there.
"Are you anticipating your wedding, Darcy?" Nathan asked him as we all sat down to talk.
"I am. One week and Elizabeth and I will be together forever." I grinned as I saw my cousin's vacant look.
"I was telling Nathan there have been many weddings this year. Lord Browning and Sarah, Nathan's sister, will wed soon after you and Elizabeth will. The only ones left to marry are Andrew, Georgiana, in due time," I added hastily at Fitzwilliam's look, "and Richard." My brother rolled his eyes again.
"Emily, why do you insist on marrying me off to someone? I can find my own wife, and you just will not listen."
"You need someone to take care of you. You have to agree that it is not enjoyable being lonely."
"My wife is a little too enthusiastic for you to marry, Colonel, but I think she has your happiness at heart," Nathan told him.
"I can remember when Emily constantly talked of me marrying Elizabeth. She will not go away until it happens, old man." William gave Richard a sympathetic look.
"Very well, Emily. When I find a woman that I can love with all my heart and returns my affection, then I will marry. Until then, please leave me be." He stood to take his leave.
"Leaving so soon, Fitzwilliam?" William asked him.
"I have a meeting with a general." I stood and kissed my brother's cheek.
"I do not want to make you angry, Richard. Forgive me if I am being too forceful on this issue."
"Thank you for caring," he told me as he hugged me. He took his leave, and then Nathan and I left to go to our townhouse. After staying there a week, we returned to Hertfordshire and stayed again with the Bingleys.
"I am convinced that within the year nothing bad will happen to us," I said as I brushed out my hair before bed, the night before William and Elizabeth were to marry.
"I would not be overconfident, my love. There are always going to be hardships and tribulations for us." Nathan yawned before lying on his back on the bed. I sighed.
"Ever since my kidnapping, nothing dreadful has happened." I stopped stroking my hair and climbed onto the bed.
"I do not want to take chances with my wife," Nathan murmured, his arms going around me.
"I cannot believe that Fitzwilliam Darcy is going to be married tomorrow. I can still remember when he was my solemn older cousin at Uncle George's funeral, trying to be strong for little Georgie. He has always been somber, but I have seen his countenance change when he is with Elizabeth. Even Georgiana has improved under Elizabeth's guidance."
"Remember that we are to take Georgiana home with us," Nathan reminded me. "She will enjoy the stay, I hope."
"I think she will." We were really tired, so I blew out the candle and fell asleep very soon after.
"I am anxious," Elizabeth admitted. "Is Mr. Darcy still here or has he run away yet?" she teased.
"I am afraid Mrs. Bennet is talking with him at this moment, Lizzy. He may run," Charlotte teased back.
"He is too good to talk with my mother." Elizabeth stood. "I am ready." Indeed, her wedding was beautiful. My arm through Nathan's, I leaned against him as we saw Elizabeth walk down the aisle and become Mrs. Fitzwilliam Darcy. There was a certain vulnerability and happiness that radiated from my cousin, and when they walked down the aisle, I could tell that their marriage would be a happy one. With all the heartache they had gone through, they were finally together.
We saw them off, and I heard Mrs. Bennet going on about how she now had three daughters married. The only two left were Kitty and Lydia. With Mr. Bennet more careful with them, I was sure that they would turn out well.
I was standing next to my husband after Elizabeth and William had left and suddenly heard sniffling. I turned and saw Georgiana wiping away her tears.
"Georgie!" I cried softly, going over to hug her. "Are you not happy that your brother is happily wed?"
"It will never be the same again. I like Elizabeth dearly," she said with another wipe of her eyes. "When I return to Pemberley, my brother and new sister will want to be with one another. They will not want to be with me."
"Nonsense! Georgie, your brother and Elizabeth will be happy when you join them again. Elizabeth enjoys your company." Georgiana stopped her tears and became quiet. Then she said, "Will I not be in your way when I go to your home? I have not yet been there," she said shyly. My husband had heard her and shook his head.
"Any relative or friend of my wife is welcome to our home, Georgiana. We are now cousins." Nathan gave the girl a smile.
"Thank you, sir. I hope I am not too much trouble."
"You? Trouble? Of course not, Georgiana. Did you know Richard is going to come for a few weeks as well?" I added.
"Richard is to come?" She turned her head toward him where he talked with Mr. Bingley, Mr. Bennet, and my father.
"Yes! You will not be alone, my young cousin. We shall have picnics and ride! Do you still like riding?"
"I love to ride." Georgiana soon became excited about going home with us.
The wedding over, the next day we said our good-byes to the Bingleys. I told Jane to write me, and I think she was glad that I was going to be a true friend. Her sisters-in-law only wrote to her out of familial duty, but I thought Jane was truly a sweet woman.
Georgiana enjoyed the carriage ride on the way home. She chattered for a while until she fell asleep, and I eventually fell asleep on my husband.
"Ladies, we are here," he said a few hours later. Nathan was the first out so that he could help Georgiana down, and then he helped me down. I stretched and smiled as I saw our grand home.
"It is beautiful!" Georgiana said with a smile. "Do you have a music room for me to practice in?"
"Of course. After we eat tonight, we can hear you play." When she looked reluctant, I took her arm.
"Georgie, it is just Nathan and me. We think you play wonderfully."
Overcoming her shyness, she played beautifully. I even played after Nathan begged, and a good night was had by all. After a fulfilling day, we retired for the night.
Georgiana stayed with us a little longer, and then William and Elizabeth came to pick her up on the way to Pemberley. My brother came just before the Darcys, and he stayed a little longer while he was on leave. Georgiana and Richard were very friendly to one another, but I was unsure if I saw an attachment or affection on either side.
The holiday season came upon us as we decided who would host which family. William wanted everyone to come to Derbyshire and see Pemberley, though I secretly thought that he wanted to show off the new Mistress.
So, Mr. and Mrs. Bingley, the Bennets, Charlotte and Matthew, Andrew, Richard, Georgiana, Mr. and Mrs. Gardiner and their children, my mother and father, and Nathan and I went to Pemberley. Mary and Mr. Collins opted to spend their holiday with Aunt Catherine, and I felt sorry for Mary because I think Mr. Collins had a lot to do with that decision.
All in all, there were 21 of us in the house, not including William and Elizabeth. Even though the house was crowded, I loved the happy atmosphere of all the newly wedded couples. Nathan's sister and brother-in-law would not be joining us because they were going to spend the Christmas holiday with Lord Browning's family, so they said they would travel after Christmas to visit us around the new year.
When I looked around at the flurry of activity, I saw everyone but my brother and cousin. I walked over to William and said, "Have you seen Richard or Georgiana, Cousin?"
"I believe that they went for a walk outside, Emily."
"Together?"
"They are cousins," William responded as he turned to his wife. I wondered why they were walking together, but held my thoughts in check. William was right; they were cousins, after all.
All the families had a lovely time at Pemberley, but it was over too soon. Each family went back to their respective homes, except for Kitty who was to stay on at Pemberley. Elizabeth told Jane that she and her husband would visit her during her confinement, and then Nathan and I said our good-byes to her.
Once we came back home, I attended to my correspondences while Nathan dealt with his business with his steward. As I sat down to my writing desk, I saw a peculiar letter. It was a bit dirty and the directions were written sloppily.
"I wonder who this could be from," I murmured aloud. I opened the letter carefully, skimming it until I saw the signature. I paled when I saw the name George Wickham. I immediately read the short letter.
Lady Emily,It might be a shock for you to receive this letter, but I assure you I am alive and well. I have heard that Darcy and Colonel Fitzwilliam put out quite a sum of money to find me, but I am too clever. I always win in the end, my Lady, and you are not safe. I know where you live, and sometime in the future I will come back for my revenge. You cannot hide, and neither you nor any of your family is safe. Until we meet again...
George Wickham
I sat still at my writing desk, very numb. A moment later, I took the letter and ran down the hallway and to the downstairs. I didn't even stop to breathe as I ran straight into Nathan's study. His steward was in conversation with him, but when he looked up and saw my wild expression, he stood.
"Emily! What is wrong? You look ill!" The steward stood as well and told Nathan he would return later.
"I have had a letter!" Nathan took the proffered letter from my hand as I stood shaking. It was a very cold day outside, but I was shaking more from panic.
"I am going to kill him!" Nathan said in rage, his hand hitting his desk hard.
"No! You cannot fight him! I do not want you to be hurt, Nathan." There was a wild look in Nathan's eyes.
"I cannot just let this crazy man into my home to harm my wife. He needs to be stopped, Emily. He is happy about threatening you. We've been married almost five months, and now he wants to ruin our every happiness." Our marriage at the first of August seemed like a long time ago.
"Maybe he just wants to scare us. He is not a..." I was about to say a 'violent' person, but refrained remembering that he would have gladly killed Nathan or me.
"I do not think he is bluffing. I am writing to Darcy and Colonel Fitzwilliam."
"Are you sure you should worry my cousin and brother? And what of my father? Do not be hasty, my dear," I told him quietly, but firmly. "I do not want a spectacle made of this."
"I am sorry, Emily," my husband said icily. "I believe this man will do anything to get what he wants, and he has to be stopped. I will brook no opposition."
"You do not care what your wife has to say?" I angrily retorted. "Have I no say in this matter, when it is I who he threatened?" I raised my voice even higher. "Will you not think of my feelings?"
"I am thinking of your life!" he shouted, frustration showing on his face. Stomping my foot, I left the room in haste. In the back of my mind, I knew what Nathan said was right, but my emotions got the better of me. I didn't want people to excessively worry over me or forbid me to go where I chose.
Just wanting to get out of the house, I took a walk outside. Once I was at a safe distance from my home, I burst into tears. I felt all alone and vulnerable suddenly. I was too tired to resist Wickham anymore. If he came again, I wouldn't be able to put up much of a fight.
I had walked about a mile or two to nowhere in particular and gazed on all the woods that surrounded me. I breathed in deeply, trying to contain my rapidly beating heart. My anger quickly dissolved as my tears slowly fell down my face.
Nathan and I had had our first big disagreement since our marriage. Sometimes he was too good to me, thinking only of my needs, and I would counter that he needed to take care of his own needs as well, but our marriage had been a very happy one-until now.
I took a deep breath and lay back on the grass, gazing at the cloudy sky. It was winter and I finally realized the temperature was not very warm; the cold seeped into my dress very rapidly. I began to shiver and then shook my head as snow started to fall.
"Great job Emily Hillsborough," I murmured to myself. I looked around the grounds-just to be sure no one lurked in the shadows-and then turned myself toward my home.
When I entered, Mrs. Evans looked at me with sympathy, but my husband was nowhere to be seen. I gave my housekeeper a slight smile.
"Have you seen my husband?" I asked her. Mrs. Evans noticed my red hands and face, both frozen from the cold.
"Mistress Emily, I think the master has gone to his chambers. Are you cold, milady? I can give you a warm cup of tea."
"I just want to be by a fire, but I thank you Mrs. Evans," I told her. "I will retire for a while myself." Mrs. Evans nodded with a kind smile and left just as the butler came over to me.
"My Lady, may I be so bold as to give you advice?" Mr. Lawrence asked me.
"Of course, Mr. Lawrence. I know that most of the staff here at Ashford has been with the Hillsborough family for years and is greatly respected." The butler nodded his thanks.
"The master can seem a bit harsh, Madam, but he is very caring and protective of those in his care. He only wants what is best for all of us."
"I know," I said quietly. "Thank you." He bowed again and went on his way. I climbed the stairs a little too fast, wanting to find my husband quickly. Even though we had separate bedchambers, I had not slept alone once since I had become Nathan's wife.
I tried the master chamber first, but he was not in there. Warming my hands and face by the fire until they were thawed, I then went in search of my husband in my bedchamber. Surprisingly, I found Nathan standing by the window, staring out at the falling snow.
"Are you very angry at me?" I whispered. Nathan turned around and saw the miserable look on my face.
"I was a little angry," he admitted, "but I love you, Emily. When you left, we still had not resolved the situation. However, I cannot bear you being angry with me." Suddenly I felt like a little girl and not Mistress of this wonderful home.
"Can you forgive me for acting childish? I have disappointed you, and I am sorry. Contact William or Richard, if you must." I closed my eyes, still ashamed at the way I had acted. A moment later I felt Nathan's arms encircling me.
"No matter how angry I become, I still love you dearly, my wife." I opened my eyes and saw a smile playing on Nathan's lips.
"You are not angry any longer?"
"How can I be angry with you for long?" I closed my eyes as he bent down and kissed me, making my heart race. After we stopped kissing and were breathless, he pulled me into our bedchamber and shut the door behind him. "Whenever we have an argument, we can always enjoy reconciling." He winked.
"Nathan!" I laughed as he once again took me into his arms. Whatever Nathan's intentions, all thoughts of Wickham promptly disappeared from my mind as he kissed me deeply.
"How is it that you and Miss Bennet have become close friends?" I asked Georgiana.
"Kitty came to visit Pemberley with Lydia after the new year, and Lydia soon grew bored. Kitty and I had more in common than I even dared to hope, so we became good friends." Georgiana grew quiet and then said, "I have heard that George Wickham sent you a letter. Your husband sent a letter to Fitzwilliam, and then he told Elizabeth. I begged my brother to tell me; please do not blame him."
"I am glad you know, Georgie," I assured her. "Your well-being is at stake as well." We had only walked half a mile, but I was already starting to tire. "Do you mind if we continue speaking of this inside?" My cousin gave me a quick look-over, making my face warm.
"Are you ill, Emily?"
"Not that I am aware," I said tentatively. "It is probably just the change in weather; it can tire one out easily." Georgiana didn't look convinced, but I was glad she said no more on the subject. On entering the house, we saw that Kitty had finished unpacking and had come down the stairs. There we also met my husband.
"Georgiana! Welcome back!" he said with a hug to her. "I heard that you and Emily were taking a walk. Have you been gone long?" Nathan glanced in my direction.
"No, it was very short. Emily was a little fatigued."
"I am well!" I insisted, and then changed the subject quickly. "Come, let us go and settle in. Kitty, did you enjoy your stay at Pemberley?" I asked her as she walked with us to the drawing room.
"I have very much, Lady Emily."
"Call me Emily, Kitty. I am not very formal." Kitty nodded and continued.
"I love Pemberley and wished never to leave. Mr. Darcy and Lizzy had to travel to Netherfield for Jane's confinement, and I could tell that Lizzy hated to leave as well."
"I loved going there as a child," I said wistfully, remembering the good times before my aunt and uncle had died. "I even remember William, Andrew, and Richard getting into trouble one time with Uncle George and Father."
"My brother?" Georgiana asked, intrigued. "What did they do?"
"Darcy misbehaving?" Nathan laughed. "That is something I would have wanted to see."
"I think my brothers instigated it," I replied. "There were a family of ducks by the pond, and the boys wanted to 'play' with them. Matthew has always treated animals very carefully, and he told them not to touch the ducks, but my brothers and cousin decided to use sticks to agitate them. The ducks caused such a commotion and a fluttering of feathers that all of the boys ended up in the pond even though Mother had told them not to play near it. They came out slimy and green, and our parents were none too pleased."
"I will have to remind Fitzwilliam about that," Georgiana said with a laugh. Her eyes lit up. "And Richard. I admit I cannot see him being anything but kind to those ducks. He wrote to my brother and said that he wasn't sure when he would be home again." Georgiana's expression turned sad.
"The colonel wrote here also, did he not, my love?" Nathan asked. I nodded in reply. "He sent us a letter about..." I could tell he was about to mention Wickham again, but fortunately he stopped. He glanced at me and then said, "It was about his military adventures. He did write that he missed the family, and I believe he mentioned Miss Georgiana." Georgie's cheeks turned red.
"He mentioned my name?" Nathan did not press the issue, though I knew he was teasing my younger cousin. I suddenly stifled a yawn and realized that the energy had drained from me. Feeling abnormally tired, I stood abruptly.
"Feel free to explore our home. If you will excuse me, I want to rest for a while." I noticed as Georgiana looked questioningly to my husband. I was just out the door when I heard Georgiana ask Nathan what was wrong with me. I was too tired to stay and listen, but I heard the tail end of my husband's response.
"...been ill lately. I thought it had to do with... the letter, but I am not sure anymore." I made my way upstairs and yawned as I fell onto the comfortable bed. I fell into a blissful sleep.
"Emily?" I moaned but continued to lay on the bed. I felt a hand on my forehead and then I noticed that there was a candle on the night stand. "Em? Are you going to wake tonight, sweetheart? It is past dinnertime."
"I'm not hungry," I admitted. "I just want to sleep." I suddenly groaned. "I'm a bad hostess! Kitty and Georgiana are all on their own, and it is my fault." I struggled to sit up.
"Emily, dearest, Georgiana and Kitty can amuse themselves. What is most important is your health." I blinked in the candlelight.
"Did I really sleep for so long? I'm so sorry, Nathan." He leaned forward to kiss me.
"There is no need to apologize, my love." He hesitated and then said, "Are you sure you are not catching something? Maybe the doctor should come to see you."
"I am fine," I said stubbornly. Nathan stood back from the bed and watched as I managed to stand up.
"I thought it was because of Wickham's letter and the strain of everything that you were overly-tired, but now I'm not so sure." He took my hand and then peered at me in the soft light. "I am glad you were tired this afternoon, Em. You know that until Wickham is caught, I do not like you straying far from home."
"I wish he would just die!" I cried.
"What? Emily, are you well?"
"I am tired of people asking me if I am well!" I said heatedly. "I just want to ride my horse. I feel like a ride now!"
"Emily!" my husband exclaimed, rather exasperated. "You cannot ride at this time of night. Not only is it dusk, but I have no time to ride with you."
"You never have time to ride with me!" I said, wanting to cry.
"Emily, what is the matter with you? You have been acting rather oddly." My emotions getting the better of me, I continued my assault.
"You never spend time with me! We don't ride or go on picnics, and you don't love me anymore!" Nathan's mouth had dropped open. It would have been rather comical had I been in a good mood, but I think the nap had taken its toll on me.
"Emily Hillsborough, I don't know what has gotten into you, but I am shocked. How could you accuse me of not loving you? I love you with every fiber of my being, Emily, and the only reason I haven't done more with you lately is because you have been too tired."
He mumbled more under his breath, but I couldn't make out what he said. He stormed from the room, slamming the door behind him. After the feelings of despair and anger ceased, I thought rationally of what I had accused my husband of.
"What must he think of me?" I whispered to myself. I called for my maid and then had her touch up my hair and give me some water to cool my face.
"Are you well, milady?" the maid asked timidly. I sighed instead of becoming angry.
"I don't know, Henrietta." I smiled wryly. "My husband must have much patience to put up with me."
"Mistress, your husband is a very devoted man. All the staff sees how he treats you; he cannot stand to see you unhappy."
"I am sorry that I am being an ogre," I said contritely. I stood, momentarily feeling dizzy, but then I shook it off. Henrietta looked at me inquiringly, but I only gave her a shaky smile. The stress from Wickham's letter must have upset me more than I would have thought, or maybe I was catching a slight illness.
I went down to spend some more time with my cousin and Kitty, but I wished I had stayed in bed. Both watched me closely all evening.
Posted on Saturday, 14 June 2003
I soon tired of both girls watching me and told them I was going to retire to my room. I was feeling a bit apprehensive because I had not seen my husband the whole evening, and Georgiana and Kitty were not helping me any. In fact, they made me even more nervous.
"Are you still tired?" Georgiana asked me quietly. "Maybe Cousin Nathan is right; you need a doctor to see to you."
"I have never been better," I told her, trying to make myself believe it. "Kitty, how is it that your sister stayed with you at Pemberley after Christmas? You were the only one to stay, were you not?" Kitty nodded as I stood, preparing to leave the room.
"Lydia begged to stay on at Pemberley with me, and my parents turned their carriage around and obliged her. She is a spoiled girl." Kitty sighed. After standing awkwardly another moment, I slightly turned away from the girls.
"Yes, well, I had better retire now," I told them. Georgiana and Kitty exchanged more looks as I left, and suddenly I wished I were not so transparent with my emotions. I dearly hoped they wouldn't spend their entire visit watching over me like a mother hen.
I took the stairs slowly tonight, my heart heavy. That argument two months ago was nothing compared to what I had accused Nathan of today. Would he never want to speak to me again? See me again? ... Would he want separate bedchambers? My mind raced through the many situations that could happen. I realized that Nathan wanted an heir, so he would want to do his marital duty at least once in a while... I felt my heart beat faster as my foot landed on the last step. I stopped and then squared my shoulders.
I paused before the door, raised my hand to knock, and then withdrew my hand. I did this several times before I realized that I was getting nowhere. I hesitantly knocked and waited. Hearing nothing, I knocked again, more loudly this time. Still nothing happening, I finally turned the knob and opened the door.
"Nathan?" I said, my voice little more than a whisper. I was about to call out his name again when a nauseous feeling crept up on me. I stopped where I was and waited until I didn't feel so sick, thinking that some spring bug had caught up with me. "Nathan? Darling?" The light dim from a lone candle on the dresser, I saw a letter folded and ready to send, but couldn't make out the letters on it.
I called out my husband's name once more, wondering if he was even here, when I saw his figure in a chair by the fire. He was slumped over, asleep. I quietly made my way over to him and knelt down next to him. His waistcoat and cravat lay beside him, and his hair was a bit disheveled. I smiled, a couple tears in my eyes. My husband looked like a little boy sleeping. I suddenly saw a vision of our son looking like a miniature Nathan, and my heart beat faster. I gently picked up his hand and held it in mine closely to my body. "I love you," I whispered to his sleeping form. I tenderly brushed back some of his hair that was falling out of place, in his eyes. My actions must have wakened him, for he blinked, his eyes glazed over from sleep.
"Emily?" he murmured.
"Nathan," I whispered. I tightened my grip on his hand subconsciously. He was silent, and I could only think that he was still mad at me. "I'm sorry. I have let my emotions overrule my sense," I began. "Even if I feel a certain way, I should speak to you in a rational manner." I stopped and then said in a very low voice, "I will understand if you do not want an intimate marriage anymore."
I was surprised when Nathan lifted me from the floor and into his lap. I lay my head on his chest, his arms going around me. I could hear the steady beating of his heart and had almost lulled myself to sleep when he spoke.
"I have been thinking about your behavior over the last couple weeks, Em," he said, his chin on my head, his free hand caressing my hair. "I think it must be something related to your health. Have you felt like this before?"
"I have never felt exactly like this. I think I have a slight illness." My voice suddenly pleaded. "Please do not contact Dr. Thornton unless I do not get better." I could tell Nathan did not like this suggestion from the tensing of his muscles. Finally, he relaxed.
"I am giving you a week, Emily. If you are no better next week, I am sending for him." I knew that Nathan would not understand my hesitation. I had remembered too many sicknesses from my past... most fresh in my mind was my Aunt Anne, however. I was in my childhood when an express was sent to Matlock with the news that my aunt was on her deathbed. I had loved my aunt and uncle with all my heart, and I had associated sickness with death even though my own brothers, parents, and even I myself had gone through bouts of illness. I had an irrational fear that if a doctor didn't diagnose me, I was fine, but if he did, I was on my deathbed.
"My own parents died from illness, if you remember," he said quietly. "If you can be cured, I would rather do that than to lose you." His voice broke a little. "Emily, I don't care what you said earlier." He had moved his chin from the top of my head, and so I leaned back, staring into his deep hazel eyes in the soft light, the candle making tiny reflections in his eyes. He gazed at me and then managed a small smile. "It must be that I am newly married," he said, chuckling to himself. "It is either that or I have a very high tolerance level," he added dryly.
"Of what are you speaking?" I asked him.
"I am speaking of why I forgive you so easily." He kissed my head softly. "Georgiana is very worried about you, and I assured her that you would be fine. I don't think she could stand another relative... leaving her. I could not bear with you leaving me either," he murmured.
"Am I on my deathbed to everyone?" I asked in amazement.
"Of course not, Em," he said, finally laughing. He took a breath and turned my wandering gaze back to him with his hand. "Emily, do you really feel that I do not spend enough time with you?" I bit my lip and shook my head.
"No. I only feel that way sometimes when you are really occupied with your business. I confess that I do feel more fatigued than usual and that is why you and I have not spent as much time together."
"If you feel well on the morrow, do you want to take a ride with me? We could get Cook to make some of your favorite foods-only ones that you feel like eating and will not upset your stomach," he quickly amended. "We can eat and then you and I can ride until you want to return home."
"What about Georgie and Kitty?"
"It is only one day, my love. You need a day out, and I am sure they would understand." I shook my head, tears again filling my eyes.
"How can you be so loving to a grump like me? I don't deserve this."
"I married you," he countered lightly. "I think you deserve everything I have-including my love." I grinned as Nathan bent down and kissed me.
"I love you," I murmured as we parted.
"I know," he responded with a grin. I shook my head, but I had no time to reply as he stood, me still in his arms, and took me to our bed.
"Is that all you think about?" I whispered in his ear with a smile.
"Mmm?" Nathan was not paying attention again. I smacked him in the arm.
"Aren't you going to say it?" I asked him.
"What?" he finally asked, looking at me in confusion. I rolled my eyes at him, pretending to give him my best Fitzwilliam glare. "Oh. I love you?"
"You are hopeless, but I love you for it," I said with a giggle. Nathan was glad I was finished speaking.
"Let us retire, my wife," he said with a mischievous look.
"Are you tired?" I teased him.
"Now that I think about it, I had a long nap earlier," he admitted. "I have a more pleasant diversion in mind," he said softly in my ear.
"Hmm, I like pleasant diversions, indeed," I managed to say just before his lips came upon mine.
Even after all that, however, my health little improved. My health and emotions both wavered up and down, but I tried to keep from letting my moods ruin everyone else's day.
A week later, we were all enjoying ourselves while listening to Georgiana play the pianoforte when visitors were announced. I looked up in surprise and gasped when I saw my parents!
"Mother! Father!" I exclaimed as my mother came over to hug me. I could see an unspoken question in her eyes, but I shook my head, not sure to what she was referring.
"Aunt and Uncle Matlock!" Georgiana also cried with joy.
"Why have you come, Mother?" I asked her as my father greeted Kitty and Nathan.
"We received a letter from our son-in-law," she said quietly, eyeing me. I felt my cheeks warm.
"But why?"
"Son, why don't you and Georgiana and Miss Bennet show me around the grounds? I have never seen them," my father said, sending my mother a communication with his eyes.
"Very well, sir. Emily, do you mind if we go?" Nathan called to me from across the room. I shook my head reluctantly.
"Should I not go as well, though?" I asked.
"You have been feeling ill. Stay and visit with Aunt Matlock. We will go," Georgiana answered for him and led the way as the four of them left the room. I knew at once there was a conspiracy against me. My mother sat down next to me on the sofa and glanced at me in her motherly way.
"Mother, why are you looking at me like that?"
"We received a letter from Nathan," she said quietly. "He told us of Wickham and your health. I must admit that I am surprised that no letter came from my own daughter on these issues."
"Mama!" I said, my mood beginning to sour. "I would have written to you had I thought it was serious." I knew that wasn't true as soon as I said it.
"Your husband thought that it was serious enough to warrant contacting your cousin and brother. Your father and I were only too happy that he thought well enough of us to send us a letter." I squirmed in my seat.
"Has Andrew not found a wife yet?" I asked, trying to change the subject. My mother wasn't taking the bait.
"Emily," she said sternly. "In fact, he has started courting a nice girl, but I do not want you changing the subject. I want to know why you did not feel it was our right to know you were ill and threatened." I stood and wrung my hands.
"I am a married woman now," I told her. "I have my own household. I cannot run to you with every little thing that happens to me anymore. Nathan is my protector, not you or Papa." Pain flashed briefly in my mother's eyes, but then was replaced quickly with maternal love and acceptance. I fidgeted but sat down again beside her.
"I know that you are married, darling, but there are some things that we want to know. Your father, brothers, and cousin are still pursuing Wickham. He has threatened us as well." My mother leaned over and brushed her hand through my hair softly. I had asked my maid to leave my hair down today. "My lovely little girl has grown up." Her eyes misted over a little.
"Mama," I said softly. My mother took my hands in hers.
"Emily, tell me how you are ill. Nathan described some of your symptoms, and I have to admit that it sounds familiar."
"It-it does?" I stuttered. "Is it fatal?" My mother laughed gently at my worried tone and frightened facial expression.
"No. Tell me your symptoms, dear." I began to tell her everything that had happened and even my quarrels with Nathan. My mother looked sympathetic to my husband's plight.
"I think men bear the brunt of our emotions sometimes, Emily, but it does sound as if this shall pass." I looked relieved.
"You think I have a slight illness, then?" My mother looked at me more closely.
"Well, I don't know if it is that slight," she said softly. I felt a little awkward as my mother looked at me strangely.
"Mama, will you not tell me what you are thinking?"
"You have no idea why you are feeling this way, my dear?" I shook my head in frustration. What was my mother saying? "Have you heard news of Mrs. Bingley?" she asked, changing the subject in an odd place.
"Not as of yet," I answered. "She is due with her baby any day now." Why would my mother mention Mrs. Bingley now? My mother gave me a small smile, as if encouraging me. Mrs. Bingley was with child and... and suddenly I understood!
"Oh my!" I sat in stunned silence for a minute.
"I know you wouldn't know the symptoms, Emily. You were the last born at Matlock and did not see me when I carried any of your brothers."
"I have acted so dreadfully to my husband... Do you really think I could be... with child? Is that what you were saying, Mother?"
"It seems that way, my child." My mother smiled. "My first grandchild! Now if only your brother would write with some good news from his home. Charlotte and Matthew will make wonderful parents as well." I was about to say something, but was suddenly too shocked to speak. Finally, I found my voice.
"What if you are wrong?"
"Then we will deal with the matter. I think you should tell Nathan to send for your doctor tomorrow." I nodded in wonder. "You are very pretty and glowing, honey. I do not think you have anything to worry about."
"Nathan's going to be even more overbearing about this," I fretted. "He is already very cautious about me leaving our home because of Wickham. He is going to coop me up in this house until the baby is born!"
"Emily, you are not going to suffocate in this house. Your father and I will talk to Nathan." She had spoken his name at about the same time as my family and Kitty came in from outdoors. "Did you have a nice time?" my mother asked, rising.
"We saw puppies in the stable," Kitty said excitedly. "I think they are cute." Georgiana nodded her agreement. I felt all four of them staring in our direction and looked away.
"Where are we to stay, Emily?" my father finally asked me. "Your mother and I want to refresh ourselves." And talk to one another privately about me, I thought to myself.
"Mrs. Evans will show you, Papa." The housekeeper was not very far from the room, and she agreed to show my parents to their chamber.
"Is all well now, love?" my father asked, bestowing a kiss on my head before they were to follow Mrs. Evans.
"I think so, Papa. I am sorry I worried you and Mama."
"Do you know what is ailing you?" he asked quietly. I blushed.
"I might," I answered. My father hugged me, kissed my head again, and then left with my mother.
"Kitty and I want to take a short walk outside, Emily. We will be back soon," Georgiana said as she and Kitty walked back out the door that they had just come. I smiled to myself as I saw a more confident Georgiana, one which a few months with Elizabeth as sister did wonders.
After they left, I saw that Nathan was last in the room, looking at me with curiosity. I motioned for him to sit with me on the sofa.
"Did you have a good talk with your mother?" he asked immediately after we both sat.
"I think I know what is wrong with me, if that is what you are asking," I said softly. Nathan took my hand and squeezed it fairly hard. I moaned slightly at the pain and Nathan looked chagrined. "I'm sorry, sweetheart." He eased his grip.
"I-I think that I am with child," I murmured. I was looking down at the sofa and only heard silence from my husband. "I may not be," I rushed to say. "The doctor needs to be summoned, and I wish I had done so before now." When I finally looked up, Nathan was staring at me, his mouth open. He was silent for at least a minute. "Darling?"
"Did I hear you say that we are expecting a child?" When I nodded, Nathan suddenly leaned forward and hugged me to him. "I admit, sweetheart, that I thought you may have something far worse wrong with you. A child!" He let me go and then kissed me before leaning back and shaking his head.
"Your reaction caused me to panic a little, Nathan. I thought you were displeased."
"Displeased? That we are to have a child?" He frowned suddenly. "What to do about Wickham," he muttered.
"I am safe in my own home," I assured him. Nathan didn't seem quite so sure.
"I am going to have all the servants look after you wherever you go," he told me pointedly. I wasn't so sure that was necessary, but didn't contradict him. It was going to be a long summer and fall.
The next day Nathan summoned the doctor, and he confirmed my mother's suspicions. I was ecstatic over having a child. We were all downstairs in the music room happily celebrating my condition.
We again listened to Georgiana as she played for my mother and father, and even Kitty sang a little. We were having a wonderful time when we were suddenly interrupted. Two letters had been sent by express, one addressed to my parents and the other addressed to me.
"This one is from Mrs. Darcy," Nathan said, seeing her signature on the last page I had flipped to. I was curious and read it, hoping that nothing was wrong at Netherfield. However, the news was good in that Mr. and Mrs. Bingley now had a son named Jonathan Charles Bingley.
"How wonderful!" I said as I finished the letter. Elizabeth had finished her letter asking if Georgiana was doing well. I knew that William had probably asked her to write that since he was protective of his sister, especially with Wickham on the run.
My parents waited curiously on the sofa, and I had just realized that I held their letter underneath Elizabeth's. I handed that letter to my mother. She opened it, read a little, and gasped.
"What is wrong?" my father asked her.
"It is from Richard's regiment," she said, her hands starting to shake the paper. My father took the paper from her hand and read through it, his own face now ashen.
"It must have been forwarded here from Matlock," Nathan commented. He looked at me with concern and then quickly came by my side to hold me up; I had suddenly gone weak. Georgiana and Kitty had been laughing but quickly sobered at my mother's words.
"A letter from Richard's regiment?" I repeated, trying not to become too upset. Maybe it wasn't bad news.
"What does it say, Uncle?" Georgiana begged. She stood from the pianoforte and sat down closer to us, Kitty by her side, as we waited breathlessly.
"Richard was injured somehow. The writing is very sloppy, and I can't make out some of it. There is no word how he was injured." My father's voice lowered. "It does not look good." Georgiana surprised us all by breaking into sobs.
"Georgie," Kitty whispered, patting her friend on the arm. I buried my face in my husband's chest, tears coming to my own eyes. My dear brother.
It was a fact that Georgiana could not be consoled, and neither could my mother. My mother cried quietly, whereas Georgiana kept muttering something about love through huge tears to Kitty. I was only a little more composed.
And it was in this hysterical commotion that another visitor was announced-a visitor whom my father and mother, Cousin Fitzwilliam, and I had not talked to since last fall.
Mrs. Evans announced, "Lady Catherine de Bourgh."