Chicken Boners In The Mist

Posted on Wednesday, 2 July 2003

From wickham@chickenboners.com Tue Jul 1 16:01:23 2003
From: "Mr. George Wickham"
To: ebennet@longbourn.com
Date: Tue, 1 Jul 2003 22:44:33 +0200
Subject: Partnership Intent.

Sir -

CONFIDENTIAL

I am Mr. George Wickham, chief controller for Pemberley Industries. On behalf of the chief financial officer, I wish to apologize using this medium to contact you in respect of the nature of our proposed business transaction. The CFO and I are assigned with the power to award contracts and make recommendations for the approval for payment. We have used our positions to over inflated contract payment to both foreign and local contracting firms as was our due under our employment agreement.

Right now, we have in our position Thirteen Million, Six Hundred Thousand United States Dollars (US$13M) floating as an overdue contract payment awarded and executed since 2000. The CFO and I have decided not to involve any local firm or persons here in Brighton because of our previous experience and utmost confidentiality.

We want your assistance to front as a sub-contractor or as an individual beneficiary of the above-mentioned amount (US$ 13.6m) which has to be shared among us. We do not want to be greedy. The CFO and I have agreed that the US$13.6m should be shared on equal basis (32% each), while the remaining 4% will be used to cover taxation and bank charges.

The thirteen million, six hundred thousand United States dollars is legitimate. It does not involve drugs, terrorism, prostitution and laundering. The fund is gotten from over inflated contract payment. We are also confident of the smooth execution and completion of this transaction since we have done it before.

All paper work to place you or your company as a sub-contractor or beneficiary of the thirteen million, six hundred thousand United States dollars shall be handled by us. What are required of you are absolute trust and the ability to keep it confidential because of our positions, mostly the CFO who has corporate ambitions.

Please respond directly by telephone, fax or email to me for more details. The fewer we are in the transaction, easier it is for us to accomplish it. I shall be waiting for your prompt response. Your kind co-operation in this regard is what we are soliciting.

Yours Faithfully

George Wickham

A phone rang in the office of the Chief Financial Officer for Pemberley Industries.

"Will Darcy speaking."

"He's at it again."

"Morning to you too, Liz. So what is it this time?"

Sheepishly Liz replied, "Ahh.... good morning. There's a new twist on the Nigerian oil scam. It would seem that you and Wickham are in cahoots."

Darcy chuckled. "Will you LART him?"

"I haven't decided yet, though I do enjoy Whack-a-Mole."

This brought a smile to Darcy's face. "I do believe my father is turning in his grave now that his beloved godson is a chicken boner."

It was Liz's turn to chuckle. "That is quite an image, Will!"

"Yes it is. Now to change the subject, are we still on for tonight?"

"Absolutely but can you pick me up a littler later?"

"And why would that be?"

With a bit of mischief in her voice Liz replied, "Two words ... mail bomb."

The End

Spam Related Terms:

Whack-a-Mole - Think of that arcade game where a furry fake mole pops up from various holes and you attempt to hit it on the head with a soft mallet. The scenario is that a spammer or other luser signs up for accounts with ISPs as fast as they lose them.

Chicken Boner - The idea is that spammers would love to give you the impression that they're high-powered corporate movers and shakers on the bleeding edge of internet commerce, sipping gin and tonics in their gleaming steel-and-glass slab towers, overseeing a vast empire of wealth; in reality, the image is more that of a lonely, balding guy in a sweaty tank undershirt sitting in a mobile home, scratching himself listessly in the glare of a computer monitor that's surrounded by the detritus of fried-chicken bones and empty 40-oz. malt liquor bottles. It just gives a little perspective. -- EFGrif