Posted on Tuesday, 14 May 2002, at 6:09 a.m.

While Mr. Darcy and Elizabeth sit in the garden reflecting on their ever changing lives, they are joined by an all-to-pleased with himself Colonel Fitzwilliam. This is a companion piece to The Colonel's Complaints.

Note to readers: While not a prerequisite, Darcy's mood is more easily understood if one is familiar with some rather infamous events in Colonel Fitzwilliam Interferes by Lissa and When Mountains Fall by Elli.

Mr. Darcy sat on a garden swing, absently kicking loose stone with his heel as he pushed back and forth. He was really too tall to make it swing properly, but he wasn't thinking too much about that; he couldn't recall there ever being a garden swing at Pemberley, so his mind was occupied wondering where it came from. He looked across the grounds to the main house and saw his wife Elizabeth was heading his way. That put him in mind of the reason he had come out to the garden for in the first place, to sulk.

"Hello dear," she said as she stooped to give him a kiss before she sat down. "Are you still pouting?"

"I am not pouting. I am merely contemplating my existence, or rather, our existence."

"Well you must find it very bleak! Heavens, you look like a mountain fell on you."

He gave her a black look. "It might just as well have, without you I might as well be dead."

"Really, William, you must get over this. We've both taken separate paths before, and we've always survived to find our way back here." She paused to consider, "Well, except for the time or two when one of us has died, but even then we still came back again, none the worse for wear."

"Elizabeth, it is all very well and good to say that now, but you know he will never let me live this down."

"Maybe not, but it was still just one time out of many, so you shouldn't let it worry you so. No matter what he says, it won't change the fact that She created us to be with each other, and there is nothing he can do about that."

"He can gloat."

"Let him, William. Let him have his fun, he doesn't get this girl that often. So what if he was able to successfully marry me once? It's not likely to happen again for long time. And if you think of it in terms of a play, you had the better part anyway. He was not completely honest with himself, neither was I for that matter, but you were always honest and above board. And if I am not mistaken, you had more lines, too"

"Lines? Play? What are you talking about, Elizabeth?"

"I like to think of our little excursions as plays we act in, you know? Like the theater...Shakespeare. He may have won in love for a time, but you'll win in the next bit."

"Shakespeare? In love? You mean sometime I could end up with a girl meant for someone else? Good Lord, no! With my luck it would be Emma."

"What's wrong with Emma? She's a dear girl."

"Besides the fact that she is not you, my love, she is a manipulative busybody." Although he smirked, there was amusement in his eyes. "She reminds me of your mother, only without the nerves."

"William," Elizabeth giggled, happy that her husband's mood was improving. "I should resent that, for both my mother and Emma. Anyway, she is nothing of the sort, at least not since she married Mr. Knightly, and she does have a good heart. Which reminds me, the Colonel will be going to the wedding with us this afternoon."

"Wedding? What wedding?"

"The one in Highbury. You remember, Miss Bates and old Mr. Churchill, Frank's uncle."

"Oh yes - the rich, deaf widower. Do we have to go all that way? It's clear in another book!"

"Emma is counting on us being there. And it's not all that far, you know...it is only a few pages in a Complete Works edition."

"I'm surprised Jane allowed her aunt to invite Emma at all. I understand they never got on too well."

"I think things have smoothed out in that quarter. Anyway, Miss Bates could not very well invite Mr. Knightly and not his wife."

"No, I suppose not."

"By the way, how do you like the swing."

"A bit short for me, but tolerable. Where did it come from?"

"It's a gift. Kitty and her husband made it."

"The minister?"

"Yes. This was their second attempt, it's much better than the one they made for themselves; that one came out a bit cockeyed."

"Incredible," said Darcy, shaking his head.

"Well, Kitty wanted one for her garden, so when she saw the pattern in a book, she told her husband if Jesus could be a carpenter, he should be willing to try his hand at it too. He found out he had a knack for it, and you know how handy Kitty has always been, so between the two of them, they built one. They enjoyed making it so much, they built one for us, too."

Darcy smiled at the thought of his slightly built sister-in-law helping her husband with a construction project. "Their children will enjoy it, as will ours."

"I dare say they will."

"How many are we up to now, anyway? I lost count at 50."

"Children? 78 in all, thank goodness they aren't all about at the same time."

"You included our children from previous marriages?"

"Naturally. They are all yours, mine, and ours, darling: slightly more boys than girls, a set of twins here and there. The majority of them are our first and second born children, not counting miscarriages, of course."

"Of course, you certainly have had more than your fair share of them. Miscarriages I mean, not children. I wouldn't regret any of our children for the world. I just meant that for a healthy young woman, you certainly are plagued with accidents and illnesses."

"Well, trauma does go with the territory. I'm not alone in that, though, you've had more than your share of near-death mishaps, too; as have my father, Anne, the Colonel..."

"Oh Lord, here he comes now. My, but he looks pleased with himself."

Elizabeth rose to greet him. "Hello, Colonel."

"Good day Darcy, Elizabeth." Colonel Fitzwilliam nodded to his cousin, then gave Elizabeth a long, less than cousinly kiss, all the while keeping his eyes on Darcy.

"That's quite enough, Fitzwilliam!" exclaimed Darcy, struggling to get up. As he made his way awkwardly off the swing, Fitzwilliam released Elizabeth, and she stepped back and tried to remember how to breath.

"My what a lovely day isn't it," remarked the Colonel, "makes one glad to be alive."

"Yes, some of us should be VERY grateful to still be alive," said Darcy through clenched teeth.

"Hmmmm?" said Fitzwilliam, effectively ignoring him. "Oh, nice swing."

"We were just talking about that," said Elizabeth, catching her breath. "Won't you sit down?" The three sat down on the swing, Elizabeth wisely choosing to sit in the center.

"Oh? What else have you been talking of?" asked the Colonel, giving her a devilishly knowing grin.

"Just the usual," Elizabeth said, "the children, the wedding..."

"...personal injury," added Darcy, still glaring at his cousin.

"Yes, I just love weddings," said the Colonel, continuing to ignore Darcy. "I have particularly fond memories of my last wedding."

"Memories are all you shall have," mumbled Darcy.

"Did you say something, Darcy?" asked the Colonel innocently.

"Nothing, Fitzwilliam, I was just wondering how you manage to have all this leave time with wars raging on both sides of the Atlantic. Doesn't His Majesty have need of your services?"

"Fortunately for me, His Majesty has been most understanding when it comes to family matters. My duties have been such that I can maintain a tip-top regiment and still manage time off to attend weddings, get married, pop off for a quick honeymoon...and all that comes with it, and have time left over to set up housekeeping." As he said this, his arm managed to wrap around Elizabeth's shoulder. Elizabeth gave him an indulgent smile, removed his arm, and edged her way closer to her husband.

"And if you recall," continued the Colonel, "I have served rather successfully in a number of campaigns, despite being gravely wounded a few times."

"Not gravely enough," mumbled Darcy.

"That does it!" Elizabeth had had enough. She stood up, placed her hands on her hips and looked down on the pair. "Really, gentleman, you are cousins and you love each other, despite this latest business. William, concede that one cannot expect the happily-ever-afters to come out the same way all the time."

Darcy shrugged, but nodded.

"And Colonel Fitzwilliam, admit that Fitzwilliam Darcy and I make the perfect couple, and ours is one of the greatest love stories, if not in history, then in English Liturature. And if not for that, you probably wouldn't be here at all!"

The Colonel looked taken aback, but he nodded his head as well.

"Now shake hands and make nice." The two men stood up, and grudgingly shook hands. After a moment they exchanged silly grins, and started slapping each other on the back. Elizabeth gave a sigh of relief.

"Splendid. Now gentleman," she said taking each by the arm, "Let's get to this wedding before all the strawberries are gone."

As they headed for the carriage, neither of his companions heard Darcy say proudly under his breath, "Besides, I got more lines."