Chapter 1 Posted on Tuesday, 16 April 2002
A young man with fortune and breeding must be in want of a wife. Thus thought Mr. Collins as he was journeying to Longbourn to pay his respects to his uncle. Going through the list of items that his noble patroness, Lady Catherine de Bourgh condescended to compose for him, he ticked each one off as he remembered them.
"1- Gauge the health of Mr. Bennet and find out if he has suffered from any heart attacks lately, in order to plan when I shall be in possession of Longbourn.
"2- Determine what sort of person Mrs. Bennet is, and if there are any suitably small dwellings to be had for her when Uncle Bennet dies.
"3- which perhaps, I should have mentioned first, find a suitable wife for myself. If I could find a woman with good sense, beauty who is domesticated and can set a good table (or at least have means of providing someone who can), has added to her list of accomplishments reading of steady books, and has Lady Catherine's countenance, I shall be very well pleased.
"4- Monitor the running of Longbourn to see if more can be done to prop up the estate to provide more money per year in the future.
"5- ..."
Whatever five was going to be was never to be known as at this moment, his carriage hit some very large, pointy rocks, overturned and put an end to Mr. Collins.
Lady Catherine hearing about this incident thought it most distressing that there should be so many outcroppings of rocks and determined never to have rocks around Rosings Park, indeed no one should ever dare mention rocks in her presence again!
Miss de Bourgh breathed a sigh of relief in hearing of Mr. Collins' demise- she would never again be subjected to his fawning, obsequious nature.
The Bennet's hearing of this incident at the same time as hearing that the new officer, a Mr. Wickham, of Colonel Forster's regiment had met the same fate whilst traveling to Meryton from London and thought it quite strange. Mr. Bennet sadly lamented the loss of what promised to be a most amusing correspondent. Mrs. Bennet felt the loss of a possible husband for one of her five daughters. Said five daughters did not feel a loss at all, although Jane did feel sorry that two young men (who would doubtlessly turn out as nice acquaintances) should meet their end in such a humbling fashion- to be conquered by mere stones.
It did not, however, stop the daughters from venturing into Meryton one morning in the hopes of purchasing a few new ribbons and lace for their dresses for the upcoming ball at Netherfield (the younger two in hopes of meeting a few half-dressed officers). Whilst walking, they happened across Mr. Bingley and Mr. Darcy riding to Longbourn to inquire into the health of Jane.
After a pleasant surprise, both parties were happy to turn back together. Mr. Bingley swung off his horse to escort Jane at closer proximity, whilst Mr. Darcy, the proud disagreeable man that he was thought to be, continued on riding his horse, leading Bingley's as well.
That is, until Darcy's horse met with a few rocks, which resulted in him tumbling from the saddle. Mr. Bingley and the ladies were, of course quite shocked, as well as concerned (knowing the current rage for dying by rocks) and ran to help him. Bingley should have reached Darcy first, since trousers are infinitely preferable to run in to dresses, but found that Jane needed his arm. Therefore it was Lizzy, the most active of her sisters who reached Darcy first and turned Darcy onto his back to ascertain whether he was dead or alive.
The groan accompanying the movement of his sprained ankle, showed the latter to be the case, and Darcy opened his eyes and looked into the concerned, but brilliant eyes of his Elizabeth. At that moment, after averting a possible death, he never knew his own folly, and decided that the only thing he would have regretted in his life (if he had died), was not being able to call Elizabeth, Mrs. Darcy.
Elizabeth, looking at the vulnerable Mr. Darcy, whose expression towards herself had softened so much, felt herself feeling most relieved that he was still breathing.
And this is how Mr. Bingley and Jane found them- staring into each other's eyes. Thus it was Bingley who had to find out how damaged Darcy was, and help him onto his horse. Since Longbourn was closer than Netherfield, they decided that that was where he should be taken. Ordering Lydia and Kitty to go for the doctor, the five continued on, reaching Longbourn and creating such a sensation that Mrs. Bennet was taken to her room in a fit of nerves.
Needless to say, that upon arriving and inspecting the invalid, the doctor ordered Mr. Darcy to take plenty of rest and to not think of moving him until at least two weeks had elapsed for his recovery.
Bingley was sorry to lose his friend's companionship at home, and endeavoured to spend as much time as possible out of his sister's comments and at Longbourn. Mrs. Bennet was ecstatically happy at this turn of events, and even managed to be civil, but not gushing, to Mr. Darcy. Her nerves were again too much to be born when she heard that not only was Jane to be most advantageously married, but that her dearest daughter Elizabeth were also to be united with Mr. Darcy (and ten thousand pounds a year, possibly more!).
Bingley had taken the opportunity of walking out with Jane, leaving a content Darcy with his self-nominated nurse, Elizabeth. Bingley, upon reaching the garden, had seated Jane on a smooth boulder near the roses and declared his love for her. She, of course, had been happier than words could express, and therefore I shant attempt at expressing them myself.
Meanwhile, Elizabeth and Darcy had grown very close over his two weeks of incapacity, and he had been so attentive and flattered her so many times that it had completely erased her former dislike. Lizzy found herself very much in love with Mr. Darcy, and when he took the opportunity of expressing in the most eloquent terms his undying affection for her she happily accepted his offer.
Lady Catherine, upon hearing this news became quite incensed. Determined to put a stop to this event, she called for her carriage and departed Rosings Park to demand this engagement to be severed. Unfortunately, although her endeavours to rid Rosings Park and Hunsford of sharp, pointy rocks it had not extended past the county, and she stumbled across the very set that had resulted in Mr. Collins' untimely demise. She suffered the same fate as her clergyman.
Anne De Bourgh was quite relieved to hear the news, and determined to rule Rosings Park a lot better than her mother. This was also a catalyst for speeding her long desired marriage to her cousin, Colonel Richard Fitzwilliam, who happily resigned his commission in the army and settled for cultivating a little rock garden in memorial of his Aunt. Rock gardens tended to not need much attention, and so he had plenty of spare time to spend with his lovely, delicate wife and their six children.
Lastly, Caroline Bingley had the devastating blow of hearing of both her brother's engagement to Jane Bennet, and Mr. Darcy's betrothal to the country snippet Eliza at the same time. She threw herself into a frenzy of work in order to stop herself from going mad and eventually became the patroness of National Orange Day. This prestigious event occurred every year on the anniversary of her death, which happened one day whilst she was collecting pumpkins to adorn her bedroom. The tale goes that whilst out amongst the pumpkins, she spotted the largest pumpkin she had ever seen, and in her haste fell over some pointy rocks, splitting her head against said pumpkin. Needless to say that National Orange Day was so prestigious that it was only celebrated amongst a few members and was started by her brother, who felt so very sorry for Caroline's death that he hosted a large mourning party, at which pumpkin soup (mainly made from the large pumpkin that killed her) was the main dish served.