The Beginning, Section II

Chapter One

Posted on Monday, 25 February 2002

Held for the first time but already a legend:
The annual

Turkey Curry Buffet

by the Bennet sisters
on Jan 1st, 20--

There'll be lots of beetroot cubes, silverskin onions and stuffed olives - and, yes, obviously, the turkey curry.

Bushy-haired opera freaks and verbally incontinent spinsters will be provided, but you may want to bring your own drinks if Chardonnay isn't to your taste.

"Charles, you do not really plan to go to this ... gathering?" William Darcy stared incredulously at the invitation in his hands, printed onto a gold-framed card with a fuchsia Laura Ashley-style floral motif.

"Sure I do, Will. Don't you think it'll be fun? Anyway, Jane, you should have seen her, she's an angel..." An ever so slightly imbecile look settled on Charles Bingley's face as he described the apparently prime reason for his accepting the invitation.

"Charles, I'm sorry to tell you, but you make absolutely no sense. Who is Jane and what has she to do ... Okay, I understand, she's invited as well?"

"No, no, Will, she's Jane Bennet, the oldest of the Bennet sisters. She and her sister Elizabeth have planned this whole buffet. Apparently it's some sort of joke."

"A joke? Well, I can't see anything funny in it. It's clearly odd, to be sure, but my sense of humour does not respond to it. Anyway, I wish you lots of fun at the buffet, and if you ever find out about the joke, please do enlighten me." Will said dryly.

"Oh, you can ask Liz and Jane yourself."

Noticing the cold look on Will's face, Charles started to feel uneasy and fenced, "Come on, Will, you've not been to a party in ages! I'm sure you'll like it. And wait till you've seen Liz. She's very pretty, though not as beautiful as Jane, of course..." Charles was about to become lost in his reverie again, but seeing Will's impatient expression he quickly returned to the subject again.

"Anyway, Will, I need a driver, since I've every intention of tasting that Chardonnay. You know, you still owe me one for not coming to Caroline's birthday party. Not even she believed your excuse, and I spent half of the evening convincing the guests that it was indeed possible that your car breaks down, you're mugged and catch a stomach flu all on the same evening. And this time, I won't accept a No!"

Will chuckled at the memory. He had told Richard from the beginning on that nobody would buy his excuses, and how better prove his point? With a deep and heartfelt sigh, Will eventually nodded his head in agreement. If it must be so,...

Chapter Two

Posted on Monday, 25 February 2002

"Charles! I'm delighted that you could make it!" A tall and stunningly attractive blonde welcomed them into the Bennets' house. A different person with the same looks would have appeared haughty and arrogant, but this woman was the personification of good-natured, and therefore Will was immediately inclined to like her.

"Hi, I'm Jane Bennet, and you must be Charles's friend William!" Jane turned towards Will with a big smile, though it lacked a special sort of affection that had been there when she had welcomed Charles. Well, at least she seems very happy to see Charles, Will thought.

"Yes, I'm Will Darcy, and I want to thank you for including me in the invitation." Before Jane had any chance to think about a way in which she could avoid telling him that her mother would have killed her had she not invited Will Darcy, billionaire and unmarried at age 27, what a fine thing for our girls!, as her mother had summed it up, they were interrupted by a high-pitched voice.

"Anyone going to introduce me as well? Oh, never mind, Charles, I'll have to do it myself." Shoving Charles aside, a tall brunette stepped over the threshold and into the house. "I'm Caroline, Charles's sister. So nice to meet you, Jane." With that, she kissed the air next to Jane's face in a mock-affectionate gesture.

Before she could walk further into the house, she was stopped by a woman carrying two huge plates of rice and turkey curry coming out of what had to be the kitchen.

"Hey, girl! Take care! This is a 2,000 pounds dress, and I don't want it ruined by a serving maid!" Caroline Bingley cried as she nearly collided with one of the plates.

However, she was completely ignored by the woman. "Ah, Jane, there you are. Could you..." She did not have to finish the sentence, before Jane had taken one of the plates from her hand.

A warm smile spread across Jane's face as she introduced her to the guests. "Charles, Will, Caroline, this is my sister Elizabeth. Lizzy, this is Charles," Jane managed to say with only the slightest pause, which, however, was enough for Lizzy to understand that this was the Charles, of whom her sister had been talking for days. "and this is Charles's friend, Will Darcy, and Charles's sister, Caroline."

For a brief moment, Lizzy was stunned into silence. What was that man doing here? Her anger wasn't directed towards Charles, though, for who could be angry with him for long? He was your average nice guy to the square, with fair hair and a very friendly face, which some people might call handsome. People like Jane, who was intently smiling back at Charles.

Lizzy suppressed her dislike for Will Darcy in order to be civil towards her guests. Not that it would have particularly mattered to her to offend this guy whom she, after all, hadn't even invited, but since he was a friend of Charles's...

"Nice to meet you. Come on in, the buffet's ready any minute. I'm just about to serve it." she added with a pointed glance at Caroline, who, however, was completely absorbed in brushing invisible dust from Will's jacket.

Unlike good-natured Jane, the ridiculous about Caroline's appearance wasn't lost on Lizzy and soon replaced her initial anger. If she comes too near to the buffet, we shall never find her again ... Her worry was obviously unnecessary, as at that moment, Caroline took Will's arm in a proprietary gesture. Lizzy grinned inwardly at the stunned look on Will's face. Serves him right, stupid jerk. Her sarcastic nature eventually won over her determination not to offend any friend or relative of Charles's (not that she had really tried to suppress it), and with an innocent smile she turned towards Caroline. "Interesting choice of an outfit, Caroline."

"I'm delighted you noticed it, Elizabeth. In fact, it is from the spring collection of Karl Lagerfeld for Chloe. I'm surprised that you know about fashion, though." Caroline cooed with a not-so-subtle glance at Lizzy's jeans and dark red blouse, which suited her perfectly, but were obviously not even prêt-a-porter. Lizzy's immediate dislike of Caroline Bingley was only confirmed by her behaviour.

The insult, however, was lost on the rest of the group, who all, even good-natured Jane and stupid jerk Will, had to suppress a giggle. Caroline was the only one not to get the joke, and not wanting to inquire either, she briskly walked into the adjoining living room to join the party, leaving Charles, Will, Jane and Lizzy in the hallway staring incredulously at the retreating figure clad in a skin-tight floor-length dress, which had exactly the same colour as the turkey curry on Lizzy's plates.

Chapter Three

Posted on Monday, 25 February 2002

After Jane and Lizzy had put down the plates of food at the buffet, Lizzy decided that it was time for some music, while Jane, no surprise there, went to see if Charles enjoyed himself - or that was what her sister concluded. Deciding that It's Raining Men would probably be too much of a hint, as would a love song CD, Lizzy put a dance pop CD (a birthday present from her sister Lydia) into the player.

Seconds later, she was glad that she had decided against slow romantic music. A shortish and slightly overweight man with balding hair and sweaty armpits came, no, hurried, across the room waving frantically at her. Not letting a triviality like panting for breath cross his plans, he immediately started to talk when he was within earshot.

"Dearest Miss Bennet, or may I call you Elizabeth," he didn't wait for Lizzy to answer, "delighted that you've invited me. A party is a party, but a party on New Year's Day... Well, right, it was your mother who invited me, but" he gave her a conspiratorial and slightly lecherous grin accompanied by a nudge in the ribs, "hehe, we both know that you only wanted to avoid the rumours which clearly must arise when an unmarried woman like you invites an unmarried man like me. I can only congratulate you on your sense of propriety. Surely -"

At this, he was interrupted by Lizzy, who calmly, but with an amused twinkle in her eyes, addressed him. "Exactly, thank you for reminding me. I suggest that in order not to increase suspicion, we'd better not be seen talking together."

The irony was completely lost on him. He first looked taken aback, but his expression soon changed. "I understand. Yes. It would be best indeed. Although I would have asked you to dance, if... No, under these circumstances, I agree. It is best if I leave you now and let you care for the food... Yes..." With a slightly confused look, he reluctantly walked towards the beetroot cubes.

Relieved to be rid of him at least for now, Lizzy turned around only to find Will Darcy staring at her. He looks at me as if I have turkey curry stuck in my hair... No, after the way that 'priest' has looked at me, the turkey curry must be smeared across my cleavage. Before she could decide whether she should go and ask him or simply ignore him, she heard her sister Jane's voice behind her.

"Lizzy, I'm sorry about that man. Mother forced me to invite him, but I didn't know that he would be that ... forward."

Realising that Jane was talking of the balding man rather than Will Darcy, Lizzy comforted her sister. "It's alright, Jane. Nothing that I couldn't handle. But, tell me," she said with a sideward glance at where the person in talk was now heaping turkey curry on a plate, "I never knew that we were planning a tarts-and-vicars party." Lizzy said with a grin.

"A tarts-and-vicars? No, Lizzy, you mistake the matter. This is Bill Collins, and he really is a vicar. Apparently he is somehow related to us. Second grade cousins or something."

"Such a pity. So you mean to tell me that this woman actually isn't dressed up as a tart, either?" Lizzy mock-incredulously looked at Caroline Bingley's dress, and they both burst into laughter.

"Oh, Lizzy, you're wicked! You heard her say it yourself, this is a Lagerfeld creation and surely more expensive than your average tart could afford." Jane added one of her highly unusual sarcastic remarks.

Both women looked at Caroline Bingley's more than tight dress. It was plainly visible that not even Victoria's Secret could produce something that could be worn underneath it without showing. "Pity they didn't have it her size. Well, but perhaps I should get Jenny one of those. It just about looks as if it would fit her." Lizzy added thinking of her niece, whose third birthday they would be celebrating in two weeks.

While the two sisters were giggling, they heard a familiar voice.

"And may one ask what is so funny about a turkey curry buffet that you don't even welcome a friend?"

"Charlotte! I'm really glad you could come!"

"Lizzy! Good to see you again. Great party!" Charlotte Lucas, Lizzy's friend since kindergarten days, embraced her.

After welcoming Charlotte as well, Jane made her excuses and went towards the drinks table. Coincidentally, this was also where Charles Bingley was standing. Lizzy seized the opportunity to acquaint her friend with everything that had happened so far, from Charles Bingley's obvious crush for her sister to Mr. Collins's advances.

After they had shared a good laugh over Caroline Bingley's sense of fashion, Charlotte shot an inquisitive glance at her friend.

"Tell me, Lizzy, who is that hunk who keeps staring at you?"

"Who, you mean Bill Collins?" Lizzy teased.

Charlotte, however, was not inclined to joke this time. "No, that tall, dark handsome guy who is standing by the bookshelves. He looks at you a great deal, Lizzy."

Lizzy looked in the said direction. "Oh, he's a friend of Charles's, Will something. Obviously he has found some fault with me and can't believe that I actually dare to be at the same party as he." Lizzy's looks darkened at the thought of this man.

All of a sudden, Charlotte's eyes widened and she gasped with an air of hysteria in her voice. "Lizzy, he's, he's..." Charlotte's eyes threatened to pop out of their sockets, "He's Will Darcy."

"Yeah, guess that's his name. So what?" Lizzy didn't share her friend's amazement.

"He's Will Darcy. The Will Darcy. Oh, Lizzy, you must have heard of him. Will Darcy of DNN. Darcy News Network. Come on, Lizzy, he's the guy that Bill Gates goes to if he needs to borrow money. Not that I'm sure if he'd get some, though..." Slowly, Lizzy at least understood Charlotte's excitement - however, she was far from sharing it.

"So? And how can it affect me?" Lizzy said in an imitation of her favourite father figure from her favourite BBC mini-series.

"Oh, Lizzy, how can you be so dull? He's rich, he's single, and he looks at you all the time. Oh, and did I mention that he's absolutely f******* gorgeous?" Charlotte's exasperation became audible. "I'm thinking miniskirt, I'm thinking dinner invitation, I'm thinking..."

"... Too much about other people's businesses." Lizzy shook her head in wonder. "Charlotte, sometimes you're worse than my mother. Anyway, I hate to destroy your plans for our wedding, but I have to inform you that he doesn't exactly fancy me."

With that, Lizzy told her what had happened a week before.

Chapter Four

Posted on Friday, 1 March 2002

"Charlotte, do you remember Richard?" Sensing the clueless expression on her friend's face, Lizzy went on to explain. "I've told you about that guy Lydia met at the drycleaner's, haven't I?"

"Whoever meets people at the drycleaner's?" Charlotte was nonplussed.

"Well, Lydia does. At the drycleaner's, in public transport, in the lending library, in elevators. And, believe it or not, her last boyfriend she's met at the cemetery." Lizzy paused a moment, shaking her head at her youngest sister. "Well, anyway, she was at the drycleaner's fussing over some hat, when this guy went in and collected his RAF uniform. You know Lydia, she has a thing for men in uniform, and so she chatted him up. It eventually turned out that the guy was only there to get the uniform for a friend, but Lydia didn't find out about that after she'd forced me into a double date with RAF man and his pal. Well, she and the guy soon split up, but Richard, the friend who's actually in the RAF, and I have been friends ever since. Yeah, and before you ask, we're just friends. I think that Richard is gay."

"Fascinating story, Lizzy, but what has this got to do with Will Darcy?" Charlotte interjected.

"Well, last week, Rich asked me to come to a pub with him. He told me that he needed me as 'moral support' because he had to tell his cousin something. I guess that he was thinking of his coming out, so I agreed to accompany him. I suspect he wanted to set me up with the guy at the same time, but, well, you know, Rich's such a funny guy, and I thought that every relative of his must be fun as well. But, it turned out that his cousin was -"

"Will Darcy." Charlotte finished for her.

"Exactly. So, we started talking, and Rich told me he had seen this great movie, at which we both quoted our favourite movie scenes. Will didn't say much, but he didn't leave, either. After about half an hour I went to the ladies' to give Rich some time to tell his cousin. When I came back, they were talking, so I went to the bar instead of our table. Well, I could overhear them from there -"

"Oh, Lizzy, did nobody ever tell you that eavesdropping isn't a polite thing to do?" Charlotte grinned.

"Admit it, Charlotte, you'd have done the same thing. Besides, they shouldn't have talked so loudly, right? Anyway, I had to listen, because Rich had just asked Will what he thought about me. And then" Lizzy looked half-amused, half-angry when she continued, "Will said, and I quote, 'I suppose some people would indeed call her pretty. However,'" Lizzy made a dramatic pause, "' she is not beautiful enough to tempt me and I'm in no humour at present to date a girl who thinks that Home Secretary is a term for a teleworking typist and believes Heathcliff to be a character from childrens' TV. Richard, you're wasting your time with me. If you think her that perfect, why don't you date her?'" Lizzy paused for a minute to let Charlotte recover her breath. "Well, after that I returned to our table, told Rich that I had some more teleworking to do and left."

After Lizzy had finished her story, Charlotte looked at her incredulously.

"I can't believe he really said that. That's so... After all, you took politics for A-levels and have an MA in English."

"Yeah, and that's what made me so angry. You know, this guy has known me for half an hour and already concluded that, since I can quote movies and are a good friend of Rich's, I must be a bimbo. Right then I could have killed him, but now I'm inclined to see the funny side of it. After all, it's not every day that you are publicly humiliated by the high-and-mighty Mr. Darcy." Lizzy smiled.

Chapter Five

Posted on Friday, 1 March 2002

Just as Lizzy had ended her story, a petite woman came hurrying towards them. Her words soon betrayed her appearance, for she was neither self-conscious nor in possession of a soft pleasant voice to match her height.

"Lizzy! Lizzy! Guess who's here!" the woman's shrill shouting made any other conversation impossible.

"Mother, please." Lizzy forced herself to stay calm while her mother was obviously in raptures over something or, more likely, someone.

"Oh, you'll never guess, so I'll just tell you. It's-" and at this, Mrs. Bennet went into a theatrical pause that would have made a RSC actor green with envy.

"Will Darcy, I know." Lizzy said in a futile attempt to shorten the ordeal, but then she knew her mother well enough to realise that she would never stop until her daughter felt deeply and utterly humiliated.

"You know? Oh, then you've spoken to him? And has he asked you out? What a good child you are! Not like Jane who has not even got Charles Bingley's telephone number!!! Can you imagine that? So when's your date?" Mrs. Bennet paused momentarily to give her daughter an opportunity to confirm her expectations.

"I'm sorry to disappoint you, mum, but, no, I've not spoken to him yet, no, he's not asked me out, yes, I can believe that Jane hasn't got Charles's number, and NO, I'M NOT GOING TO DATE WILL DARCY!" Lizzy almost shouted these last words and only refrained from doing so because the object of her mother's praises and her contempt was standing less than five metres away from them.

"Oh, have compassion on my nerves! Hilda Philips has just told me he's got a big house somewhere in Derbyshire, and an apartment in New York, and one in London, and in Paris, and has a private jet. Don't you think he is the handsomest man you've ever met?"

Wouldn't be so handsome if he wasn't quite so rich ... Lizzy smiled.

"There's no need to smile like that, Miss Lizzy. Anyway, you must go over and talk to him. If you do not want to date him, then, hmm, tell him you're looking for a job. Surely there'll be some vacancy in his company as a weather presenter or something. That shouldn't be too difficult a job, and it could throw you into the paths of other rich men!"

"Mother!" Lizzy hissed, "In case you've forgotten: First, I don't need a job because I already have one and am working on my PhD. And secondly, I have not the least intention of working in television, let alone as a weather presenter." Lizzy could hardly contain her anger and was glad that there were no sharp objects nearby. But then, at moments like these, a spoon held an uncharacteristic appeal...

"You can hardly call giving tutoring lessons to fifteen-year olds a proper job! And as for your studies, I've often enough told you that you should have learned something sensible, like Lydia," at this, Mrs. Bennet quickly added, obviously for Charlotte's sake, who was amusedly following the conversation, "Lydia wants to be a stewardess, ok, a flight attendant. Think of all the pilots! HaHmmmmm!" Lizzy once again noted how much her mother resembled her youngest sister.

"Well, but do as you please, Lizzy." After a moment, Mrs. Bennet's anger subsided and was replaced by the characteristic reaction to Lizzy's 'misbehaviour'. "Ach, you don't know what I'm suffering. As soon as I'm home I will talk to your father, and he will not be pleased to hear that his daughter refuses to talk with a single man. A single man of good fortune, that is. I'm just glad that Jane isn't like you. She at least has found herself a fine young man. I must go and see that she invites him for dinner tomorrow." And with this, she practically ran across the room to where Jane and Charles were innocently talking. Yes, up to that moment, they had indeed had an opportunity to talk.

Charlotte looked both amused and incredulous. "And you've told me that I'm worse than her. Honestly, I wasn't even close!"

This remark helped to somewhat ease Lizzy's mood again, and she managed a weak grin.

Chapter Six

Posted on Friday, 1 March 2002

After Charlotte had excused herself to extract a bottle of Chardonnay from her sister Mariah's firm grip, Lizzy was left standing on her own looking cross at a party. No, not a party, her own party.

Lizzy watched dispassionately as the much talked-of Will Darcy strode towards the buffet. She soon realised that he was heading towards her.

So this impolite jerk was the famous Mr. Darcy who her mother, no, by now the whole party, was discussing. Lizzy was startled for a moment when he actually spoke to her. What could such a celebrity have to say to her? And why would he want to talk to her of all people?

"Are you reading ... Have you read any good books lately?"

This can't be true. Maybe he's made a joke? No, he looks as dour as always. - Yeah, Wuthering Heights. No, that wasn't a good option, because, to be honest, she could barely distinguish between the different Catherines. Lizzy half considered to tell him she had read Backlash, but then decided against it. Might be too much of a shock for me when he actually happens to have read that when it first came out...

"I've just finished Pride and Prejudice." She said with a cheeky grin. "Have you ever read it?"

"No, I have never read Jane Austen."

I would have guessed that... Well, at least he knows who has written it. Not like that Bill Collins guy. Some moments earlier, Lizzy had overheard Charlotte asking the same question and Bill Collins answering that Rosamunde Pilcher novels weren't really compatible with the profession of clergyman.

"You should really give it a try. It's very..." Prophetic? Appropriate? Vonnegutesk? "Ah ... convincing..."

Lizzy racked her brains for another subject, but then wondered why she should come up with one. After all, it was he who had come over to talk - or, rather, inquire.

Suddenly, he gave her an apologetic nod and bolted off towards... No, it wasn't the buffet as one might have suspected, for he was in fact standing next to it. No, William Darcy fled to his friend Charles Bingley, but in the middle of the room was intercepted by Charles's sister.

"Wiiiiillliiieee! I want to leave! Take me home! Charles doesn't want to, he's apparently amusing himself!" Caroline spit out the last bit of the sentence as if it were a particularly horrible specimen of green gunge.

Hateful man! Well, serves him right for coming over and then running away like that, Lizzy silently mused as Will and Caroline, both obviously glad to have a reason to leave the party, headed for the door.

Chapter Seven

Posted on Friday, 1 March 2002

At half past two in the morning, the last of the guests had finally left the house. When Lizzy had asked Mr. Collins if he could help her stow away the remaining turkey curry into the freezer and put the plates into the dishwasher, even he had got the hint, profusely thanked them once again for inviting him, expressed his hope to see them soon again, and eventually left with two doggie bags containing enough turkey curry to last him through the week.

Being in too high spirits from the party, Lizzy and Jane decided that since they couldn't sleep now, they could as well start to clean the flat. They started in silence, each one rethinking the evening, but after only five minutes, Jane could not contain her feelings any longer and started to praise Charles Bingley. Lizzy listened amusedly at her sister's unusual display of feelings, but after three quarters of an hour, even the most patient of sisters (which Lizzy clearly wasn't) would have got sick of the whole Bingley clan.

"Please, Jane, have mercy on me and spare me the raptures!" With this, Lizzy fell into a perfect imitation of her sister, "'He's just what a young man ought to be - lively, sensible' and I don't know what else. I don't want to hurt your feelings, Jane, but frankly, I've had enough of Charles Bingley for today!" Lizzy smiled warmly at her sister's enthusiasm.

Knowing that her sister had listened to her quietly for more than half an hour without so much as a sarcastic comment (which was rather unusual), Jane immediately felt a little guilty. "I'm sorry, Lizzy, it's just that I've never seen such happy manners or such good breeding in a man before. - But you're right, I won't talk of him any more. So, tell me, how did you like his friend? You talked to him, didn't you?" Jane asked in an attempt to give her sister an opportunity to discuss her feelings.

"Well, I wouldn't exactly call it a conversation, but yes, he talked to me."

"And? How did you like him?" Jane's eagerness that her sister would approve of Charles's relations was so evident that it hurt Lizzy to admit the truth.

"I'm sorry that I can't share your delight, Jane, but I'm afraid we didn't have a good start."

"Oh, that's a pity indeed." Jane looked down sadly. But soon her optimistic nature took over again and she inquired with a knowing smile, "But you did find him attractive, didn't you?"

"Ok, I guess I have to admit that. Yes, he's very handsome." Being somehow embarrassed of the topic, though Lizzy could not quite fathom why, she quickly added, "You know, he reminds me of that British actor, what's his name?"

"Kenneth Branagh?"

"No, heavens! Not him! You know, the tall dark one...!"

Jane looked puzzled. Then her face lit up. "Ah, I know! You mean Hugh Grant?"

"No, no, not Hugh Grant. Puh-lease! No, Jane, the other famous one ... you know, the one with the reindeer jumper."

"Who on earth can you mean?" Jane felt excluded from her sister's thoughts.

"Ah, never mind. And to come back to our previous topic, yes, I indeed think that Will Darcy is very attractive, but," she added determinedly, to convince her sister, as she told herself, "that is not of the slightest significance as I absolutely despise his character. And besides," she grinned, "do you really think he would be 'in the humour to give consequence to young ladies who are slighted by other men? Never!' And consider, Jane, I'm not even beautiful enough to tempt him..."

Jane knew her sister well enough not to discuss this subject further. Alas, her next choice of topic wasn't so very fortunate, either.

"So, then, what did you think of Charles's sister? Didn't you think that, apart from the dress, she's a very nice person?"

"Jane, you astonish me. How can you approve of everyone you meet? You'd surely tell me that Mr. Collins is an amiable person, wouldn't you?"

"Oh, Lizzy, do try to be serious! Honestly, what did you think of Caroline?"

Lizzy gave her sister an apologetic smile. "If pressed for an opinion, I'd say she's elegant."

Jane concluded that it was best not to inquire into this topic, either, and they spent the rest of the cleaning in silence, each sister wondering about the other's turn of mind.

Chapter Eight

Posted on Friday, 1 March 2002

What Lizzy had told neither Charlotte nor Jane was that upon leaving the club after the date debacle with Will, Lizzy had met another person. She had stumbled over the threshold, and a man had caught her from falling. To make matters worse, he actually had the looks of a romantic hero, and had immediately apologised, introduced himself, and asked her for her telephone number. Not willing to have crank calls at ungodly hours, she'd given him her e-mail address instead.

So, when she started her computer on the day after the party, Message Pending flashed on the screen. - Ok, to be honest, it was more like a tiny icon in the bottom right corner accompanied by a funny noise she had not yet found out how to get rid of, but anyway, Lizzy opened the message hoping it would come from her romantic hero.

From: Rev. William Collins: w.Collins@vicarsnet.co.uk

To: Lizzy Bennet: liz.bennet@jaaz.co.uk

Subject: Scholarly discourse

Be not alarmed, dearest Elizabeth, on receiving this letter; your dear mother has graciously given me your electronic address.

Your dear mother has informed me of your great partiality for religious literature, and I was wondering if you would perhaps care to discuss some clerical texts with me. I would suggest that, unless otherwise occupied, you come to visit my humble abode and church the day after tomorrow (that is, on Tuesday) at four o'clock in the afternoon.

I have included the address of my church and a map, and I suggest that you meet me in front of the altar.

My most noble neighbour, the honourable Lady Catherine de Bourgh, whose London villa is only separated by a street, no, indeed, a lane, from my church, has most kindly allowed us to use her garden pavilion for our studies. 'You will be in nobody's way in that part of the estate!' were her exact words. Such condescension is most rarely bestowed nowadays, as I often remind myself, and I hope that you appreciate it as much as I do.

Yours most humbly,

William Collins

Lizzy almost jumped back from her computer. Her mother! How could she! Now this freak not only had her e-mail address but also invited, no, rather, commanded her to a date! What else had she probably told this Collins guy? This is Lizzy, my second eldest, she's over twenty and still hasn't got a fella ... - Scholarly discourse - as if! Meet me in front of the altar! Wishful thinking! And what kind of halfwit would suggest to sit in a garden pavilion in the middle of January?

Lizzy was still in shock and entertained thoughts of killing her mother via telephone when she noticed she had a second message.

From: George Wickham: g.wicked@ceal.com

To: Lizzy Bennet: liz.bennet@jaaz.co.uk

Subject: Friday?

Hello Liz,

I hope you've found your step again after last Saturday.

Actually, I would have called you to ask you out, but I've only got your e-mail. So:

Would you like to go out on a date with me next Friday?

If so, please call me at _________, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

Looking very much forward to hearing your voice soon,

George

Lizzy hesitated for a moment - after all, she'd just seen the guy once and, to employ another cliché, he could be a psychopathic axe-murderer, for all she knew. But then, she decided that after Will Darcy's insult and Bill Collins' imposition, she deserved some fun. Trembling slightly, she called George Wickham and arranged the date.

Chapter Nine

Posted on Thursday, 7 March 2002

Will Darcy had just fetched himself a glass of orange juice from the buffet his housekeeper had prepared, when a woman clad in the exact same colour of the juice came walking towards him.

"Will! So good to see you again! And so soon! Charles just told me that he had planned to breakfast here, and I thought I'd come along. You don't mind, do you?" In one swift movement, Caroline had managed to take off her coat, kiss Will's cheek and drag her brother towards the table, and before Will had even had time to invite her to join them, had seated herself next to where his Times was lying.

Charles only gave his friend an apologetic grin and went to fetch himself a couple of aspirins. Too much Chardonnay, Will smiled to himself. His smile soon vanished when he saw another uninvited couple enter his London flat and walk towards the table.

"Louisa! Arthur! Nice to have you here as well!" Will forced a not too uninviting look onto his face. Charles's other sister and her notoriously drunk husband was among the last people he wanted to join his breakfast.

"Humph. D'ya keep any Alka-Seltzers here, man?" Arthur Hurst rarely spoke, and he let this be one of the occasions.

Too much of everything. "In the bathroom, I guess..." Arthur had not waited for Will to show him the way, he had simply decided to look into all the rooms until he found the right one.

"Louisa and I have just been discussing last night's festivity." Caroline Bingley said in a husky voice, which, at least to Will, sounded much like she had a big lump of last night's curry stuck in her throat. Will gave her a noncommittal shrug and continued eating his toast.

"Yes." Louisa joined in. At that moment, Charles came back from the bathroom, carrying a family-size packet of aspirins. With a smile at her brother, Louisa continued, "Well, I dare say, Jane Bennet is a sweet girl."

"Indeed, she's an angel," Charles cried before swallowing another aspirin and taking another sip from his glass of water.

"Yes, she's very sweet indeed. But her sister Eliza," Caroline looked disgusted. "She looked like a common serving maid!"

This drew Charles's attention once again from the aspirins to a member of the Bennet family. "I like her sister very much. And the rest of her family." he added with an air of determination.

"Surely that's only because you've not met all of them yet... I've heard that Jane has four sisters! Just imagine, four giggling sisters-in-law." Caroline let out an unladylike snort, then quickly caught herself and turned towards Will. "I'm sure you noticed her apparel. I saw little beauty and no breeding at all to speak for her. And the flat! So tiny!"

"And the area!" Louisa chimed in, "So provincial!"

Caroline immediately took up her sister's cue. "One felt quite reminiscent of the countryside!" Noticing the increasing frown on Will's face, she quickly amended, "Of course, I've heard some people describe country manners as charming. Well, but I'm sure you've noticed her drink that... that wine."

"I have indeed." Will admitted without looking up from his Times.

"Yes, and she almost looked like a common drunkard! Her eyes, Louisa!"

Will gave a pointed glance towards the door, where Arthur Hurst had just appeared, holding a packet of Alka-Seltzers in one hand and a bottle of cooking sherry in the other.

"In fact, I found that this only drew my attention to the great pleasure that a pair of fine eyes in the face of a beautiful woman like Elizabeth Bennet can bestow."

Will had not planned to say this, for he had only realised moments before that, yes, I find Elizabeth Bennet attractive, somehow, in a way I can't really fathom... she sure does improve on closer acquaintance. However, it was most effective and Will could enjoy the rest of his breakfast in silence, since Caroline, as well as her sister, was stunned into speechlessness.

Chapter Ten

Posted on Thursday, 7 March 2002

Lizzy nervously checked her appearance in her pocket mirror for the sixth time in ten minutes. Why am I always too early for dates? It only turns me into a nervous wreck and my date feels the need to apologise for letting me wait. Suddenly, all thoughts left her brain, as she watched the waiter leading a tall man to his table. The man was no other than Will Darcy, looking gorgeous in a dark grey suit. Lizzy quickly recovered from her initial shock when she saw the woman following him. It was Caroline Bingley, in an flashing pink linen ensemble topped off by an pink hat of which Lydia would surely be envious.

For a moment, it seemed as if Will wanted to come over to her table and greet her. Lizzy's pulse quickened at the thought. Then Will's looks darkened as he recognised the man who was heading towards Lizzy.

"Liz! Sorry to have kept you waiting!" George Wickham gave her a soft kiss on the cheek, at which Will Darcy looked even more angry and eventually went off to where Caroline was already seated.

"George! Good to see you! No need to apologise, I was early." Lizzy quickly deflected.

George gave her a knowing grin, then made it obvious that he had noticed the reason for her confused look. "Do you know Will Darcy?"

"Yes, well, actually, I don't know him well, just met him twice." At George's inquiring look, which she thought contained a slight amount of jealousy, she quickly added, "He's no friend of mine. To be honest, I really don't like him at all."

At this, George looked oddly relieved. He smiled at her warmly. "I'm glad to hear it, Liz. You know, Will Darcy and I aren't the best of friends, either. I dare say, we detest each other."

Lizzy looked at him in amazement. So far, she had thought herself to be the only person who didn't like Will Darcy. - Though for most other people, it wasn't clear if they liked him or merely stood in awe of him.

Lizzy's amazement was enough encouragement for George to continue.

"I probably shouldn't be telling you this, but... No, with you, Liz, I must be open. You see, Will Darcy and I were best friends when we were children. Our fathers were business partners, and we grew up almost like brothers. I always thought that Will liked me for my character, my friendship, but I was wrong. Oh, I was so wrong..."

Not wanting to impose on George, Lizzy waited in silence for him to continue. She hoped he would continue, as her curiosity had been raised by now.

Looking up at her face, George did indeed continue. "Well, we went to university together, Cambridge, no less would do. Will studied the law, and I took English and French. Well, when I was in my third year, my father suddenly lost his money. He was involved in a fraud scandal, though he wasn't to blame in the least. It was rather a case of guilty by association. Anyway, he lost a lot of money and couldn't afford the tuition fees - 5,000 a year! Will's father, who was also my godfather, promised he'd pay for my university fees. He was a wonderful man." George paused again, lost in thoughts.

Lizzy was so curious by now, she forgot all about politeness. "So? What happened?"

George smiled at her weakly. "Well, shortly after that incident, Will's father died. He left all of his money and business to his son. Will knew about the promise his father had made concerning my education, but he didn't even consider it. So, I was forced to give up my studies and find myself a job."

Lizzy was shocked. This was far worse than anything she could have imagined of Will Darcy. "So, you mean, you couldn't get your degree because of... because Will Darcy didn't even bother to fulfill his dead father's wishes?" Lizzy was furious by now. Who did this jerk think he was?

George smiled at her weakly. "I'm afraid, one could put it that way, Liz. Well, I'd almost have forgiven him by now, were it not..."

Lizzy impatiently broke into George's pause. "What? What else did he do to ruin your life? I can't believe the nerve of this man!" Her fury at Will Darcy made her forget every doubt she should have felt in believing a man she had hardly known for two hours.

"I'm afraid I have to irate you even more. You see, Will Darcy has a sister, Georgiana. She is more than ten years younger than he. Georgiana and I were very close as children, and I like to think that she viewed me as a brother. Well, when her father died, Will obviously got jealous of our close friendship, and he did everything to separate us. He told her lies about my private life, and even forbade her to go to the theatre with me, which was a sort of tradition between us."

"And ... have you never seen her since then?" Lizzy had tears in her eyes by now. Insufferable conceit! How could a brother be so cruel? For the first time in her life, she was glad to have only sisters.

"Once or twice, but only by coincidence. I fear I must say that she has turned out to be very much like her brother, very proud and haughty."

Lizzy let out a sigh. Poor George! Poor Georgiana! So my initial dislike of Will Darcy was correct, she felt with a small sense of satisfaction.

George gave her a warm smile. "Come on! Don't let that man ruin our evening! Now that you know almost everything about me, you have to tell me something about yourself!" He looked at her expectantly.

"Well, my name is Elizabeth Agnes Bennet..." and with this, she told him about the PhD thesis she was currently writing, her sister Jane with whom she shared a flat, and her sister Lydia, who never shared anything with anyone. Her stories were very entertaining, but by no means as dramatic as George's.

Chapter Eleven

Posted on Thursday, 7 March 2002

When she came home from her date with George Wickham, Lizzy found another of Bill Collins's e-mails in her electronic mail.

One should think that being turned down once is enough, Lizzy mused and in a reflex action put the message into the bin. Then she wrote another e-mail to the vicar.

From: Lizzy Bennet: liz.bennet@jaaz.co.uk

To: Rev. William Collins: w.Collins@vicarsnet.co.uk

Re: Dinner?

Dear Mr. Collins,

Thank you once again for your invitation to your humble abode and church. I am sorry to cause you any grief, but I will not accept your invitation, neither now nor in the future. I hope your pain is of short duration.

Yours sincerely,

Elizabeth Bennet

So, this should do very well. It's impolite and direct enough for even Bill Collins to get the message, Lizzy thought.

She then went into the kitchen to pour herself a glass of - no, not Chardonnay, but mineral water and flicked through her mail. An expensive-looking envelope caught her attention.

Don't know anyone who could have sent that, she thought.

On opening, however, she could think of one person who would send her something like this - and then immediately of a second person, who, had she known for certain that the letter had been from him, would have caused her to throw it into the bin unopened as well.

She was glad that she had decided against the bin when she read its contents. After all, as a civilised person she at least had to write a response.

Invitation to a

party celebrating

William Darcy's

28th birthday
on Feb 5th, 20-
held at Charles Bingley's.

What does one write on such an occasion?

I'm very sorry, but...

I'm devastated, grieved, thoroughly distressed...

I have a funeral that day and it would be better entertainment to go there than to spend an evening in the company of...

Due to insuperable personal difficulties, ...

You are the last man in the world whom I could ever congratulate...

Just when she had formulated a polite rejection note, the telephone rang.

"Lizzy, this is Jane. Have you already got the invitation for Will's birthday party?"

"Hi, Jane, yes it was in today's mail. What's the matter? You sound upset."

"Oh, you must come. Please. I know you don't like Will Darcy, but please, do me the favour."

"Look, I'm sorry, but I am not inclined to come. You know -"

"Lizzy, please. I need you there. I'm not sure that I can ... I'm not sure ... I don't want to be alone with Charles, I'm not sure what I feel for him yet."

"Jane, calm down. You won't be alone with him, you know. There'll be at least a hundred other guests who will all be determined to talk to you. I don't see why you need me there as well." Lizzy teased.

"Oh, Lizzy, please, you must come."

Upon hearing the desperation in Jane's voice, Lizzy quickly agreed. "Okay, I'll show up. ... though you know it gives me little pleasure." She threw her letter into the bin and wrote another one, saying how happy she'd be to come.

Now I just need a present, she thought worriedly. What could one give a man who has money enough to buy himself everything he wants?, she mused. Then inspiration hit her.

Chapter Twelve

Posted on Thursday, 7 March 2002

"Jane, are you sure we haven't lost our way?" Lizzy glanced into the rear-view mirror to where her sister was sitting, a map of the greater London area on her knees.

"No, no, we're right. Just drive on for about another ten minutes, and then we should be at Netherfield."

"Netherfield - Is that what he calls his flat?" Lizzy teased.

"Lizzy, it isn't a flat, it's a house, and, yes, I believe it's been called that for ages." The only instance when Jane would ever be impolite was when she was nervous.

Lizzy drove on, but the silence didn't last long.

"So he actually told you that he's got no degree because of Will Darcy?" Charlotte still couldn't believe George Wickham's story, which Lizzy had just retold.

"Yeah, that's what he said. It's incredible that something like that is possible nowadays! You should think, what with last wills and testaments, that a son couldn't change his father's plans that easily!" Even now, Lizzy became furious at George's fate.

"Calm down, Lizzy! After all, you've only heard his side of the story. Maybe Will had a good reason for what he did!" Jane's optimism had obviously won over her nervousness.

"Good reason! George had a perfectly good reason to beat him into a pulp," Lizzy's anger threatened to affect her driving skills as well, and she nearly bumped into a van coming out of a fire station.

Jane once again took a look at the map on her knees. "See, that was Lewisham! Netherfield shouldn't be far from here."

"I trust you, Jane!" Lizzy grinned into the rear-view mirror. "Anyway, George has told me something amusing about Will Darcy as well."

She waited until she had Charlotte's and Jane's full attention.

"Apparently he is engaged."

"So? What's the big deal?" Charlotte yawned.

"...To his own cousin!" The three women were stunned for a moment, and then broke into laughter.

"That's so nineteenth-century!" Charlotte managed to say between giggling fits.

"Yeah, and the best of it is, the marriage was arranged when they were still children - by their mothers!" After the renewed gales of laughter had subsided, Jane told her sister to take the next driveway on the right, as this would bring them to Netherfield.

Chapter 13

Lizzy almost jumped onto the brake when she saw the house in front of her. It looked more like a castle than a house somebody could actually live in. However, a big sign stated that this was indeed Netherfield Park.

The valet gave Lizzy's dusty 1984 Mazda a suspicious look before he drove it into the parking lot and placed it next to a sleek silver-grey convertible, the kind a successful, say, publisher would drive.

The women were welcomed into the house by an army of maids, butlers, and people for whom Lizzy didn't even know the correct terms. They were shown into a huge hall, where about fifty other guests were already assembled.

So Will does have friends after all, Lizzy silently mused.

Charles Bingley immediately came over, a big smile on his face, to welcome them, or rather Jane and whoever she'd brought with her, to the party.

"So, when's he going to open the presents?" Lizzy asked him. Since George Wickham wasn't likely to be invited, she was determined that the party should give her little pleasure, and she had planned to leave at the first opportunity.

"Oh, no, he isn't going to open them today. After all, his birthday is on the eighth. However, he has to be in Chicago by then, and so we decided to celebrate a little early." Charles smiled. "Will's going to take the presents to Chicago and open them on his birthday. But of course I'll tell you what he got!" he grinned.

"Yeah, thanks a lot, Charles." Lizzy said absent-mindedly. Her hopes of leaving early dwindled. After the 'opening ceremony' would've been a perfect moment, but now she couldn't just hand in her present and leave, could she?

Her mood darkened even more when she saw a certain vicar hurry towards her. What is he doing here?

Mr. Collins showed a rare moment of lucidity when he started to speak. "Dearest cousin! I am happy to see you! - Well, I believe I can guess your thoughts at this moment. I have just found out three days ago that my noble neighbour and patroness Lady Catherine de Bourgh is Mr. Darcy's aunt! His aunt! Can you imagine my surprise?" Lizzy could, but Mr. Collins allowed her no time for a reply. "And on finding out about this coincidence, it is only natural that Mr. Bingley has invited me as Lady Catherine's and I dare say Mr. Darcy's favourite clergyman."

"What a coincidence!" she managed to mutter before Mr. Collins went into a long-winded tale of the re-glazing of the windows at Lady Catherine's villa, a task which he had apparently been in charge of.

"And can you imagine it, dear Elizabeth? Eighty-four windows! Eighty-four!"

Lizzy felt a headache coming, quickly asked Mr. Collins if he knew where the toilets were and headed towards them.

Great! It's a beautiful weekend and I'm at a party in the middle of nowhere together with Bill Collins, Will Darcy and Caroline Bingley! Surely it can't get any worse!

However, true to the statement The worst is not so long as we can say "This is the worst."*, she did not quite make it to the ladies', since at that moment, the doors opened and the person whom she least expected to be invited appeared. Okay, the second least likely person, for it wasn't George Wickham.

"Oh hello darling! - Stop coughing like that, Kitty! Have compassion on my poor nerves! - Lizzy! Have you given Mr. Darcy your present yet?"

"Hello, mother, Hi Lydia, Kitty, Mary!" Lizzy gave each of her sisters a sympathetic smile. After all, they'd spent 45 minutes in the same car as Mrs. Bennet. "No, I've not given him my present yet. But why are you here?" Lizzy was too tired by now even for telling her mother that she did not want to be set up with Will Darcy.

"Because we've been invited, silly! After all, we're almost family... Or family of friends..." she said with a not-so-subtle glance at where Charles and Jane were deep in conversation.

"So, where's dad?" Lizzy's only hope of spending an entertaining evening now lay on her father.

"Ah, Lizzy, you know your father! He stayed at home in his library as he insists to call the cellar where he keeps his books. You know, one day, he'll be found at home, all alone, half-eaten by Alsatians." Her mother once again retold her favourite vision.

"But mother," Lizzy reasoned with a teasing smile, "we don't have any dogs, and neither have our neighbours..."

"Oh, for g*ssake, Lizzy, I wouldn't be so fastidious as you are for a kingdom! It was a, what do you call it, a mega-, meta-, metha-, - Anyway, you'll never guess what we've got Mr. Darcy!" She beamed at her daughter expectantly.

"No, I should imagine not. " Lizzy sighed. Please let it be something one can wear in public. Shuddering, Lizzy thought of the gentleman's handbag her father had received for Christmas. No, better something one would wear in public! Please!

"A suitcase! With wheels attached! Like airhostesses have! We thought that, since he's a very important businessman, he could need one of those! What do you think?"

It could have been worse, she thought, remembering the Wise Crack Egg Peeler and the earrings, genuine diamante, with a mock-gold finish - as favoured by the more elderly of the nation's VIPs, she had gotten for her birthday, apparently a special offer from the home-shopping channel her mother used to watch. Mrs. Bennet hadn't waited for a reply, however, but was heading towards Mr. Collins. Probably to tell him some more of my secrets and favourite pastimes.

Before she had any time to search for Charlotte or get herself a drink, Charles Bingley went towards the French windows, hopped agilely onto the low living room table that now served as an improvised stage and demanded the guests' attention. He had just begun his birthday speech for Will, when Mary Bennet clambered onto the table next to him.

"Ah, Miss Mary Bennet, I see you've anticipated me..." Charles managed to mutter confusedly and watched Mary fingering horn-rimmed spectacles from one of the pockets of her dungarees and a crumpled piece of paper from another.

"I have composed a little ode in honour of the man we all know as William Darcy... because... because... because... that's his name." Mary finished weakly.

Lizzy wished for the earth to open up and swallow her. However, once again, fifteen years of conscientious environmentalism weren't rewarded. No song, no song, Mary, I beg of you! Since her full attention was directed towards her sister, Lizzy didn't notice that the man to whom the ode was directed was in fact looking at her.

With a creaky voice Mary tuned into a half-singsong, and began her

"Ode to William Darcy,

Good Birthday William Darcy
Though I never knew you before
You had the grace to hold yourself
While those around you crawled.

They crawled out of the woodwork
And whispered into your ears
Trying to rule your life for you
And make you change your plans.

And it seems to me you lived your life
Like a candle without wind
All the others never knowéd whom to thank for
When the benefits poured in.
And I would have liked to know you
But I was just a kid
Your birthday will long be gone
Before your legend ever will.

Loneliness is tough
The toughest role you ever played
Business created a bachelor
And pain was the price you paid

Even when you cry
The press still hounds you
and all the papers have to say
Is that Will is still unmarried

Good birthday William Darcy
From the young woman with the spectacles
Who sees you as something more than powerful
More than just our birthday boy." **

The only one obviously fascinated by Mary's poetic exhibit was Mr. Collins, who immediately began applauding. The other guests, probably too polite or too perplexed to do otherwise, joined in.

I wonder who first discovered the efficacy of poetry in driving away any cordial feelings. Lizzy silently contemplated after Mary had finished her ode.

Will's thoughts were similarly engaged. And I have been used to consider poetry as the food of love...

Mary beamed at the attention she thought she deserved but so rarely got and was about to inform them that she had prepared another, somewhat more clerical, poem.

At this, however, Caroline Bingley went towards the windows, shoved Mary from the improvised stage and asked in a slightly hysteric voice "Well, shall we have some music?" She then turned on the stereo, at which Mozart's Rondo alla Turca blared out at top volume.

"Oh, put on another CD, Charles, no-one wants your concertos here!" Caroline exclaimed in disdain while she searched for the volume control.

Mrs. Bennet's voice managed to even overpower the stereo when she turned towards her daughter. "Well, never mind, Mary, you'll soon have time to exhibit your talents again when a certain desirable event takes place!" she cried with a direct look at Charles and Jane, who were deep in conversation. "What congratulations will then flow in! And what poems you can write about that!"

To her utter mortification, Lizzy noticed that not only she, but also Will, Caroline, and even the much-distracted Charles had heard her mother's raptures.

Thinking that she couldn't possibly be humiliated any more, Lizzy wondered if she could leave without being noticed. Her hopes were crushed when no other than the birthday boy walked towards her.

Oh no, is he going to throw us Bennets out of Charles's house? Haven't I been humbled enough for today? Lizzy pondered. Will's words, therefore, astonished her all the more.

"Would you do me the honour of dancing with me?"

* This time, Lizzy quotes correctly from William Shakespeare's King Lear
** Mary's literary masterpiece was very much influenced by Elton John's song "Candle in the Wind" (the Norma Jean version, to be precise)

Chapter Fourteen

Posted on Tuesday, 12 March 2002

Lizzy was too nonplussed to think of an excuse, so she accepted his hand. Before she knew what was happening, they had proceeded into the adjoining room. Big beyond all sense! What is it? The riding arena? The indoor football pitch? At the front of the ballroom (for this was what the room had to be), a band was playing, and some couples were already dancing.

No need to be afraid; after all, every savage can dance. Lizzy thought as Will led her onto the dance floor. The band had just started a new song, and to Lizzy's embarrassment (and Will's satisfaction), it was a slow song, and Will held her very tight. Before she had an opportunity to say something or congratulate him on his birthday, Will started to speak.

"Well, I've told my sister about our... conversation, and she was appalled that I have never given Jane Austen a try. Georgiana is a great fan of her and has read Pride and Prejudice several times, as she's told me."

Lizzy was once again perplexed. Did he just implicitly acknowledge that even his little sister is more well-read than he? No, I must be imagining things, she concluded. Will Darcy would never admit to being in the wrong.

"I always thought that it is a good thing for people to improve their minds through extensive reading..." Lizzy said with an arched brow. "So, ahem, might I ask why your sister isn't here? After all, it's your birthday..." she remarked casually, so as not to let him think that prying was one of her favourite pastimes.

"Ah, she's caught a bad cold and is recovering in Derbyshire." Will replied.

"What, all on her own?" Lizzy looked at him incredulous, but with a mocking twinkle in her eyes.

Will replied uncomfortably, obviously not sure if she was really interested or merely teasing him. "No, not as such. We have staff to keep her company, and besides, she was very glad for an opportunity to finish her latest read ... Some person's diary, apparently."

Lizzy was meditating on the funny coincidence that this man's sister should actually have the same taste in books as herself. Will's mind was more agreeably engaged with watching the woman in his arms. An uncomfortable pause was about to settle between the dancers. Determined to distress Will as much as possible, even if that meant having a conversation with him, Lizzy searched for another topic.

"Well, I believe we must have some conversation, Will, while we're dancing." Lizzy shot a teasing look at him.

"If you think so." Will said in a manner that made it very clear that talking was very low on his list of priorities.

This, however, didn't intimidate Lizzy at all, and she continued. "So, do you often dine at the Lamb-Ton?" she asked, referring to the restaurant where she had had her date with George Wickham.

"Not very often, no." Will was about to lapse into silence again, when he apparently remembered his good manners and disinterestedly asked, "And you? Do you often go there?"

"No, in fact, I had never been there before. My date had suggested it." she emphasised the word date a little more than necessary and looked pointedly at Will, whose face immediately became tense.

"Ah, yes, George Wickham." He said with a look that implied it was wiser not to inquire.

Never one to be easily intimidated, Lizzy looked at him archly and replied, "Yes, George Wickham. He has told me about your acquaintance with him."

"Has he? Well, I can only say that George Wickham is very good at making friends, but whether he is equally capable of keeping them is less certain."

"Yes, he has already lost your friendship in a way he is likely to suffer from all his life!" Lizzy exclaimed with emphasis. "I can only hope that you are very careful in judging who deserves your resentment."

"I tend to be, yes."

"And never allow yourself to be blinded by prejudice?"

"I hope not. But may I know why you ask me these questions? You do not happen to be an unemployed psychoanalyst?" Will said dryly.

"No, I'm just an amateur who tries to make out your character."

"And what is your result so far?"

"Well, I could never become a professional, since I do not get on at all. There are so many contradictory opinions on you which puzzle me exceedingly."

"Then better not attempt to sketch my character at the moment."

"Well, I may not have another opportunity, and that would be a pity indeed."

"I wouldn't want to suspend any pleasure of yours."

With this, they listened to the song's last words, each wondering about the other's thoughts. After the song had ended, Will reluctantly let go of her, and Lizzy went to find Charlotte before he had the opportunity to provoke her any more.

When Lizzy moved towards the living room, she heard Joe Cocker's hoarse voice command somebody to take off their shoes. Just as Lizzy and, behind her, Will had entered the room, Lydia mounted the table/stage and started to follow the CD's instructions. Lydia started to take off her darling little angora crop-top, all the while sporting a ridiculous-looking bonnet - you can leave your hat on -, when Lizzy mumbled shamefacedly to no-one in particular "Well, I think I should speak to my sister before she exposes us all to ridicule."

Just as Lydia was about to reveal that her bottom in no way resembled Brazil, Lizzy dragged her sister off the table, and told her to put on her top again and, contradictory to Joe's demands, take off the bonnet.

"No, not the bonnet, it's a present from Denny. You're gonna have everything that is mine!" Lydia protested in a whine, but her elder sister didn't pay any attention to her.

Suddenly, Lizzy had enough of the party and felt that after all the humiliation her family had undergone, they could very well leave now, as there was no way they could ever top it. She looked for Jane and Charlotte, and found them deep in conversation with Mr. Collins. When she told them about her intention to leave, Mr. Collins very eagerly offered to drive Charlotte home. He seemed a little less eager when Lizzy asked him if they could take Jane as well, but he agreed anyway.

When she went to get their coats, Lizzy saw her sister Mary sitting in a corner, deeply immersed in a book. Well, here's the only other person who's as eager to leave as I she thought and then asked her sister if she'd wanted to accompany Lydia home, to which Mary, as expected, eagerly agreed.

While Lizzy waited for Lydia to say goodbye to all the friends she'd made and distribute her phone number, she saw Will head towards Charles, who had just gotten himself something to drink. They had a brief but animated discussion during which Will did most of the talking, then Charles gave a long look at Jane and headed somewhat reluctantly, as Lizzy observed, towards the staircase with Will. Lizzy didn't know what to make of the scene she had just witnessed and soon was distracted when Caroline Bingley appeared next to her.

"So, Eliza, you're not going to leave us so soon, are you?" she crooned in a honeysweet voice. "And take your sisters with you? - Well, we shall bear the loss as best as we can."

Lizzy reasoned that after that much humiliation, it didn't actually matter if she was uncivil to Caroline as well. However, she decided against a slighting remark and remained silent.

Caroline quickly changed her line of argument. "So, and how do you like Netherfield? Charles only bought it some months ago, you know, because Louisa and I told him that he must settle somewhere. It's nothing to Pemberley, you know - that's Will's estate." Caroline added condescendingly.

Lizzy was aware that this had to be the great estate in Derbyshire to accompany Will's mighty fortune, when Caroline began again.

"I gather that you've already spoken to Will once or twice, haven't you? Didn't he tell you about his estate then?" Caroline smiled at the other woman's obvious ignorance.

Lizzy's playfulness resurfaced once again, and with a determination to get the best out of her fretful dance with Will Darcy, she began. "Well, yes, we've talked... But then, we both agreed that it was best to remain silent when dancing."

Lizzy tried to keep a straight mien, which was especially difficult as she saw the expression on Caroline's face change. Her artificial smile vanished and, as the words sank in and their meaning became clear, was replaced by a look of incredulity, disappointment and, above all, envy in spades. Caroline opened and closed her mouth several times, but only a strangled noise came out.

When she spoke again, it was in a most unnatural, high-pitched voice "So, you've danced with him, how interesting..." She then let her eyes wander about the room in a rather unsuccessful attempt to spot the very man.

Lizzy was aware that she could hardly contain her laughter any more, and so she was glad to finally see Lydia coming out of the living room. "Well, it was a pleasure to talk to you, Caroline, but I'm afraid I have to dash. Bye!" Lizzy cried and quickly made for the exit. She headed towards the parking lot with Lydia in tow, where Mary was already waiting next to the car.

BTW, Lydia's dancing to Joe Cocker's 'You Can Leave Your Hat On'

Chapter Fifteen

Posted on Tuesday, 12 March 2002

In his Chicago flat (of whose existence Mrs. Bennet was blissfully unaware), Will Darcy sat on the sofa and raised his glass of champagne.

"Happy birthday!" He mumbled to himself and drained his glass. Once again, he was spending his birthday in a single bed in one of his flats.

He sighed inaudibly, then checked his watch in a futile attempt to keep his mind off the woman who had been invading his thoughts for the past weeks. Only seven pm. He made a quick calculation and realised that it was about one am in London, therefore too late to call his sister. However, in London it was already the eighth of February, the day of his birthday. Will decided to open his presents now, since he couldn't think of anything else that he wanted to do. Ok, he rather tried not to think of the things he wanted to do right now and also of the person he wanted to do them with, but, anyway -

Will reached for the first of many presents. It was a small soft package - from his sister, as the card informed him. On opening it, he looked at red cloth. Holding the present up, he was stunned for a second.

"What on earth..." Then he recognised the pattern. "Arsenal boxer shorts. Great. I'm twenty-eight and my little sister buys me underwear." he smiled to himself. At least they aren't from Caroline Bingley, he shuddered.

He opened some more packets and discovered some bottles of wine from Mr. and Mrs. Hurst (no Chardonnay, what a pity), a care packet from Mrs. Reynolds, his housekeeper in Derbyshire, tickets to the Met from Caroline Bingley (two tickets, so she obviously expected him to let her have the spare one), a handpainted watercolour of St James's park from Jane Bennet, and a new rapier from Charles Bingley.

On opening the next envelope, he nearly dropped the packet that belonged to it. The card said:

It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a good book.

Happy Birthday and hope you enjoy it.
Elizabeth Bennet

Suddenly, he did not care to know what the other presents contained. Instead, he fetched himself another glass of champagne and started reading.

Never thought that Jane Austen could be that entertaining, he mused some hours later.

He was in the middle of Mr. Darcy's first proposal when he noticed a movement in the corner of his eye. There, in the doorway, stood Elizabeth Bennet, clad in a low-cut Regency dress.

Will jumped up from his seat, but quickly recovered from his initial shock. Lizzy meanwhile walked hesitantly into the room. He could sense her nervousness, so he gave her a comforting look. Will was about to ask her if he could fetch her anything, a glass of wine maybe, when Lizzy began to speak.

"In vain I have struggled. It will not do. My feelings will not be repressed. You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you."

Will was speechless. This was all he had ever hoped for! Before he had time to tell her about his own feelings, she went on.

"Of course, I do not expect you to rejoice in the inferiority of my connections, whose situation in life is so decidedly below your own." Lizzy looked at him sadly yet expectantly, hoping he might say something, anything.

At last Will found his speech again. He smiled at her longingly and whispered. "Please, do not be ashamed of your feelings. They were natural and just. - In fact, my feelings are quite the same."

With this Lizzy closed the distance between them. That's the best birthday present I've ever got, was Will's last coherent thought.

A different man might, at closer inspection, have become suspicious of how free from wrinkles her immaculately white muslin dress was. A man who had felt less, might. However, as it was, Will's only consideration for Lizzy's dress revolved around the fastest way to remove it.

Lizzy raised her eyes to meet his and parted her lips slightly. This was all the invitation Will needed, and he started to explore her mouth with his own. As their kiss deepened, he felt Lizzy's hands tousle his dark curls, causing yet another rush of desire to cut through his body. They broke apart, both panting heavily.

"Please, Will, I've waited so long for this." Lizzy was able to breathe. This only inflamed Will further, and he started to pull the pins out of her hair, letting her dark curls flow freely over her back. Lizzy sighed and started to unbutton his shirt while covering his muscular chest with small kisses.

"Lizzy, don't stop," Will groaned hoarsely. He had just figured out how to open her dress and remove her chemise, and Lizzy had already taken off his shirt.

She was just about to move on to his jeans, when Will's alarm clock went off.

"F***, f***, f***etty f***"!" Will let out an exasperated curse. He hastily turned around to the couch table and switched it off. When he looked around again, Lizzy had disappeared. For a moment, Will was perplexed, but then, as realisation dawned on him, he became increasingly frustrated.

Well, that's what Jane Austen accompanied by a bottle of champagne can cause..., he thought to himself as he went to take a shower and prepare himself for his morning meeting.

Author's note: And the morale of this?
Don't set your stupid alarm clock for five in the morning, you idiot!!!!

Chapter Sixteen

Posted on Tuesday, 12 March 2002

Some days later, Lizzy was staring down at her keyboard, wondering how to begin the next paragraph of her dissertation, when the doorbell rang.

"I'll get it!" she shouted towards Jane's room, glad for an excuse to interrupt her work.

When she opened the door, she found her sister Lydia standing on the doormat, holding a single red rose.

"Hi, Lydia, come in. You needn't have bought me any flowers, though." Lizzy stepped back to let her sister enter the flat and looked curious at the flower.

"No, it's not from me, it was on the doorstep. You know, today's Valentine's Day ... apparently someone's having a crush on you, Lizzy!" Lydia grinned knowingly before she started to compare the rose's colour to the red of the coat somebody had worn to the party.

Lizzy blushed heavily, thinking of George Wickham and the lovely e-mail he had sent her the day before. Then sense won over sensibility, and she told her sister that the rose was probably for Jane.

"Yeah, could be, but why would your name be on the card, then?" Lydia replied smugly. True enough, there was a small card attached to the flower's stem, and the only word on it was her name. Elizabeth

I'd never have thought that George could be that romantic. Lizzy mused, and a smile as well as a blush crept onto her face.

"Oh, hi, Lydia!" Jane had come out of her room as well on hearing her youngest sister's voice.

"Hi, Jane. Wait until you hear that news! Apparently, -" Lydia started to shout in excitement, but interrupted herself when she saw Jane's red-rimmed eyes and pale face.

"Are you unwell, Jane? Well, never mind, people do not die of little trifling colds. I know these 3-days-viruses, they'll be over in, like, two days!" Lydia beamed brightly.

Knowing about the reason for her sister's distress, Lizzy quickly ushered Lydia into the dining room and searched for a vase.

"So, what news did you want to tell us, Lydia? Is it about another wealthy young single who's about to invade the neighbourhood?" Lizzy attempted a smile.

"No, no, papa said that there won't be another twenty to visit us all, or something like that... No, it's even better than that!" Lydia was all excitement by now. "You remember Mary King, Lizzy, the girl in my class who was too small to become a flight attendant like me? Well, apparently she's started on a modelling career and made quite some money by now. Though I can't see what men find in her, such a plain, freckled thing-"

"Lydia, I'm sure you didn't come in all this state to tell us about Mary King's modelling career!" Lizzy interrupted her sister, again reminiscent of the great similarity with her mother.

"Yeah, no ... best of it is," Lydia took a deep breath and continued with a wicked grin, "rumour goes that she's pregnant now! And she's no older than me!"

"And does one know who the father is?" Lizzy asked dispassionately.

"Well, the bloke's really very hot, his name is Geoff, no, Gary, no ... George! His name is George, George Wickham!" Lydia finished proudly.

"Are you sure?" Lizzy's voice was shaky now, and her pale complexion resembled Jane's.

"Of course I'm sure! I know it from mum, who knows it from Mrs. Philips, who has heard it from Mrs. Long, the hairdresser, who has spoken to Mary King herself!"

"And you believe this bewildering catalogue of Chinese whispers?"

"Course I do! Anyway, Kitty's been in town yesterday, to buy some clothes, and she's seen Mary and the guy herself. You know, Kitty went to dancing class together with Mary, and Mary even introduced her to the guy. George Wickham, I'm 100 percent sure!"

Lizzy was too shocked to say anything, but Lydia was oblivious to her sister's distress. "Well, anyway, Kitty says he's the hottest guy she's ever seen. Absolutely gorgeous chest and the most firm-" seeing the increasing look of disapproval on Lizzy's face, she quickly said goodbye and was out of the door before either of her sisters could reply.

"Oh my god, Lizzy..." Jane started when she saw the tears in Lizzy's eyes. "Well, probably it's all been some terrible mistake..." she interjected.

Lizzy's lower lip was quivering when she reasoned, "No, Jane, it won't do, you won't make George Wickham good. I'm afraid, Mr. Darcy's reaction wasn't so unfounded after all."

Jane didn't know what to reply to ease her sister's sorrow, so she remained silent.

At last, Lizzy spoke again. "Well, at least it's Mary King and not some lithe oriental boy in his bedroom..." she uttered with a rather unsuccessful attempt at a smile.

"Oh, Lizzy, where do you get those ideas from?" Jane had to laugh despite of her tears.

"I don't know, Jane, perhaps I read too much. Anyway, George and I have only been on one date, and we were not, you know, together." Lizzy tried to be the reasonable one, but her tears soon started flowing again.

Jane stifled a cry, at which Lizzy pulled her into a comforting embrace. No, I don't think I've been in love with George. I liked him, to be sure, but love ... I don't think so ... Then her thoughts wandered to her sister's situation. After all, Jane has much more reason to be sad than I. I've only seen George twice. Jane and Charles, on the other hand ... they were practically an item, and then, he hasn't called her since the party. That b***!

Suddenly, realisation hit Lizzy like lightning. Will Darcy! At the party! He has told Charles never to meet Jane again! He must be the reason why he's never called! Lizzy clenched her fists at the thought of this man's nerve. Not wanting to distress her sister any further, Lizzy however kept her suspicions to herself.

At last, Jane dried her tears and focused her attentions towards her sister again. "Well, who is the rose from, if not from George?" Jane tried to sound cheerful.

Lizzy had contemplated that topic before, but the only person who came to her mind was:

Mr. Collins

Chapter Seventeen

Posted on Tuesday, 12 March 2002

Some days later, Lizzy was sitting in the tube, on her way to the English department's library. For the umpteenth time, she re-read the letter she had received two days before.

My dear Lizzy,

I don't know how I should begin this letter, so I'll do it unceremoniously, facts first.

I am engaged to Bill Collins, and we'll marry in March.

Now, I know that you'll probably think "Charlotte engaged to Mr. Collins? Impossible!" Well, a month ago, I'd declared it impossible myself, but I have to admit that my feelings, compared to what they had been then, have changed. In fact, they are quite the opposite.

You know that I'm not romantic, Lizzy, I never was. Admittedly, when I was your age, I was convinced that nothing but the deepest love could induce me into matrimony. However, as the years went by, my attitude towards marriage changed.

I have come to understand that happiness in marriage is entirely a matter of chance. This may perhaps sound harsh and unfeeling, but it is the result of years of observation and reflection. - Yes, when there are no other entertainments to be had, then we shall be philosophers!

I had almost become comfortable with the thought that I shall end an old maid and teach your ten children to embroider the cushions and play their instruments very ill. - Not that I could sew or play an instrument, but you'll get the picture. So, when Mr. Collins proposed to me, I thought it the most sensible thing to accept. I had come to the realisation that if I don't marry now I may never get another opportunity. After all, I'd like to have children, and my biological clock is ticking...

Please do not scold me for accepting Mr. Collins, Lizzy. I know how you feel for him, but I can assure you that he will make me a very good husband, and this is all you, as a friend, could desire for me.

I am well aware that you may never forgive me for my decision or may even refuse to attend to my wedding. However, I can only ask you, as my oldest and best friend, to do me the great privilege of being my maid of honour.

The wedding will take place in March, since in May, my future husband will be busy joining together other people in holy matrimony. The ceremony will be performed in Lady Catherine de Bourgh's garden pavilion, which she has graciously offered us. The service will be held by Mr. Elton, an old friend and fellow student of Mr. Collins's.

If you, however, should decide that you don't want to see me any more, there is one thing that I want to tell you. - I write it in a letter, because I'm not sure that you'd hear me out in person:

Don't let your fancy for Wickham lead you to slight a man of ten times his consequence! I know that you have disliked Mr. Darcy from your first meeting on, but I gather that he is quite shy and introvert, so please, as a favour to me, try to be patient with him. After all, he may turn out no more the black-hearted villain than your average rich man... I should even go so far as to predict that you may find him very agreeable.

Well, there is nothing more I wish to write you about. Please do at least consider to be my maid of honour. It would make my wedding day perfect.

Your old friend

Charlotte Lucas

Lizzy scanned the contents of the letter once again. For the first five or six times she had read the letter without accepting its contents. Even now she could not believe that her old friend, the person who had always rejected the idea of marriage, would indeed be the first of them to take that step.

When she came out of the tube station, her cell phone rang.

Mother! a look at the display told her. Deciding that it was best to hold the conversation in the street rather than at some place where other people would overhear it, she answered it.

"Hello, darling, how are you? And how's Jane, and what does she think of flying off to Canada at this time of year? On a hiking trip! And to be staying for a month! Why, she'll miss Hilda Philips's garden party!"

"Hello, Mama, nice to hear from you as well." Lizzy rolled her eyes. "You see, it isn't exactly a pleasant hiking-trip. Jane has this research project going..." Lizzy sadly thought that this project hadn't been quite so appealing if it hadn't involved a one-month stay in a secluded cabin, without electricity, mail, or telephones. "I hope you're all well?" Lizzy cheerfully cried into the phone.

"No, we're not well, not at all. In fact, I'm quite put out! What did I have to read in the Meryton Gazette today? -Oh, you'll never guess, so I'll tell you: Charlotte Lucas, Charlotte Lucas, your so-called friend, turns out to be engaged to Mister Collins! Reverend Collins! Of whom we'd all had so great hopes!"

"Yes, I know about Charlotte's engagement. She's written me a letter." Lizzy attempted to shorten the conversation by admitting as much of the truth as necessary.

"This deceiving little ... But I'm sure you'll never forgive her for stealing your love, Lizzy! No, this is nothing you shall put off easily."

"Mama, no-one's stolen my love, as you put it," just after she'd said it, Lizzy once again remembered freckled Mary King. "Well, not Charlotte, anyway."

"Yes, I agree ... I dare say it's very much your own fault, Lizzy! You should have secured Mr. Collins as I have always told you! But no, you go scampering about the country, and never once stopping at his church to visit him! I dare say, you could have been his bride by now, if you'd only given him a little encouragement! How many times have I told you, 'You must show more affection even than you feel, Lizzy, in order to secure him!' But now, all will come to nothing!"

Lizzy almost shouted into the phone at the nerve of her mother. "Mother, I have never sought for Mr. Collins's attentions, and the last thing in the world I had ever wanted was to marry him. - I wish Charlotte every happiness in the world with her husband, and I'm sure you can have nothing more to say on this subject. Goodbye!" With this, Lizzy pressed the disconnect-button and stuffed the phone into her coat pocket. Fuming, she marched on, despite the drizzling rain that now set in. When she was calm again, she realised that she had walked well past the library.

On the same day, she wrote a letter to Charlotte saying that she'll be delighted to be her maid of honour.

Chapter Eighteen

Posted on Tuesday, 12 March 2002

Lizzy spent the entire wedding ceremony in a stupor. If she had been asked afterwards to say something about the room or the number of guests, she would have been at a loss. Although she had re-read the letter at least a hundred times by now, she still could not accept the truth.

So, after the wedding photos had been made and the bouquet had been thrown, Lizzy found herself standing (in a ridiculous floor-length dress made of furnishing fabrics - they work surprisingly well for bridesmaids, as Lady Catherine had maintained) near the buffet clutching a glass of champagne. Jane still was in Canada, and her family predictably had refused to come to the wedding. She was just about to ask somebody for a fag so that she at least could make it onto the Meryton Gazette's cover as Maid of honour Elizabeth Bennet. Smokes like a chimney, drinks like a fish, and dresses like her mother. Lizzy then once again began her observation and reflection of the newlyweds.

"I'll be back!" the bridegroom stated in a hideous American accent in manner of screen God, though, as it turned out, ever so slightly less elegant under pressure.

"Aaahh! Have a care, Dawkins!" Mr. Collins cried out when he, walking forwards, but looking over his shoulder at his wife, bumped into a waiter carrying a huge bowl of fruit punch.

"I ... I am so sorry ... actually, my name's Finch ... I'm really sorry..." the waiter mumbled as he made a futile attempt at cleaning the mess with some paper napkins.

"Oh, never mind, you ... I'm sure he used to hold a very good sort of broom before his elevation into wait-hood." Bill Collins mumbled towards his wife, but loud enough for half of the guests to overhear.

Lizzy stifled her smile at the sight before her. Bill Collins had removed his jacket earlier on, and now his originally white shirt showed a pinkish hue due to the spilled strawberry punch. The reverend was soaked from neck to waist, and since the shirt had become quite transparent, every party guest now had an opportunity to see more of Bill's physique than they had ever wanted.

Lizzy tried to avert her eyes, but they didn't obey her, and travelled over Bill's broad shoulders to his hairy chest ... his protruding belly ... his hairy shoulders ... Suddenly she felt the urgent need to go to the bathroom.

When she looked searchingly around the garden pavilion, Bill saw her awkwardness, quickly went to her side, and addressed her.

"Pray, do not make yourself uneasy, my dear. After all, I am an old married man now, and I have every intention of getting changed as soon as possible -"

Before he could embarrass her or himself any further, Lizzy spoke. "No, indeed, Mr. Collins, I was wondering where the toilets are."

"Ah, I see..." Bill gave her a conspiratorial smile, making it obvious that he didn't for one second believe her need for a bathroom to be the cause of her unease. "Well, if that is so, I will show you where the toilets are." he said, indicating to Lady Catherine's huge villa. "And maybe, while you have the singular opportunity, you might want to catch a glimpse of the famous chimney piece?" Bill offered.

"Well, you want to show me, and I have no objection to seeing it!" Lizzy exclaimed with a big grin. "But maybe you should go home and get changed first?" she asked a little too eagerly.

"Your thoughtfulness does you credit, dear cousin!" Bill happily exclaimed. "But, as it is, you see, my own humble abode is situated next to the lane I've surely told you about, which is at the exactly opposite side of the villa as the pavilion. Therefore, it would be quite an expedition to get to my humble abode, since Rosings Park is very grand indeed! No, dear cousin, I shall be so bold as to claim one of Lady Catherine's bathrooms to change. I say bathrooms, because there are several!"

Mr. Collins was once again in his element, and as they made their way over Lady Catherine's immaculately trimmed lawn to a side entrance of Rosings, he informed Lizzy about his cupboard shelves, Lady Catherine's main staircase, and his own staircase - neither too shallow nor too steep.

Lizzy soon did not attempt to follow his line of thought any more, and she was glad when they had finally reached a back staircase - for there were several...

Instead of showing her to a bathroom and getting changed, Bill led her along a hallway, up another staircase, and through many oak doors. Eventually, they saw a figure looking through a window onto the garden.

A servant! Finally! Maybe I can ask him to show me a toilet (for there must be several...) and get rid of the vicar! Lizzy thought. Then, however, the person turned round and revealed himself to be no other than

"Mr. Darcy!" Lizzy exclaimed, not a little bit shocked.

"Miss Bennet." Will, too, lapsed into formality.

Suddenly, Lizzy felt compelled to explain her situation. "I have ... We ... Mr. Collins has graciously offered to show me the famous chimney piece." she managed to say in a dignified tone.

"In a wet shirt?"

"As you see." Lizzy replied in the same haughty voice.

Suddenly sensing the tension in the room, Mr. Collins, for the first time in his life, felt uncomfortable among other people. "Well, I think I really should get changed before I catch a cold..." he muttered. "Please be not too disappointed, Elizabeth, for not seeing the chimney piece." he added, but then he had a brainwave. "Maybe Mr. Darcy will show you?" he smiled broadly.

"I would be honoured." Will gave the clergyman a look that was close to freezing his shirt.

"Mr. Darcy is all politeness." Lizzy said with a suspicious glance at Will, but then decided that, since she was here, she could as well get a tour of Rosings.

"Well, if you follow me then, Miss Bennet." Will said and hurried towards another huge oak door.

After what seemed to her like a reasonably-timed hiking tour, they at last arrived in the front drawing room and Lizzy finally got a glimpse of the chimney piece. Well, since the greatness of this sophisticated artifact cannot be attempted to be expressed in words, let's just say that Lizzy thought it was ... hideous.

Will obviously hadn't come to admire his aunt's furniture either, and he immediately started to speak to Lizzy.

"Miss Bennet ... Elizabeth ... Please hear me out. When I first saw you, in that awful pub Richard had dragged me into, I didn't think that you were either smart or beautiful enough for me to get interested in you. However, when I next met you, at this ridiculous buffet, I realised that you were - are - something special, and it was soon afterwards that I first realised that I am in love with you. Then, at my birthday party, your sister recited that appalling poem, and your other sister started to strip on the couch table. I know that I should have felt repulsed by your family at that time, but they made it only clearer to me how much you differ from them. - Elizabeth, I love you. I don't know how I could fall in love with you, but it just happened, in contrast to the wishes of my own family, despite your unfortunate relations, and even against my own better judgment. I love you."

Lizzy was stunned into speechlessness. Love her? Will Darcy was in love with her? How? And, more importantly, why?

When she felt his gaze on her, waiting for her to say something, she finally spoke. "Well, I guess most of the women of your acquaintance would consider themselves very lucky to be in my position now. However, I can only hope that you manage to overcome your feelings very soon. I have certainly done nothing to encourage them, in fact I have always strived to do the opposite."

Will stared at the chimneypiece for a long time, and then eventually turned to her, crestfallen. "And this is all the explanation I'm to expect?"

"Do you really need more? Do you want me to say it? Well, if you insist upon it ... The first time I felt dislike against you was when you insulted me while you were talking to Richard. However, I'd probably have forgiven you, had you behaved in a civilised and gentlemanly manner during the buffet. I really came to hate you when George Wickham told me about ... about how you'd treated him when his father had lost his money. - The one thing I'll never be able to forgive, however, is that you separated Charles from my sister. Jane's been a wreck these past weeks, all because of you. And I hadn't known you a week before I'd decided that you are the last man -"

"Cousin Elizabeth! There you are! How do you like the chimneypiece?" Bill Collins's eager exclamations interrupted Lizzy's monologue, and she quickly averted her face so as not to show the tears in her eyes.

"Oh, there's no reason not to look at me now, Liz, for I've put on something more decent." Bill said with more innuendo that would befit a vicar. "In fact, this sweater is a present from Lady Catherine herself. She said, and these were her exact words, 'Mr. Collins, you must dress properly! Choose a classic pattern for my sake, and for your own let it be an active, practical sort of fabric.' She gave me this jumper to wear for her annual garden party last year and insisted on having it washed by her own servants - that is why I have found it here. As Lady Catherine herself said, it's the sort of clothing one can wear with anything, to anything!"

For the first time, Lizzy was glad that Mr. Collins always had to say something. She didn't even pretend to admire his yellow-and-blue diamond-patterned jumper, but remained deep in thoughts. When he eventually had to draw breath, Lizzy quickly asked him if they shouldn't go back to the wedding party, thankful that her voice didn't falter.

"Oh, yes, indeed, we should! Make haste, dear cousin!" Bill exclaimed when he hurried towards one of the oak doors.

"Other way, Mr. Collins!" Lizzy remarked and pointed towards the door that had a big green Exit sign above it - no doubt the National Trust had talked Lady Catherine into that.

Bill went towards the indicated door and let Lizzy take his arm. For the first time, she was glad to have the vicar to lean onto, and equally thankful that he did not notice her pale face and red-rimmed eyes. Upon leading her out, Bill started to make conversation again, and her friendly thoughts towards him immediately vanished when he spoke. "So, tell me, how's your love life?" Lizzy was, for the second time that day, rendered speechless by a man, and they left behind an upset and wounded Will Darcy, who was still grabbing the mantelpiece for support.

Continued In Next Section