Chapter 1

Posted on Monday, 13 May 2002

Even though my father's threat hung over me like a cloud, dampening my spirits, I could not help but be interested in the upcoming wedding of my sisters. It was all so exciting! The preparations for the banquet, the fittings of the dresses, the visits of Mr. Darcy and Mr. Bingley... and of course, through it all, the incessant shrieking of my mother, the gentle smiles of Jane and the delighted laughter of Lizzie. I'd never seen the two happier than when they were talking over the wedding and what lay beyond it. The future Mr. and Mrs. Bingley had a standing invitation to Pemberley, while the future Mr. and Mrs. Darcy would be welcome at Netherfield any time.

But what gave me the most pleasure was the prospect of the wedding itself. I had been at Charlotte's, but it was terribly boring, for Mr. Collins insisted on everything being done 'properly', so there was hardly any wine or dancing at all!

My mother had gotten me a new dress for the double wedding, and I was determined to have as much fun as possible before having to wither under my father's harsh hand. At first he was not even going to let me celebrate after the wedding, but I begged and begged so hard that he relented. I think the fact that Lizzie and Jane went in to talk to him after one of our arguments had something to do with it as well. Those two really aren't bad, I've always liked them, a great deal more than Mary. Lydia has always been my favorite sister, though she has not been writing at all lately. She promised she would tell me of her doings in the North, but I suppose she is too busy being a good wife to be able to send me a note. That was her excuse for not being able to come to the wedding.

...I'm very glad those two silly sisters of ours have finally gotten themselves some husbands! What took them so long, I'd like to know, when I got married at just sixteen? Jane is quite an old maid by now, and Lizzie, too! Ah well, tell them I'm happy for them both and am very sorry that I can't come, but just between you and me, Kitty, I must say that a silly old wedding is not enough reason for me to be separated from my dear Wickham for so long. Aren't you quite jealous of me, when I am younger than you are and nicely settled with my husband already? When shall it be your turn, Kitty? I dare say Mary will never be married, but you must be and then we shall meet and talk about our husbands and play with our babies...

That was a piece of her early letters, when I had quickly grabbed pen and paper to inform her of our sisters' engagement. Afterwards, her letters became mere thin affairs and then, they completely stopped appearing. I resented that very much, after our being so close for all those years before Brighton.

Brighton! Ah, now there lay the sting! If I had only gone to Brighton, then I would have been in on the fun. Or, maybe even better, if Lydia had not gone at all, we could have gone on comfortably with life at home. But now Lydia was gone, Jane and Lizzie were marrying and I would be left at home with my solemn, sermonizing sister Mary, a father who despised me and a mother whose nerves were my mortal enemies!

Lately, I have been spending much time in my room, with the door firmly shut. Father refuses to let me walk to Meryton, though indeed, I can't see why. The militia is gone and I am sure there are no handsome men there to tempt me to run away like Lydia did. Though, naturally, between you and me, I am able to confess that had Wickham chosen me, I would likely have done as Lydia had. A man in a red coat does such damage to my head that I cannot think straight for a full hour after I have bid adieu to him. Imagine! Mr. Wickham proposing marriage to me, and the flight to Gretna Green with him...

For that is what I have been doing. I imagine things. I imagine being Lizzy and receiving Mr. Darcy's addresses. I imagine being Jane and going through such heartbreak only to find my faithful lover at my journey's end. And, most of all, I imagine being Lydia, in Brighton, with all the officers at my beck and call, and having such fun! But there is one thing I cannot imagine. I cannot imagine being myself and having a handsome young man pay his addresses to me. Believe me, it is not for lack of trying! I try to conjure up the image of myself, beautiful and regal, catching a rich, handsome man's eye and having him fall desperately in love with me. But I simply cannot do it. Catherine Bennet, of whom even her own father avers that she is the silliest in the world, securing a rich man's love? Any man's, for that matter! No. I shall always remain Kitty Bennet, and live at Longbourn with my spinster sister Mary and Mamma and Papa, until Papa dies and Mr. Collins and Charlotte throw us out. Then I shall live with Jane and Charles, for I know that Mamma would not wish to leave Meryton and her sister Phillips, nor would she wish to live with Mr. Darcy, whom she still calls 'that proud man' behind his back, though she fawns over him when he is here.

I do not profess to be an accomplished lady, nor even to be a lady at all, but I can say there is one thing I am good at. I can trim bonnets exceptionally well. There is no in Meryton who has such bonnets as I do, and all are aware of it. For my sister's wedding, I made myself a new bonnet to match my dress, and when it was finished, even they said it was very pretty. Little was I to know that particular bonnet would change the events of my small life completely...