Beginning, Section II
"to care for none beyond my own family circle; to think meanly of all the rest of the world; to wish at least to think meanly of their sense and worth compared with my own"
(Pride and Prejudice, Volume 3, Chapter XVI.)
Chapter I
Posted on Monday, 14 May 2007
"Are you quite comfortable?" The man sitting opposite me in the carriage asked with an unusual degree of concern creasing his bow. For a second I did not think to make a response, but continued to lean my forehead against the cold window of the carriage my whole body was jostled by the uneven road. Out of the corner of my eye I could tell my companion was about to make some further protest. I suppose he did not want a wife with addled brains, if he had to have one at all.
"I am quite well." I replied in a clipped tone.
"You are warm enough?"
"Yes."
"There is nothing more you need for your comfort?"
I laughed shortly, he looked puzzled, "Why surely sir I could want for nothing." I said dryly echoing the words he had spoken to me not a week hence. He made a slight bow of acknowledgement, clearly he agreed wholly with what I had just said. My mother agreed with him apparently, she was over the moon at the amount of pin money I would be receiving, not to mention the rich men I would, as a consequence, be able to throw my other sisters in the way of in the future. To be sure, he was rich, he owned an estate worth ten thousand a year, it was in that respect a brilliant match given my own comparative poverty. He might have been handsome. At the very least he had proven himself to be honourable. But really his list of attributes was rather thin on the ground.
For while he was honourable he had show himself to be proud and conceited, to assume that I should think myself lucky that he had proposed to me and not only that but that I should be grateful for his condescension in doing so. What was more he seemed to be under the assumption that I should be happy because of everything he had offered me, all the riches, jewels, dresses, trinkets and so forth, especially given my own lack of fortune.
Well I was not. Because there was one thing which he could not offer me that which I desired above all else. Love. Not that I was expecting him to offer me that, it would be rather unreasonable given that I knew that on no uncertain terms could I ever love him either. But I could still regret it because I had always hoped above all else that I would marry for love. Yet here I was forced into a marriage with a man who I could not love. How was I ever to be happy again?
He apparently did not even care for my company. No doubt he was too repulsed by me. We had been travelling for nigh on two days now and he had hardly uttered a word, when he was not reading he was watching me in the most aggravating manner, as though he were waiting for me to make some unpardonable slip or other. The only rest bite I had received was the opportunity for a break in his company yesterday evening when I had been allowed to keep to the privacy of my own room in the suit at the inn we had passed the night at and given way to the luxury of tears. It had seemed as though it were the first time I had had a moment's privacy since my engagement had been announced.
"Elizabeth please you shall hurt yourself." His hand reached across the carriage to touch my arm lightly. I was ready to make an impertinent reply to him but found, as I had a lot of late, that none was forth coming.
"Very well." I leaned my head against the seat of the carriage tiredly and continued to gaze sullenly out of the window at the dramatic landscape that was slowly beginning to reveal itself to me.
"Would you like me to read to you?" He asked apparently thinking I was bored.
"No thank you Mr Darcy I find I have a headache." I was feeling perverse for I certainly did not have a headache. It was more like heartache.
"That is understandable." He observed, I turned to look at him sharply. What had he meant by that? Was it to reprimand me or to offer some empathy with the situation I had found myself in?
It was not inconceivable, after all he was no more inclined to this marriage than I was. He had made me quite aware of his distaste for my family and connections when the marriage was agreed upon. He was only doing his duty, for he was a Darcy and Darcys always did their duty. I knew that about him even if I knew nothing else. I may well have been an unknown country-miss of no fortune, education or birth, nonetheless he had to at least make an appearance of doing the right thing. But he had made it quite evident that if he could have avoided it he would not have married me. Not that I particularly minded for I too would have avoided it if I could. Why would either of us have wanted such a marriage?
The only thing that I could possibly be glad of was that since he was so disinclined to marry me it would be a marriage in name only. But still it was entirely his fault that we had to marry so it was difficult to feel any gratitude towards him.
I closed my eyes and pretended to be asleep hoping that this would be the best way to not only avoid conversation but likewise to pretend that I was not there. Although I could not actually think of any place that I would rather be at that moment. My family had proven themselves to be uncaring forcing me to marry, my mother had shown me no sympathy whatsoever all she could do was harp on about how rich I would be. Consequently I had spent much of my remaining time keeping to my rooms. I tried to suppress a smile, perhaps that was the way to avoid it, pretend to sleep for the next lifetime.
"What are you smiling at Elizabeth?" No such luck then, I thought with a sigh as his voice interrupted me.
"Nothing."
"Oh." He seemed disappointed. Silence hung awkwardly in the air for a few seconds, until he began again, "Elizabeth? Can we not call some sort of truce, may you and I not be friends?" I shrugged; not really feeling able tell him all that I thought on that subject. "Please Elizabeth, you and I we are not so dissimilar when you think about it both thrown into a marriage neither of us desired and we shall have to live together, it would make it more bearable for you, I think, if we did not do so in hostility. Please can you not forgive me for the hurt I have caused you? It was after all an accident and I am sorry." He entreated me with earnest humility, I could not help but be surprised by it -- evidently there was more to him than met the eye.
I took his measure for a moment as I absorbed his words, did he really think it possible? Did he have no idea that it was not the only thing that I was upset about? Still I did not think that I would like living day to day in the same house as a man who I hated for the rest of my life and it would be better, would it not, for us to begin as well as we could. "I suppose sir." I agreed with only a small sigh, and I shall admit to feeling relief for it was not in my nature to be in ill spirits for any length of time. "But you too must promise not to show your displeasure at the damage you perceive me to have done to you, for this marriage was not my fault either?"
"We have an accord." He said with a small smile.
We travelled on for perhaps half a mile in complete silence once more both of us observing the passing scenery at length. But at length I began to dwell on what Mr Darcy had said to me, that he wanted us to be friends. He had made the first step, now surely it was my turn. How though? I knew nothing of him, how was I to be friends with a man I did not know? Normally the answer would have been simple enough, but for some reason making idle small talk with my husband seemed too bizarre to even consider. Eventually though I realised that it was my only resource and so said, "Tell me about Pemberley?"
"Pemberley?" He seemed surprise.
"Yes."
"Have you heard much about it?" He asked, stupidly I thought.
"How would I sir?" Why did he seem to assume that I would even know it at all, then it struck me, "Is it a very fine house?"
"I should like to think so. Certainly it has been the work of many generations of Darcy, the library is particularly fine, and the grounds, I think you shall like the grounds given your fondness for walking, they are some of the finest in the country."
I said no more. It would be dreadful. What was I ever going to do in a house like that? How would I manage? "Finest in the country" I was surely not cut out for such a thing. No I certainly was not. Longbourn was, well not that sort of a fine house.
"Do you not agree?" His voice roused me from my perturbation.
"Pardon me?"
"That you shall enjoy the grounds."
"Oh yes forgive me certainly." No doubt more so if there were no fine house attached to the property for me to attempt to be mistress of.
"You do not seem very certain of it?" He commented attempting to keep his tone light, why in the world was he concerned whether I liked the house or not? I supposed that it had something to do with his wanting us to be friends, and so I told him of my concern that I was not quite capable of being able to look after such a grand house as Pemberley apparently was. He laughed lightly, "You need not worry Elizabeth, we have a very competent housekeeper, Mrs Reynolds she has been with us for years now and knows perfectly well how to run Pemberley, she will help you with everything I dare say, you shall run things just as fluidly in no time at all I would imagine and you shall love it as well as I."
"Thank you." I bowed my head at his praise, feeling certain that I would never learn to love the place, but perhaps one day I would be able to endure it, despite it's unwanted riches and elegance. And once again we fell silent. This time it was more amicable, occasionally he would point to something of interest outside the window, but for the most part both of us were content not to talk at all. "How far are we from Pemberley?" I asked after about half an hour.
He smiled slightly, "Georgiana is forever asking me the same question. Have patients, it is not long now."
"Who is Georgiana?" I wanted to know, so he explained it all to me. "I am sure you and she shall get along well." He finished with a smile, "There now what do you think?"
As we drove along, I had watched for the first appearance of Pemberley Woods with some perturbation; and when at length the carriage turned in at the lodge, my spirits were in a high flutter that they were good enough to rival one of Mamma's fits of nerves any day.
The park was very large, and contained great variety of ground. We had entered it in one of its lowest points, and drove for some time through a beautiful wood, stretching over a wide extent, Mr Darcy had been right, it was just the sort of place that I would enjoy rambling about. I did not tell him so though, for my mind was too full for conversation, but I saw and admired every remarkable spot and point of view. After gradually ascending for half a mile, we then found ourselves at the top of a considerable eminence, where the wood ceased, and my eye was instantly caught by Pemberley House, situated on the opposite side of a valley, into which the road, with some abruptness, wound. It was a large, handsome, stone building, standing well on rising ground, and backed by a ridge of high woody hills; and in front, a stream of some natural importance was swelled into greater, but without any artificial appearance. Its banks were neither formal, nor falsely adorned. I was delighted. Of all of this I was to be mistress, suddenly my fear vanished, I was so enamoured of the place, every other thought must be pushed aside. Never was there a place for which nature had done more, or where natural beauty had been so little counteracted by an awkward taste. My admiration could be nothing but warm; and at that moment I felt, for the first time since I had been told my fate, that to be mistress of Pemberley might be something!
We descended the hill crowned with wood, receiving increased abruptness from the distance, was a beautiful object. Every disposition of the ground was good; and I looked on the whole scene---the river, the trees scattered on its banks, and the winding of the valley, as far as she could trace it---with delight. Crossed the bridge, and drove to the door.
I was so busy looking up at the exterior of the house, gazing at it in awe and conjecturing as to the building's date that at first I failed to notice the three people who were standing at the bottom of the steps leading to the doorway. Another man, a young girl and an elderly looking woman.
"Elizabeth," Mr Darcy's voice interrupted me again, "Come," He made a small movement of his head indicating that I should join the rest of the party, taking my hand as I neared them. "May I present my wife to you, Elizabeth and this is Pemberley's housekeeper Mrs Reynolds, Georgiana and Fitzwilliam my son."
Chapter II
Posted on Tuesday, 29 May 2007
It had been two weeks since I had arrived at Pemberley; two miserably long weeks. For the most part I had been left to my own devices, the family only came together at meal times and even then we ate in silence. I longed for my sisters and the rest of my family. There was no affection in this one into which I had mistakenly been placed, just cold, hard silence. I would have eaten in my rooms and continued my lonely vigil were it not for the fact that I was determined to prove to them that I was not going to be worn down by their uncivil behaviour.
With a sigh I looked around the room. It was handsomely decorated, with what can only be described as real elegance as opposed to the ostentation that was frequently seen in such places. I was in the smallest sitting room, the rest were far too large and empty in my opinion and this one had a pleasing view out of the window. Yet despite its comfort, it was nothing short of uncomfortable. There had been callers of course; a handful of women, the finest in the county naturally, had come, under the pretence of congratulating me on my marriage, to perform an inquisition on me. How did I make tea, cream first or tea first? Who was my family? What was their estate? Did I play pianoforte and paint and draw and cover screens? Had I ever been to London, or perhaps Bath? Each question growing more and more shrewish as I answered in a manner that I could only imagine was unfavourable.
My eye fell on the writing desk and the deserted letter from my Aunt Gardiner. I had had every intention of replying to it, but what could I write? It was so hard to pretend that I was content with my marriage and my new family when I was not. I had begun about four times; each attempt now lay in a discontented ball next to the letter. I stood up from the window seat and walked over to peruse it once again. She asked that I go and pay calls on her Lambton acquaintances, for she had discovered that there were still many of her friends from before her marriage who lived there still.
To Lambton then I would go. I eagerly ran up the staircase, startling a few of the servants thereabouts and put on my bonnet and pelisse and fetched my reticule. On my way back down, I asked a footman to have the carriage readied for me and then I made my way in the direction of Mr Darcy's study. I had only been there once before, when he had asked me to come so that he could go over the marriage settlement with me, but it was where he spent the chief of his time dealing with business in the company of his steward, Mr Wickham. I knocked on the door and was bid entrance. He looked up from his work slightly surprised by my presence and taking in my dress asked, "Are you going out Elizabeth?"
"Yes, to make some calls." I said.
"Ah and who, pray tell, are you going to call on today? Lady St Vincent perhaps, she is closest to your age you and she should be friends."
"No, I am going to Lambton."
"To Lambton? But you have no acquaintance there. We never frequent Lambton, even for shopping. If you want to going shopping you need only say so and a trip to London can be organised." I raised an eyebrow in shock, but said nothing of how extravagant I thought it.
"No, I am going to visit some friends of my Aunt Gardiner."
"Your Aunt Gardiner..." He digested the words slowly apparently displeased. I should not have been surprised, she was married to a man in trade after all; this if nothing else was the connection which had displeased him the most. He turned to Mr Wickham, "Would you be so kind as to leave my wife and me for a moment?" Mr Wickham obligingly bowed and left. I gulped; evidently my husband was angered. "Sit down please Elizabeth." I sat. "Perhaps it best I tell you that we do not frequent Lambton."
"Why not?" I asked petulantly.
"There is nothing there, nobody of any import, no society, no shops worth the Darcy's patronage, nothing. It is just a market-town of no particular worth."
"But my Aunt has friends there." I protested weakly.
"Precisely." He said shortly.
"What is that supposed to mean?" I was spoiling for an argument now.
"They are friends of your Aunt's, they cannot expect that Mrs Darcy of Pemberley shall come to call on them. They are not worth your notice Elizabeth. There is a reason that they have not come to call here. You must understand this."
I was shocked at how arrogant he sounded. I thought I should cry, tears were prickling at the corner of my eyes and my vision blurred, but I looked him straight in the eye and pretended that I was having a staring competition with Lydia. I would not let him know that he had upset me. "You promised me."
"I promised you what pray tell?"
"You promised me that you would not resent my connections. They are friends of my Aunt's, therefore they are connected to me."
"There is a difference between resenting and welcoming them, you must understand this."
"No, I do not understand."
"We are their superiors, they must be held at a distance, can you not understand this?" He spoke quietly.
"This is what you call tolerance? Why it is nothing short of resentment, you show them no leniency, no warmth, no respect whatsoever. You treat them with the same condescending contempt with which you and the rest of your family have shown to me. You promised me you would not resent me and yet all of you have shown me nothing but your contempt, but then what am I supposed to expect when I have relatives from a mere country market-town?" I raged angrily now.
"Elizabeth!" He pronounced my name with an anger that demanded compliance, "I have welcomed you into my home, I offered you marriage for goodness sake! If not for me you would have been ruined. How can you say that I treat you in contempt? If I did, then I should not have married you."
"You married me because it was necessary. Let us not pretend otherwise Sir."
"No I did not. After all I did nothing wrong, but I showed you charity and I have welcomed you into my home." He repeated.
"Welcomed? Welcomed me?" I could barely speak I was so angered by what he had said, "How can you say I have been welcomed here? You avoid me, your son avoids me and as for Georgiana."
"Silence, you will not speak so of my family."
"But they are permitted to speak so of me?" I looked him squarely in the eye despite the fact that the tears I had previously attempted to hide were now rolling freely down my face, "You have no answer I see. I can only assume that your silence means that you agree." I continued to shout despite his order to the contrary. "Well then Mr Darcy I need only remind you that it is your fault that were placed in this intolerable position in the first place." I had promised him that I would not blame him for it, but likewise he had broken his promise to me. Not even bothering to wait for his reaction, not even wanting to see the look on his face I turned on my heel and fled the room, with a dramatic slam of the door.
I was right! I refused to believe that I was anything but right! Mr Darcy did resent my connections. He did nothing to stop his family from revealing their resentment of me and none of them wanted me at Pemberley. Not one of them had even attempted a façade of pleasure at my company when they were not avoiding me, hounding me, dismissing me; so on those occasions when conversation could not be avoided, they were cold, condescending and arrogant. The lot of them! It had started from the moment that we had all been introduced to one another.
"Mrs Darcy." They all murmured together, his two children in a manner that could only be described as stoic; only the housekeeper maintained a civil air -- appropriate for a servant dealing with a family member. I supposed though, Mrs Hill at Longbourn would never have been so distant. My heart sank. I was truly all alone despite being surrounded by these people, for not one of them wanted me there. Still I decided that their coldness was not going to put me off, if I could, I would treat them with the utmost civility that could be mustered.
"It is a pleasure to meet you all, I have heard so much about you."
"Well we have heard n..."
"Yes that will do, thank you Georgiana." He spoke over his daughter, "Shall we go inside. Reynolds, be so good as to show Mrs Darcy to a room where she may freshen up, then see to having her rooms readied." He ordered.
Mrs Reynolds promptly handed me over to the care of a housemaid instructing her that I was to be taken to the Green Bedchamber to refresh myself. The maid carried out her task carefully with a degree of deference which unnerved me completely, finding me a change of clothes, offering to help me dress and restyle my hair before she left having received a negative answers to all her queries. After she had gone I flopped ungracefully down on the bed in the room wondering what I should do next; I had not been told. I supposed that it would only be deemed polite to make my way to the drawing room, but I had not a clue where that might be. Actually, I had the distinct feeling that there would be more than one; so asking directions to the drawing room was likely to be an exercise in futility. Besides, I did not like the looks the servants were giving me; it was most unnerving. Asking them would only confirm their apparent belief that I ought not be at Pemberley.
Well, I thought angrily, it would be ridiculous to stay in the room and wait. Probably nobody would notice my absence anyway to send for me. If they were so set on being discourteous, then I would just have to find them for myself. Pemberley could not be that big could it? Retracing the route that the maid had taken, I found myself once again close to the front door, taking a wild guess I turned right and walked along the corridor hoping to hear voices. Eventually a dull echo could be heard. I walk towards the door determined to knock and enter but was waylaid by the conversation coming from within, "Father I simply do not understand."
"What is there to understand? I am married, you have a mother-in-law." The elder Darcy's tone was clipped, indicating that this was not a topic for discussion, however his son persisted.
"But we have heard nothing of this. The least you could have done was write to us and inform us of your plans. We have not heard any news of you for a full fortnight though, I was worried you were ill again."
"My decision was rather sudden."
"Apparently so." The younger man responded dryly.
"You must understand that I met Elizabeth on my journey up here and I knew that I wished to marry her. There was nothing else to it, so we married quickly. I could not wait in Hertfordshire as there was business to attend to."
"Who is she anyway?"
"My wife." He said firmly.
"What are her connections?"
"Her connections are our connections." He said somewhat vaguely with a hint of tiredness, or perhaps misery.
"You mean she is a nobody. I suppose it is too much to ask if she brought any fortune to the marriage?" He asked, as if he had any right to do so.
"No she did not." My husband replied simply.
"So you have been lured in, after everything that you have ever told me about my duty to my family, about marrying a fortune, securing the family's good name, you have gone and been lured in by a woman of no connections, no fortune, no family. In short she is nothing but a fortune hunter." Well I... how dare he! Me a fortune hunter? I was so busy fuming over what had just been said that I failed to pay any notice to my husband's reply. "Georgiana must be exposed to her as well, did you think about that?" His son continued on his diatribe of my defects. "You have placed her in the care of a common flirt!" My eyes widened in shock, I had half a mind to go in there and give Fitzwilliam Darcy a piece of my mind, what right had he to judge me so? "And how old is she?"
"Fifteen."
"My God! You have married a child. She is but 4 years Georgiana's senior and eight years my junior, you shall be a laughingstock. Was she even out?"
"Yes."
"What kind of family is it that has a daughter out at that age?" He asked.
"It is not uncommon in those who are not of our sphere." My husband responded.
How could he? He had promised me that he would not behave as though I were a degradation to his good name, yet not even a day later there he was his resentment showing full force one again. How was I ever to endure this? A voice cleared somewhere slightly behind me I jumped guiltily and determined not to blush looked around at my companion. It was Mrs Reynolds. Unsmilingly she told me that I was to go to the Blue Sitting Room to wait for everyone else. I followed her in silence for a little while, uncomfortable of it, unable to bear it. I eventually commented that the rooms all seemed to be very well decorated and were pleasing, surely she would have something to say on the subject.
"Yes, the late Lady Anne Darcy, the master's wife decorated them when they were newly married, she had such excellent taste, and she was very contentious of her duties to Pemberley, such an excellent mistress." She said with little civility.
"Mr Darcy informs me that you run the household seamlessly."
"Indeed there shall be little call for your involvement I should imagine." Though her tone was not unpleasant it was evident that I was an unwelcome change to the Housekeeper, perhaps because she had been left to run the house for so long, or perhaps she did not think me deserving of the title of Mistress, or perhaps she was still too dedicated to Lady Anne.
"Nonetheless," I said proudly drawing myself up to my full height, "I should like it very much if you would go over the running of the household with me and show me around the house."
She obliged me a couple of days later, but it was evident that she did not think that such a thing was necessary. Mr Darcy had arranged it so that Mrs Reynolds would still look after the household accounts and the paying of the housemaids; apparently I was not capable of such as task. The dinner menus were already arranged to the satisfaction of the family, so there was little point in going over them and changing them, she informed me. The cook was French and served a lot of foods that I was unfamiliar with and were too rich for my palette, but I had had no say in the matter. The rooms had been redecorated when Mr Darcy was first married, so there would be no call to do so again until the next Mr Darcy was married and was master of Pemberley. Apparently I had no duties to attend to at all. I was responsible for nothing, not even my own pin money my bills were to go directly to Mr Darcy and he would deal with my expenditures.
It aggravated me that I was not trusted to such simple tasks. Longbourn may not have been so grand a house as Pemberley, but Mamma had been making sure since the time I could walk that I knew how to run a household. In her own fretful way she was perfectly competent at her job, she could organise her servants, she kept a good table and though she was extravagant with money she was at least allowed control of her own portion by my father. She had taught me well and there was no reason that I should not be allowed to run a household here. I was after all, the mistress. I knew why I was not allowed; it was because of my low birth and lack of fortune, and because I was living in the shadow of Lady Anne. While I could appreciate that she deserved some degree of respect, I believed that I did too.
So it was I had been left to pass my days with nothing to do but to entertain the seemingly endless stream of shrewish women, both single and married alike, who had come to examine the nobody the Master of Pemberley had married so suddenly. It was hard not to feel like I was uninvited in this new place I had unwittingly found myself thrown into.
Mr Darcy paid me none of the usual attentions that were considered normal for a bridegroom. He did not visit my chambers, lavish me with extravagant gifts, take me visiting, he even left the introductions up to Mrs Reynolds. In fact, he showed not the slightest inclination to spend any time with me. Passing all his days holed up with his Steward and son in his study dealing with estate business. When we did come together at meal times I was treated as if I were invisible, nobody made any attempt to talk to me, though I must say that nobody really made any attempt to talk to anybody at all, they were the most distant family I had ever seen.
And what of little Miss Georgiana Darcy? Mr Darcy had told me that he thought we should get along well. But then that was probably because we were of a like age or at least apparently we were both still children, for he treated me as no better than one, despite the fact that I was his wife. I had only been there a few days to know that we would not. Once I heard the words, "the handsomest young lady that ever was seen; and so accomplished!" I knew that this was some kind of secret code for, "quite the opposite of Elizabeth." The little girl spent all her time with her governess and her nanny. She was ridiculously accomplished for her age and everyone knew and indeed could not repeatedly fail to point out that even at not quite eleven she was far more accomplished that I could ever hope to be.
She had even managed to perfect the art of condescension. At least twenty times a day I heard the words, "You cannot play...? But I have been playing that piece since I was..." or "You know nothing of art?" or "You have never been shopping in Town?" "You never had a governess?" And "You cannot ride a horse?" I was amazed for I had been informed that she was a shy girl. But she did not seem to either want or need my friendship, she was openly disdainful of me, I had even known her to go so far as to tell me in her superior little voice, "You are not my mother!"
But even that was not the worst of her behaviour. She hid my belongings from me, it took me days to find my embroidery basket, she claimed that she was reading the books I selected from the library before me, and they were promptly handed over to her with generous smiles. She blamed any misbehaviour on me. She refused my company, and then would cry and claim that I had promised to do something with her. She had said that she had seen me flirting with one of the gardeners. When we went walking in the grounds one day she walked off and claimed that I had left her. And in general, she painted me as the wicked-stepmother of fairy tales. No matter what I did, I just could not seem to win with the girl.
All hell had broken loose when I had made any sort of overture of friendship to her, on one occasion we had been getting along quite nicely and I called her Georgie, just as my own family called me Lizzy, she was polite enough to let it slip the first time it happened and I had no notion that it displeased her until I did the same thing again and she turned to me with a cold look, "I think you must not know what my name is, it is Georgiana not Georgie." I never made an attempt to call her anything other than Georgiana ever again.
When I had been at Pemberley but a week she told me that her birthday was at the end of the month. I asked her if she was having some kind of celebration, and she told me that all of her relatives would be coming up to Pemberley to visit her and lavish her with gifts, she then proceeded to produce a piece of paper on which she had listed numerous items, "What is this?" I questioned her.
"It is a list of the presents I want." She informed me crossly.
"A Pierotti1 Wax doll with complete Layette of dresses, petticoats, mittens, nappies in bundles, a silver fork and spoon, a silver mug, and gold and pearl jewellery; a toy theatre, a new set of silverware for the dolls' house, a new pony, a carriage, Brussels Lace Pantaletts, a chinese silk gown, a new bonnet trimmed with blue ribbon, new sheet music," And on her list went. "Is there anything that you have forgotten?" I could not help myself from asking when I came to the end of the complilation.
"Fitzwilliam says he thinks I would like a new book called Tales From Shakespeare." She added.
"Does he now?"
"Of course I have shown him and Papa the list already, but now you must see it too."
"And what did they think of your list?"
"They both said it was a very good list."
"And shall you be receiving everything?"
"Well Papa has sent for the doll and my Aunt Matlock is having that clothes made for the doll and for me, our jeweller is making all her Christening silver. My cousin who is in the army shall look into the horse and Fitzwilliam shall see about the books and music. Barker & Co. shall be making the carriage; it is only a small one Papa says that can be pulled around the park by one pony, just for me. The toys and games are coming from London too, I think that is why Papa travelled down to London just after Christmas to see about all that. The sapphire earings belonged to my mother, they are Darcy family heirlooms." Apparently she would indeed be getting everything that she had asked for, "What shall you be getting me?"
"Well I cannot imagine that there is anything else you could need."
"I should like a puppy. A sweet little pug dog. I am going to call him Patroclus." She bubbled excitedly.
"You have read the Illiad?" I did not question her further on birthday presents or promise her the puppy.
"No but Fitzwilliam has told me the story, or at least some of it, he left out all the horrid parts."
"Then I cannot think that there was much of a story left to tell at all." I replied mildly amused. Did this little girl know of no ill in the word, she was given whatever she wanted, whenever she demanded it, was seemingly doted on by everyone, her every whim and fancy met, and told stories where the gruesome parts were removed. Apparently I was the only thing in her life that she considered remotely evil, as the wicked-stepmother, I sincerley believed that were she to ask my husband to get rid of me then he would do just that so that Georgiana would remain happy.
"I would like a new baby sister too." She added as an afterthought. My eyes widened, I believed that even her father would deny her that particular gift.
The spoilt behaviour that Georgiana had exhibited in our conversation did not annoy me half so much as what else she had revealed. That Pemberley was to be receiving guests at the end of the month. Nobody had thought fit to inform me of that; did they not think it necessary? I supposed they did not; after all it was unlikely that any of them would wish for me to have any part in the organisation of such an event. Still, did they not even believe me to be deserving of such a common courtesy as that?
After the argument with my husband, the final indignity, I did not make it to Lambton that day, or any day for that matter. If they did not want me to go then I would not go. Instead I hid upstairs in my rooms and did not bother to come down for the rest of the day. Nobody came to inquire after me beyond my maid Alice who asked me if I would like my dinner on a tray; I told her that I would not. She went away returning a couple of hours later with my book in her hand, "I thought you might like some entertainment Ma'am." At that moment Alice was my favourite person in the world.
So it seemed that my loneliness was set to continue for some while yet, I would not be making any new friends at all. After the excitement I had felt earlier, before my plan was thwarted, and once my anger from the argument had abated slightly I felt my depression sink in more firmly than it ever had done before. How I longed for Jane, even they would like her, nobody could fail to like my dear Jane. I suspected even Georgiana would fail to think of her as an evil mother-in-law.
About ten o'clock Alice knocked on the door again and I bid her enter. She had a cup of tea in her hands, she placed it down on my table beside the bed. "Thank you Alice." I said, thinking that would be all, but she did not make any effort to leave, although I had dismissed her. "Was there anything else?" I asked watching her as she nervously wrung her hands in front of her, looking so fearful that I thought her eyes should have popped out of her head.
"If you please Ma'am, Mr Darcy told me I was to tell you that he has dispatched a note to Lady St Vincent, Ma'am, and she is to be calling here for you tomorrow morning, Ma'am." She practically squeaked.
"Oh," I slumped back against my pillow disappointedly, she was possibly the last person in the world that I wanted to call on me. She was so... annoying? Patronising? There really was not a word that I could think of that could describe her manners precisely. Why did Mr Darcy persist in this idea that she and I would be friends? Why did he want me to make friends? I had half a mind to tell Alice that I was indisposed and would not be receiving any visitors, but I did not. "Then I suppose you must ready me something to wear tomorrow Alice. What do I have that shall not put me to too much shame in front of the great Lady St Vincent?"
"How about your spotted muslin Ma'am?" She suggested.
"Yes that should be quite adequate I would imagine." I agreed with her.
It was not. Before I had even offered her a seat the following morning Lady St Vincent began to abuse my clothes, "Oh Mrs Darcy did you not have wedding clothes?" She looked me up and down, "That muslin is very pretty I suppose in a countrified sort of way, but it is so out of fashion! People shall say you quite shame your husband even thinking of wearing it."
"I have not yet had the opportunity to buy new clothes. May I offer you some refreshments?" I made a poor attempt to change the subject.
"No." She agreed nodding her head like a little dog. "I suppose that you have not, there is nowhere around here one can purchase a new gown, but then there never is outside London, Bath or Brighton." She paused for a second, "However, I am sure that we can do something about that, I have plenty of fashion magazines in the carriage, please send a servant to go and collect them and we shall look through them together."
Grudgingly I did as I was bid. Who did she think she was ordering me about in that manner? Just after the servant returned and the refreshments had been served, my husband appeared in the doorway, "Good morning Lady St Vincent." He bowed reverently, "I am so glad that you could join us this morning." He glanced at the numerous fashion magazines spread out around us, "Are you enjoying yourself?"
"Indeed we are Sir, I think Mrs Darcy needs some new gowns do you not? She is so countrified, so we shall send to Town and order new ones today. I think you have been quite negligent Mr Darcy." Lady St Vincent answered before I had even opened my mouth.
"Quite right you are Lady St Vincent, I thank you for your help. Elizabeth would likely be utterly lost without you. She shall need seven day dresses and seven evening gowns, as we are soon expecting guests. Then at least two new bonnets and a coat, slippers and gloves and whatever else you think necessary."
"Surely I do not need that much Sir." I managed to open my mouth to protest. I only had three best dresses as it was and that was quite enough I always thought.
"My dear Elizabeth!" Lady St Vincent cried, "How could you say such a thing! Mr Darcy, do not worry I shall look after your wife and get her everything that she needs."
"I thank you. Do whatever you must and have the bills sent to me. No doubt you shall take your time, perhaps you would do us the honour of staying for dinner this evening?" She acquiesced and he bowed and left the room.
"Oh Elizabeth, how lucky you are!" She giggled gleefully. I could not have disagreed with her more.
Chapter III
Posted on Monday, 4 June 2007
A carriage rumbled along on the driveway of Pemberley the following morning, at a speed that was not entirely necessary. A number of stable hands and footmen's frantic voices could be heard although their words could not. I was sitting in my favourite sitting room and the noise provoked my interest enough for me to proceed to poke my head up at the window and see what the commotion was. A grand carriage had pulled up and the footman had jumped down to prepare for the exit for its occupant. I did not recognise the livery he wore or the grand dame who regally exited the carriage while evidently scolding the servant.
I could hear a commotion in the foyer and the next thing I knew a terrified looking maid had appeared at the doorway to the sitting room and announced in a trembling voice, "Lady Catherine de Bourgh here to see you madam." she managed to say as the woman swept past her without waiting for my approval.
She stood right in front of me, glaring down from her prominent height, her eyes narrowed. With the huge feather that took pride of place on her bonnet I could not help but be reminded of a vulture or some other sort of bird of prey, "So." she said in an accent so autocratic I was hard pressed not to laugh outright. But as it was I could just tell that there was going to be trouble all my courage, I attempted to put it off for as long as possible.
"May I offer you a seat?" she sat down in the gilded cream and gold seat with the high back and looked about her, eyes still narrowed. "Have you travelled far today Lady Catherine?" I inquired as I reached for the bell to ring for tea.
"From Oxford." she sniffed; but it was barely eleven o'clock? Who was this woman? "This is a rather small sitting room." the look of distaste on her face made me think she had swallowed a feather from her bonnet. But before she gave me a chance to reply she began again, "Do you know who I am?"
"You are Lady Catherine de Bourgh." I answered quickly.
"The wife of the late Sir Lewis de Bourgh of Rosings Park in Kent, daughter of the late Earl of Matlock and sister of Lady Anne Darcy, Mistress of Pemberley, Derbyshire." would it have been rude to point out that all her connections were apparently deceased?
"It is a pleasure to meet you, your Ladyship."
"And who, may I ask, are you?"
"Surely your Ladyship is already aware of that, given that you have so kindly come to call on me from as far as Kent. Indeed, I am greatly honoured." I replied with feigned innocence.
"You can be at no loss, Miss Bennet, to understand the reason of my journey hither. Your own heart, your own conscience, must tell you why I have come."
"For Georgiana's birthday? I must tell you, your Ladyship, that our guests were not expected for another few days yet, but I shall see a room is prepared for you." she must have thought me supremely stupid.
"You ought to know that I am not to be trifled with. But however insincere you may choose to be, you shall not find me so. My character has ever been celebrated for its sincerity and frankness, and in such moment as this, I shall certainly not depart from it. A report of a most alarming nature has reached me stating that my brother had been married to an upstart girl of no birth or fortune. In short an uneducated country girl. I set forth at once in order to see that the report was contradicted, for I knew it must be the most scandalous falsehood."
"If you believed it impossible to be true I wonder you took the trouble of coming so far."
"At once to insist upon having such a report universally contradicted, for I know it to be patently untrue. Is my sister's name and reputation to be slandered in this infamous way?"
"It is unfortunate then that my presence here, I believe, speaks only of a conf..."
"Silence! I have seen this happen before, you are not his first indiscretion, however, you shall be his last. I shall not see my sister and her children brought so low."
"Yet I believe, your Ladyship, that it is considered among certain circles to be perfectly acceptable." I shot back at her.
"You vulgar little upstart, I want you to leave this house at once! Are you lost to every feeling of propriety and delicacy?"
"Mr. Darcy is neither by honour nor inclination confined to only your late sister. Why is not he to make another choice? Why is it so inconceivable that his choice in wife may be me?"
"Because honour, decorum, prudence, nay, interest, forbid it. Yes, interest; for do not expect to be noticed by his family or friends if you wilfully act against the inclinations of all. You will be censured, slighted, and despised, by every one connected with him. Your alliance will be a disgrace; your name will never even be mentioned by any of us."
"If that is so, then I can only wonder at your coming here today, it shall, I would imagine, be seen as a confirmation of your approval rather than censure."
"I am ashamed of you! I came here today with the expressed wish of seeing you removed from this situation."
"As I see it, there is nothing wrong with my situation." at least, I thought, not in the manner that she meant.
"Insolent, headstrong girl!"
"Lady Catherine, I am so glad to see you Aunt." both of us had been so heatedly involved in our argument that we had failed to notice the arrival of the third person in the room, "Mrs Darcy." he turned to me and spoke for the first time with a warm smile and a kind tone, "Aunt, I believe that you will find my father in his study."
"Nephew! You cannot mean that this report is true, you do not support her? Think of you mother! Think of Georgiana! Think of Anne! Is such a girl to be the mother of my daughter, descended from such a noble line."
He made no reply to her and eventually she gave up and did as she had been instructed by her nephew and went to find my husband in his study. My eyes were planted firmly on the floor in acute embarrassment at the situation at the situation that I had found myself in. Eventually I recalled that my companion was deserving of my gratitude. I raised my eyes and found his eyes fixed on me with an inscrutable look, I could only assume that it meant though he had defended me he I still did not have his approbation. The thought of this pained me slightly, but I was used to this kind of treatment now. "Thank you Sir." I said tartly and got up and left the room.
I have no idea what passed between Lady Catherine and my husband after she departed to his study, but apparently they had reconciled enough that she decided to remain until after her niece's birthday. For once that evening all was not deathly silent at the dinner table. Lady Catherine most certainly was frank and she could speak without a breath on almost any subject imaginable. That she was a Lady who liked to be in command, would perhaps be the most polite way of putting it.
She was accompanied by her daughter Miss Anne de Bourgh, who she had suggested was engaged to her cousin earlier that morning. One glance at Miss de Bourgh and I could not help but be surprised at this, it seemed unlikely that he would willingly enter into an engagement when she was so thin and so small. There was neither in figure nor face any likeness between the ladies. Miss De Bourgh was pale and sickly; her features, though not plain, were insignificant; and she spoke very little, except in a low voice to her companion, Mrs. Jenkinson, in whose appearance there was nothing remarkable, and who was entirely engaged in listening to what she said, and placing a screen in the proper direction before her eyes.
Upon returning to the drawing room, there was little to be done but to hear Lady Catherine talk, which she did without any intermission until coffee came in, delivering her opinion on every subject in so decisive a manner as proved that she was not used to have her judgement controverted. She inquired as to the domestic concerns of Pemberley's tenants, with the intent of discovering if they were working adequately; apparently nothing was beyond her notice. And then once everyone else's attention was beginning to lag she rounded upon me again. "Where do you hail from?"
"From Hertfordshire, your Ladyship."
"What part?"
"My father's estate is in a small village called Longbourn. I doubt you will have heard of it, it is near a town called Meryton."
"What is his income?"
I felt all the impertinence of this question but kept my countenance when answering, "About two thousand pounds a year, I believe."
"It must be a very small park." she sniffed, "Have you any brothers or sisters?"
"I have four sisters Ma'am."
"And are you the eldest? Is the estate to be yours when your father dies?" her eyes suddenly brightened a little at this prospect.
"No, I have an elder sister, but in any case Longbourn is entailed on a cousin of my father's." I explained, her eyes narrowed once more.
"I see no occasion for entailing estates from the female line. It was not thought necessary in Sir Lewis de Bourgh's family. Do you play and sing?"
"A little."
"Oh then you must play for us now."
A little hesitantly I made my way over to the pianoforte and flipped quickly through the sheets of music until I found a piece that I could play. I had played but a few lines when she interrupted me. "You do not play ill, but I dare say that you shall not ever achieve any excellence if you do not practice more, I can tell that you do not practice as well as you ought. And of course, without the benefit of London Masters you will never be deemed as accomplished. Georgiana, do you still practice? I hope you have not been led astray."
Georgiana, who was sitting quietly with her governess at the other side of the room, looked up at the sound of her name, looking like a frightened little rabbit, as she had done all evening. Perhaps she truly was shy. "Constantly, Aunt."
"Oh! Then some time or another we must hear you play too, for I am sure that you have a very good natural taste for it, so would Anne, if her health had allowed her to apply. I am confident that she would have performed delightfully. Do you not think, Nephew?"
"It is expected of all young ladies; you never hear of one that plays ill." He replied vaguely.
His Aunt did not look particularly content with his answer. Clearly, she had expected some panegyric effusion on his cousin's outstanding abilities. "And do all your sisters play?" She asked me again.
"One of them does."
"Why did you not all learn? You ought all to have learned. The Miss Webbs all play, and their father has not so good an income as yours. Do you draw?"
"No, not at all."
"What, none of you?"
"Not one."
"That is very strange. But I suppose you had no opportunity. Your mother should have taken you to town every spring for the benefit of masters."
"My mother would have had no objection, but my father hates London."
"Has your governess left you?"
"We never had any governess."
"No governess! How was that possible? Five daughters brought up at home without a governess! I never heard of such a thing. Your mother must have been quite a slave to your education."
"Not at all." I replied with a smile.
"Then, who taught you? Who attended to you? Without a governess you must have been neglected."
"Compared with some families, I believe we were; but such of us as wished to learn, never wanted the means. We were always encouraged to read, and had all the masters that were necessary. Those who chose to be idle certainly might."
"Is your elder sister married?"
"No, your Ladyship, she is not."
"I cannot say I am entirely surprised, after all, there cannot be that many foolish men in the world." she responded, turning with a glare to her late sister's husband, apparently she was not completely reconciled to this marriage. I wonder what she would say if she knew that neither of us were either. Actually she probably knew what my husband's thoughts on the matter were, no doubt he did not hold back, just as he had failed to do so with his son and with me only a few days before.
The rest of the guests began to arrive on the twenty- ninth, two days before Georgiana's birthday. Mostly they were members of the extended Darcy family, or at least members of Lady Anne's family. There were eleven of them in total, not including all their servants. All arrived under the guise of visiting Georgiana in honour of her birthday, but in reality we all knew that the reason they were most interested in being at Pemberley was to see me. As opposed to the silent disapproval I had grown used to from my new family, I was forced to endure their impolite questioning. Lady Catherine alone had been a force to be reckoned with; all together, I was beginning to feel as if the whole outcome of the Peninsular Wars depended upon me outwitting and pleasing them.
Along with Lady Catherine her brother the Earl of Matlock, Georgiana's uncle, had arrived along with his wife. She mostly treated me silently, only occasionally venturing to make a snide comment to me, though for the most part she just tended to look very bored by everything that was going on around her. They had a daughter with them, Lady Harriette, she was very quiet this could perhaps be accounted for by her not yet being out, but within a family circle that seemed unlikely. Lord Matlock himself was a verbose man. He, like his sister had an opinion of everything and never bothered to hold his tongue. Between him and Lady Catherine it was amusing to watch the pair of them fight for the air to speak in. I wondered more than once what it might have been like for them growing up in the same household, and for the first time I found myself wondering what their sister was like. Did she talk as much as them? I could hardly imagine what that would have been like. My sisters and I were fairly lively, but even we had never fought to dominate attention as these two did.
Lord Matlock was perhaps a little subtler in his abuse of me that Lady Catherine, though the barbs flew just as freely. Instead of his sister's outright disapproval, he instead chose to make comments about the lower classes, and young girls today and their marital ambitions, "We all saw what happened in France when that sort of thing was allowed, anyone with any sense of patriotism would never consider to marry from outside their sphere." did he really think that my marriage was going to cause the downfall of the country? "It gives them ideas." he muttered looking accusingly at me.
"Certainly Sir," I responded with a smile, everybody present looked up in astonishment that I should dare to speak to the forbidding Earl, "A steady ruling class is necessary, but even Plato allowed for social mobility."
"Nonsense!" he barked, "See what I mean, revolutionary those tradesmen, what a ridiculous idea, my children never married either their superior or their inferior."
They certainly had not, but I could not say from what I had seen that it had done them any good. Beyond Lady Harriette, two more of the children of the Earl and Countess were present at Pemberley. Firstly their eldest son, Viscount Shirley and his wife; accompanied by their children, Susanna and Thomas, who were six and four respectively. Lady Shirley was the daughter of a Viscount who had married in her first season. She now had no real interest beyond talking about anything but her little boy, I do not even know if she was aware that she had either a daughter or a husband. She was not the cleverest sort of woman, though she was certainly beautiful. Her husband showed little inclination to be in the company of any of them, he was in possession of a very bad temper and was evidently bored by the gathering but had attended because of duty. It seemed that the whole family was very keen on duty.
As for the other daughter she was a girl of one and twenty who was married to an Earl, Lord Dartmoor. She looked terrified most of the time, he was a loud booming man, he was jovial I supposed, but he had a tendency to be coarse. I could not really work out why he had married his wife. I supposed that she was pretty, but not stunningly so, nor was he in any need of money from what I could tell, and from what I gathered from the conversation he had been chasing after Lady Cordelia Fitzwilliam for some years now. I wondered at his persistence I am sure there would have been plenty of women willing to marry him; he was rather dismissive of her really. The moment we were introduced, I disliked him, "She a pretty thing, but what on earth did you marry her for Darcy?" he asked still looking at me.
"That is just what I have been wondering myself, Lord Dartmoor." Lady Catherine chimed in completely oblivious to the crudeness of his remark, I do not think she believed that a noble and titled man could do any wrong.
"I mean if you wanted to remarry there are plenty of debutantes out there, even rich widows who would have married you." his eyes were still fixed on me.
Nobody knew quite where to look or what to say to him, although I do not think that his wife's parents noticed what he said. They both seemed utterly blind to his faults, it was amazing. If there was one thing that I knew, it was that my father would never have permitted me to marry that sort of man. Even if they had forced me to marry Mr Darcy, he at least had manners and taste despite all his arrogance.
Georgiana exhibit some signs of annoyance that all the attention was focused on me as opposed to her. Though I would have traded places with her instantly if I was given the opportunity to do so. At the same time though, she seemed to shrink from her relatives' attention as well. When they did speak to her she shrank back and answered them in monotones, which highly incensed Lady Catherine. She spent a large amount of the rest of her energies on scolding Georgiana and attempting to get her to talk, the poor girl was clearly terrified and for once I felt quite sorry for her, "Nobody shall want to marry you, they would do just as well purchasing a mirror. I like to see a woman with decided opinions, Anne would have had some very good introspections had her health permitted her."
"Though naturally," her brother, the Earl, added once again turning to glare at me, "They ought to show some respect to their superiors by holding their tongue and not attempting to insinuate themselves with us."
As to the other cousin, who Georgiana had mentioned as being in the Army and the family member who had been nominated to purchase the horseflesh, he had been kept away from the scenes of merriment, if indeed they were such, by duty. He sent his most humble apologies to his young cousin. Georgiana silently accepted this message when it was given, though later when her father and I were the only ones present asked with a pout why her cousin had to have a job at all, she could not see that it was necessary, none of her other relatives did? "Because my dear Georgiana," my husband replied with an indulgent laugh, "Your uncle cannot divide his title and lands between two sons."
"Yes Georgiana, the second sons must have something to live off as well as the first ones." I added.
"That is very silly." was all she said, "Will he always be in the army? I do not like it."
"Well, unless he marries well, yes."
"Then I hope he does."
"So do we all." he agreed, I could not help but see the irony in this comment. So he was allowed to marry well, but I was not? That was ridiculous, no doubt this absent cousin would not marry somebody that he loved, if the rest of the siblings were anything to go by. And a marriage would be by his choosing, it was not as if I had any option with mine. Could none of them see the hypocrisy of their hopes and wishes in that matter given how they were treating me.
There were no other Darcys present. I would have thought this unusual were it not for the fact that very early on, while Mrs Reynolds was showing me around the house, I saw a portrait of a young woman dressed in fashions looked to have been from my childhood or perhaps a little before it. It was hidden away in one of the rooms which was never used by anybody, but which I had to be shown anyway to get my bearings in the house. I had already been shown the gallery of family portraits and could not place her as being one of the people on display there, however I could tell from her features that she was a Darcy, perhaps some distant cousin, "Who is this lady?" I asked my companion.
"That is Mrs Harris." she replied quickly. This made no sense.
"Who is Mrs Harris?"
"She was Mr Darcy's sister." she said in a voice that indicated that she did not wish to discuss the question any further.
"I beg your pardon." I said assuming that the lady in question had been a favourite of his brother and he had been greatly affected by her death.
"You had best not mention her to her brother, he always gets quite angry whenever she is mentioned." she said in a tone that was edged with glass, as opposed to a piece of friendly advice. "After what she did, I cannot say I am surprised." she muttered almost to herself.
"What did she do?" The words were out of my mouth before I had a chance to think about them.
"She married a man beneath her." Mrs Reynolds answered shortly, "Lady Anne was greatly angered and did not want her son exposed to such people as Mr Harris' families, at least that is what I have heard. I was not housekeeper here then, I did not arrive until the following year, about the time when Master Fitzwilliam was born."
"They had another son then?" I could not keep myself from asking.
"Yes Master George Darcy was their first child, he died when he was four."
"So she was a lot younger than her brother then?" I asked getting back to the subject.
"Yes, almost twenty years; her mother was dead and she had been left to be introduced into society by Lady Anne and Lady Helena, her Aunt who was married to the Judge Esmonde Darcy. They both thought Miss Eveline most ungrateful for all their kindness and would not have anything to do with her, Mr Darcy agreed with them and severed all contact. She has not been permitted into the house since then, nor has she had any contact with the family at all." Mrs Reynolds explained to me. I thought this story just about told be everything that I needed to know about the Darcy family's pride.
My husband did not have any other brothers or sisters, nor did he have any close cousins despite being able to trace his line back many many generations. It seemed rather sad to me, to be honest, to have no real relations in this world beyond his two children. Still I could not help but feel that he had to some extent brought himself to this point, breaking contact with his sister because she had married a man beneath her. Was there no affection in this family at all? It seemed to me that their sole focus was on making good marriages and gaining more money and consequence. I supposed I ought to be thankful that I had not been thrown out into the hedgerows too and was permitted to live in the same house with the family.
I actually felt some relief the following evening when a dinner party was held involving a number of other people from the neighbourhood. Now the local ladies knew me, they could not continue to ask their questions, nor could my new family continue to treat me in the impolite manner which they had been thus far, it would not have made a very good impression. For the most part they managed to contain themselves, only the Earl and Lady Catherine occasionally made comments about me and most people seemed to just allow it to pass because of who the Fitzwilliams were.
There may have been some form of prior agreement that they needed to save face and display a united front to the people who were not in the family. I am not quite sure, but I did notice that every time Lord Matlock made a comment, his wife would nudge him in the ribs; I knew it was not because she was attempting to be pleasant to me. The evidence came soon enough when the ladies all withdrew to the drawing room after dinner, she and Lady Catherine made every attempt to show that I was not the hostess of the occasion, to the extent that Lady Catherine ordered Anne to serve the tea and Lady Matlock actually exerted herself so far that she chose to serve the coffee herself.
I was left to myself, I made a few attempts to join the ladies in conversation but every attempt I made was ignored. The younger girls who were unmarried seemed to resent me, although I do not really know why, and likewise their mothers treated me as if I had ruined their daughter's happiness. Surely they could not have wanted their daughters to be married to an elderly man? And it was hard, given that I was not really that well acquainted with any of the women present. So I was left to myself, with my hands folded on my lap.
The relief I initially felt when the younger Mr Darcy expressed a desire for some music from the young ladies, given that it would mean there would be no need for me to sit awkwardly in the circle of ladies not joining their conversation but instead would be able to listen politely, was quickly displaced when one woman suggested that they hear Mrs Darcy play. "Oh no, she does not play well." Lady Catherine said quickly, "It would be much better if one of the young ladies who had the benefit of a London Master entertained us, of course my dear Anne would have obliged us all but unfortunately her health did not permit her to learn." I quickly became utterly mortified again. I was sure that that was the answer that they had all been hoping for.
As soon as the last of the guests had left that evening I quickly excused myself, expressing a desire to retire for the night. My room was the only place I could escape the persistent disapproval. I undressed for myself, dismissing Alice who had appeared without me even ringing for her, and hung away my own clothes slowly. I then climbed into the ridiculously large bed that I passed every night in. It took me hours to fall asleep as I went over everything that the guests had said and everything which they had not said before I finally fell asleep sometime around dawn. The following day came all too quickly for me.
Chapter IV
Posted on Thursday, 21 June 2007
The eleventh birthday of Georgiana Darcy was the grandest affair I had ever attended. Of course, that was not surprising given my lack of experience in Society, having only been out four months before I wed and never having been further than Meryton in that time. I never even managed to dine with all the four and twenty families we apparently dined with. Still, the elaborate dinner that had been partaken of the evening before was nothing in comparison to the birthday party that was being arranged. Indeed I have wondered since if it was the grandest affair that I have ever attended in my life. It took days, in fact probably weeks to prepare for the event, although I did not have any involvement in it.
Georgiana had recently developed a fascination with the Arabian Nights and rumour had it that the whole party was to be themed along those lines. Unfortunately nothing was certain; the ballroom had been closed off so as not to give anything away, mostly for Georgiana's benefit. It was only open to a select few people, Mrs Reynolds, Mr Darcy and a handful of servants who had been bustling around the house for ages, checking to see who was approaching at each corner and completing most of their work after the family, and indeed the other servants had retired for the evening. So, of course, nobody could be absolutely certain of it.
On the morning of her birthday, she was presented with her presents before her guests began to arrive. She opened each one with a series of excited exclamations and offered her thanks to each of her relatives. If you could have seen her then, you would believe that she was an affectionate, warm hearted, sweet child. Indulged, yes, but not dangerously spoilt as I had recently witnessed. The doll and her layette were brought in by the servants in a long succession, beginning with her clothes, ermined lined cloaks, opera glasses, lace collars, silk stockings, handkerchiefs a long sealskin and muff, ball dresses, walking dresses, visiting dresses, hats, tea gowns, fans. There was a jewel case containing a necklace and a tiara which looked quite as if they were made of real diamonds, a silver fork and spoon, a silver mug, and gold and pearl jewellery; it was quite ridiculous, I thought, for she was getting to the age where she would be too old for dolls. "What shall you call her Georgiana?" I could not help but ask.
"I had not thought." She replied for once with perfect civility. Her relatives then proceeded to make various suggestions they thought would be suitable for the doll, none of which the young girl approved. After about five minutes of this, I ventured my own suggestion.
"How about Sheba?" I suggested innocently.
"That is not a real name." She looked a little puzzled, I thought I heard somebody in the room attempt to hide a little laugh.
"When I was younger, my sister Kitty wanted to call her kitten Bathsheba, I do not quite know why. We ended up always calling her Sheba because my Father said we could not call a cat that, I think it a very pretty name." I quickly explained not wanting anyone to suspect the reason for my suggestion.
"Emma Annamaria Fitzwilliam Darcy." she declared. The others all agreed that it was a very suitable name for such a doll.
The Toy Theatre was so grand that it looked as though it would have taken me years to put it together on the small amount of pocket allowance I had been allowed as a child. While I could not help but think that it took some of the fun out of it to have it all in one go and not have the fun of putting it together myself, Georgiana seemed perfectly happy with it. Then I supposed that she had never known things any different.
Along with the silverware for her Dolls' House, there was new set of drawing room furniture and a tiny carriage that was pulled by a pair of horses that looked very much like they were covered in real horse hair. There were Dominos and games of Goose, Mansion House, Pasatchi, and Ludo, Dissected Puzzles, Spilkins, a new Rocking Horse because the old one's mane was beginning to fall out, enough clothes to constitute a new wardrobe in my opinion, books and music, a selection of jewelry, some new, some belonging to Lady Anne and much, much more.
I had spent hours and hours thinking about what I would get the little girl for her birthday. It was quite a hard task given that she already seemed to own everything I could imagine as a suitable present for her. She had told me that she wanted a puppy and I knew that nobody was buying her one since I had made some very subtle enquires as to what people would be getting for her. However, I did not want it to appear as though I was condoning this ridiculous spoiling of her. Perhaps I would have been better off buying her some more music books or some embroidery thread, or ribbons; something simple, similar to the types of things that I would receive from my parents and sisters when it was my birthday.
Another part of me though wanted to win the little girls favour; it seemed that she was the only person ever likely to show me affection, since she seemed to be an affectionate sort of child on the whole, well to everyone except me anyway. It seemed to me as if the puppy would be just the sort of thing that would do that, and while I did not precisely approve of it, I still found myself making plans for the ordering of the dog. I was beginning to think that the only thing that these Darcys respected was the material, and if I were to earn their respect in the first place then I would have to behave in the manner they saw as appropriate.
Then there was the lingering thought that if I did not buy her the puppy, she would cry and make a fuss and say that I had promised her one. While I did not like to bend to such manipulation, I did not think that I would be able to face it in front of all of her relatives. It would be unbearable to face their anger and distaste of me, and I did not want them to see that Mr Darcy would favour his daughter over me. Besides it would completely ruin what should be a nice day.
I was proud of my cunning. I do not quite know why, but I decided that I wanted to surprise them all and please them both at the same. Two days after Georgiana had told me what she wanted for her birthday; after I had decided that it would be better if I did on this one occasion spoil her. I quickly penned a letter to my Aunt Gardiner in Town, telling her that I needed to purchase a pug dog, but that it was to be a surprise and would she therefore search one out for me and send me the bill and arrange it so that the puppy would arrive at Pemberley on the Thirtyfirst of January. I had been quite successful, at just the moment that Georgiana had finished unwrapping her presents, she turned to me and asked me where my gift to her was, when a footman arrived to inform us that there was a package for me at the door. I asked him to have it brought up for me.
He arrived with a wooden box in his arms I asked him to take it to Georgiana, she looked up at me slightly surprise. The lid of the box was removed and she peeked inside, then she suddenly leapt backwards in shock. "What is it Georgiana?" her father asked her.
She did not answer him but turned to me, "I do not like dogs." She said petulantly.
"But you told me that you wanted me to get you a puppy." I answered dully.
"No. I am scared of dogs, everyone knows that. Papa, she did it on purpose to frighten me." She turned to him with wide eyes, the puppy barked and she burst into tears.
"Elizabeth." He said nothing more.
"No, she told me that she did, she asked me for a pug specifically." I insisted. I was not going to have this happen to me yet again.
"Why do you think there are never any dogs in the house?" he asked in an exasperated voice.
"I did not think about that." I replied.
"What on earth are we going to do with it now? It can hardly be put out in the stables with the hunting dogs; we shall have to get rid of the wretched thing." My eyes widened; he was not suggesting what I thought he was, was he?
By this point, Georgiana was crying very loudly and her nurse had taken her out of the room to wash her face and calm her down. Lady Matlock peered inside the chest and exclaimed at the little puppy. Her husband joined her, pulling it out and looking carefully at him. "A thoroughbred." He said thoughtfully, "Nice looking creature, seems a shame to get rid of him completely. I suppose you want him?" He turned to his wife who said something about having been quite desolate since her own dear pug had died, but I was not paying any attention to them.
I glared at my husband, "She told me that was what she wanted, quite specifically."
"Georgiana would never do that." He said dismissively.
"Well she did." I scowled.
"I know my own daughter." He returned in a threatening tone.
"Really? I would suggest that you know neither of us if you can even begin to suggest I bought that puppy out of malice." He had no reply for me, and after a moment, he turned away. I too turned on my heel and left the room in stunned silence, with the exception of Lady Matlock who was cooing contentedly over her puppy.
I would have spent the whole day in my room if I could; I did stay away from the presentation of the remainder of Georgiana's presents, the carriage and the horse. But when it began to near the time of her guests' arrivals, I knew I must go down. I called for Alice, who had already prepared my gown for me, a beautiful cream muslin with strands of gold running through it and a hem of gold. She wanted to put my hair up in a turban, but such a thing seemed far too elaborate for a mere children's party. Little did I know at that point, but instead I allowed her to make a kind of band with matching muslin which the dress maker had sent for a reason that had seemed inexplicable to me at the time. My only ornaments were the cross I always wore and an old gold bangle that she insisted I wore for the event. Before I left she draped a heavy piece of gold cloth around my shoulders, and said I should do very well.
Every child in the county of any import had been invited to attend the gathering along with the children of Pemberley's tenants. There must have been going on one hundred children present. Georgiana, dressed in her fine Chinese silk gown, was by far the most resplendent of the children. She stood at the doorway of the ballroom greeting each one of them pleasantly and thanking them for attending; the tenants' children managed to let out an awed muttering of thanks for the invite, the wealthier children offered their own more subdued thanks, though it was still evident that they were impressed (apparently this sort of thing did not happen all the time in their world either). People would be talking of this for years.
I was not at all surprised really to see that the ballroom had been transformed. The walls and ceilings could no longer be seen as the whole room was draped in reams and reams of eastern silks. The floor was covered by Persian carpets (all purchased for the party; what would happen to them later was anybody's guess) and cushions of numerous sizes were scattered on the floor for the guests to sit upon. A table was laid out, covered once again in silk with silver plates -- old family heirlooms -- which contained sweet dishes, olives, Turkish delight, dates, figs and other such delicacies along with the more traditional ones that children tended to favour, though each of these in its turn was made to look exotic.
There were footmen there to help the children to their food, each had silk tied around their waists and a turban wrapped around their heads (all Alice's work I might add) and the maids likewise were draped in elaborate silks and muslins. There was a man with a pet monkey in the corner and the children watched with amazement, a clown, an illusionist and a marionette whose puppets were retelling tales from the Arabian Nights to a captive audience. The children played at the usual party games; though each had it's own twist to it to make it slightly exotic. I could not help but wonder who had made the arrangements for all this?
There was not a soul there who did not seem impressed and slightly awed by what they had seen. One or two of the tenants' children looked utterly terrified, and even Lady Matlock and Lady Catherine could be heard to exclaim over it all once or twice. I determined this was not something that one saw every day, even if you had plenty of wealth. I quietly asked Mr Darcy if he could afford such an extravagance, it must have cost him a great deal. "I do not entertain often; I suspect that there shall perhaps be one or two more dinners for the year but that shall be it. Why not spend it on a day for Georgiana?" I did not wish to argue with him.
"Do you not intend to spend the season in town Sir?" I asked, since this is what his words appeared to have implied, well to me at least, not that I was particularly disappointed.
"No, not this year. Why, had you expected it?" He turned to me curiously.
"Oh no!" I exclaimed, not wanting him to think I expected anything of him, "I would much rather stay in the country, I had just assumed that you would."
"I am getting too old for such things; Fitzwilliam shall probably go." Was his response.
The enjoyment everyone else was receiving from the day could not fail to cast aside even my own misery, and I soon forgot about everything that had been troubling me for the last few weeks. As the children laughed and ran and shouted and danced around me I could not help but smile broadly. This was just the type of thing I would have loved to have had the opportunity to attend as a girl, despite all the unnecessary extravagance; it was nothing short of charming. The most I had received was a picnic with the Lucas children and my family and most years even that would be put off by bad weather; not of course that I had not enjoyed them, even on the years we had sat on a rug in the drawing room because it was raining outside.
Musicians had been hired for the event, for the most part they had been playing Handel's The Arrival of the Queen of Sheba, a somewhat ironic choice I thought. It was apparently the only piece they could find that fit the theme; but after having endured the repetition of it for several hours, one of the braver children had ventured to suggest dancing, and as Georgiana was amenable, a country dance, entirely unrelated with the theme, had been struck up for the children.
To suddenly see something so familiar to me, when for so many weeks I had lived within this elegance, I was struck with a pang of homesickness. I may have only attended three assemblies at Meryton, but to see the children dancing about with no particular care to the steps they were performing, and without the refined stiffness which I had daily witnessed since arriving here, was almost more than I could bear. How I longed to go home, to see my parents and my sisters, to be a part of the teasing affection we had for one another. It was simply too much and my vision blurred just as a figure appeared before my face.
"My father says would you care to dance?" He said, his voice held no pleasure or warmth.
"Why does he not ask me himself?" I looked towards the direction where I had last seen my husband, trying not to let him detect my mood.
"You misunderstand. His leg shall hardly allow him to dance himself, he has asked me to dance if you wish it."
"Oh." I said. Then I was silent.
"Shall you?" He asked after a brief pause.
"Thank you, yes."
He offered his hand and led me to the floor amongst the rabble of children who were screaming and shouting wildly. We stood for some time without speaking a word. I began to imagine that our silence was to last through the whole dance, and did not think I could endure it. I wondered why I had agreed to the scheme at all, but it had seemed like the polite thing to do at the time. I could not help but reflect bitterly that my husband's bad leg had placed me in a variety of difficult positions and was likely to keep doing so for some time. It struck me then, that while I knew it was the cause of all my misery, I never knew what was wrong with it. "What did your father do to his leg?"
"The doctor says it was a kind of mild apoplexy."
"How long ago was this?" His answer I decided was most unsatisfactory.
"It was perhaps a year ago." He replied shortly.
"What happened to him, I mean how did it happen?" I pressed on undeterred by his disapproval.
"He complained of feeling dizzy and then fell."
"But he is well now?" I said with sudden concern, I do not know what had come over me.
"Except for his leg, yes." he said with a slightly sardonic smile. What was he thinking; that I was anxiously awaiting my husband's death so I would become a rich widow; was that why he thought I had married his father? We fell silent again and at first I was resolved not to break it; but suddenly fancying that it would be the greater punishment for him to have to talk, I made some slight observation on the party. He replied, and was again silent.
"Mr Darcy, pray tell me, are you always so silent when you dance?" He smiled, and assured me that he would speak of whatever I wished him to, then fell silent again, I sighed with exasperation, if he wanted silence then silence he would not be getting, "Very well then perhaps I might say that there is a very large turnout here, and in turn you could respond that it is indeed, and then you could continue to ask me if I think it is a pleasant affair or not." I gave him a pointed look
"Do you talk by rule then, while you are dancing?"
"Sometimes. One must speak a little, you know. It would look odd to be entirely silent for half an hour together, and yet for the advantage of some, conversation ought to be so arranged as that they may have the trouble of saying as little as possible." He smiled slightly.
"I cannot imagine you fear such a thing as looking odd."
I looked at him sharply, was he saying what I thought he was saying? Did he mean that my marriage made me look odd, or that it was odd? It certainly was, but that did not mean he had the right to display his displeasure in it so openly. Was this not yet another of the many barbs which the family had proceeded to throw at me over the past weeks? I could not tell anything from his face, he always had that same inscrutable mask on it; anybody would think that he was a statue. "I beg your pardon?" I said, not knowing how else I ought to respond, I was tired of having to keep fending off these comments, and I was running out of responses to make. He repeated what he had said, unafraid to meet my challenge, "I heard what you said." My reply was cold, "Yet I wonder what you could have meant by it?" I let him know that I did not care what he thought.
"I only meant that..." The music stopped and I interrupted him before he could go any further.
"I believe that I have had enough of dancing now, Sir." He led me back towards his father before leaving to speak with his cousin Lady Dartmoor, carefully avoiding Lady Catherine de Bourgh's suggestion that he ought now dance with his cousin Anne. My husband politely inquired if I had enjoyed my dance. I scarcely knew how I responded to his queries, for I was far too distracted to pay him any mind. How was it that I had managed to argue with all three of the Darcys in one day? Why was it that I just could not seem to do anything right?
I maintained a pleasant composure until the last of the guests had left at just after eight o'clock that evening. Then claiming tiredness from the exertion of the day I retired to my rooms, I did wonder if anybody either noticed my retreat or realised that it was an untruth, but I did not particularly care anymore. They all thought ill enough of me as it was, one more thing would not matter now, and they would not exactly miss my company. I spent the whole of the following day in my rooms as well, claiming that I was indisposed, and I enjoyed the peace and solitude that it afforded me, although I could occasionally hear the autocratic voice of Lady Catherine de Bourgh and the Earl making some ridiculous declaration or another.
They were all to be departing the following day, since most had preparations to make for the season. Lady Catherine and her daughter would be remaining in Kent; she claimed that her dear Anne's constitution was too delicate for the air in Town. I knew that I would have to go downstairs to bid them all adieu, and I was able to do so with a surprising amount of tranquillity. I allowed all the barbs to pass almost unnoticed as I ate my breakfast with a perfectly serene countenance. When I stood at the bottom of the steps and each of them failed to either thank me or wish me goodbye, I still calmly responded with a farewell and a wish for their safe journey as well as thanking them for their presence. They still all ignored me.
Once they were gone, I decided to take a walk in the grounds; it would be refreshing and the weather was quite good, unlike the many previous days. Fresh air had always been a successful way to relieve my stress and anger and give me a more rational outlook on things. Unfortunately in this instance, it did not. I simply could not make sense out of anything. I knew that the Fitzwilliams all thought that I was a fortune hunter and had entrapped Mr Darcy some way or another, and that they thought that his marriage to me was a degradation to them all. Perhaps it was true, but honestly, they had not seemed to be altogether that well bred themselves.
What I could not understand was my husband's part in all this. He did not at any time attempt to protect me from them, and yet he could have. Why was it that he had not told anybody how our wedding had come about. Nobody could think him in love with me, it was obviously not the case. But why did he not simply explain to them that through no fault of his own he had compromised me? His silence did not seem to be doing any of us any favours; an explanation would put an end to all of their speculations and concerns. Though I could not see that it would make Georgiana happy, that was clearly another matter entirely.
I kicked at a stone angrily, frightening a squirrel away completely unintentionally. Would this ever become any easier? Was I going to get used to this at all? I marched on angrily, thinking that if I just kept walking I could reach Longbourn eventually. That was all I wanted at that moment; to go home.
But at length I recalled myself. That was an utterly ridiculous thought, walk all the way to Hertfordshire indeed! It was starting to become cold outside and I had apparently been out so long that it was already starting to get dark. I had to return to Pemberley as I would never be able to find my way back in the dark. I had walked quite a distance and it took me some time to return, but eventually I made it inside again.
Mrs Reynolds was there to greet me and informed me that dinner was to be served in half an hour and that my husband was waiting for me in the drawing room. He had specifically requested that I wait on him the instant I returned to the house. I gulped, surely that meant that I was in trouble again, especially if I was not even permitted time to refresh myself. I handed my bonnet, coat and gloves to the footman waiting nearby and made my way in the direction that I had been instructed.
There was laughter coming from inside the drawing room? Odd I thought to myself; with the exception of all the little children yesterday I had not heard any laughter in this house before. It emboldened me; for surely laughter was not a precursor to yet another argument? I pushed open the door. There was a strange man there, dressed less elegantly than my husband, who was laughing along with this handsome stranger, or his son, who was sitting there stern as ever, Georgiana was seated next to the guest, smiling happily. None of them noticed me at first, but at length my husband turned, "Ah Elizabeth, come in, come in." I had never heard him quite so cheerful I do not think, "We have a guest as you see, I would like you to meet Mr George Wickham."