Posted on: 2013-02-22
Wednesday 3rd October
Where are you?
Seriously. I'm /freezing/.
I'm doing my cold dance and people are staring!
I'm just going to keep on texting you until you reply, btw.
I have unlimited texts.
Firstly, please don't unleash your unlimited texts upon me.
Secondly, I don't think I'm who you think I am.
Not since I last checked.
I'm so sorry! Wrong number, ah God, I'm sorry! I didn't mean to clog your phone up, I'm really sorry. It's a new phone and I must have typed the number in wrong, sorry! I'm sorry.
It's fine - Please /stop/ apologising.
And don't say it…
Wednesday 11th October
I saw someone doing a cold dance, and it made me think of you.
Before 7am?! Really?
Five minutes too soon!
and aren't you supposed to delete my number? Not store it for future reference.
I didn't 'store' your number, I just didn't delete the texts.
Neither have you - Otherwise you wouldn't have known who I was.
I /don't/ know who you are.
Too many punctuation marks - treat them like saffron.
I thought your unlimited texts could come in useful. It's 11.10 on a Wednesday.
What's 11.10 on a Wednesday?
My board meeting.
Now I just feel used…
But shouldn't you be concentrating?
Shouldn't you be concentrating on /your/ job?
Wednesday 18th October
Will you be needing my assistance today, my lord?
Is this a thing now?
Is what a thing?
It could be a thing
It's a stupid thing.
Woah, which side of the bed did you fall out of (probably freakishly early (7am(!))) this morning?
Sorry, it's been an awful day.
I really didn't mean to take it out on you, I'm sorry.
Stop apologising. And am I the silver lining?
If you need the ego boost - why not?
You've been working on your opening comment all week, haven't you?
Wednesday 18th October (cont.)
I've been working on my use of '!', too.
I noticed. I'm very impressed.
And thank you for earlier. It was just what I needed.
Friday 20th October
You need a name
What happened to Wednesdays?
Wednesdays are no fun
Funnily enough, I /have/ a name.
Well then… I need to know it.
Oh, really? You need to know it?
Isn't someone lively on Fridays?
And the rest of that sentence is coming when?
You may call me D. It's safer after all. You are still a, slightly too persistent, stranger.
I see how it is. You may call me B, then. After all, you are a "slightly too persistent stranger" too
Can I make up a name?
You may call me whichever name you chose.
I'll go with Colin
I'm vetoing that.
It's like Colin Firth.
That's /exactly/ why I'm vetoing it.
Posted on: 2013-02-25
Thursday 26th October
Lizzy, I need a huge favour…
Hi, Jane. I'm good, thank you for asking, how are you? I /know/, it's been so long since we last spoke.
Lizzy! This is important. Please?
There's no excuse for not being polite.
But fine, what's up?
I have a date tomorrow night and I need you to come
I'm not going to play the third wheel just because you're too scared to go alone
You won't be the third wheel - it's like a double date. Charlie is bringing his friend along, and I need to take someone… you'll come?
Absolutely not! You /know/ what happened last time I went on a blind date
I'm sure this guy won't be wearing a wig.
You /know/ that wasn't the worst part…
And I'm sure this time you won't set anything on fire. Well, you couldn't, if they don't wear a wig!
Sorry, that was really mean but you have to come with me - I promised!
Err… news just in: No I /don't/.
But I /promised/
Please, come on it'll be fun! And Fitzwilliam is really smart and he's handsome, so at least you'll have a good view.
I'm not the sort of girl who dates Fitzwilliams.
He's not like that!
Please? It will be fun
Still not convinced
I'll love you forever?
You /do/ love me forever.
I'll pay for you - Well Charlie will pay for you, or Fitzwilliam. Either way it's free food for you.
… Can I get a desert?
Is that a yes?
/Fine/. I know what it does to you when you have to break promises.
(But we're not six)
Thursday 26th October (cont.)
Can Thursdays be our annoyed-at-your-siblings day?
Isn't every day the annoyed-at-your-sibling day?
Oh, actually, I didn't mean that. I didn't think about that at all.
No take backs!
You got Colin. I deserve take backs.
So I'm allowed Colin now?
You know what, Thursday is officially the worst day.
…Sorry, but I won that one
I know, and that's why!
Is that an exclamation mark I see before me?
And such an instrument you did use?
That was too impressive.
Thursdays 26th October (Cont. (To Jane))
This guy better be good…
Friday 27th October
I need help with my dress for tonight.
Why are you texting me?
I'm in the next room.
I can /hear/ you typing out messages.
I'm in my comfort underwear and you know you're not allowed to see me like this.
I've seen you in worse...
Hey, what happens in Portugal stays in Portugal. We agreed!
I wish it would - but my brain likes to punish me.
Fine - what sort of date is this?
One I /do not/ want to go on.
I need to be attractive but in the 'you're-not-getting-to-see-anything-more' sort of way.
You /know/ that isn't my style at all.
Come on, you're a tease - help me out!
Why don't you ask that guy you've been texting?
"Which guy?" Ahahah!
Ergh - you're right, I need to get out more
I don't even /know/ if he's a guy.
You /told/ me it's a guy.
I said I think it's a guy.
Well it probably is. Statistically murderers are 90% male, 10% female.
I've told you - they're not a murderer, or a stalker, or a pervert.
How do you know? Did you ask /him/ that?
Well? Did you?
I'm fine, it's /just/ texting. I don't know anything about them.
You know he goes to a lot of meetings.
Wow, that really narrows it down.
We live in /London/.
Does he live in London?
I DON'T KNOW! It doesn't matter. We're just texting.
It's just letters on a screen and it doesn't mean anything. Just because I don't know every detail of their life doesn't make them a criminal
Innocent until proven guilty remember?
What are the dress options?
You're so annoying.
And there's the black one, /not/ the fire one - a dark purple and a red.
Which purple? Which red?
The short purple.
My short purple?
/your/ short purple can't even be considered a dress. Sorry, I forgot who I was talking to.
Fine, the very long and drab purple dress that goes down to the knees.
And the red Marilyn Monroe style one.
Not the purple. And not the red.
You look too good in red, and what if he wore orange or pink and you came home blind?
The black it is.
No worries. Now put on good underwear and get started on dinner.
I have descent into hell.
I didn't mean /your/ dinner.
Friday 27th October (cont.)
and I hope you realise that your 'just texting' is the closest thing you've had to a relationship in months.