OMG. Fay, you're a genius. This was terrific. LOL the whole time. I'm so glad you have returned to the fandom. I was about to get all Lady Catherine on you...."Is that my Fay-Fay? Where have you BEEN? I beg you to come and EXPLAIN yourself." But anyway, this piece was classic and I LOVED it.
These two especially:
Colonel NoName Fitzwilliam :: thought I knew my name, but all of a sudden everyone starts calling me ‘Richard’. I AM SO CONFUSED.
Comments
Earl of WTHisthis You’re telling me, son. I somehow managed to inherit property in Matlock.
William Darcy Uncle… cousin… just go with it.And this one:
William Darcy and Elizabeth Bennet are now in a relationship.
1,982,374 people like this.Flipping hysterical. ROTFLMAO.
one minor typo before you archive (AND YOU SHOULD ARCHIVE THIS!!!!!!!!)
William Darcy changed his location to Rosings with Charles Bingley.(should be Netherfield, I think--towards the end.) (ever your careful beta,

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We should chat some time. How about tonight or Friday? Either (probably) works for me. Email me if this works for you.
But if you don't have time, that's ok. Just write something else as clever as this and I'll forgive you.

~Marianne
(without my clever graphic b/c I was too lazy to log in on my work computer)