Posted on Monday, 13 December 1999, at 7 : 59 p.m.

Okay, so this is what happens in my head when I spend too much time in the kitchen. I present to you, the readers, a lively rap in homage to that dear housekeeper and the foil she would have been sure to use had she lived 150 years later!

Feel free to add any basic background rap beat

Hey everybody, take a look at me;
I am the housekeeper at Pemberley.

Things are good, things are great;
But these descriptions are new of late.

For the past many years things have been dull,
Death and despair cast quite a pall.

Lady Anne died, Sir George soon followed;
The hearts of all were painfully hollowed.

Georgiana was young, Darcy a bit older;
Our dear Colonelkins lent them a shoulder.

Wickham, that cad, thankfully parted;
With Darcy money to ruin he started.

Darcy was shy, Georgie more so;
What would become of them? Who could know?

I gave them guidance and ran the house,
While all was silent as a church mouse.

Georgiana loved her brother and his praises she sung;
She needed a friend, but she got Mrs. Younge.

To Ramsgate they went to enjoy the sea,
Along went Wickham, with his treachery.

He hated Darcy, he was so jealous;
Of false misdeeds, he did tell us.

To Gretna Green they were to go,
Wickham wanted her money, this we know.

Then came Darcy to surprise his sister,
And foiled the plan of that wicked mister.

For the next year, Georgie was sullen;
She didn't talk much, she was so crestfallen.

I was so worried, Darcy more so;
But he was not at fault, 'tho he thought so.

At wit's end he came to me;
So I introduced them to Mrs. Annesley.

She was dear, and I knew so well;
That she could remove our dear Georgie's shell.

But what of Darcy? Was his fate sealed?
Not so fast! He went to Netherfield.

With that Bingley chap, a happy fellow;
And his Superior Sisters, all decked in yellow.

Who would know what was to pass,
Our Darcy fell in love with a country lass.

Lizzy Bennet with eyes so fine,
Was more intoxicating than our cellar of wine.

But would she have him? She turned up her nose.
Dear Darcy was not tolerable, I suppose.

Jane loved Bingley, Darcy loved Liz;
But Caroline felt obliged to put her nose in their biz.

To London they dashed, in such a haste;
Lizzy and Jane resigned to their fate.

Then came the yearly trip into Kent.
Darcy grabbed his cousin and away they went.

Then what to Darcy's eyes should appear,
But his beloved Eliza in the parsonage so near.

The Colonel, amused, watched his cousin with shock,
As on Miss Bennet Darcy's eyes would lock.

A proposal soon followed, and quickly rejected;
Accusations were flung, he left dejected.

But before he went, a letter he penned;
Miss Lizzy into regret it did send.

Wickham, that scoundrel, that rogue, that knave;
He fooled her town, and grief he gave.

Spring soon passed, and along with summer,
Pemberley would soon awake from slumber.

A trip to the North, a dip in the pond;
Had more impact than my magic wand.

Georgiana played the 'forte, Darcy was charming;
The transformation was clear, its source alarming.

How this girl with the eyes so bright;
Could raise the shades here overnight.

She was so classy in her simple dress;
I was prepared for a new mistress.

But my hopes were shattered, when in London city,
Wickham took off with her sister Liddy.

Miss Bennet left quick, Darcy left quicker,
Wickham was slick, but Darcy was slicker.

A marriage took place, with a bit of disgrace;
And a smile was scarce on Darcy's face.

He saved the reputation of his beloved's sister;
But that wouldn't matter if he wasn't her mister.

The rest of the story is quite well known;
Darcy's worth in Lizzy's heart had grown.

So back to Longbourne, with Bingley's engagement arranged;
He told dearest Liz of his feelings unchanged.

She was so happy, her eyes did glisten;
To his explanation she would not listen.

Her feelings were different, she told him true;
"The man I will marry, can only be you."

Now Georgiana's ecstatic, I'm elated;
I sent them well wishes, not a minute belated.

They'll soon arrive home at dear Pemberley;
As man and wife so blissfully.

She'll make a good mistress, so kind and fair;
Of no faults am I aware.

We'll have parties and dinners and a coming out ball;
Are those little feet I hear in the hall?

To see the family happy was always my plan,
Since I promised Sir George and Lady Anne.

There's the carriage coming up the drive,
I must be waiting when they arrive.

So I'll finish this story with a little *snap*;
My name is Mrs. Reynolds and that's a wrap!