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Prologue
This is Pride and Prejudice set in an Alterna-universe (or parallel universe). It contains the same characters (well some of) as my other stories, but with different pasts and different futures. But basically they are the same characters, with similar personalities. There is only one character that exists in this Alterna-universe that doesn't exist in the other. That probably makes no sense, but this is a story about how it could have been.
Chapter 1, Part 1
"My dear!, Netherfield Park is let at last!" shrieked Mrs Bennet on a particularly resonant tone, as she scurried after her husband.
Mr Bennet did not react to this news, he kept on walking solidly in the direction of Longbourn, with his gaggle of girls behind him. However Mrs Bennet was having none of this.
"Mr Bennet! Do you not wish to know who has taken it?"
"You wish to tell me and I have no objection to hearing it." Mr Bennet decapitated a particularly unruly daffodil with his cane.
"Well it is taken my a young man of large fortune, a single man of large fortune. Now he came down on Monday with a chaise and four to see the place and he likes it so much that he is settling in before Michealmas. Now isn't that a fine thing for our girls?"
Mr Bennet stopped and turned around to look at his daughters. Jane looked a picture of serene perfection, even in one of her most severe gowns; Lizzy looked contentedly ruffled with her eyes sparkling and a smile catching on her lips and Mary looked severe, no body could accuse her of being beautiful but her hard stern piercing gaze had been known to make more than one man uncomfortable. His youngest two, stood arm in arm at the back of the group, giggling insanely at some private joke, regarding some man and his horrible taste in waistcoats. The petite delicate, Catherine, stopped giggling and bit her lip looking up at her father with big brown eyes and Lydia stopped laughing too and looked defiantly at her father with a laughing, flirtatious countenance and messy hair.
"A fine thing for our girls? How so? How could it affect them?"
Mrs Bennet huffed. "You must know that I'm thinking of his marrying one of them." Mrs Bennet, curls a flutter, nerves a shaking, looked pleadingly at her husband.
"That his design in settling here is it?"
"Design? How can you talk such nonsense, but it is very likely that he may fall in love with one of them. "
"For a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife!" exclaimed Lizzy.
Mrs Bennet gave her second, and least favourite, daughter a triumphant grin (sarcasm was never known to make an impression on her) "Yes indeed, and who better than one of our five girls!"
"What a good joke if he were to choose me!" laughed Lydia.
"Or me!" piped in Lydia's shadow.
A crooked smile came to Mr Bennet's face, as he turned and continued up the lane.
"So Mr Bennet it is imp- imper - impe-rat-ive that you call on him when he comes."
"Call on him? I see no occasion for that. Go yourself with the girls or better yet, send them by themselves - "
"By themselves!" shrieked Mrs Bennet, who although not a stranger to impropriety, thought this was going too far.
Mr Bennet put his hand up to silence his wife, gave her a look of love mixed with contempt "Yes by themselves, for he might like you best of the party."
Mrs Bennet quickly closed her mouth. She wasn't sure whether to be displeased or extremely flattered by this comment. She chose the easiest and bobbed her way home in a happy state - remembering a certain evening when she had first seen the love of her life.
Chapter 1, Part 2
However much Mrs Bennet may appear to be easily distracted, she is, was and never will be easily distracted from her sole objective in life - the marriage of her daughters. So it was within seconds of her entering the portals of Longbourn (Longbourn had portals, unfortunately it did not have gothic spires or towers or parapets or anything else very interesting, but it did have a serviceable staircase, which would be much remarked upon by a visitor - but he hasn't arrived yet, so no more shall be said on the subject), that she brought up the topic again.
"Mr Bennet, my dear, when do you think you shall call on Mr Bingley?"
"As I said Mrs Bennet, I see no reason for doing so. If you feel it so necessary I may write a letter to Mr Bingley saying that I have 5 daughters and he is welcome to any of them!"
Mrs Bennet glared at Mr Bennet. "Oooooh you take delight in vexing me! You don't know how I suffer!"
Mr Bennet did not seem to mind how much his wife suffered, he was busy stirring up the fire, musing to himself.
"Well it shall be all your fault when your daughters end up spinsters and we are turned out into the hedgerows by that horrible distant cousin of yours. I shall remind you of it, when we are forced into hard labour."
Mr Bennet chuckled. "You can hardly remind me of it my dear, I shall be - er - no longer with us, at the time."
Mrs Bennet fumed, it was most unjust. Of course Mr Bennet would be dead, right at the point in time when she most needed to upbraid him, it was not often that she managed to be in a position that meant she could berate him. Lydia snorted at her mother's facial expression and received a sharp look from everybody in the room.
"What?" she said artlessly (well it wasn't really artlessly but Lydia is a very good actress and to everybody it appeared artless.) "Oh Papa, you should call on Mr Bingley, he may hold a ball!."
Lydia shot a sidelong look at Kitty who had considerably brightened at the idea of a ball and being Lydia's shadow she immediately added her entreaties to Lydia's. Mr Bennet took refuge in his library as soon as the opportunity presented itself which was approximately in - 0.0001 nanoseconds.
Chapter 1, Part Three
Lizzy looked out her bedroom window which overlooked the gravel way leading to Longbourn, she heard scrapings of gravel, so she grasped the handle of the window pushed it outwards and leaned outwards.
"Lizzy Lizzy!" shrieked her two younger sisters. They stopped on the path directly under her window and craned their necks upwards.
"What??" cried Lizzy, knowing full well that a young lady of 20 should not be leaning out a window, but was too curious to care. Jane suddenly leaned out an adjacent window, and calmed Lizzy's feelings, if a young woman of 22, as refined and elegant as Jane could lean out a window, so could she.
"We have been to see Aunt Phillips!" yelled Lydia. "We stopped at Hunters and bought this hideous cloth, It would do very well for Mary!"
Lydia waved a parcel in her hand, just as a third head popped out of a lower floor window.
"Thank you for the thought Lydia but I do not need cloth, I think cloth is an extravagance!"
Kitty in one of her more independent moments frowned. "An extravagance?? But what do you mean to wear then Mary?"
Her response was the window slamming on the first floor.
"Oh Hush! Now why were you so excited not over cloth surely?" said Lizzy severely.
Lydia suddenly remembered what she was so excited about. "Our Aunt, she told us all the news about our new neighbour! Sir William Lucas has called upon Mr Bingley and he is very handsome and elegant."
"And wears a blue coat. " chimed in Kitty having a liking for blue.
"Yes and wears a blue coat. He likes dancing and his is coming to the assembly room on Saturday."
Lizzy looked over at Jane and arched her eyebrows. "Likes dancing, well that is one step towards falling in love at least!"
Jane giggled.
"But that isn't all! He is bringing six ladies and 3 gentlemen!"
"SIX!!" came a cry from Mrs Bennet leaning out of a window further up the house. "Now that is a pity - what does he want with six ladies."
"No Mama - I'm sure it was 12 ladies.!!" Exclaimed Kitty.
There was a crash as Mrs Bennet fell off the chair she was standing on.
Her five dutiful daughter immediately went to her assistance and Mr Bennet curious to know what the noise was (and even more curious as to know why his daughters and wife preferred to carry out conversations out windows.)
Mrs Bennet fanned herself quickly. "You see Mr Bennet you should have visited Mr Bingley, now look what has happened, he thinks that the only eligible woman in the county is Charlotte Lucas and has taken to importing women."
Mr Bennet had to sit down quickly as his mind reeled, the idea of declaring women at customs was quite alarming.
Mrs Bennet quite alarmed at the thought of her daughters competing with 12 ladies, and still hurting from her fall, started off on quite a tangent and did not stop until Mr Bennet exclaimed. "Enough I am sick of Mr Bingley - I am so sick of Mr Bingley that I wish I had never called upon him!"
"You have called on him!" shrieked Mrs Bennet. "Oh girls, what a good father you have! And never to tell us what a good joke!"
Mrs Bennet had by this time totally forgotten about the 12 ladies... Lydia and Kitty were grabbed by two happy hands and the three girls (Mrs Bennet really is still a girl) danced around happily.
"Now you shall all dance with Mr Bingley!"
Jane gave a small laugh as she looked at her fathers countenance. Lizzy too laughed; "I hope he has a strong constitution Mama!"
"And a fondness for silly young women!" responded the harassed Mr Bennet, but he felt less harassed when he saw the beaming smiles his wife and daughters were bestowing on him.
"Well, Well, I daresay you have some lace to sew, or some hats to procure, or something to do before Saturday." Mr Bennet stood up and retreated back to his library.
Mrs Bennet, suddenly remembered the 12 ladies and frowned. Throwing up the chest at the end of her bed, and thus dislodging Mary who was trying to read a thick and heavy book and wondering about whether one of the 12 ladies would be at all interested in theorems and philosophy.
Jane obligingly helped her mama by holding up the chest lid. "What are you looking for Mama?"
"Lace! Ribbons! Trinkets!" cried Mrs Bennet, pulling out little tied up packages. "My daughters shall be the belles of the ball..."
"Assembly Mama." Corrected Jane quietly.
"Yes, Yes Assembly." Repeated Mrs Bennet quite distracted.
"We don't wish to appear too overdressed Mama, we may frighten him away.." pointed out Lizzy.
Mrs Bennet turned on Lizzy but instead of admonishing her, held up a coquelicot ribbon next to her for inspection. "Yes they will look lovely."
Chapter 1, Part 4
Jane was quietly talking to Charlotte Lucas, she had no impulse to dance, at least not yet. Several of the young men in the neighbourhood were standing quite close by practically salivating at the appearance of Jane. Mrs Bennet had managed to co-ordinate a masterpiece. Though many would say that Jane was a masterpiece in herself and Mrs Bennet had no hand in improving it, but Mrs Bennet would say to those critics - 'and who do you think created Jane; hmmm?'
Jane however sweet she was, for some odd reason was not taken by any of the gentlemen in the neighbourhood, they were either too old, too young, too stupid or too clever.
Charlotte Lucas noticed that her friend was not giving her full attention to Charlotte's conversation. Charlotte did not mind, mince pies and the pitfalls of making them, was not as interesting as the imminent arrival of a young man of good fortune.
Lizzy finishing a dance with a particularly bucolic young man joined them with a smile. It was at this point that the doors flew open. (There was no accompanying gothic style music, and much to everyone's disappointment there were no cloaks, daggers and carefully concealing shadows.) There were instead only 3 ladies and 4 gentlemen.
There was an audible sigh of relief from Mrs Bennet, but as everyone attributed this to the fact that Old Mother Jenkins had just vacated the seat near Mrs Bennet no body paid any attention. (Old Mother Jenkins and Mrs Bennet had despised each other since Old Mother Jenkins had boasted of marrying all her daughters off within a year, she had had five as well, and had flatly refused to tell or sell her secret method to Mrs Bennet)
Lizzy and Jane concealed a smile at their mother.
"Only three ladies after all Charlotte, Mama will be pleased, do you know who they are?" said Lizzy in a low voice.
"The shorter two are Mr Bingley's sisters, the one in puce is a Mrs Hurst married to the gentlemen in puce."
Lizzy looked appreciatively at this couple. "A very fine couple! But who is the younger lady?"
"I believe she is the sister of Mr Bingley's friend, Lady Annabelle Fitzwilliam."
"Is she single?" asked Jane in some trepidation.
Charlotte laughed. "Yes, to the disappointment of half the mothers in the county, she is the daughter of an earl and has a most extensive dowry."
"Jane! Lizzy!" hissed their mother waving them over. "Is it not most vexing that he should bring that young lady with him! But never mind that, I have just had it from Lady Lucas that, he has brought two friends with him!"
"Yes Mama, we can see them." replied Lizzy, gaining a glare for her trouble.
"Don't be impertinent Miss Lizzy! The taller man, is a Mr Darcy, he has £10, 000 a year and very likely more! A grand estate in Derbyshire and good heavens knows what else! Do you not think he is the handsomest man you have ever seen."
Jane and Lizzy looked at the tall man, in the midst of his group, who were being enthusiastically welcomed by Sir William. Jane was impressed but little, she preferred blondes, Lizzy who could swing either way was much more impressed and thought he was extremely handsome. However she would rather die than let her mother know this.
"He would be not quite so handsome if he were not quite so rich."
"Lizzy!" giggled her sister. "But Mama who is the other gentleman?"
"Oh! The son of an earl! The younger son however, a Colonel Fitzwilliam. Very dashing I think, I do love regimentals!"
Jane, did not bother to look at the Colonel, as red in her opinion did not look good on blondes and if the Colonel wasn't blonde she wasn't interested. Mr Bingley, however, was wearing a well made (and well fit) blue superfine coat and although Jane is a very elegant lady, she still noticed that his breeches were very fine as well.
Lizzy however did look at the Colonel and liked what she saw, he was laughing at something, and just happened to look over towards Lizzy. Their eyes met and Lizzy blushed and quickly looked away.
Chapter 2, Part 1
I like men to behave like men - strong and childish ~ Françoise Sagan
Lizzy was so intently on focusing on something other than the party who had just entered, that she was unaware that Colonel Fitzwilliam and Mr Bingley were making there way over with Sir William. Unaware that is, until her mother patted her shoulder (for 'patted' read slapped); Lizzy jumped. (quite accidentally spilling a drink down Mrs Long's rather too low cut gown, Lizzy was mortified, but was dragged from assisting the lady by her mother)
"Pay attention Lizzy, they are coming over! Smile girls Smile!"
Lizzy tried to smile as Sir William, his moon face brightly beaming, proudly displaying the countenance that made him the inventor of 'Capital!-Capitalism' side-stepped his way over to them.
"Mrs Bennet, Mr Bingley has desired me to make him known to you and your daughters."
The three ladies curtsied. "You do us great honour, sir. This is my eldest daughter Jane." Mrs Bennet smiled, letting this information sink in, (well she was actually waiting for Mr Bingley to close his mouth and pay attention) "And this is Elizabeth." Mr Bingley weakly smiled at Elizabeth before looking back at Jane. Colonel Fitzwilliam behind him tried to conceal a smirk.
"Mary sits over there, and my youngest, Kitty and Lydia you see they are dancing." Mrs Bennet motioned towards the flurry of dancing, trying to prompt Mr Bingley.
"Dancing...yes... If you are not otherwise engaged Miss Bennet, may I be so bold as to claim the next two dances?"
Jane flushed rosily. "I am not engaged sir."
Mrs Bennet smiled happily. "And you sir are you fond of Dancing?"
Mr Bingley suddenly remembered the Colonel. "Oh - Mrs Bennet do excuse me, may I present my dear friend Colonel Fitzwilliam."
"Your dear friend Bingley, surely I am not that expensive?" said the Colonel with a smile.
Mrs Bennet gave an appreciative twitter, young men in regimentals with wit, were always a favourite with her.
"Dear or not, may I take this opportunity to be as bold as my friend and claim two dances with you Miss Elizabeth?"
Lizzy curtsied, and gave him her hand.
Part Two.
Success is simply a matter of luck. Ask any failure ~ Earl Wilson
The Colonel kept looking over his shoulder during the dance.
"What are you looking at Colonel?" asked Lizzy boldly.
"My cousin,"
"Your cousin?"
"Mr Darcy, he does not get on at all well at social events, much happier in a small party, or failing that with a book."
Lizzy took a look at the tall gentleman who seemed to be having a conversation with Miss Bingley. He only seemed to be, because she was chatting away to his shoulder and he was staring at something over her head.
"Sounds like my father. If he is entirely unsociable, he should not have come, Meryton is a very sociable place!"
"Oh I did not say he was entirely unsociable, he just needs the right sort of people around him to put him at his ease."
"Sounds a bore!" exclaimed Lizzy and then bit her lip. "I am sorry!"
"No relations are sometimes a bore, just ask me one day to talk about my Aunt Catherine, but I assure you Darcy is not a bore!"
Lizzy smiled and looked over her shoulder at Mr Darcy who had escaped from Miss Bingley and was walking around the dancers.
"So Colonel, why are you not with your army?"
"Involved in a skirmish, injured, sent home, now on home service, for the moment at least."
"I hope it was not a serious injury!"
"Only to my pride, I assure you!"
Lizzy curtsied as the dance finished trying quite successfully to hide her thoughts as to what kind of injury would hurt a man's pride (ahem...don't think to hard ladies - I won't be responsible for your thoughts.)
Part Three.
Time walks at your side, Ma'am, unwilling to pass ~ Christopher Fry.
Lizzy sat down and gave a sigh. She wished that there were more gentlemen at this dance that were agreeable to dance with. The last partner she had had trod upon her foot, not once, but six times. Lizzy saw the Colonel across the room and smiled. Now he was a pleasant partner, handsome, funny, pleasing, courteous and well a suitable candidate for a friend. A friend? Lizzy smiled, really she should say beau, Lizzy shook her head, why just want a friendship? But she was not going to decide upon the matter after such a short acquaintance!
Lizzy looked at Mr Darcy, standing very stiffly close to her. Now there was a gentleman who needed to relax! However he was very handsome, and no matter how proud and disagreeable he might be, she should not judge at least not until she had heard him speak.
Lizzy watched happily as Jane continued dancing with Mr Bingley. She had never seen Jane so beautiful or as lively and content. Mrs Bennet was sitting, on the far side of the hall with Lady Lucas, Mrs Long and Old Mother Jenkins with her 'cat that ate the canary' look on her face. Lizzy could just hear her exclaiming "Yes £5 000 a year, doesn't he seem to have taken a fancy to my Jane. Such a charming agreeable man!"
Lizzy frowned as she caught sight of Mary concealed in a corner, somebody ought to tell that girl to be more companionable! She was reading a book! The girl had actually brought a book to an assembly! Lizzy shook her head in despair and was contemplating going to have a little chat with her sister, when another sister, quite as silly sat down in the chair next to her.
Kitty it turned out had had the same partner as Lizzy and had suffered the same fate and through ill-fitting (but charming shoes) had hurt her toes.
"It is too bad Lizzy, for Lydia and I were to dance every dance, and now she will have danced with Mr Morecombe twice more than me."
Mr Morecombe, was the only agreeable man in the neighbourhood according to Kitty and Lydia. (for 'agreeable' read 'attractive and charming'). Lizzy gave a look of distaste at Kitty.
"Kitty! Can't you think of anything else to think about?"
Kitty looked affronted, what else was one to think about at a dance but dancing and men?
A quiet voice spoke behind them. "Is Mr Morecombe the young man in the striped waistcoat?"
Lizzy and Kitty looked behind them, at Lady Annabelle Fitzwilliam.
"Yes, that is Mr Morecombe" said Kitty smiling.
"I know we have not been introduced but I am hiding from this man, who stood on my toes, and well I should like somebody to talk to. My name is Annabelle."
"Kitty." said Kitty. "This is my sister Lizzy."
Lizzy smiled at the young lady who appeared to be her age. However this young lady appeared to be just as interested in dancing and Mr Morecombe as Kitty was, so Lizzy wisely kept out of their conversation.
Part Four.
Somebody's boring me ... I think it's me ~ Dylan Thomas
Darcy watched his cousin animatedly talking to another young lady and turned away, only to see a battlefront approaching in the guise of his other cousin and his best friend.
"Darcy I hate to see you standing about in this stupid manner. I must have you dance! I must!"
Darcy smiled and looked to his left, only to see the Colonel.
"Your sisters and my cousin are engaged at the moment and you know it would be a punishment for me to stand up with anybody else."
"Good god Darcy I would not be as fastidious as you are for a kingdom, upon my honour I never met so many pretty girls in all my life. What do you say Fitzwilliam?"
"Oh very pretty girls, very charming, but well Darcy is used to having the best aren't you Darce."
Darcy spluttered. "What are you insinuating?"
"Nothing except well that time there was this devilishly high -" Darcy glared at the Colonel who wisely decided not to bring up Darcy's little foray into the world of high-flyers some years previously, an unmitigated disaster to everyone but the high-flyer who had managed to depart with a good deal of money and reputation.
"I'm insinuating nothing Darcy, nothing, but well as Bingley says; I wouldn't be as fastidious as you are for a kingdom, upon my honour I've never met so many pretty girls in my life, several of them uncommonly pretty"
"Thank you Parrot Fitzwilliam." replied Darcy in a suitably bored tone. "You, Bingley have been dancing with the handsomest girl in the room."
Bingley smiled whimsically and said "She is an angel is she not?"
"Ahem - the handsomest girl in the room? Then pray what is my partner?"
Darcy glared at his cousin. "Your partner?"
"Her sister, the brunette."
"The brunette? The rest of them are brunettes!"
"Them???"
"The Bennets, my apologies Fitzwilliam if I have offended your delicacy. " replied Darcy.
"The second eldest Miss Elizabeth, can I not claim her as the prettiest? She is sitting just over there."
Darcy looked at Miss Elizabeth Bennet, judging her beauty. "Not a classic beauty I am afraid Fitzwilliam, perhaps the second-prettiest."
"Oh how kind of you to say so Darcy. Now why don't you ask somebody to dance?"
Darcy groaned. "For the last time, I don't dance with strangers."
The Colonel gave Bingley a conspiratorial look "Why didn't you say so? We can fix that."
Darcy stopped leaning on the mantel piece and looked alarmed. "I say I don't want you to fix - " he got no further, with friend on either arm he was practically frog-marched over to the nearest eligible female, who happened to be Mary Bennet.
Lizzy watched this interaction with a smile. Especially when she heard the Colonels loud voice proclaim "Miss Mary Bennet may I present someone who will not be a stranger for much longer, Mr Darcy. Mr Darcy, Miss Mary Bennet."
Her opinion of the Colonel was unchanged, he was a lively addition to the society of Meryton, Mr Bingley was a welcome addition also and she was suspending judgement on Mr Darcy, but he did not appear to be a subtraction at least not yet.
If she had suspended her judgement, Lizzy was quite shocked to find herself sometime later evaluating the fine fit of Mr Darcy's clothes. She blushed.
Chapter 3, Part 1
Authors Note: Quite a Short Chapter. Especially Dedicated to ERIN (who is BACCCCKKK) and Elli-belly!!(or Elli-jelly)
I am free of all prejudice. I hate every one equally ~ W.C Fields.
"He is just what a young man ought to be Lizzy! Charming, thoughtful, kind..."
"Handsome, which I feel a young man ought to be if he can possibly help it!"
Jane giggled. "Yes and handsome."
"Well I give you leave to like him then, you've liked many a stupider person!"
"Lizzy! Who have I liked that was stupid?"
"Well there was that young man in London with the poetry! And not to mention that time you feel in love with the flower seller!"
"I was thirteen Lizzy! surely you cannot hold it against me."
"Of course I can, I am your sister."
"Well if you can interrogate me, I shall interrogate you, what say you about Colonel Fitzwilliam?"
"He is charming and handsome, I shall grant you that and very friendly, I daresay it comes from being the younger son of an Earl, he has learnt to be friendly to the lower classes..."
"Lizzy!" exclaimed Jane, but then she saw the smirk on Lizzy's face and started to giggle herself.
"Yes a thoroughly amiable gentleman, quite like his sister, she is very amiable."
"Yes I thought so too, perhaps a little quiet, but none the less very amiable. Mrs Hurst and Miss Bingley are charming as well."
"Charming like snakes?"
"Lizzy, how can you say such a thing, they may be a little proud and stiff on first sight, but it is just awkwardness, you shall see, they shall be charming neighbours."
"I still doubt it."
"We have still not discussed Mr Darcy."
"Yes Mr Darcy! Mama's face when he danced with Mary! Then when she condemned him because he did not know a thing about the book she was reading! I thought Mama would have an apoplexy, especially when Mary said she had told Mr Darcy to his face that he had poor taste in reading material! Poor Mr Darcy."
"Poor Mr Darcy?" said Jane a little surprised, and a little thoughtful, but Lizzy was not listening.
"It must be very hard upon him to be forced into society, Colonel Fitzwilliam says that he is sociable when comfortable, but I don't think Mary is a very comfortable person, he shall probably run away back to the wilds of Derbyshire." Lizzy finished on a laugh, not realising that her sister was giving her a most enquiring look.
"Oh look Charlotte has come!"
Part Two
I have a fine sense of the ridiculous, but no sense of humour ~ Edward Albee
Lydia was quite in heaven, she had been quite taken with Colonel Fitzwilliam in his regulars, but Lydia although selfish was not one to grudge her sister a beau, especially when there were plenty of other red coats around. Not to mention the last time Lydia had taken anything of Lizzy's she had found herself locked in a cupboard.
Now that Sir William Lucas had taken it upon himself to welcome all the officers of the militia, by throwing this little party, Lydia found herself quite overwhelmed by red coats.
Colonel Fitzwilliam was having quite an in-depth discussion with Colonel Forster about the relevant differences between the regulars and the militia.
"My brother is quite happy, for the moment on his duties as a training officer but that is not to say he has not had his fair share of front-line action! It just relieves my father's worries, Myself however there is no reason for me not to be in the action, my injury was minor and I feel myself thoroughly fit."
Colonel Forster smiled. "Front line action is well and good, but you need people here at home to prevent invasion, quash uprisings that sort of thing."
Colonel Fitzwilliam smiled "Drink Wine..." Colonel Forster looked affronted.
Darcy quickly intervened "So Colonel Forster, are you in Hertfordshire to subdue the discontented populace, or protect Meryton from the French." He said lightly trying to deflect any offence from the comment, all the while thinking to himself - what a stupid thing to say, I must sound so ridiculous. You really needed fine eyes to pull of that sort of comment.
"Neither sir, I trust. Though my soldiers are in ever great need of training and my officers in ever great need of society. " replied Colonel Forster glaring at Colonel Fitzwilliam, who simply disarmed him with a smile.
Part Three.
Truman's Law - If you can't convince them, confuse them ~ Harry S Truman.
Lizzy smiled at Colonel Forster and Mrs Forster, as they spoke about how nice and sociable Meryton was.
"A party of infantry don't find a welcome like this everywhere."
"Well then Colonel I hope when you are settled you will give a ball." Smiled Lizzy.
"Oh yes do my dear." Exclaimed Mrs Forster.
"Do you think a ball would be well received?" asked the naïve Colonel.
"A ball who is giving a ball?" exclaimed Lydia. "I long for a ball!"
Kitty came up dragging a small Lieutenant with her. "So do I, and so does Saunderson don't you Saunderson?"
"I do indeed most passionately!"
"Oh little Saunderson, I knew I could rely on you." giggled Lydia, earning a glare from Kitty. Lydia was not adverse from stealing men from Kitty, she didn't lock her in cupboards.
Lizzy smiled and turned away from the heated discussion about balls to face Mr Darcy.
"Mr Darcy" she curtsied. "Do you not think I excelled myself there, with my suggestion of a ball?"
"It is a subject most females, excel at." Said Darcy simply.
Lizzy frowned and made to move away to more agreeable company when a black cloth covered arm presented itself to her, she tried to smile and placed her hand in the crook of Darcy's and allowed herself to be lead to a small sofa and they were seated.
"Can you keep a secret?"
Lizzy looked up from her hands in some confusion. "Y-Yes."
"If you promise not to tell anybody else, I shall tell you that I have it on good authority that Mr Bingley is planning on having a ball."
Lizzy smiled. Mr Darcy descended into silence and so did she. It was a very companionable silence but it was silence all the same. The exertion of speaking had seemed to take it's toll on Mr Darcy. A very odd man, thought Lizzy, perhaps she should say something.
"How are Miss Bingley, Mrs Hurst and Lady Annabelle, finding Merton sir?"
Was it just Lizzy or did Darcy shudder at the mention of the first two names.
"I believe my cousin, is enjoying herself, she is to go back to her parents soon, it was all Colonel Fitzwilliam could do, to allow his parents to entrust her to him." Said Mr Darcy seriously
"Why is Colonel Fitzwilliam not a suitable guardian?" asked Lizzy, wondering what a smile would look like on his countenance. She suddenly got her wish for Mr Darcy suddenly smiled and chuckled.
"I hope so Miss Bennet, he is after all joint-guardian of my sister."
"You have a sister sir?"
"Yes Georgiana, she is 16."
"Why is she not here."
"She is still at school in London."
Part Four
Adam was the only man who, when he said a good thing, knew that nobody had said it before him. ~ Mark Twain.
Lizzy sat on the sofa with Charlotte Lucas, chatting comfortably. "I see Mr Bingley continues his attentions to Jane." Said Charlotte.
Lizzy looked over to Bingley and Jane and smiled. "I am very happy for her Charlotte, I think if he continues this way she is in a fair way to being in love with him."
"And what of Mr Bingley?"
"Well it is clear that he likes her very much, but well it is clear he gets little encouragement from his sisters."
Charlotte looked over at the Bingley sisters and saw them sitting with Lady Annabelle in the middle of them, they both were fawning all over her. "I think it is obvious who they would wish their sister in law to be."
"Yes, and I am not sure if he is at all encouraged by his friends."
Charlotte looked to where Colonel Fitzwillam and Mr Darcy were having a rather one sided discussion with Sir William on the merits of St James and it's many staircases. Colonel Fitzwilliam was throwing himself into the conversation with zest, but Darcy was just wondering why staircases would be of interest to anybody and then desperately tried to rack his brain for what the staircases at St James did actually look like. I mean who looks at staircases? He thought to himself.
Charlotte looked cautiously back at Lizzy. "So when my dear friend should I wish you happy?"
"Wish me happy?" said Lizzy with a little jump.
"Yes my dear friend Lizzy the Colonels wife."
"Oh the Colonel.....yes he is very amiable, but Charlotte I hardly know him, I am not sure of his character, or my feelings towards him or his towards me!"
"Happiness in Marriage is entirely by chance Lizzy, there will always be grief and vexation and it is better to know as little of the defects of your marriage partner now is it not?"
"Charlotte, it is not sound, you would never act that way yourself!"
"Perhaps, but Lizzy you should secure him as soon as may be, just like Jane should secure Mr Bingley!"
"Charlotte please!" cried Lizzy, blushing and quickly excusing herself. Charlotte looked rather surprised at Lizzy, but continued to slowly drink her beverage.
Chapter 4, Part 1
Military Intelligence is a contradiction of terms ~ Groucho Marx.
Jane patiently hemmed her father's shirt, her sisters were also supposed to be hemming petticoats but they were too busy gossiping.
"Oh don't you think Captain Denny is the handsomest man ever? I love a man in regimentals! I've decided that you may have Lieutenant Saunderson Kitty."
Kitty looked up from the petticoat that she was inexpertly hemming and frowned. "I don't want Saunderson. I don't see why you should claim Denny for yourself, you are only 15, he probably thinks of you as nothing more than a child."
Lydia scoffed at this. "A child....me? Catherine Grace Bennet, you are only 2 years older than me and much less attractive, depend upon it you are the child in their eyes!"
"I know many women married at 17!" Kitty replied defiantly.
Lizzy gave a little giggle. "Well no man will want to marry either of you, you can't even sew a straight hem!!"
Kitty attacked her hem viciously and ended up stabbing her thumb.
"Owwwwwww! I hate sewing. I am no good at it. I'm no good at anything." Kitty subsided into dark mutterings.
"Kitty, dear, perhaps you would like to trim a bonnet?" said Jane helpfully.
Lydia brightened up at this suggestion but Kitty glared at her. "I'm not fixing a bonnet simply so you can wear it!"
"Why not Kitty, I'd look 100 times better in it than you!" Lydia received a cushion in the face for that remark.
Jane with her normal unruffled calm, sought to defuse the situation.
"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder."
Kitty and Lydia just looked blankly at their sister - what a stupid thing to say they both privately thought.
"Well I think, Mr Bingley is a very handsome young man." said Lizzy with a little smile.
"Yes and he wears blue - always a good sign" said Kitty looking slyly at Jane who had turned a very attractive shade of red.
"Yes, " agreed Lydia, who felt that blue was the next best colour to red, and quite honestly she agreed with Jane and felt blondes shouldn't wear red; so this in her mind excused Bingley from not joining the army. "And I think he has the good sense to wear very fine clothes."
Jane turned even redder and the rest of her sisters (bar Mary) laughed at her discomfort. Jane then saw the joke and laughed as well. This stemmed a long discussion on waistcoats...as Jane was too elegant and Lizzy too well - mannered to talk about breeches...or anything else like that...no matter how much it might be foremost on their minds!
As Lydia made a comment on the fine fit of some of the officers coats, Jane gave a quick look in Lizzy's direction. By the look on her face, it appeared they were thinking of the same thing. Both ladies had the decency to blush at least.
Part Two
To my extreme mortification I grow wiser every day. ~ Lord Byron.
It was breakfast at the Bennet household. The topic of conversation between the two youngest Bennets were the availability, attractiveness and excitability factors of the officers. Mr Phillips (their uncle) had visited all the officers (as he was an attorney - presumably he was hoping for some employment), hence Mrs Phillips (presumably by association- their aunt) had all the first hand gossip surrounding the officers and was not loath to pass highly scandalous and highly libellous rumours to two impressionable teenagers.
The Elder Bennets were looking at each other at opposite ends of the table, trying in turn to recapture, what it was that made each fall in love with the other. Surprisingly they were having some success, success until the post came - which just spoiled everything.
"Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhh From Netherfield! Well Jane what does it say?" Mrs Bennet did not wait for a response, instead she snatched the letter out of Jane's hands.
She scanned the letter quickly, "My dear friends, Ooooh isn't that a compliment, Dine with Louisa, Annabelle and I today....La di da boring filler yes yes....as the gentlemen are to dine with the officers...why dine with officers, I mean regimentals are all very fine but what use are they to men? I suppose Colonel Fitzwilliam wants to check up on Colonel Forster...but why the night that my dear Jane and Lizzy are invited to dinner!!!"
Mr Bennet looked puzzled at this, everybody in the room was a little puzzled by this, one would assume the invitation was extended, because the gentlemen were dining with the officers, but in Mrs Bennet Logic, that did not make sense so it must not be so.
"May we have the carriage father?" asked Lizzy.
"The Carriage!!" exclaimed Mrs Bennet "No you must.....on horseback...looks like rain...." She trailed off as she realised that her second daughter was not an accomplished horsewoman. It was most vexing! So instead of planning an intricate way that her daughters could remain at Netherfield for the night, she viciously attacked her breakfast. Kitty sitting on her left side, jumped at the forceful way her mother set down her tea cup.
Part Three.
Principles have no real force except when one is well fed ~ Mark Twain.
Lady Annabelle, watched as the interrogation continued. Jane she noticed was too sweet and disinterested to let Louisa and Caroline's barbs get to her, Lizzy she noticed was getting stung by their comments but had the wit and vivacity to sling off the poisoned arrows.
"So your mother's brother lives in London?" asked Caroline with a smile.
"Yes," said Jane quietly.
"What part of London, Jane?" said Louisa quietly.
"Our uncle lives in Gracechurch Street, " said Lizzy shortly.
"Gracechurch Street?" said Caroline still with a sugary smile on her face, "Gracechurch Street where in London exactly?"
Jane moved to open her mouth, but stopped on seeing her sisters face.
Lizzy did not seem to be making any move to answer Caroline and Jane was unsure whether she should or not, so Lady Annabelle stepped into the breach.
"Gracechurch St? Is that not near Lloyds Bank? Near the Tower?"
"Yes," said Lizzy surprised that Lady Annabelle would firstly go into that part of town and secondly let that fact be known to the Bingley sisters.
"Oh Cheapside!!" exclaimed Louisa.
"Oh no not Cheapside, near Cheapside." Said Lady Annabelle smoothly. "So Miss Bennet do you play and sing? Miss Elizabeth?"
Lizzy was a little surprised at the ease with which Lady Annabelle changed the conversation and put the Superior Sisters in their place. The rest of the evening was a pleasant occurrence. Until that is, Lizzy fell down the stairs and Jane ate something that disagreed with her.
Part Four.
Marriage has many pains but celibacy has no pleasures ~ Samuel Johnson.
Both ladies were rushed off to bed chambers and the doctor called for. The Doctor, very commonsensically ordered that both ladies keep to their rooms. Lizzy until the swelling went down and Jane for a little longer.
Obviously these unfortunate accidents meant that both Jane and Lizzy had to stay at Netherfield, for at least the night, but Jane looked so unwell that it looked like it might have to be longer.
However Caroline put off the inevitable, she kept saying; "Well I'm sure Jane is green now, but really I think she will regain her colour in a very short space of time, and well one's own bed is so much better than a strangers."
This procrastination on Caroline's part, only led to Lady Annabelle to disregard propriety and offer the invitation herself, which led only to the humiliation of Caroline.
An explanation of the position of both the Bingley sisters might at this stage be wise. Caroline, desperately wished that her brother Charles would marry Miss Georgiana Darcy, so although she was not openly hostile towards Lady Annabelle, she openly steered her away from Charles, thus humiliation at her hands was doubly offensive to Caroline, who saw her as an obstacle to her ultimate goal - Pemberley. Louisa however saw the advantages of having a Lady Annabelle Bingley, and foresaw doors opening in their direction in the haut ton, Louisa therefore joined Lady Annabelle in rebuking, most kindly of course, Caroline for not offering the invitation sooner.
However Caroline had a plan, she now saw the advantages of having the Bennet sisters stay. Jane of course would be too ill to come down, eliminating the possibility that Charles would spend too much time with her, and Eliza could be used to distract the Colonel. Louisa would be trying to throw Lady Annabelle and Charles together even though Charles would have to entertain Mr Hurst, this meant that she could have Darcy, her Darcy all to herself.
So it was a sad, yet happy, party of three women who greeted the men with the news that the two women had met with some injury.
Dear Charles thought immediately of Jane, which is to his immense credit. Mr Hurst thought kindly of both girls, who he saw as welcome diversions from his shrewish wife and sister-in-law, but his main goal was some brandy. Colonel Fitzwilliam felt it was an immense shame that two such beautiful and elegant ladies should have befell accidents at Netherfield, he hoped that Netherfield did not have a curse on beautiful women (he rather brotherly excluded his sister from the lists of beautiful women). He was especially hoping that Miss Elizabeth Bennet, would be well enough to come sit down stairs.
And Darcy? His thoughts on this occasion are rather mixed and confused and unavailable for transmission.
Chapter 5, Part 1
Now I know what a statesman is; he's a dead politician. We need more statesmen. ~ Bob Edwards.
Lizzy looked at the unattractive bulging of her ankle. It was impossible to stand upon it, but she refused to just lie in bed. She ensconced herself in a chair in Jane's bedroom, looking at her pallid countenance. Dr Jones had given her a draught to make her sleep, so there was no likely chance of conversation - unless Lizzy fancied talking to herself.
Lizzy didn't fancy talking to herself, so she summoned some assistance to help her downstairs. She had already passed a day lying about, high on pain-medication (prescribed of course!) so by this time (it was evening) she wished to talk to somebody! (besides of course the purple geraniums that had appeared in the room - it was a very strong Regency drug)
Unfortunately for Lizzy (fortunately for others) there were complications. Miss Bingley didn't wish for Lizzy to come down stairs so she refused to spare the footmen to lend Lizzy the assistance she required. She refused quite nicely and made it look as if it was impossible for 'Dear Miss Eliza' to join them this evening. However she had not factored in certain events.
1) Mr Darcy had not joined them downstairs as he was writing a letter to his sister.
2) Elizabeth's room was in a direct path, from Mr Darcy's room to downstairs.
3) Elizabeth had not returned to her room when the maid said she could not come down stairs. She had instead tried to hobble downstairs with some assistance from the small petite maid.
The result of this factors, were that quite simply Lizzy was brought downstairs, as red as a beetroot, in the arms of Darcy. Caroline, almost choked, Richard was thoughtful, Bingley was worried about Jane, Annabelle was quite amused, Louisa choked in sympathy and Mr Hurst slept.
"There you are Miss Bennet." Said Mr Darcy kindly as he put Lizzy on the couch.
"Yes! Dear Miss Eliza, here let me put your foot on a cushion!" said Caroline jumping up to be nearer Darcy. She roughly grabbed Lizzy's ankle and tried to deposit it on a cushion. Lizzy almost screamed in agony.
"Miss Bingley let me do that...." Richard said pushing Caroline out of the way and tenderly propping up Elizabeth's foot.
Lady Annabelle watched her cousin fluffing pillows to put behind Lizzy's head and her brother doing the same to the cushion for her foot and foresaw some complications.
Part Two
Too often a sense of loyalty depends on admiration and if we can't admire it is difficult to be loyal ~ Aimee Buchanan
Lady Annabelle, swiftly mended her pen and looked around at the room, it was after dinner, and the gentlemen had yet to return from the port. It was likely that they would be away for some time, due to the largely boundless volume of Mr Hurst's stomach.
She was writing a letter simply because she would rather do that than be subjected to Louisa dropping hints about how Netherfield needed a real mistress, not just a sister acting in the capacity as one. She also did not need Caroline swiftly hinting that they would be soon closely related as she { Caroline} would be united with Mr Darcy.
She felt guilty at not rescuing Lizzy from their clutches, but as Lizzy appeared to be able to tolerate both sisters speeches, and there was a wealth of neutral conversation available (such as the shocking amount of danger to one's health in large houses) Annabelle left them to it.
Dearest Brother,
How are you? I hope that you are well. I am quite well. Hertfordshire is a salubrious environment, nowhere near as exciting as London though. I promise that I am not following the same sort of excitement as in London.
Pray tell me are Lord Upton, Mr Hargrave and Sir Douglas much recovered? I hope I have not wounded their sensibilities and hearts permanently. Mrs Hurst, is hoping that I shall wound dearest Mr Bingley. However I think he has been struck from a completely different source.
The only form of excitement here in Meryton is gossip, and well the main form of gossip is gossip of a romantic nature. This is the perfect opportunity to mention the Miss Bennets, of which there are five.
Miss Jane Bennet is the eldest, and quite by chance the prettiest, the sweetest and the kindest. She is quite adored by the entire county, and by Mr Bingley. I fear that we shall have an engagement quite soon, and what that will mean for the Bingley sisters I do not know. Most probably they will be struck down by nervous hysteria. Caroline, wants dear Georgie to be united with her brother and Louisa wants me as a sister-in-law, so I shall make sure not to be around when their plans go awry.
Miss Elizabeth Bennet, is pretty, with very fine eyes. She has had the misfortune to fall down the stairs and along with her sister (Jane) who had some disagreement with some of Caroline's dishes (they were most inedible, I fed them to the convenient plant. )are currently residing with us until they are better. She has a pleasing figure, (I am allowed to say such things do not be scandalised!) and a wicked tongue. Well not wicked, but she holds her own against spite and folly, so I think very highly of her. However I feel that Ricky might think highly of her as well, how highly he thinks of her I do not know. As merely a sister, and one eight years his junior , he is unlikely to impart such knowledge, now to a brother less than a year his senior he might be more willing... The problem is that I feel with her spirit she may be a better match for our own wicked tongue of the family. Darcy does seem unusually attentive to her, and I have seen them talk - well once... Why is it that Darcy never speaks around strangers? I know that he speaks loquaciously elsewhere! Darcy is never attentive to any lady but dear Georgie, so does his attentiveness point to a emerging tendre? I do not know, as merely a cousin, a little more than seven years his junior he would presume to acquaint me with his feelings. Now to a beloved cousin, under 2 years his senior he might be more willing....
The Third Bennet is hardly worth mentioning, she is a droll creature from what I can see. She has no talent on the piano, yet plays as much as possible. I do hope it is out of revenge. If so she is just the type of friend for me! To be so hideously competent at the piano yet have no lively nature to impart whilst playing! I assure you it is torture to listen to her! But she is a droll creature. Ricky made Darcy dance with her, and I heard part of their conversation, she upbraided him on his sordid taste in books. I could hardly keep from laughing. Darcy Sordid!! Nev-ah! Are the shades of Pemberley to be thus polluted??
Kitty Bennet, her name is really Catherine, but I think Kitty is much nicer, makes me think less of a certain gargoyle. I am much endeared to this Bennet. She is delightfully silly! I think she would be a welcome addition to any ton party. But I do not mean to appear to be slighting her! Indeed I cannot help but think she is very much like me! Though one could only wish that she would be herself more and not like her younger sister who is a terror! Kitty has reason and sense, yet throws it out the window because her younger sister bids her to! But she is still young, perhaps some body will come along and show her the error of her ways.
Lydia Bennet, leads all the impressionable girls astray. She is loud, brash and noisy. She needs a firm hand! She laughs and flirts and dances wildly and is not yet sixteen. Really placing Lydia and Georgie next to each other in my mind, there is a range of opposites between them. And Georgie's shyness may be painful at times but at least it is not humiliating!
The elder Bennets are well older. Mrs Bennet is Lydia plus 30 odd years! I cringe every time I hear her, and I am not her child! Mr Bennet is as droll as his second and third daughters combined.
La! I have now bored you into submission!!
Part Three
Whenever I apply myself to writing, literature comes between us ~ Jules Renard.
Lady Annabelle bit her pen as she wondered how to continue. She had not even noticed that the gentlemen had returned and that the Bingley sisters, Mr Hurst and Mr Bingley were playing cards, while her cousin and brother where talking to Lizzy.
"Pray Lady Annabelle! To whom are you writing, so secretly?" said Louisa with a smile as she discarded. "She, gentlemen as been writing away over there for some time, looping all her letters together in her perfect copperplate."
Annabelle looked up. "it is no secret, I am writing to my brother."
"Oh the dear Colonel!" gushed Caroline, forgetting her cards and Mr Darcy.
"The dear Colonel, Miss Bingley sits here!" said Richard quite amused. "The unintelligent nefarious Colonel is somewhere in the Metropolis."
Miss Bingley opened her mouth like a fish and closed it again, glaring at the Richard, she quite decided she did not like him.
Annabelle smiled and thought of something to write.
Dearest, Ricky has called you nefarious. Shall you come and defend yourself against this slander? I wish you would!
"Well how does your brother do Lady Annabelle" said Caroline coldly.
"He does quite well Caroline."
"Bought himself a few new coats? Some tie pins?" said Richard.
"Lord Ashbourne is always well dressed!" said Caroline who felt herself to be probably out of the running to be Lady Ashbourne, but really felt she owed it to herself to keep her hand in, as an heir to an earldom is far better than a mere Mr, even if he does own Pemberley.
"Oh yes, a neat as wax. Shall I shock you ladies by telling you how long it takes him to dress sometimes..."
Now Ricky is telling all and sundry about how finicky you are over clothes and your apparel. Poor Miss Elizabeth looks a bit shocked at this lack of filial sibling love!
"Do not worry Miss Bennet, I do assure you that The Colonel here is much attached to his brother, do not let his dismissive attitude fool you! Also do not let his description of my other cousin, fool you. Ash is not quite as Richard portrays."
"Ah you have unmasked me Darcy!" said Richard with a smile. Lizzy looked relieved, she did not like to think that the Colonel would be one of those people unable to love their own siblings.
Darcy has just explained to Miss (Elizabeth) Bennet that Ricky does really love you. So perhaps you mightn't be called upon to come down here to defend yourself after all. Is this a sign that Darcy might think highly of her? But She looks much relieved that Ricky is not heartless....is this a bad sign.
"Do tell Lord Ashbourne I long to see him again." Said Caroline plaintively, receiving odd stares from the rest of the room.
I am bidden to tell you that Caroline...longs to see you. Simply pining away for you. I did not think you a trifler? But to trifle with the affections of Miss Bingley, you are a cad!M
"Yes well Caroline perhaps we could continue the game?" said Charles hesitantly, not quite sure what was wrong with Caroline.
"Lord Ashbourne is most accomplished, I know that men are always accomplished and well the world was made for them" flutter of eyelids " but I mean to be so so...." Caroline tried to think of a word to finish her sentence.
"accomplished?" finished Richard, rather wickedly. He received another glare for his troubles.
"I know what you mean sister! To be an officer and a gentlemen, not to mention a nobleman. Some men are great intellectuals, some men are sportsmen, those sportsmen may be good at shooting or hunting, or even such a sport as boxing, of which I know nothing. Then some men dress well. It is quite hard to combine these talents into one extraordinary body! And men with these talents often fall short in other aspects." Louisa stopped briefly to look at her own husband. "they may have tempers or be quite nothing to look at, they may be faulty in judgement for business. Yet I for one can count one man, in my dare I say acquaintance, who is such a man!"
Lizzy shot up her brows at this. "You know such a paragon?!"
"Of course we do my dear Miss Eliza! Were we not talking about him? Colonel Lord Ashbourne!"
"He has all these virtues?" said Lizzy quite overcome!
Richard lent down to whisper in her ear. "No my dear Miss Bennet, he has only one virtue and that is he is heir to a very respected earldom which is related to simply everybody!"
Darcy caught this and gave a laugh.
"Yes my cousin, is a paragon!"
"Yes he is!" fluttered Caroline.
"I think I would like to meet him then!" laughed Lizzy. "For I have never met the perfect man!"
Caroline sneered at Lizzy and returned to her game thinking whether it had been wise to praise Lord Ashbourne so much, in front of Mr Darcy, but then it might make him jealous!
Lady Annabelle tried not to snort all through this conversation, with a shaking hand she completed her letter.
Oh your two woman support group, has just announced you to be the perfect man! On no occasion come into Hertfordshire, think of my shame when everyone finds out how riddled with fault you are. I must conclude however
Yours &
Annabelle.
Richard leant over her shoulder and grasped the pen.
P.S (Richard Scrawled) Oh perfect brother, could you see your way fit to place a bet for Darcy and I, we have just confirmed it, well the Bingley Sisters conversation confirmed it. We wish to place a small sum of money on the horse "Horatio Perfection" at the next meet obviously as it bears your name and status, it must win. Tally ho, till we meet again, your loving brother ~ Ricky.
Part Four.
When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years. ~ Mark Twain
Lizzy slowly improved, so did Jane. They suffered a visit from Mrs Bennet, which went painfully, Lizzy noticed that the Colonel took folly in his stride, while Mr Darcy stared out of windows.
A friendship flourished between Lady Annabelle and the two sisters, a friendship flourished between Lizzy and Richard, with Darcy on the periphery. Indeed the visit coantinued, just as if it had been written by a certain well loved author.
Though Lizzy was less impatient to go home, and certainly did not hate Darcy, they still departed on the appointed day and everyone (bar the Bingley sisters) waved them off.
A letter waited for Lady Annabelle.
Sister,
Your letter alarmed me, on several points.
1) Hertfordshire is salubrious.
2) You show uncommon regard for your erstwhile swains.
3) That you have met a family of five girls.
4) That Bingley had fallen for yet another female, but this sounds serious if she is as serene and placid as himself!
5) Miss Elizabeth, she does sound an enchantment. But what is this? Ricky and Darce falling for the same girl? This has never happened before, and quite frankly it shouldn't - it becomes most messy when friends fight over woman, and even worse when you are relations
6) Trifling with Caroline? Oh dear. I feel I am bound for a court martial.....why is Caroline equated with death in my mind? Surely she is not that bad!
7) I am most disappointed not to have been present at the discussion of what it takes to be a perfect man. I feel that I would have been more than usually qualified to contribute to that discussion, but well it appears that my support group flourished with out me.
As a consequence of your most amusing letter, I feel I should come to Hertfordshire if I can.
Ever your elder brother
Chapter 6, Part 1
Be not afraid of greatness: some are born great, some achieve greatness and some have greatness thrust upon 'em ~ William Shakespeare.
"I hope my dear that you have ordered a good dinner. For I expect an addition to the party!" revealed Mr Bennet during Breakfast. He revealed it very expeditiously; possibly because he was working in a very short space of time. The space of time was between his wife closing her mouth and one of his younger daughters opening theirs. So you see what trouble Mr Bennet had.
"Who my dear!" cried Mrs Bennet
"Guess." Said Mr Bennet wickedly.
"Mr BINGLEY?????!!!!!!??? Jane you sly thing, you never said a word!"
"Wrong!"
"Denny??" guessed Lydia.
"Wrong!"
"Saunderson??" said Kitty.
"Wrong!" said Mr Bennet gleefully.
"My dear, WHO?" said Mrs Bennet coming to the end of her very short tether.
"Well it is a person I never saw before in the whole course of my life."
Mrs Bennet's knife cluttered to her plate. "Then how do you expect us to guess, really men have not the least notion of how to do things. Guess, Indeed!" She picked up her knife and attacked her plate.
"I am sorry my dear to cause you so much pain, but there it is, it can't be helped. It is Mr Collins."
"Mr Who?" said Mrs Bennet.
"Mr Collins."
"Mr Collins?" said Mrs Bennet.
"Mr Collins!' said Mr Bennet.
"Really? A Mr Collins you say, coming on his own!"
"Yes Mr Collins!"
"Hmmmmmm Mr Collins..." Said Mrs Bennet, her food neglected as she cudgelled her brain into action.
" Who is Mr Collins?" said Lydia stamping her foot impatiently.
"He is the son of a much lamented cousin of mine." Replied her father.
"Oh THAT MR COLLINS - don't speak of the odious man!" shrieked Mrs Bennet.
So Mr Bennet did not speak of him and went back to his meal. This was not at all satisfactory for the Bennet girls, they still didn't know WHO Mr Collins was!
"Well who is he Mama?" questioned Lydia.
"He is to inherit this estate when your father is gone - odious, odious man."
"It is true, nothing can clear Mr Collins of the iniquitous crime of inheriting Longbourn; but if you will listen to his letter you may be a little more forgiving my dear."
The look on Mrs Bennet's face did not seem to bode well for this outcome.
"Ahem - he writes. "The disagreement subsisting between yourself and my late honoured father, always gave me much uneasiness and since I have had the misfortune to lose him - " Mr Bennet paused expecting some snort of animalistic snort from his youngest, she just gave him a look, so he continued. "I have frequently wished to heal the breach.."
"He wants to heal the breach?" said Lizzy.
"It sounds like it my dear. Shall I continue??"
"Pray do. " said Lizzy cordially. Her cousin Mr Collins sounded an oddity and she did love an oddity.
"He goes on to write about his ordination and his felicity and good fortune in being patronised by someone no less than Lady Catherine De Bourgh. Is the name De Bourgh supposed to mean something to me? Does it mean anything to any of you?"
Mr Bennet directed this comment mainly at Kitty, who was known to only pick up newspapers to read the society columns. She was quite a fount of knowledge about the upper ten thousand.
"I don't know of a Lady Catherine De Bourgh." said Kitty.
"Well, on with the tale. He writes here that he is 'concerned at being the means of injuring your amiable daughters' and he 'begs leave to apologise for it' Well! Shall we receive him into the house today?"
"Well - he certainly sounds sorry enough for what he has done. " said Mrs Bennet.
"So he does my dear, so he does."
Part Two
A snake amongst the Daffodils - Elli renowned Dwiggie.
Mr William Collins was very well pleased. Very well pleased. He had come into Hertfordshire with the express wish of obtaining a wife. His patroness Lady Catherine, had commanded him to get married, and married he must get. However where to obtain a wife was his only problem. His upbringing had hardly allowed him to form connections with young ladies, and during his youth ladies had not seemed to want to form connections with him. (Not that Mr Collins would admit to this - To Mr Collins, every young lady he saw was most obviously violently in love with him)
However Mr Collins realised that he had five cousins, surely out of that number he could find a suitable wife, one both suitable to himself and his patroness. So he had posted into Hertfordshire. The young ladies he knew would of course wish to be connected to himself, as he was a bright prospect, especially for ladies so soon to be turned into the hedgerows - the health of their father was so uncertain. Mr Collins was quite sure Mr Bennet would pop off very soon - or at least he hoped he would.
Mr Collins arrived at Longbourn and was quite astonished to find Mr Bennet had ventured out to greet him.
"Mr Bennet, dear sir, do you think it is wise to be out in this, so very changable weather."
"Thank you for your thoughtfulness Mr Collins, but I am used to this changeable weather, as you call it."
"Yes well I wouldn't want to be thought to be fostering any illnesses in you, Mr Bennet. "
"I don't think any one would accuse you of that, sir!" Exclaimed Lizzy, as they walked into the hall.
"Cousin Elizabeth is it not? Well Cousin I feel that I should not be seen to be preying on your family, even though I am the heir. Your father is I daresay extremely healthy."
"Oh I come of distressingly healthy stock." Said Mr Bennet cheerfully. His cheerfulness abated somewhat when he noticed Mr Collins looking at him, as though he was looking for some sign of weakness. Mr Bennet stepped behind a convenient pot-plant.
The next step was to show Mr Collins around the house, and he admired everything. (Look that smudge on the landing of the staircase, is the most refined and elegant smudge I have ever seen in my entire life). Consequently Mrs Bennet was so won over by Mr Collins, that if she had to vote for her favourite man in the universe, Mr Collins would be a close second.
Who would be first? Her Husband of course, even though it was a strange relationship, but aren't all relationships strange??
So there was Mr Collins, sitting at a table, eating dinner with five beautiful young ladies. Now the only problem was that Mr Collins really had no desire to be married; it was not that he wanted to sow any wild oats or anything as sordid as that. He simply felt that marriage was not what he wanted, but he was not going to go against his patroness! Not for all the tea in China.
Kitty was placed several places away from Mr Collins and she for one was very glad. All he could talk about was Lady Catherine De Bourgh. Normally Kitty liked society tales, but this Lady seemed more a beast than a lady. Not that Mr Collins meant to give this impression, he was sure he was painting his patroness as a beautiful martyr who gave up her time with the utmost condescension and beneficence.
The dinner ran smoothly. Mr Bennet was amused, so were 2/5ths of his daughters, another 2/5ths were heartily bored by Mr Collins and daydreamed about red coats, and the fifth daughter hung upon his lips. (not literally of course, that would have been most improper) Mrs Bennet was even more won over by this sensible man, (Mr Collins was close to tying for first place) and how well he would go with one of her daughters.
Mr Collins it turned out was an early riser. He was also one of those people who apologised for everything. Mrs Bennet was quite cross at being called from bed at such an early hour to play hostess but after being apologised to twenty times she felt a little better.
The early hour did however give Mrs Bennet some time to impart to Mr Collins some important information. This information was given in the usual Mrs Bennet subtle style. To put it concisely: Mr Collins was told quite frankly that her three eldest daughters were off limits. They had male admirers already and didn't need him. (Mrs Bennet hoped that Mr Darcy liked abrupt women and was really charmed by Mary's rather blatant contempt of him). However I have included a highlights package....
"Madam if it is not too much trouble, may I ask a somewhat impertinent question?"
"Of course you may Mr Collins."
"Does your husband keep to his bed this far advanced into the morning, normally??"
"Sometimes..."
"Ahhhhh" It was obvious! Mr Bennet was on his last legs.....
"Now Mr Collins, I must ask you a rather impertinent question, but as a mother you must allow me to ask it."
"Oh you may ask anything of me, Ma'am! You have welcomed me into your home! Such a felicitous home it is, I should do anything to repay you for your everlasting kindness."
Mrs Bennet smiled. "Yes, Yes I knew you would Mr Collins, as soon as I saw you I thought, there is a man who would do anything for someone who has shown him kindness."
"And condensation. I for one would do anything in my power to help my noble patroness. She has 64 windows, and if she would allow me I'd climb up and clean them, I always feel that a clergymen should set an example for the lower orders. But her kindness and beneficence prevents her from allowing me to risk my life for her, she is truly a saint, upon the earth..." Mr Collins stared vacantly off into space, unaware of the growing glower beside him.
Mrs Bennet swallowed a particularly rude comment and tried to smile at Mr Collins. " Indeed Mr Collins, but we were talking about me if you recall. I was going to ask you what you thought of my daughters."
"Your daughters Ma'am! But they are angels sent down from Heaven, I do honestly believe that." Mr Collins said in a particularly smarmy fashion. "Your eldest daughter in particular, but I fear she is much admired where ever she goes. " Mr Collins was of course secretly hoping that Jane was thought a vacuous, short-sighted old biddy by the townspeople, then she could be all his.
"Yes Jane is admired where every she goes. It is very likely that she will be very shortly engaged."
"Really? Well your other daughters are very fine also, very fine......"
"Yes very fine, they get it from my side of the family of course....but well I fear I shall have three of my daughters married very shortly. My youngest two, well in their cases I see no prior attachment, and well they are very lively, and eminently suitable."
Mrs Bennet didn't explain what they would be eminently suitable for, she meant it in a general statement, while Mr Collins took rather well in a narrow fashion, it is really best not to inquire in what fashion he took Mrs Bennet's statement.
This left Mr Collins in a quandary. He now only had 2 girls to choose a wife from. He however did not think this was a problem, he knew they would accept him, he had such brilliant prospects, not to mention he was *ahem* very handsome, extremely amiable and intelligent. (grease was in that season - not).
He decided to stick to his plan and choose a wife according to seniority. This meant that dear little Kitty would be his wife. Lady Catherine would have to like Kitty, she had her name after all.
Part Three.
A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband ~ Michel de Montaigne.
Mr Collins' prospective wife, walked around the corner of the garden reading the newspaper (the society column - but as long as you promise not to tell anyone, she often surreptitiously looked at the other parts of the paper). Mr Collins sighed. She was definitely the one for him: she read the society column; she would know how to act around those better than herself; she would not disgrace him, and might even be as toad-eating around members of the aristocracy as himself.
As he gazed at Kitty, he started to compose some romantic lines.
"You pierce My Soul..."
"You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you."
"My Heart is and forever will be yours."
"My dearest X, for dearest you will always be, what ever the event of this hour's conversation, my dearest, most beloved X."
"I think I've loved you all my life."
Mr Collins, shook his head. How Silly! Nobody would ever say those lines to a female. You had much better tell her about your noble patroness and career options.
Kitty felt someone looking at her, alarmed she looked up. All she saw were the lecherous gleaming eyes of Mr Collins. She gave a little yelp and hastily retreated.
Lydia, who was way too boisterous for such an early morning was playing quoits. She looked up when Kitty joined her.
"What are you doing Kitty?"
"I am hiding from Mr Collins!" said Kitty in a whisper looking around her, rather scared.
"Ooooh Kitty. He is going to choose you!"
"Choose me??" said Kitty with horror in her voice.
"Well he has come to choose a wife....Mrs Collins." Said Lydia triumphant with glee. Her sister, the rector's wife, how droll. "
Lydia threw a ring, thinking how she would become the only girl in the eyes of the officers if her sister was married and packed off to Kent. Then Lydia stopped. What was she talking about?? She was the only girl in the eyes of the officers now!
Kitty tried in vain to get some sympathy out of her sister, it was like trying to get a blood out of a stone. All Lydia would talk about was going into town to see if some of the officers had returned from town. She didn't seem to want to offer any help or advice about what to do, if Mr Collin's had really chosen her, Catherine Bennet, as the chosen partner of his future life. Kitty wanted to be ill....the greasy little man was giving her such eyes from the other side of the garden.
Lizzy walked sedately with Jane around the fringes of the garden, wondering what their mother was saying to Mr Collins. He seemed quite entranced, and he kept looking at Kitty, in a strangely amorous light. (Lizzy thought it might be the light, but the word leering kept popping into her brain, but that had to be nonsense - surely!) Lizzy became quite alarmed, surely Kitty was not Mr Collins' choice, she was far too young to become a wife, and if she was to marry, she shouldn't marry to such a man as Mr Collins!
"Mama, we are going to walk into town to see if Denny has returned!" said Lydia.
"Perhaps you would care for a little exercise Mr Collins!" said Mrs Bennet, giving Kitty a particularly speaking look, Kitty purposely acted obtuse. However Mr Collins was not obtuse (no matter how much he may look it). He immediately picked up on Mrs Bennet's hint.
"Of course I would. If my fair cousin Catherine would consent to walk into town with me...." Mr Collins practically drooled at his statement, it was quite as repulsive in person as it appears in your imagination.
Reluctantly Kitty agreed and they set off to town. Mr Collins regaled Kitty with long tales about his life at Hunsford and how agreeable it was, that Kitty felt that perhaps Lydia was right and that she was fated to be Mr Collins' bride.
"My Dear Cousin Catherine. May I take this opportunity to tell you that your many perfection's, far out weigh the physicality of your beauty. Your admirers have nothing to fear when they stand next to you for your clothing and your looks are both simplistic are do not encourage one to ogle. Indeed there is very little to ogle at Cousin!!!" Mr Collins simpered (he had been practising that one in front of the mirror for hours.)
However Kitty hoped she had enough nerve to refuse Mr Collins, if he should happen to ask her, what she dreaded most was to be given a fait accompli and simply told she had to marry.
These worrying thoughts meant that Kitty did not attend to Mr Collin's conversation at all, and that she didn't see the officers on the other side of the road.
"Look there is Mr Denny!" cried Lydia pointing the gentlemen out!
Kitty looked up from her position between a rock and a hard place (or should that be between a rock and a gooey slimy place). There was Mr Denny, and with him a very handsome officer. An officer of the regulars even....
"DENNNNNY" shrieked Lydia, to the shock of all present.
Part Four.
It is human nature to think wisely and act foolishly ~ Anatole France.
"What a good joke for we thought you were still in town!" giggled Lydia.
"Oh there was nothing amusing enough to keep us there! Let me introduce to you Captain Wickham, on a repairing lease. Captain let me introduce to you Miss Bennet, Miss Elizabeth Bennet, Miss Mary Bennet, Miss Catherine Bennet and (dramatic pause) Miss Lydia Bennet."
"Delighted ladies." The Captain executed a magnificent leg with a wide smile.
"Oh this is our cousin, Mr Collins!" said Jane, blushing red, to think she would be scanning the street for Mr Bingley and forget her duty.
Bows were made, obsequious on one side, magnificent on the other. The conversation fell to slightly mundane topics, before Lydia skilfully managed to invite the gentlemen to Aunt Phillips' little gathering that evening. They were just discussing the finer details, when Mary whispered.
"Jane it is Mr Bingley!"
Jane looked up and smiled as a Blue coat astride a white charger, came into view followed by three horses. Mr Bingley gave a wide smile and jumped down to exchange bubbly pleasantries with Jane.
"Wickham!" came an exclamation. Lizzy looked up to see that the outburst had come from Mr Darcy, she furrowed her brow. Mr Darcy was off his horse in a second and shook Wickham's hand, much in the style of old acquaintances.
"I had not known you to be here." said Wickham. Wickham doffed his hat to the still mounted pair. "Fitzwilliam, Lady Annabelle."
Richard smiled and nodded. Lady Annabelle grinned.
"Well it is a surprise to see you here Wickham. How does the Duchess do?" said Lady Annabelle with a flick of her whip in Wickham's direction.
Wickham looked surprised. "Her grace is well, last I heard, surely you would have heard from her sooner than I?"
Lady Annabelle, very elegantly dismounted from her horse and gave the reins to her brother. "Well I am afraid I have gained my grandmother's displeasure by not marrying Lord Upton. But I'm afraid he was a crashing bore, and quite ten years older than me!"
Richard was the last to dismount. He tried to attract Wickham's attention. No matter how much he may be aware, or hope, that it was just all friendly bantering between him and his sister, he did not think the main street of Meryton was the proper place to do it. The group paid some attention to their horses before deciding to leave the horses and walk with the group they had just met.
Richard immediately availed himself of Lizzy's company. He could tell Lizzy was a bit surprised by this new acquaintance and he felt he had much to tell her:
Lizzy, eyed the handsome young Captain and the dashing Lady Annabelle, and saw that while the Colonel was watching them with perhaps not alarm, but with caution, Darcy appeared to be only looking at her.
Darcy was not in fact only looking at her.
I wonder what that oily parson is here for? Darcy looked at the way Mr Collins was hovering over Kitty and almost laughed out loud. So that is what he is here for, as long as he stays away from Miss Elizabeth....Why did I just think that!!
Richard was oblivious to anyone but Lizzy, Wickham and his sister. He frowned deeply when Lady Annabelle, very firmly grasped Captain Wickham's arm and started telling amusing tales. Being a very brotherly man, he determined to follow closely behind the pair, even though he trusted Lady Annabelle, and well... trusted Wickham as much as a brother is likely to trust a man around his sister.
Mr Collins decided to take this opportunity to bore his 'future spouse' to tears, so Kitty was forced to shorten her step, to match his short pudgy one and they were left far behind. Kitty wishfully, looked ahead of her and wanted to very much to be on the arm of Denny or Wickham, instead she was here, with sludge man. She really should have paid attention to his conversation....
"My dear Cousin Catherine, You walk every day to Meryton?" gaining no answer he went on. "Rosing's Park, the home of my noble patroness, is quite some miles round, and I feel you would be challenged by some of the walks. I am sure you will find much amusement afforded to you around Hunsford." Mr Collins found his companion strangely silent, but then he realised why she was being so silent. "Oh my dear Cousin Catherine, I realise the reason for your silence, you will not speak to me on this subject until I have broached it with your father, I entirely understand....but I am happy to have reached this resolve with you." From thence on Mr Collins talked only of the weather.
Mr Bingley automatically tried to assist Jane in every way shape and form, expressing surprise that after such an illness she would venture into town, he also hoped she wasn't over-taxing herself. He then abused himself for providing her with such harmful dishes, while she was under his roof. Jane immediately refused to hear such a thing, and the conversation dissolved into both parties telling the other that they were 'too good', 'too kind' and well just 'too' of everything.
Lydia being Lydia took the opportunity to talk to Denny all to herself, and to make rather suggestive jokes about Mr Collins and Kitty. This left Mary to Mr Darcy. Mr Darcy was very gallant, and bore all Mary's impeachment's of his character and reading taste with equanimity.
"The Mysteries of Uldopho." Stated Mary baldly.
"Charming read." Said Mr Darcy, lying quite through his teeth, but didn't all young ladies like those sorts of novels.
"Charming read!" exclaimed Mary. "Mr Darcy, I would think that a man of sense and worth as you appear to be would not waste his times reading Romance novels!!! I think, if it would not be impertinent sir, that you should immediately commence a more improving reading schedule. Have you perhaps read the Rise and Fall of the Roman Empire? I feel that every person should read and study those books in depth."
Mr Darcy smiled weakly, realising much too late his fatal mistake, Miss Mary Bennet was not all young ladies. He tried to explain to her that he thought she said "Had he read"The Taming of the Shrew."" However it was no use. It was also no use explaining that he had read the Rise and Fall of the Roman Empire, during a particularly violent illness, and that even looking at the covers brought back visions of gruel - Miss Mary Bennet, thought it a pitiful excuse for not broadening his mind. Mr Darcy thus resigned himself and tried his best not to look like a man who wished he was walking about 10 yards in front with quite a different sort of young lady.