Posted on 2012-06-17
This was a night unlike any night, that much had been made certain.
Gaiety dripped from every single stifled breath in the room as merriment made its drunken rounds. Music played and the dim chatter of a multitude of small conversations, punctuated by laughter, sometimes loud and abrupt, other times more polite and charming, only added to the hazy atmosphere that was the celebration of a most fantastic engagement. Dance and laughter led the night, held hands as they twisted and tossed, twirled and was enveloped by merriment all throughout. Gossip and astonishment, too, made their way around the room but were reined in by pure jubilation and propriety.
It was all lost, however, in one corner, where blissful ignorance reigned alongside indignant scorn, both influenced by drink.
"Insupportable," Lady Catherine de Bourgh, daughter of the former Earl of Matlock and current mistress of Rosings Park, declared heatedly. "To be forced to suffer such an abomination!"
"Why yes," Mrs. Bennet agreed good-naturedly, confused but always quick to oblige such an illustrious figure. She paused to take sip from her cup, "How you must suffer! Why, my own nerves…" Her words were lost on Lady Catherine de Bourgh who looked upon her with new eyes, pleased to find someone at last that shared her views.
"Humph! And to think that..that…common girl would manage to ingratiate herself in my own family! And now to be forced to suffer through this ball!" Lady Catherine took control of the conversation.
"No!" Mrs. Bennet gasped, "How your nerves must vex you that you cannot even enjoy this ball! Why, I myself worried most tiredly over this ball but I dared not complain of it, not for one moment! And to have this girl--she is not here, is she? My dearest apologies, I did not know! Who is she that I might send her away? Oooh, she is not trying to snatch a husband from one of my girls, is she?! Oh, to think she might succeed and one of my daughters slighted by that ungrateful man! Oooh, my nerves--where is my salt? Why can there never be salt at a ball?! But then, I am not one to complain and I always bear my own suffering in silence. We women cannot complain, as you know." Her last comment earned the approving nod of Lady Catherine, who merely sniffed and said.
"It is most decidedly unladylike to complain. I myself never complain, not once, but I see now there is merit in complaining. Perhaps had I made known my wishes at an earlier time, I would not be here tonight, but it is not in my nature to speak so out of turn."
"Oh, but that would be most vexing to not have you attend!" Mrs. Bennet fretted, "My settings would have been ruined!" She shook her head, "And what poor Mr. Darcy might have thought then, that his own aunt could not attend his engagement ball. Oooh, imagine that, 10,000 a year! To think my Lizzy so clever! Can you imagine it?"
"Clever?!" Lady Catherine de Bourgh choked on her own drink, "Why yes, she is certainly clever with her arts and allurements! To trap my nephew so tightly and have bewitched my own family as well!" Here, Lady Catherine's eyes sought and found the Fitzwilliams, particularly the boisterous figure of her brother who had forced her to this most dreadful event.
Mrs. Bennet giggled, "Why yes, she is clever, but then I have always said so! To think, she managed to capture Mr. Darcy!" She tittered, unaware of the darkening mood of the woman beside her. "Three girls married in only one year--why, Mr. Wickham is nothing to Mr. Darcy! And Jane, so sweet and pretty--I wonder how it is that Mr. Darcy did not choose her. Ah, but I suppose the rich are allowed their eccentricities." She peered closely at Lady Catherine then faltered, "Not that you are eccentric, of course. Why, how you must go on with your nerves! I only wish I had my salts so as to relieve your suffering. You must tell me at once who this girl is that troubles your nerves--it is not those plain Long girls, is it? Or that Maria Lucas, who is rather common too, I think, though I am not so impolitic to voice it."
"Your daughter!" Lady Catherine exclaimed, angry and indignant.
"Why, you must be mistaken--none of my daughters are common! I am not one to judge so fairly, but I am often told I have the most beautiful girls in all Hertfordshire. Although," here her voice dipped somewhat, "Mary might look better if only…well, I suppose there is nothing to be done about that."
"A small estate entailed away! A nobody for a--" Lady Catherine was left in stunned silence as Mrs. Bennet continued on happily, ignoring the noble patroness.
"Why, it must be those jealous Long girls, pretending to be one of my girls! I assure you, Lady Catherine, none of my girls are common. They are my girls, after all, and certainly, Mr. Darcy would not have chosen my Lizzy if he had thought her merely common. Although he did call her tolerable but I know now she must have simply struck him with her uncommonness. I have often heard my girls declared uncommonly pretty!"
"She trapped him most improperly! I am certain now when he took his walks at Rosings, it must have been to meet her."
"No!" Mrs. Bennet gasped, and then giggled, "Oh, to be so young again! But I am sure Mr. Darcy was the perfect gentleman!"
"Of course he was!" Lady Catherine sniffed most indignantly, "My family are always most proper…at least," she growled lowly, "when not lured by arts and allurements into the most unbecoming of situations!"
"Why wait, do you mean to tell me all this time, Lizzy has taken her walks to meet Mr. Darcy? Oh, that clever, clever girl! And to think, she has been so silent all along! She must have planned this from the very beginning--oh, that clever girl! Though I wish she had not planned it to take so long. My poor nerves--to think they could have been engaged a year earlier! Ah, but I suppose men of Mr. Darcy's standing must be humored to thinking it all their idea." Mrs. Bennet shrugged flippantly and took another sip of her drink.
"You condone this?!" Lady Catherine was horrified, "I should have known!"
"Why if it worked, I cannot not support it. It was rather clever of Lizzy to trap him in that way though I wonder why she pretended to hate him at first, then. But then, perhaps it was only to further Mr. Darcy's interest--oh that clever, clever girl! I must ask her if she might help Kitty or Mary out. To think, I thought she might never marry when all this time, she had it all planned out." Mrs. Bennet's brows furrowed and when she spoke once more, it was in only the most somber of tone, "I wonder if perhaps I should send Kitty and Mary out to walk more…if it worked for Lizzy…"
"Insupportable!" Lady Catherine declared, face turning red.
"Why, of course I would only do so when I know there to be eligible gentlemen present, Lady Catherine. I am not foolish so as to have them go off so wildly when there might not be gentlemen for them to meet and charm!"
"Arts and allurements!" Lady Catherine was a dangerous purple now but Mrs. Bennet seemed unable to notice as the esteemed lady sputtered the only words she could bring forth the control to.
"Why yes, that is brilliant, Lady Catherine! I shall have them practice and better their charms. Perhaps Kitty can finally stop that incessant cough of hers--she only does so to bother my poor nerves, you know. Why, now that I think upon it, Lizzy often did things to vex my poor nerves as well! Perhaps Lizzy has taken Kitty under her wing and is grooming her to capture a husband just like Mr. Darcy!" Mrs. Bennet's eyes lit up as Lady Catherine's purple visage turned once more to a deep, burning red, and then transformed into purple once more.
"Mrs. Bennet!"
"Oh, my apologies, Lady Catherine. Why--you look rather red--it must be the heat. Come, let us get some air."
"Mrs. Bennet, I am most certainly not in need of air--it is most unbecoming to become hot and need air! Why, I have never dared conspired to such unbecoming and immoral behavior and my Anne, had her health allowed her, would certainly have been the perfect lady and never dared to overheat."
"Oh, of course, of course!" Mrs. Bennet agreed fanatically, all the while storing the information in the back of her mind--she would have to remind Lizzy later that it was not fashionable to become hot and need air while in London. Perhaps in the privacy of her own home… "And where is your daughter, Miss de Bourgh?"
"Hmph! Thankfully, she is not here to bear witness to the atrocity of some common harlot dancing with her intended! I am most seriously displeased that her intended should decide to engage himself to marry that..that..commoner!"
"No!" Mrs. Bennet nearly fainted from such scandalous news but managed to gasp with more than enough shock and horror, "Your poor daughter! To have been so jilted! I am sure that young man is most undeserving of her, Lady Catherine, and he must know it, too. Why, you must point him out to me so I may warn my girls he will use them most ill. Where is that capricious man?!" Mistaking Lady Catherine's aghast look for one of pain, she hurriedly added, "But of course you would not wish to speak of it! Your daughter must be most humiliated, to now be labeled a jilt--perhaps if my Lizzy speaks to her, she might be able to help Miss de Bourgh ensnare another gentlemen--a better one than that ungrateful and fickle man who left her for some common," Mrs. Bennet looked around to make sure no one could hear then leaned close to Lady Catherine and whispered, rather loudly, "tart!" She giggled at her use of such profane language and took yet another sip from her nearly empty glass.
Lady Catherine found herself, for the first time in the entirety of her life, absolutely stunned into silence. She made to move her mouth and speak but managed nothing more than a series of squeaks, which Mrs. Bennet took to be an attempt at hiding sobs.
"There, there now," Mrs. Bennet soothed motherly, patting Lady Catherine's arms comfortingly. "It is all right. Why, I too once feared none of my girls would ever marry but as you see, by the end of this year, I shall have married off three of my girls, if Kitty and Mary do not manage as well. Just last year, I, too, feared the same fate for my girls as Miss de Bourgh might have, and when Mr. Bingley left and I thought Jane to be a jilt--well, I'll not think on that, my poor nerves!" She paused, suddenly unsure what it was exactly she was saying.
"Oh yes, I am sure that gentleman was most undeserving of your daughter." She nodded knowingly, before realization dawned on her.
Why, the only new gentlemen present at this ball were the Fitzwilliams, the cousins of Mr. Darcy and Lady Catherine de Bourgh's nephews! But of course, it must have been one of the Fitzwilliam men who dared led poor Miss de Bourgh on such false hopes of marriage! There were three of them, however, though she knew only two could possibly have been the aforementioned uncaring man--but which one?
And to think, she had exercised hopes that both would offer for her remaining daughters! Humph! How dare whichever was the ungentleman-like one try to ingratiate himself with her daughters to use them most ill (nevermind that she was not sure which one and neither had tried to curry favor with either Kitty or Mary just yet--it would only be a matter of time, she was sure of it)!
Looking at the clearly agitated and now nearly apoplectic Lady Catherine, Mrs. Bennet nodded her head resolutely, mind determined.
"Do not worry, Lady Catherine, your secret shall be safe with me. To think, Miss de Bourgh's own cousin the culprit to her heartache! Why, you just let me know which Fitzwilliam brother it was and I shall keep him away from my girls! I'll not let them waste their charms on such an ungrateful recipient!"
"A Fitzwilliam?!" Lady Catherine choked out.
"I know it not to be the Viscount--he is married, after all," Mrs. Bennet said this last part with a great amount of sadness and dashed hopes, "But his brothers, humph!" Seeing Lady Catherine turn red once more, Mrs. Bennet only patted her arm reassuringly, sure the other woman must clearly be shamed and feeling a closeness to her she had not expected. Why, it seemed the upperclass was just like her family, after all! "There there, Lady Catherine, it shall pass in time, I am sure. You need not tell me which nephew it was til you desire to." Seeing her words were failing to cheer Lady Catherine, she sought to find another way to raise the spirits of such an illustrious guest (and who was, she was sure, a most loved aunt of Mr. Darcy's) and her eyes lit up for more than one reason when at last she did.
"Oh, there is Lizzy and Mr. Darcy! Why, I do not believe I have ever seen so handsome a couple, do you not agree Lady Catherine? He is absolutely smitten--let us go speak to them. A couple so happily engaged--why, 10,000 a year! what pin money! what jewels! the carriages my Lizzy shall have!--certainly deserve many congratulations. And perhaps we might have some words with my Lizzy and her Mr. Darcy about cheering Miss de Bourgh from her heartbreak."
Lady Catherine de Bourgh had no time to break from her stunned silence and could find no dignified way to retract her arm from the surprisingly firm grip of a chattering Mrs. Bennet as she was led towards her most ungrateful nephew and that common trollop celebrating their decision to join in a most insupportable union.
Her humiliation, perhaps, was only complete as she passed by the figures of her brother and his own insupportable wife, the latter of whom smiled (smirked most maliciously, she mentally declared) and the former who merely smirked and laughed at her with his eyes, raising a glass in silent toast, clearing enjoying her silent torment.
The End